Evan
It had been five days since I lost Cassie. Five days since I walked out of the hospital and never turned back. If I was honest, I had very little memory of the last five days. Everything just seemed to be a blur to me, but then again, I had spent most of the last few days in a drunken stupor.
When I finally picked myself up from the ground outside the hospital, I stumbled to my car and climbed into the driver’s seat. Once inside, I just sat there for the longest time, staring into space, trying to get my brain to process what had just happened.
Cassie was dead.
When I closed my eyes and I could see her lifeless body being jolted up from the bed, over and over with electricity as the doctor did everything he could, to bring her back, but it was no use. Cassie was gone.
As I sat there in the car, my phone started to ring. I pulled it from my pocket and saw Will’s number flashing on the screen. I knew I needed to talk to him. I knew right at that moment his heart was breaking just as much as mine, but I just couldn’t. I couldn’t hear him say the words out loud. I didn’t want to hear it from anyone. So, I hit decline on the phone and started the engine, suddenly needing to get as far away from that hospital, as fast as I could.
As I drove around aimlessly for hours, my phone rang over and over again. I knew by now, everyone knew about Cassie, and they were all ringing me to check in on me and offer me words of comfort and support, but there was nothing anyone could say to take away the ache I was feeling in my chest. It felt like my heart had been torn right out, and there was nothing could make that better. So, I just couldn’t face talking to anyone right at that moment.
Finally, after driving around aimlessly until almost midnight, I pulled up to a liquor store, in the middle of nowhere and bought myself a couple of bottles of whiskey, deciding the only way to get through the foreseeable future was to get completely and utterly wasted.
When I climbed back into the car, dropping the bottles onto the seat beside me. It was right then I spotted the keys for the beach house. I’d forgotten to give them back to my dad the day we got back from the beach because everything was so up in the air over Laura.
Laura! I thought to myself miserably. She’d gone through a painful procedure today to try and save Cassie, but in the end, it had been for nothing. Everything Cassie had gone through these past few weeks had all been for nothing, because it all ended the same way. She died. Stupid cancer had come into all our lives and robbed the most important person to us all, and I just felt so angry.
I glanced down at the keys once more and knew where I needed to go. I knew that I hadn’t been given permission to use the house again, but I needed to be where Cassie loved. The last time we were truly happy, was there, and right at that moment, there was the only place that made sense to me. I hoped at least there, I would feel closer to her once more.
It was a little after two in the morning when I pulled the jeep to a stop outside the beach house. Looking up at the building I thought about the last morning we were here. I asked her to marry me. I promised her that the next time we came back, we’d be coming back to get married. My heart hurt as the realization settled inside me that that would never happen now.
Looking over at her empty seat, a wave of grief washed over me once more, but I pushed my tears back down inside. Crying was not going to bring her back now. I quickly grabbed the two bottles from the chair and climbed from the car, wasting no time heading inside.
Once inside, I made my way to the decking at the back of the house; the place I had first made love to Cass. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I sat down one of the bottles of whiskey on the patio table, before I walked to the edge of the decking and leaned on the guard rail, then I opened the bottle of whiskey still in my hand.
And that was it.
The next five days passed in a drunken blur of blackness until I would pass out, then my dreams would be filled with Cassie.
I vaguely remembered driving to another liquor store at some point to get more alcohol, but other than that there was little else I remembered.
When I woke up that morning, my head felt like it was coming apart at the seams. Stumbling up from the sofa where I had passed out at some point the night before, I headed for the bathrooms in search of painkillers, but there was none to be found. I decided that I would have to settle for coffee, or maybe just drink more until I couldn’t feel the headache any longer.
As I stood there in the bathroom, I looked at my reflection in the mirror and released a long sigh.
I was almost unrecognisable to myself. My eyes were bloodshot, my skin was pale, and I badly needed a shower and a shave.
Turning on the water in the sink before me, I bent down and splashed some water on my face before I looked at myself once more. I knew that Cass wouldn’t want this for me. She wouldn’t want me to hide away from my family and friends.
I needed to get my shit together, and I needed to go home. I just didn’t know that I could. What would I say when I did? How would I even start to pick up the pieces of my life once more.
For the first time since I got here, I allowed myself to think about what had happened. By now, I was sure they would have had Cassie’s funeral. They would have lowered her body into the dirt, and I would never get to see her again.
I closed my eyes and my heart hurt beyond words. Instantly Cassie’s face crashed into my head. I hated that I was letting Cassie down by being so weak and pathetic. I just didn’t know how to go on without her.
But then I thought of my mom and dad, and what they must be going through. I knew they would have been beyond worried about me by now. Then I thought about Will, and how devastated he must be feeling right at this moment. Cassie would want me to be there for him. He was now alone in this world, and she would want me to do the right thing.
I looked at myself once more in the mirror and released a long, tired breath, before I left the bathroom, and headed down the stairs to the kitchen to make some coffee.
When I reached the kitchen, I sighed when I saw the mess that I had created over the last five days. Again, I knew Cassie would be so disappointed in me.
