by Kevin Gordon
their original form. He slowly revealed his face to her, and even though it was dark, and the starlight was faint and remote, she still recognized the visage of the man all Rell knew. She pulled away from him, her surprise betraying her fear.
“You . . . you’re the Kal-Alçon?!”
“Please, be quiet. Yes, I am.”
“Why?!” she cried standing at last. “What are you doing here?”
He stood with her, knowing it would be a difficult explanation. “I needed to connect with those I was created to protect. You and your friends are right about some things. Arciss has touched something in our people. For a while I was jealous. But more and more, I came to understand that I never was allowed to understand our people. So I am here, for a while, living among you, to understand you.”
She shrank back, not knowing how to respond.
“I know this is a lot to take, and I’m sorry,” said Graid, as he offered his hand to her. “But as I said, I felt something special with you.”
Her features softened for a moment, then anger filled her eyes.
“Could you have saved my sister?”
Graid gritted his teeth. “Yes.”
“Why didn’t you?!” she shouted.
“I . . . I would have been revealed, and I wasn’t—”
“You could have been revealed? You let an innocent child die, my sister, for your own selfish reasons?!”
Sounds like Arciss again.
“I’m sorry, but I didn’t come here to be the savior!” he cried, desperately trying to save the situation. He took a small step toward Chelie, who still stood in angry defiance before him. “I am just an ordinary person.”
“You let my sister die, just . . . just like that?” she asked absently, almost unbelieving of the casual, cruel nature of things. Then the rage clenched her fists, bringing hot tears to her eyes. “You lie, Graid. You’re no ordinary person, you are the Kal-Alçon! And you let her die, let her die right in front of you!” She screamed, not at him, but at the sky and stars, at Kal herself. “You are the hope of our people? I pity the Kal-Durrell for putting so much trust into you!”
She ran off, leaving him very much alone with a heart heavier than all the planets around all the stars in all of creation.
Several roas had passed, and Graid had never been in more misery. He tried to avoid seeing Chelie, but the village was too small, and at least twice a roa they would cross paths. She would rush by, ignoring him, a hard look on her jaw. Graid wished he could say something, do something to soften her, but he felt it was useless. After four roas, he began to pack his things, determined to move on. Ilahon stopped by.
“I sensed something was changing,” he said, sitting in a chair as Graid continued to pack.
“I haven’t seen you in a while.”
“My life doesn’t center on you. I have things to do.”
Graid stopped, looking at him with sad eyes. “You were disappointed in me.”
“Damn right,” he said angrily.
“And now, Chelie is disappointed in me.”
“No, I’d say she was furious at you. Now, she’s just confused, wondering what to do.”
Graid sat down next to him. “You mean she’s not angry?”
Ilahon first chuckled, then burst into a roar of laughter, doubling over with amusement and joy. “You sound like a schoolboy! Maybe I should pass her a note for you?”
Graid stood for a moment. “No, I guess not,” he said, looking around at his packed bags, hopeful thoughts swirling in his tired head. “I guess I need to try again.”
“I didn’t think you were a coward.”
Graid looked at him for a while.“Who are you?”
He brought his mind to bear on Ilahon, but Ilahon laughed it off.
“Oh Graid. You do amuse me! Now is not the time for that answer.” He put a kind hand on Graid’s shoulder. “Now is the time for you to get this love of yours.”
Something slipped in Graid’s mind, some shadow falling over some important thought, and he couldn’t seem to remember it.
“I suppose you’re right.”
He went over to where he knew Chelie was working. She tended a store near the center of Vujora, one that carried hand-made idols of the Kal-Durrell, as well as small trinkets fabricated by the local artists. Though business was always slow, it was enough to support her and Nijil. As Graid stepped inside, he felt terribly out of place, as most things there were fragile and delicately beautiful. He sidestepped between the displays, making his way towards the back of the store, where Chelie could be heard.
At last he saw her, polishing a small idol. Even in anger, she glowed with a beauty that transcended reality. She noticed him, and began slamming the light glass doors to the trinkets she sold, stomping around the little shop. She had one other person working with her, another girl of similar age, who perked up at this activity. Graid went over to her.
