by Dana R. Lynn
Turning to Ryder, she tightened her jaw. “That’s what I want.”
He nodded. Ben’s eyes glistened, but he didn’t argue. Her heart shattered as she watched him straighten his shoulders and walk away.
Taking her heart with him.
SIXTEEN
Sadie opened the door to find Ryder standing on the other side. In the four months since she’d left Ben and gone into hiding, she and the officer had become friends. He was her one connection to Ben and to her brother. The one thing that kept her from going out of her mind as she waited to hear that she could finally go home and begin to live her life again were his visits, where he would tell her how the case was proceeding.
“Ryder. I wasn’t expecting you today.” She opened the door wider and stepped back, allowing him to enter the apartment she was staying in. She really didn’t like the apartment. Oh, there was nothing wrong with it. It was clean, and although it was small, it had everything she needed.
It just wasn’t home.
She was distracted momentarily when she realized that when she thought of home, the image that filled her mind wasn’t the house she shared with her brother. No, when she thought of home, she thought of Ben and Nathaniel. She had been thinking about them a lot. She couldn’t seem to go through an hour without something reminding her of the two of them.
She needed to wrap her mind around the fact that she was not a part of their lives. Not anymore. Ben was an attractive, intelligent man. One who had led her back to God. She would always be grateful to him. But despite the fact that her roots were in the Amish world, she was part of the Englisch world now.
Ryder called her name. Shaking herself from the depths of her reverie, she blinked at him, feeling herself flush at being caught daydreaming.
“Sadie, I have some news for you.”
She scoured his face with her gaze. News could be a good thing or it could be very, very bad. She had to be ready for anything. That meant fortification. Which meant coffee.
“Come into the kitchen. I just made coffee.”
He followed her into the small kitchen area, just large enough to accommodate a small square table butted up against the wall and two wooden chairs. It was sparse, but she found she was comfortable in the simplicity. She would have liked more room so she could bake easily, but she never complained.
Grabbing two mugs from the rack on the counter, she poured out the hot, strong coffee, then put the cream and sugar on the table. She didn’t use it, although she had before she knew Ben, but she knew her friend liked to doctor his coffee.
Ben. Why couldn’t she get through five minutes without thinking about the man?
“I hope you are bringing me good news.” Sitting across from Ryder, she held her mug in both hands, enjoying the warmth. It was bitterly cold outside, with a fresh layer of glittering snow on the ground. There was a lot to be said for staying inside on days like this.
“I think I have good news.” Ryder took a sip and set his mug back on the table. He leaned forward. “We found Ethan and Vincent Nettle.”
Her breath caught in her throat. Almost afraid to speak, she whispered, “Is it over?”
“Almost. Mason Green is set to go to trial in three weeks. With his partners put away, there is no one out there to go after you.”
“What about the man who was sent to prison for killing my father?”
He grimaced. “Unfortunately, we can’t give the man those sixteen years back. He was a teenager then. He has spent his entire young adulthood in prison. He’s bitter, and of course there will always be people who will refuse to believe that he didn’t do anything wrong. But he’s a free man. His record has been expunged, so he won’t have the limitations an ex-con might face. It’s up to him to make a good life for himself.”
She’d be bitter, too, if the system had failed her that badly. Would he be able to come to terms with the loss of sixteen years and move on? It would be a shame if he allowed what had happened to ruin the remainder of his years.
She stilled.
“Sadie? Are you okay? You’ve gone awful pale.”
She heard Ryder’s voice as if it were coming through a tunnel.
“I want to go back,” she said out loud. She felt as though God had given her a sudden clarity. She had hoped Jeffrey wouldn’t allow his past to dictate his future, but wasn’t she doing the same thing? She had decided that, because of the actions of others, she had to make a life in the Englisch world, even if it wasn’t a life that she felt she belonged in anymore.
“Back? Yes, that’s what I’m trying to tell you. You can come out of hiding and you can go back. I can’t promise your job is still there, but I’m sure you can find another—”
“No, no. You don’t understand.” She stood and moved to the window. “I can go all the way back. Back home. Back to my family.”
Back to Ben and Nathaniel.
Fear and trepidation rose up and made it hard to speak. What if Ben didn’t want her back? She’d disrupted his life while she was there.
The kiss they’d shared might be the only one she’d ever receive from him, but she needed to know if they could have a future.
There could be nothing between them if she stayed Englisch.
“You want to go to Ben.” It wasn’t a question. Ryder shoved his chair back and stretched his long legs in front of him.
“Is that wrong?” She winced at the defensiveness in her tone.
He shook his head, his face growing thoughtful. “No, not wrong. But I’m just thinking. When Isaac knew he was in love with Lizzy—”
Her face warmed.
“He knew he couldn’t go to her without being a part of the Amish community he’d left all those years before.”
“Yeah, I can understand that. She was a baptized member of the Amish church. That makes total sense.”
“Right. But he couldn’t go to her right away.”
No. No. No. She’d already waited so long.