I set up the coffee machine, and while I waited for the coffee to brew, I began to tidy around the kitchen, picking up my mess.
As I cleaned, I found my phone, on the floor. It was still switched off as it had been for the last few days. After hours of endless phone calls and text messages, I finally had enough, so I powered down the phone, lobbing it across the room.
The screen was now cracked, but when I pressed down on the power button, the phone turned back on. I couldn’t read the screen, but as soon as the phone powered up, a barrage of beeping began, notifying me of an endless amount of missed calls, and almost as many text messages.
Staring at the phone, it hit me just how selfish I had been, but now I wasn’t sure if I’d left it too late to go back and make things right.
As if on cue, the phone started ringing once more. I had no clue who was calling because the screen was broken, and if I was honest, I was afraid of what they would say once I answered the phone. So, I did the only thing I could think of, I powered down the phone once more, and dropped it back down on the floor where I’d found it.
Suddenly, I felt an overwhelming desire to get wasted again, so the pain in my heart would vanish once more. I quickly searched for my car keys, finding them next to the door. Then I hurried out the door, knowing the only help I needed right at that moment, I would find at the bottom of a bottle.
“Evan,” Will’s voice crashed into my head. I moved slowly, but every part of my body hurt. “Evan, wake up!”
I groaned as I tried to open my eyes, but my head hurt more than I ever imagined possible, so instead I just groaned once more before I rolled over and tried to return to the blackness of sleep.
“EVAN!” This time it was my father’s voice. “It’s time to get up, Son.”
Before I knew what was happening, I could feel my body being dragged up from the
floor, being pulled on either side by two sets of hands.
“Just leave me alone,” I moaned, feeling worse than I had ever imagined possible. I tried to open my eyes, but nothing in my body seemed to be responding.
“Not today, Son,” my dad replied as I could feel myself being dragged across the floor.
My instinct was to fight them, pulling myself free from their grasp, but I couldn’t seem to get my feet to work.
Suddenly I could feel myself being dropped on my ass onto a cold, hard surface. Before I had time to react, a blast of ice-cold water hit my face, almost taking my breath away.
“FUCKKKKK!” I yelled the only word that came to mind at that exact moment. I blinked my eyes open and found myself sitting on the floor of a shower, staring up at my father and Will; both looking like they’d hardly slept in days. “What the h…h…hell are y…you doing?”
I slowly climbed up from the floor, wiping the water from my face and for the first time I realised I was completely and utterly butt ass naked. I quickly grabbed my junk in one hand, and I reached for the handle of the shower door with my other hand.
Before I could pull it open, my dad grabbed the handle on the other side and stopped me from pulling the door back. In my weakened state, I was no match for my father, and this just pissed me off more.
“Dad, this isn’t, fu… f… funny,” I said as I turned and tried to adjust the freezing water to make it a little more bearable.
“And vanishing for six days is?” He said, pinning me with a look that said he was not in the mood for playing games. “What the hell were you thinking, Evan?”
“I wasn’t thinking,” I sighed as I slumped back against the shower wall. I knew there was no way my dad was letting me out any time soon. Finally, I slid down the wall until I reached the floor once more. “Or at least, I was trying not to think.”
“Do you know how worried everyone has been?” My dad continued. “We called and called you, but you never once answered your phone. We didn’t know if you were dead or alive.”
“I know,” I sighed, realising what a complete asshole I’ve been. “I just needed a little space. I couldn’t be there when… I’m sorry.”
“Do you know how worried your mother has been?” He continued, clearly determined to read me the riot act. “And what about Cassie?”
“I don’t want to talk about Cass,” I said putting my hands over my ears. I couldn’t think about her right at that moment, not if I was going to get up off this shower floor and try to get my shit together.”
“I thought you loved her?” Will said, giving me a questioning look. “I thought you wanted to spend the rest of your life with her?”
“I do,” I said, then corrected myself, realising my mistake. “I did. But she is gone now, and I’m sorry if I’ve let you all down…”
I stopped as a sob escaped from deep inside me. I quickly blew out a deep breath before I continued, but it was no use. The tears I had fought for the last six days finally broke free, and I began to sob.
“But she let me down too,” I cried like a baby, as the grief now washing over my entire body like a tidal wave. “She promised me that she was going to beat this. That she was going to marry me. But she didn’t. She…she didn’t.”
“Evan,” Will said, stepping closer to the door then crouching down so he was almost at eye level with me. “Cassie is alive.”
“But she can’t be,” I said, having no clue why he would lie to me like that. “I saw her. I saw them pounding on her chest. I saw them use those paddle things on her body, over and over, but there was nothing.”
“They got her back,” Will said, giving me a smile. She started her transplant the next day. It’s going well, she had her fifth engraftment today, and so far, they are very happy with her.”
“So, she…she didn’t die?” I said as a spark of hope ignited inside me, but still I’m afraid that this was a dream, and I was going to wake up.
“No, Son,” my father said. “She didn’t die, and she is beside herself, worried sick about you. I don’t need to tell you that the last thing Cassie needs right now, is any more stress. So why don’t you get your ass out of that shower, and get dressed before we bring you back to L.A.”