“Chelie, could we talk?”
“I see you have your old face on again,” she angrily whispered.
“Yes. That’s how it has to be.”
“Not when you’re with me,” she said, jabbing her finger into Graid’s chest.
“No,” he replied, nodding gravely in affirmation. “Not when I’m with you.”
“Come on,” she said gently, his contrition softening her mood. She motioned towards the door, as she waved to the other girl there. “Dello—I’ll be back in awhile. Hold down the fort.”
They walked back to the cliff overlooking the valley. She sat down beside him, and was quiet for a long while, as she gazed out over the rivers and flowers.
“What did you want to talk about?”
“First, I’m sorry.”
“That’s a good start,” she said flatly.
“I didn’t mean to hurt you, and I regret not saving the life of your sister. I have lived a life where I have had the luxury of being self-centered. Everyone around me bows to my will, whether because of faith or fear.
Even the relationships I’ve had were founded on the fact of my power. I never had to consider the ramifications of my actions, until now. I find you to be very precious to me, a woman I wouldn’t want to be without. When I am with you, I need no distractions, no diversions to keep my interest. I feel as though I could sit here and talk with you about the texture of soil, the coolness of water, the beauty in the breeze. I . . . I guess I don’t know what to say, to convince you how much I need you.”
“Just say it, and maybe I’ll believe.”
He turned to her, his face his own, and dropped all the defenses around his mind. “I need you.”
She caressed his face, his real face, and he smiled.
“You have a sweet smile.”
They lay back, and kissed, for all creation to see. They went back to her home, and he lay with her, and they loved long into the night. Graid awoke while it was still dark, his heart pounding. Chelie lay next to him, quiet and beautiful.
I have never felt so alive! I have seen the wonders of the universe, and yet that pales to how I feel now. To love, and be loved! His mind was afire, the joy strong in his heart.
“Chelie . . . Chelie,” he said urgently.
“What, is it time?” She opened her eyes. “It’s still dark.”
“I love you, Chelie.”
She sleepily embraced him, amused at his passion. “I love you, too.”
Graid was quiet for a moment. “No, you don’t.”
“What do you mean?” she said anxiously, sitting up in the small bed.
“You don’t know who I am, what I have done! How can you love me, unless you know all of that?”
While it was dark, Chelie could see the some resolution in Graid’s aspect, feel it in his touch.
“Would you want to share that with me?”
Graid sat on the edge of the bed, and she sat with him. “Never in my life have I revealed all of myself to someone. I may lose you, after you see all of what I am, what I have done, but I feel I would be lying to you, to
be with you, and not let you know.”
“If you want to.”
Graid connected with her mind, and opened his to hers. She saw him standing on the podium, the infant boy-Kal, looking down on the withered faces of the council of Alçons, who knelt before him, dressed in long robes of white. She saw him assimilate more knowledge than any had before, learning thousands of fighting moves, becoming an expert with thousands of weapons. She saw him grow, and the arrival of Martel, and those first tentative times as Martel learned how to handle the young Kal-Alçon. She felt the rebellion rise within him, as those around him looked on him as an object, instead of as a person. She saw his first dalliances on Novan grow into long excursions, visiting hundreds of clubs on Core. He saw so much, played with so many women, did things Chelie could not have imagined. She saw Uonil enter his life, and the death of Martel. She could feel how deeply this impacted him, how much he wanted to share his grief with someone. She saw him watch Listras hover over Dobrin and the ulthangs, felt him deal with Listras, and spare her. She watched as he killed Wejholl, felt the kernel of evil in his heart as he felt no remorse at the time, didn’t even think twice as his body was removed. She felt him hurt Uonil, one of those closest to him, as he struck out in pain. She saw him venture out into the universe, even touch Mal, and felt the emptiness in his heart. She could feel how much he loved her, how special she was to him, how much he regretted his past actions, if only because it would upset her. She sat for a while, digesting the tapestry of his life, trying to make sense of all his experiences, all his dalliances in sin.
Graid sat, feeling every beat of his heart as she sat silently next to him. He
