She stared at me for a moment, then suddenly she moved so she was now kneeling in front of me too. Then she gave me a smile, before she leaned in and kissed me softly on the lips.
“Yes,” She breathed against my lips. “I would love to marry you.”
I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her with everything I had inside my soul. My best friend had just agreed to become my wife.
Chapter 23
Cassie
HOLY SHIT! Was the only thought that was in my head for most of the drive home. I had just agreed to marry Evan. Me, Cassidy Eleanor North, had just agreed to marry my best friend.
I glanced over at Evan as we drove back, and I couldn’t help but smile at the look of pure and utter happiness on his face. I hoped that whatever the future brought for us both, he would always be able to smile like that.
As we turned onto our street, I immediately spotted a strange car parked outside my father’s house. Instantly my heart began to hammer rapidly in my chest.
I glanced over at Evan, just as he turned to me.
“You don’t think…” he said, but he didn’t finish he thought. He didn’t have to. I knew what he was thinking because I was thinking about it too. “Your father wouldn’t do that, would he?”
“Sometimes I can’t believe some of the things my father would do,” I said as Evan pulled the car into my driveway behind my dad’s car.
I sat there for a moment and stared at the house. It felt like I had lost the ability to move. Almost like I was floating above myself, looking down at me and Evan sitting in the car.
I realised that the car could have belonged to anyone, but deep down in my heart, I knew that the car belonged to my mother. That she was sitting in the house with my dad, waiting for me to come home.
“Cass,” he said, pulling me from my thoughts. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah!” I nodded, probably a little too forcefully, almost unable to hear over the hammering of my heart in my chest. “I just… I think I just need a moment.”
“There’s no rush,” Evan replied, giving me a broad smile. “We can sit as long as you need to.”
“I mean,” I said, looking back up to the house. “I know, I’m going to have to see her sometime. I just wasn’t expecting it to be today.”
“Maybe it’s better to just get it over with,” Evan reasoned. “You know, kind of like ripping a band-aid off.”
“I know,” I said, shifting nervously in my seat, knowing that the longer I put it off, the more I was going to stress about it.
I was just about to climb out of the car, when the front door to the house opened and my dad stepped out onto the front porch. He looked almost as nervous as I was feeling right at that moment, but it didn’t make me feel any better.
“I guess we should go in,” Evan said as he unfastened his seatbelt.
“I guess so,” I sighed, knowing that I couldn’t delay the inevitable any longer. I unfastened my seatbelt before reaching for the handle on the door.
I hesitated for a moment, as Evan hurried around the car. When he reached my door, he pulled it open and reached out his hand to me. Taking it, I carefully climbed from the car, and allowed Evan to lead me up the driveway. I stopped when I reached the bottom of the steps, giving my father a questioning look.
“I know you’re probably freaking out right now,” Dad began, looking like he was searching to find the right words. “I know you said that you needed a little time, but when I called your mother yesterday, she was so upset. She just wanted to come to see you.”
I stared at him for a moment, having no clue what I was even meant to say to that.
“Did you invite her here?” I finally asked, feeling completely blindsided by her just being here.
“Of course, I didn’t,” Dad sighed, giving me a pleading look, almost like he knew I was ready to just bolt. “She just wanted to see you.”
I stared at him once more, trying to think of the right thing to say right at that moment, but nothing came into my mind other than to tell her I was not interested, and she should just go back to where the hell she came from.
“Cassie,” he continued, giving me a nervous smile. “She wants to help you. We’ve called the hospital and she is going to be tested first thing in the morning.”
“She wants to help me?” I asked, suddenly feeling overcome with so many different emotions.
“Of course, she does, Cass,” Dad said, giving me a broad smile. “She has never stopped loving you. Cass…she is still your mom.”
I stared at him for a moment, as a sudden feeling of panic rose inside me. This was all just happening so fast, and now I feel like every last thread of my life had unravelled and I had completely lost control of everything.
“Why don’t you come inside?” He said reaching out for my hand, giving me another broad smile. “She is so excited to see you. Just listen to what she has to say.”
I reached for his hand, but as I did, something inside me made me stop. I pulled back my hand as I pulled my other hand free from Evan’s too, before I took a step backwards.
“Cass?” Evan said, giving me a worried look. “What’s wrong?”
“I think I just…I need a few minutes,” I said, suddenly the urge to run was almost overwhelming. I knew Evan wouldn’t understand how I felt right at that moment, because he was so focused on getting me better, he just didn’t see how hard this was for me. How much it would take for me to face my mother after all these years. I took another step backward, then another one, before I turned and headed down the pathway to the shortcut that leads through to Evan’s house.
“Cassie!” Evan called after me as he followed me down the path.
“Please,” I said as I turned and raised my hand to stop him. “I… I just need a few moments. I’m okay…just…I need a little space right now. This is all happening so quickly. I just need a moment.”
“But…” he began to argue, but I quickly stepped forward and stopped him with a kiss on the lips.
