by Toby Wise
“Grilled cheese it is, baby girl,” Hayden says, walking beside me. Whatever weird moment that happened just now is clearly over. But I can’t help but wonder, and yeah, hope, that maybe Hayden was a little bit jealous. Internally I snort. Yeah, like that could be it.
Chapter Six
Hayden
I run the brush through Emma’s hair, wincing as it tugs on the tangles at the bottom. Emma finally gets annoyed with my technique as she glares over her shoulder. “Just brush it,” she says, making me wonder what her secondary gender will be someday with that attitude. “It doesn’t hurt.” I sigh, jerking the brush harder until it’s all brushed. “Finally,” she says under her breath.
Matt snorts as he walks into the room. “She’s three going on thirteen.”
I nod in agreement, rolling my eyes at Emma’s dramatics. Matt kneels down, holding up a hair tie. Emma nods, turning her back to Matt and I watch as he ties her hair up in a ponytail. My heart aches at the sight. It’s so unfair for him to come in here and be a proper dad. It’s so attractive and my heart can’t take it.
Emma looks at me with a smile. “Hide and seek? Please?”
I look over at Matt who gives me a smile. “Alright. I’ll go first,” I tell her before going to stand in the corner. “One. Two. Three. Four,” I call loudly, listening as two sets of feet scurry away. I hear Matt whisper, helping Emma find a good spot to hide. “Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten!”
I can hear Matt shoosh Emma. “I’m hiding! I’m hiding!” she says, not caring that I can definitely hear exactly where her voice is coming from.
I hear Matt’s laugh ring through our apartment and it makes my face split into a smile without my permission. My chest feels so full as I turn around, surveying our home. I notice some of Emma’s favorite stuffed animals lined up on the couch towards the TV, ready for our movie night later tonight. There are random hair ties and necklaces on our kitchen table. Little pieces of our apartment looking more like a home now that Emma is here with us.
“Ready or not, here I come,” I call out before making my way towards the hallway. I can tell they’re further into the house than the living room. I make my steps pound against the floor, letting them hear me coming towards them. I hear a high pitched giggle and a ‘shhh’ from Emma’s room.
“Hmm,” I say as I step into her room. “Where could they be?”
More giggling. More shushing.
“Are they in the closet?” I wonder out loud, throwing the closet door open dramatically. “Nope. Not in the closet.”
I turn around, looking at the large lump on Emma’s bed. I smirk as I hear another giggle. Bingo. “I wonder what this giant lump in Emma’s bed could be,” I say, still playing dumb.
I walk over slowly. When I get to the bed, I pause, getting ready to pull the blankets back and start a tickle attack when something grabs me around my ankle. I let out the highest pitched scream I’ve ever heard as I jump back. My heart beats against my ribs and my hand comes up, clutching my shirt. “Jesus Christ,” I grit out, trying to calm myself down.
Matt crawls out from under Emma’s bed, the biggest shit eating grin crossing his face as he lets out a hearty laugh. “You should see your face right now,” he gets out between laughs, his cheeks turning red the longer he laughs.
“Ha, ha,” I say, rolling my eyes at him, trying to get my skin to stop crawling. “You’re hilarious.”
“You were right. That was so funny,” Emma says, pulling the covers off of herself and jumping out of bed. “My turn. My turn!” she says before running out of the room.
I shake my head at Matt. “You’re an asshole.”
He smiles at me and I can feel my annoyance slowly melt away. “I’m hilarious.”
I shove him down onto Emma’s bed before leaving the room, trying to find a spot to hide where I know Emma will find. She always checks the same places so I choose one of those. We have a coat closet close to the front door and I quickly slide into it, knowing it’s not one of the harder places for her to find.
I listen as Emma counts and I grin with pride. Before we all know it, she’ll be able to count to twenty without any help.
The door cracks open as Emma yells out nine and suddenly, Matt’s in the closet with me. It’s a small closet and we’re standing practically chest to chest. My body is hypersensitive, heating up to the close proximity. I will myself to stay calm but my traitorous heart doesn’t listening, picking up speed.