“But—”
“Sadie.” She folded her arms and listened, not liking where this conversation was going. He continued. “I’m not telling you what to do. I’m just telling you, as a friend, what another friend went through to find his way back to his girl. He said that he had to be sure that the Amish life was what he wanted for all time. And that he couldn’t approach her until he was one hundred percent sure.”
She sighed. He was right.
And then there was Kurt. She couldn’t abandon her brother without warning. He’d be so hurt if she got out of hiding and immediately left. She needed to contact the bishop, privately, and let him know she wished to come home. And then she needed to get the life she was leaving in order. And only then could she go back.
“You’re right. I can’t go back to being Amish because of Ben. Although he is a major incentive. I have to be willing to live that life even if he and I don’t become a couple.”
“Exactly.”
A new excitement was building inside her. Did she have a future with Ben and Nathaniel? She loved him; she could admit it to herself. And she wanted to be the one he chose to be the mother Nathaniel needed. In her mind, she could envision herself holding an infant, Ben and Nathaniel beside her. She flushed. And smiled to herself at the thought of making a family with the man she’d been ready to give up for good.
“I have so much to do.”
“I’ll give you a hand.”
Ryder assisted her as she packed up her meager belongings. It only took a couple of hours. When they had packed the last box, he pulled out his phone.
“I have a truck coming by to get your things.”
She didn’t question it until she saw the familiar pickup truck pull into the driveway. With a squeal, she dashed outside without her coat and threw herself at her brother the second he stepped down from the vehicle, never feeling the cold. Kurt’s arms closed ar
ound her tightly. She could feel them tremble slightly and knew that he was as emotional as she at their reunion.
“Good to see you, sis,” he muttered in a rough voice.
“I am so happy you’re here.” She hugged him again. She mentally thanked God for blessing her with the return of her memories so that she could appreciate what a wonderful man her brother was. She wouldn’t lose her connection with him if she returned to the Amish world, she knew that, but it was bittersweet being reunited with him, knowing she’d be leaving again.
But she needed to find the place God had planned for her.
* * *
“Hey, buddy, I thought you might want to see this.”
Isaac’s words cut through the fog that had encompassed Ben’s brain since Sadie left him. Or, more precisely, since she’d gone into hiding. It seemed like years ago, yet it had only been five months. Setting his tools aside, he looked up to see Isaac standing in the door to his shop, a newspaper in his hands.
He shrugged and stood back from the table, stretching to work out the ache in his back. It was time for him to take a break, anyhow.
“Buddy? That’s very Englisch of you.”
Isaac grinned. “What can I say? I lived in that world for seven years. I picked up some things.”
Ben huffed out a chuckle. “What do I need to see?”
“Oh, yeah.” Isaac held out the paper. Ben took it, still mystified. “Here.”
Following the line of his friend’s finger to where he pointed, Ben saw the article and noticed Kurt’s name on the byline. “Page one? Kurt’s moving up.”
“Yeah, yeah. Read the story.”
Ben sat down and read. After the third paragraph, he needed to sit as the meaning of what he was reading started to sink in. Mason Green was dead. The man who had murdered Sadie’s father and let another man take the fall had been killed in prison awaiting trial. The police had his partners in custody, all profits and assets had been seized and the evidence of their involvement in the drug trade and practice of selling children had been collected and documented. There was enough to put them away for the rest of their lives.
“She can come out of hiding.”
The words left his mouth and hung in the air between Ben and Isaac.
“That’s what I’m thinking.” Isaac leaned against the desk. “If she contacts you and you need my help with anything, just say so. You know that Lizzy and I think the world of Sadie.”
Ben was already shaking his head. “It doesn’t matter, Isaac. Unless she joins the Amish church, we could never be together. I am grateful that she is free to come home, though. More than anything, I want her to be safe and happy. I have prayed to Gott every day for Him to bless her and let her come home.”
“He listened.”
Sadie.
Ben stood so fast he knocked over the chair that he had been working on. He never even glanced at it. All his focus was on the lovely woman standing inside the door. His heart sped up and his mouth went dry.
She was dressed Plain. He’d never seen anything lovelier than Sadie standing in his workshop wearing a heavy black cape, and under it he could see she had on a rose-colored Amish dress and plain brown boots. On her head, a crisp white prayer kapp covered most of her hair. She was holding a black bonnet.
In short, she looked like an Amish woman and not like the Englisch woman who had landed in his life so unexpectedly all those months ago. His chest grew tight and his breathing was constricted. Hope flared in his soul, but he struggled to keep it under control. If she wasn’t here to stay, or if she wasn’t part of the Amish world now, he didn’t want the knowledge to crush him.
“Sadie—” he began and stopped, unsure what to start with. So many thoughts were colliding inside him, his mind was having trouble sorting them all out. All he could do was stare at the woman who had stolen his heart, half fearing that she would disappear if he blinked.
“I will see you later, my friend.” Isaac placed a hand briefly on his shoulder, wordlessly imparting his support. Ben started. He had forgotten the other man was standing next to him, he’d been so focused on Sadie.