“I haven’t changed my mind,” I whispered against his lips, giving him the assurance, he needed right at that moment. “I promise you. I… I just need a few moments…Please.”
“Okay,” he nodded, but I can tell by the look in his eyes that he had no clue what to think. I looked past him, back to where my father was standing, and he looked even more worried than Evan did.
Without saying another word, I turned and hurried down the pathway, passing through the gap in the fence that led into Evan’s parent’s back garden.
As I hurried down the crazy paving pathway at the side of the house, a sob escaped from deep inside me. By the time I reached the back door, I could hardly see through the tears that were now flowing freely from my eyes.
I tapped softly on the door, before I pushed down on the handle and stepped inside and found Clare standing at the island in the centre of the kitchen, mixing some cake batter.
“Cassie!” Clare exclaimed when she looked up from what she was doing and saw me standing there at the back door. She quickly wiped her hands and she hurried around the island to where I was standing. “Sweetheart, whatever is the matter?”
I didn’t reply. I could barely breathe, much less talk. I just stood there as the tears continued to flow freely.
Without hesitating, Clare wrapped her arms around me, pulling her closer to me.
“I’ve got you, Sweetie,” she whispered as she held me tightly in her arms. As she did, I buried my face into her chest and sobbed like the little girl that used to come to her and cry on those days when I just needed the love of a mother and no one else would do. “I’m here, and I have you.”
She held me so tightly as I cried, I felt safe and for a moment, I didn’t feel quite so alone.
“I’m sorry,” I said as I finally lifted my head and stepped back, looking up into her eyes. I blew out a long breath, trying to calm my breathing. “I shouldn’t have just come bursting in here like that.”
“Of course, you should ha
ve, Cass,” Clare replied as she reached up and wiped the tears from my face. “You know you’re always welcome here. Our door is always open to you. Now, how about I make us both some tea, and then you can tell me what has you so upset.”
“Okay,” I nodded and smiled, before I took a seat at her kitchen table. I watched her silently as she made two cups of tea, then brought them both to the table where she sat down.
“So,” she said, taking a sip of her tea. She gave me a smile, and something told me that she already had a pretty good idea what had upset me. “You want to tell me what’s happened?”
“My mom,” I sighed, not beating about the bush.
“Your dad mentioned that you’d agreed to let him ask her about becoming a donor for you,” Clare said, setting her cup down on the table. “You haven’t changed your mind about that have you?”
“No, not really,” I sighed, but even as I said the words, I knew that wasn’t strictly true.
If I was honest, I had changed my mind on the subject so many times over the weekend, I’d lost count, but I had given Evan my word, and I couldn’t let him down now.
“She’s over in my dad’s,” I said, still stunned that she would have just turned up like this; or that my dad would have even considered that this was a good idea. “Just sitting over there, waiting for me to get home so we can play happy families.”
“She’s there right now?” Clare asked, looking almost as shocked as I was feeling. “Wow!”
“Clare,” I said as once more tears stung my eyes. “I really don’t know if I can do this. She walked out on us. I know Dad and Evan said that it wasn’t as simple as that, and maybe if I did talk to her, I would understand. But I just don’t know if I have it in me to do this. I mean, what am I supposed to say to her?”
“Maybe you don’t have to say anything to her,” Clare shrugged, then gave me a smile. “Maybe all you need to do is listen to her.”
“So, you think I should give her a chance?” I asked, trying not to seem as disappointed as I felt she was taking my mother’s side too.
“It’s not about giving her a chance, Cass,” she said reached out and taking my hand. “I mean, if I’m honest, I don’t think there is anything she could say to make it okay that she left you. Don’t get me wrong, I understand that marriages break up. Sadly, that’s part of life. But I know there was nothing in this world that would have made me walk away from my boys.”
“Then why should I listen to her?” I asked, surprised by her reply.
“Because this is about you,” Clare said, surprising me once more. “Cassie, if I could have given you what you needed to save your life, I would have, even if it meant giving up my own. But as much as I love you with all my heart, I am not a match to you. But she might be. She might be the difference between you living and dying. Besides, she’s here. She may have walked away back then, but she is here now. Who knows, maybe if this works, it might give you a new start with her. And if not, at least it gives you a chance to have a future.”
“I guess you’re right,” I shrugged, knowing that what Clare said made perfect sense. I smiled and closed my other hand over her hand and mine. “But I want you to know, even if she does this, she will never replace you in my life. You’re the one who has always been there for me. You picked me up and put me back together after she left. So, as far as I’m concerned. She might be my mother, but you’ll always be my mom.”
“Thank you, Sweetheart,” Clare said, giving me a tearful smile, just as there was a soft tap on the door. I turned just as it opened expecting to see my dad or more likely, Evan. But instead, Laura, my mom, stepped through the door. She looked just like I remembered her, only a little older, and seemed to be just as nervous as I was feeling.
“I hope you don’t mind,” she said, her voice revealing just how nervous she was as she stepped further into the kitchen. “Evan said that I should just come in, but I don’t want to intrude.”