“I didn’t know you were in here. Sorry to steal your spot,” Matt whispers and I bite my bottom lip as I feel his hot breath tickle across my face. I’m a little bit taller than him and if I leaned forward, I’d be able to perfectly lay a gentle kiss against the tip of his nose.
“It’s fine,” I say back softly. Emma’s little feet patter against the floor as she runs down the hall, looking for us in her room.
The longer we stand there, the more heated I become. He’s right here, right in my space. Our scents slowly fill the closet, mixing deliciously together. I feel my cock slowly fill with blood and it takes everything in me not to reach out, not to touch my best friend.
I hear Matt take in a shaky breath and it makes me pause. I stare down at him. The room is so dark I can barely see his features but I swear his cheeks are flushed. And are his eyes dilated? Could he be as affected by this as I am?
I suck in a sharp breath as Matt’s hand touches my wrist. My entire body lights up from the simple touch. How can something so fucking innocent make my body feel so alive? Somehow, without my conscious thought, I’ve moved closer. So close that there’s only an inch or two between our lips. I feel so compelled, so drawn to Matt and I can only hope he’s feeling the same as me.
My stomach flutters pleasantly as I take in a deep breath, smelling Matt’s leather scent. It washes over me, making me feel bold. I move my hand until our palms touch, lacing our fingers together. Matt’s breathing picks up and I can feel it against my lips. Fuck, we’re so close. I’ve dreamed of this for years.
Our noses are almost touching. Our eyes lock and I’m lost in those dark brown eyes. I feel like I’m drowning and the only thing keeping my head above water is Matt’s warm hand in mine. In this moment, nothing matters. It doesn’t matter that we’re both alphas, it doesn’t matter than we’re best friends. The only thing I can think about is keeping this moment going, keeping it from shattering.
My other hand comes up, touching Matt’s hip. “Hayden,” he whispers, his voice sounding broken with emotion. We fit together so perfectly and my heart doubles in speed. This is really happening. Matt’s letting this happen. Fuck.
I can’t hold back any longer. He hasn’t pushed me away, he hasn’t stepped back. My eyes flick back and forth between his, looking for any sign that my touch is unwelcome, that this is a mistake. I’m not sure if I’m just seeing what I wanna see but I swear I find desire in Matt’s eyes. So I push forward.
Just before our lips meet, I pause. Matt finally moves. He pushes my back against the door, crowding against me. I barely keep a pleasured groan from leaving my throat as I feel him against me from knee to chest. God, is that his cock against my hip? Fuck, is he just as hard as I am?
Matt takes a deep breath and the tiniest growl sounds through the small closet and my inner alpha raises his head, preening, happy that Matt likes our scent. Matt pushes forward, leaning up and I know, this is it. He’s finally about to kiss me. Except--
“Humph,” I let out as I fall back onto the floor, Matt landing against me with a grunt.
I squint against the sudden brightness of being out of the closet. Emma is standing there, letting out the cutest giggles as Matt scrambles to get off of me. He holds his hand out, helping me off of the ground. The blush dusting his cheeks, under his beard, is beautiful. But I don’t comment. I don’t bring up what just happened. Instead, my eyes find my feet, which have somehow become the most fascinating thing in the room.
Fuck. I can’t believe that almost happened. How fucking stupid do I ha
ve to be to think Matt would ever be interested in me like that?
We go back to our game of hide and seek and I try to hide my disappointment as best as I can. I can tell my scent has slightly soured and dimmed because Matt keeps giving me worried looks but I push it aside. Besides, Matt literally just got the number of a cute omega. Why would he want anything to do with me?
I push down my feelings and I even manage to throw a few smiles Matt’s way. I just have to fake it until I make it. Fake that I don’t have feelings and just maybe, my heart will listen.
Chapter Seven
Matt
I shift uncomfortably in my chair, staring down at my nails. This is our second session, deciding to meet once a week for a while, regrouping after that to see about going down to once a month. It’s going really well and it’s been great having someone to talk to about all the chaos going on inside my head.
“What are you so afraid of?”