Apologetically, he smiled at Isaac. “Sure. I will see you later.”
“Sadie,” Isaac murmured as he moved past her. “It’s good to see you.”
“Same goes, Isaac,” she replied, shooting him a tight smile. Ben could see the apprehension in it. She was as nervous as he was.
Some of his own anxiety dwindled as the urge to reassure her inserted itself.
“I read the article your brother wrote in the paper. Are you out of danger now?” It might have seemed obvious, but he needed to know that she was safe.
“Completely,” she whispered. She took a step closer and halted. “The men who were after us are now all out of commission. I was given the news a month ago.”
Wait. A month ago? Some of his hope died. If she had waited a month before contacting him... But what about her clothing?
“I’m confused,” he admitted. “If you are safe, and have been for a month—”
“Why am I only coming here now?” She completed his sentence. He shrugged. After everything they’d been through together, it seemed to him that he deserved some answers.
“I needed time, Ben. Time to put my stuff in order, time to cut my ties.”
“Cut your ties?” He advanced a step toward her. That sounded positive.
“Yes.” Her caramel-brown eyes, the eyes that had snared him from the first day, met his. “I needed to cut most of my ties with the Englisch world. I have talked with the bishop here. Several times, in fact. He remembered my father and mother. He wanted me to wait until I was sure that I wanted to be Amish before I spoke with you. It was the hardest thing to not run to you the moment I was free, but I knew I had to obey him.”
She had been thinking of him. Another step. The distance between them was shrinking. “You have made your decision.”
A laugh trickled gently from her lips. “You can look at the way I’m dressed and ask? Yes, I have made my choice.”
She took the final step and was suddenly only inches away from him. Her hand lifted and touched his cheek. “Ben, I remember us. As we were as children, and as we are now. There has always been a bond between us, hasn’t there? Even when I couldn’t remember, I felt that connection.”
His hand covered hers where it rested, warm and smooth against his face. “You were my best friend when we were children. I lost so much the day you left. I, too, have sensed this connection.”
He lifted her hand from his face but didn’t let go. They stood, holding hands, staring into each other’s eyes.
“I’m not Amish yet,” she said. “The bishop has asked me to continue to meet with him until he feels I’m ready to join the church. I’d do it today if he agreed.”
“You know, the moment he agrees, I’m going to ask you to be my wife.”
The smile that hovered about her lips burst forth and became a grin. “I hope so. And you know, the moment you ask me to be your wife, I will say yes.”
His heart was so full, he found himself needing a second. Her eyes were bright and glistening.
“I love you, Sadie Ann. With all my heart. I want you to be a part of my and Nathaniel’s life for the rest of our days.” It was as close to a proposal as he could go, but he was at peace, knowing that soon he’d be making a true proposal. Then, during the harvest season, he’d make her his bride.
She sighed, a happy sound that filled all the empty corners in his lonely heart. “I love you, too, Ben. I can’t wait until you can ask me to be your wife.”
He leaned forward and gently, tenderly, touched her forehead with his lips.
“What about your brother?” He had to ask.
“He knows everything and is happy for me. He’ll miss me, of course. But we will stay in touch. Even if I was born here, Kurt is an
d always will be my brother. The bishop told me that he doesn’t have a problem with Kurt visiting now and again. Although I have a feeling that Kurt will be busy with his career for a while. His new boss was very impressed with his work on the illegal human trafficking articles.”
He was glad. He would always think of Kurt as a friend. Having him as a brother-in-law would please him, as well.
They left the shop together and headed toward his home. The ground was covered with a fresh layer of snow, and the March air was frigid. He didn’t mind. His entire being seemed to be suffused with warmth from the joy of having his love by his side again. He wanted to jump and shout his feelings aloud, he could almost burst with how blessed he was.
He did nothing of the sort, of course. Instead, he and Sadie walked sedately side by side, murmuring softly, making plans for the upcoming months. They might not be officially engaged yet, but he knew that they had already promised themselves to each other.
The front screen door banged open, interrupting their quiet conversation. Sadie laughed as Nathaniel charged out the door and literally threw himself off the porch before running into her arms.
“Sadie! You came back! Dat, Sadie es cumme!”
A wide grin flashed across Ben’s face as Sadie embraced his exuberant son tightly. “Jah, I can see that she is home. Are you gut with that?”
There was a bit of playfulness in the question. He could see that his son was overjoyed.
“Jah! I am happy!” Nathaniel pulled back to look up into Sadie’s face. “I prayed and prayed that Gott would bring you back. Are you going to be my new mamm?”
Both Sadie and Ben flushed at the innocent question. “Easy, son. She just came back to us. She needs to join the church before we can talk about that.”
Sadie raised her eyebrows at him. He bit back a smile of understanding. They had talked about nothing but that for the past twenty minutes. But he knew it wouldn’t be proper to say anything to Nathaniel yet.
But soon, he promised himself, looking into her beloved face, soon they would marry and become a family.