“Okay,” I said with a nod and I scrambled back up to my feet once more, as my mind raced with so many thoughts.
Cassie was alive. By some miracle, she had pulled through and she was alive.
“Oh, God,” I said as I realised what I had actually done. She must have woken up, feeling so scared and I wasn’t there. I left her when she needed me the most.
Suddenly my stomach heaved, and I knew I was going to be sick.
“I’m going to be sick!” I said as I pulled open the door, before I skidded across the floor to the toilet, where I dropped to my knees and threw up spectacularly.
“I will leave you two alone,” Will said as he stepped back, then walked to the door. “I will call Clare and let her, and Cassie know that Evan is okay, and that we will be bringing him back, safe and sound.”
He turned and stepped out through the door, leaving me and my father alone.
“Dad,” I said, lifting my head to look at him. “How am I ever going to be able to go back there and face Cassie? She needed me to step up, but instead I fell apart.”
“You go back to the hospital and you tell her that you love her,” he said, giving me a smile. “She loves you so much, I think she will just be happy that you’re okay.”
“I never meant to worry you all so much,” I sighed, looking up at my father. “I stood there in the hallway of the hospital, watching as her lifeless body jumped, over and over as they tried to bring her back, and I couldn’t breathe. She was so pale, and nothing they were doing seemed to be helping. I just couldn’t watch her die. I know that makes me weak, but I couldn’t stand there and watch as my life shattered around me. But how do I go back and tell her that I wasn’t strong enough?”
“Evan,” my dad said as he pulled a couple of towels from the rail and threw them at me before he sat down on the side of the bath and gave me a smile. “It’s okay to fall apart. You thought you’d lost the love of your life. But even if you had; even if this bone marrow transplant doesn’t work. I need you to remember that you are not alone. You have a lot of people that love you so much, and they were so worried about you these last few days.”
“I’m sorry, Dad,” I said, realising how fucking stupid I’d been. “And I give you my word. If things don’t work out right with Cass, I will never pull this shit again.”
“Good,” he said, giving me another smile, before he stood up once more. “Now, I will leave you to have a proper shower, and get dressed. I have some clean clothes outside for you. Then we will get you back to Princess Cassie. I gave her my word I would bring you home.”
I smiled at his words, then nodded, before I pushed up from the floor.
“Thanks, Dad,” I said, giving him a grateful smile.
“I love you, Evan,” Dad said as he walked to the door, then stopped and turned back to me. “I never want you to forget that.”
“Love you too, Dad,” I smiled once more, before he vanished out through the door.
I blew out a deep, calming breath before I turned and headed back to the shower feeling both incredibly happy and also filled with dread. I knew I owed Cassie one hell of an explanation. I just hope she would understand whatever I said and give me another chance.
Chapter 26
Cassie
I lay there in the bed and watched the door, almost holding my breath. I was feeling angry, hurt, sad, relieved and happy all rolled into one.
When Clare told me that my dad and Tim had found Evan, and that he was okay, I burst into tears. They were tears of relief, then also hurt.
When I came around six days earlier, I felt like my whole body had just gone ten rounds with Rocky Balboa; there wasn’t a part of me that didn’t hurt.
To say I felt more than a little confused, was an understate
ment. One minute I was lying there, talking to Evan, then the next thing I knew Doctor Altman was staring down at me, looking more than a little relieved, but then he gave me a broad smile.
“Welcome back, Young Lady,” he said helping me sit up a little. “You really need to stop scaring us like this.”
“What happened?” I croaked as I instantly looked around the room, searching for Evan.
“Nothing for you to worry about right now,” he said giving me a smile as he reached for my hand squeezing it gently. “But I need you to try to get some rest. Tomorrow is a big day.”
Before I could press him more, the door opened, and a very emotional Dad came rushing into the room. Without missing a beat, he scooped me into his arms, and hugged me so tightly, I could hardly breathe.
“Jesus, Cass,” he whispered through the tears that were now streaming down his face. “Please don’t ever do that to me again. I thought I lost you.”
WAIT! I screamed in my mind. What the hell happened to me?
“Dad, I can’t breathe,” I managed to say, and my dad instantly released me from his embrace. Once more I looked around the room, searching for Evan.
“I’m sorry, Sweetheart,” he said, smiling through his tears. “I’m just so happy you’re okay.”
“What happened to me?” I asked, now knowing I needed to know. I looked around the room once more. “And where’s Evan?”
“He just stepped outside for a few moments,” he said, giving me a reassuring smile. “He just needs a few minutes to clear his head. He’ll be right back.”
But he never came back.
I waited and waited, but it was like he’d just vanished.
As time passed, I knew something was terribly wrong. He would never just leave me, not like this.
I could see the worry on Clare’s face when she came by to see me. She was as worried as I was, even though she tried to pretend she wasn’t.
Every time the door opened, my heart would race, hoping it would be Evan, but he never came.
Four days after he vanished, I was alone in my room, probably for the first time since Evan left, and there was a soft knock on the door.
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