I roll my eyes. “Where do I even start?” I murmur before jumping right in. “Clowns, spiders, the dark, deep water where I can’t see the bottom.”
“Stop deflecting,” Noah says, leaning forward in his seat. “Just spill. What’s stopping you from talking to Hayden and explaining how you feel about him?”
I lean back, resting my head against the chair and staring up at the ceiling. I think back to that day in the closet. My heart skips a beat when I remember how I was this close to kissing Hayden. If Emma hadn’t opened that door, our lips would have met. Despite the almost kiss, Hayden’s acting like it never happened. I figured if he wasn’t gonna bring it up, I wasn’t bringing it up.
“You know why,” I say annoyingly. “I have to think about Emma.” I rub at my eyes before sitting up straight and looking at Noah. “What if I finally spill the beans and tell Hayden everything and he doesn’t feel the same way? We live in the same room.” I shake my head. “I can’t afford to risk what we have only to have it blow up in my face. Emma needs a stable place, not for her uncles to get into a fight or something stupid like that.”
“Matt.”
“Nah,” I say, waving Noah off. “It’s not a big deal anyway. It’s not like, ya know, I’m in love with him or anything. I’m sure this is just a little crush that’ll eventually fade away.”
Noah snorts, giving me a look like I was off my rocker, which, honestly wasn’t too far off. Even I knew I was lying out of my ass. “You can’t bullshit me like that, Matt.”
“You’re not supposed to call me out,” I say with a whine.
“That’s exactly what I’m supposed to do, dumbass. You’re literally paying me to call you out.” He takes a sip of his water, gently setting it down before continuing. “Here’s the thing, Matt. I know you. Our kids play together now. I’ve fucking seen you and Hayden together. What you guys have is so much more than a stupid crush.” He pauses, really looking at me and I have to stop myself from shrinking into my seat. “The only way this relationship is going to work is if you’re honest with me. So stop fucking lying.”
“Fine,” I say sharply. “I love him. I honest to god, love him. I literally can’t imagine not having him in my life. The thought of him rejecting me or leaving makes me wanna throw up my lunch.” I fiddle with my tie. “I can’t lose him. Especially now that Tristen and Jeff are gone.”
When I finally look up, Noah is smiling at me. “And now we’re getting somewhere,” he murmurs, writing something down in his notebook. “So you’re terrified of rejection, of being alone.”
“Obviously,” I say. “Isn’t everyone?”
Noah shrugs. “There are worse things than being alone,” he says softly and for a moment, I see something in his eyes, some deep buried hurt. And after a blink, it’s gone.
To change the topic, I blurt out the first thing that comes to my mind. “My ruts coming up.” And I immediately regret that. Fuck. Why in the hell would I say that?
“How long is your rut usually?”
“It usually lasts two and a half days. I start out having a glass of whiskey out on the couch, letting myself relax next to Hayden. We usually watch a movie. Then, when everything gets to be too much I lock myself in my room where I fuck a Fleshjack anytime the need arises.” I shrug. “Hayden always makes sure to leave food outside my door and keeps me hydrated.”
“It doesn’t bother you to have another alpha in your space during your rut?”
I raise my eyebrow. “Nope. I get really unsettled if Hayden’s scent isn’t there actually. A few years ago I ended up on a business trip during my rut and it was the worst I’ve ever experienced. It was awful not having him around.”
“Interesting,” Noah says and I nervously shift in my seat.
“God, don’t say it like that,” I whine. “I can’t be the only alpha who likes the smell of another alpha.”
“Of course you’re not,” Noah tells me carefully. “How does Hayden react to your ruts?”
“Business as usual,” I say. “He cooks for me and makes sure I’m taken care of. He’s willing to let me fall asleep against his shoulder during movies. I tend to be extra clingy and he never seems annoyed by my constant touching. But then I hide out in my room during the worst parts.”
“And what about Hayden’s ruts?”
I think about Hayden’s last rut. “They last about the same amount of time,” I say carefully, squinting at Noah. “He tends to get extra pissy. Yells at anyone and everyone.”
“Even you?”
“Nah. Not me. Because I’m the one who makes sure he schedules his rut time off and I’m the one who runs interference.”