“Not at all,” Clare said, giving her a smile, that I knew she didn’t really mean it. She stood up and walked around the table. “You’re more than welcome here, Laura. You always have been.”
“Thank you, Clare,” she replied, giving her a smile, before she glanced at me for a moment before she continued. “I was just hoping that I could maybe talk to Cassidy.”
“Sure,” Clare said, giving me a questioning look. “I have some things I need to do upstairs…”
“You don’t have to leave,” I quickly said, giving her a pleading look.
“I’ll just be upstairs,” she assured me, gently patting my hand, then giving me a smile. “So, if you need me, I am just up there. But I think you need to talk to your mother, just you and her.”
I looked at her, knowing she was right, but still hating she was leaving me alone with her.
“It will be okay,” she whispered as she patted my hand once more.
“Okay,” I nodded, trying not to fall apart once more.
Clare gave me another smile before she turned and walked out of the room.
Taking a deep breath, I allowed my eyes to search out her, having no clue what I should say to her.
“Would you like some tea?” I suddenly blurted out, where the question came from, I had no idea.
“I’m good, thanks,” she said, giving me a smile as she took a step closer to me. “Your dad must have made a dozen pots of coffee while we were waiting for you to come back. I guess he was as nervous as I was.”
I smiled at her comment, but I didn’t reply. Instead, I just stared at her for a moment, not knowing what I was supposed to even say now.
“I can’t believe it’s really you,” she said, taking another step closer to me. “That you’re actually standing right here. You’re so grown up, you’re…you’re even more beautiful than I remembered.”
“Well,” I said, barely able to focus on anything except how fast my heart was racing. “That’s what kids do. They grow up. And it’s been a long time since you left, so.”
I didn’t know why I said what I had; it just came out.
“I know you’re angry with me, Cassidy,” she began, taking another step into the room, but I quickly stopped her.
“My name is Cassie,” I corrected her. “And I’m not angry. I’m not anything.”
I knew it was a lie, but I couldn’t seem to find it inside me to be nice to her. I was not letting her off the hook that easily, just because she wanted to help me now.
“I’m sorry, Cassie,” she corrected herself. “Look, I know you don’t like me very much, and if I’m honest, I really don’t blame you. I could stand here and tell you that I thought I was doing the right thing, or that it was the biggest mistake of my life, but I know you don’t want to hear that. I haven’t come back here expecting you to accept me back as your mom with open arms. I know I don’t deserve that.”
She stopped for a moment, before she took another step closer to me, and I was surprised to see tears dancing in her eyes.
“But I did come here to tell you that I want to help you,” Laura continued. “After everything I’ve put you through, I owe you this much.”
“Thank you,” I replied, suddenly feeling like I wanted to cry again, but this time I refused to let go of the tears. I would not show her any weakness.
“Maybe we might never be mom and daughter again,” she said, and there was a sadness in her voice that almost broke my heart. “I know I’ve destroyed that chance. But, maybe in time, you might let me try to be your friend? You might see that I am not the bad guy you think I am. Because, I never stopped loving you, Cassie. No matter what you think of me, please believe that is true.”
Before I could answer, the back door opened again, and Evan appeared around the door.
“Hey,” he said as he stepped into the room cautiously.
“Hey,” I said as tears suddenly trickled down my face.
“Will asked me to come and make sure you guys were okay,” he said as he walked across the kitchen to where I was standing
and kissed my forehead before he slipped his arm around my back. “He was going to start up the barbeque, and he wanted to know if you two were coming back.”
“I think maybe it’s a good idea for me to leave now,” Laura said as she gave me one more smile. “I’ll go let Will know.”
She stared at me for a moment, looking like she wasn’t sure if she was doing the right thing or not. Finally, she turned and reached for the handle of the door.
“Laura!” I called out, surprising myself as much as her. She stopped and turned back to me. “I would like it if you stayed for some food.”
“Really?” She asked, giving me a nervous smile. “Thank you. I would like that too. I’ll go let Will know.”
With another smile, she turned and walked out of the door, leaving me standing alone in the kitchen with Evan once more.
“Are you okay?” He asked, before he pressed his lips to my forehead once more.
“No,” I replied honestly. “But asking her to stay was the right thing to do.”
“I’m proud of you,” Evan said, looking down into my eyes. “I know that this is very hard for you. But you’ve a good heart, Cassie North. Which is why I love you so much.”
“Evan,” I said, looking up at him, and I knew he was going to be a little upset with my request. “Is it okay if we don’t tell them that we’re getting married just yet?”
“If that’s what you want,” he replied, looking a little hurt.
“It’s not that I don’t want to tell them,” I assured him. “I do, but I want your folks and my dad to know first. I’m not ready to share my happiness with her just yet.”
“I guess I understand,” Evan said, kissing my head once more.
“You two are getting married,” Clare squealed from the doorway. “OH MY GOD!”
Before either of us could say a word, she hurried across the kitchen and threw her arms around us both.
“I’m so happy,” she cried as she finally released us both, with tears of joy danced in her eyes.
Last Goodbye Page 21