“And again, he doesn’t mind an alpha in his space?”
I shake my head. “He’s never mentioned it bothering him before and we’ve been living together for years.”
“And yet you think you don’t stand a chance with him?” Noah asks, shaking his head. “You two sound like a couple of idiots.”
“Wow,” I say, my face splitting into a smile. “Is that your professional opinion, Noah?”
“Nope,” he says quickly, a little twinkle in his eyes. “That’s free of charge. Since ya know, we’re friends.”
“Asshole,” I murmur under my breath which in turn, makes Noah laugh.
“Our time is almost up,” Noah says after glancing at his watch. I stretch my neck back and forth, wincing as it lets out a crack. Work felt like it stretched on and on and I’m ready to get home to Hayden and Emma. “I’ve just got one more question for you.”
“Hit me with it.”
“What would your perfect world look like?”
I let out a long breath. I stare at the wall above Noah’s head for a moment, trying to calm my racing heart and catch my thoughts. “In a perfect world, Jeff and Tristen would still be here.” My throat makes an audible click as I swallow, trying to push my emotions away.
“Oh, Matt,” Noah says gently.
“I know, I know,” I blurt out, shaking my head and rubbing my eyes. “That’s not what you meant and I know it.”
Noah looks at me with fondness and it makes my chest ache. I shake my head before looking down at my clasped hands. “Okay,” I start. “In my own perfect world, where I could have anything and everything I’ve ever wanted without worrying about consequences.” I rub my fingers together, really, truly thinking about that. “Emma would be mine. Emma would be-” I pause before whispering, “ours.” I lick my lips. “Hayden and I would still be sharing a room but it wouldn’t be like roommates anymore. It would be as mates. I would have a bite mark on my shoulder and so would he. When people meet us for the first time, they’d smell that our scents are mixed, that we’re taken.” I run my fingers through my short hair before finally looking up at Noah. “And I wouldn’t have to go through my rut all by myself because Hayden would be there to help me through it.”
“Well done,” Noah says eventually. “Now you have clear goals in front of you. Start at the easiest thing, Matt and go from there.”
“I’m not really sure what the easie
st thing on that list is,” I admit.
“I’d think it’s making Emma officially yours.”
I nod slowly. “I can do that.”
“I know you can,” he says with a smile. “And now our time is officially over. So I’ll see you next weekend for our playdate, right?”
“Right,” I say, standing up. Now that I’ve admitted all of my deepest wishes and desires, I’m not sure how the fuck I’m supposed to put them back into their box.
Chapter Eight
Hayden
I sit on the floor, a blue crayon in my hand as I fill in the sky on this coloring sheet. Emma sits across from me, her little pink tongue sticking out as she concentrates on coloring a dinosaur. The smell of pot roast fills the house, making everything feel homey and warm. Maybe I’ll even make some homemade hot cocoa tonight for after dinner.
Warmth fills my chest. This place used to be an apartment I shared with my best friend. Now it’s a home. The only thing that would make this moment better is if Matt were here, coloring with us. My cheeks heat up with the thought. Since it’s just Emma and I, I indulge myself. I imagine Matt walking through the door, greeting us both with a kiss to the top of our heads. He runs his fingers through my hair before going to our room to change out of his work clothes. The thought feels so fucking right.
Not for the first time, I wonder if I should just alpha-up and confess my feelings. The almost kiss plays over and over in my head. We’d been so fucking close. If Emma wouldn’t have opened the door, I’m positive Matt was about to kiss me. My stomach quivers. I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna tell him.
“I’m gonna tell him,” I say out loud, smiling so wide my cheeks begin to hurt.
Emma looks up at me in surprise. When she sees I’m smiling, she smiles right back. “Good. You tell him,” she says, nodding her head seriously before going back to coloring.
I can’t help but shake my head at her. My easy mood falls away as I hear the front door open. I completely freeze. I watch with wide eyes as my best friend steps through the door, his face breaking out into a wide smile when those eyes finally land on us. God. He’s so handsome. My heart picks up speed as Matt’s face completely lights up.
