by Force, Marie
Her heart ached as the fantasy slipped out of reach. Not only did she have her dad to consider, but her job and the benefits it provided that gave her peace of mind, the support network that had taken years to cultivate… The life that had been lonely at times but mostly satisfying didn’t look quite so satisfying post-Grayson Coleman.
She couldn’t let that happen. She couldn’t allow a few days with a sexy, wonderful man to color her perception of the life she’d worked so hard to build for herself and Simone.
Emma tossed and turned and tried to find a position that was anywhere near as comfortable as she’d been sleeping in Grayson’s arms. At some point, she must’ve dozed off, because she woke to sunlight streaming through the window and realized she’d forgotten to draw the blinds during her early morning sneak-in. Tears pooled in her eyes that couldn’t be blamed entirely on the ruthless glare of the sun.
Today they had to leave this magical place where they’d had such a wonderful Christmas break. Tomorrow, she had to go to work. The dentists she worked for held Saturday hours that were always booked solid. Simone had her friend’s birthday party. They had to pick up a gift for the party, and she needed to hit the grocery store, too.
Reality had a nasty way of intruding on a lovely fantasy, reminding her that no matter how wonderful the visit to Vermont had been, it was time to go home.
* * *
Chapter 17
‘Tis better to have loved and lost
than never to have loved at all.
—Alfred Lord Tennyson
After returning to the apartment, Grayson didn’t sleep for shit. His brain was a muddled mess of dilemmas, including Emma and Simone’s pending departure, embarking on a long-distance relationship with Emma—at least for now—and the request his father had made of Grayson and his siblings.
And here he’d thought his biggest challenge this week was going to be securing office space for his new practice in Butler. Now he had no idea if he was going to practice in Vermont or make use of the New York license he’d gotten years ago so he could be with the woman who’d captured his heart in a few short days.
Grayson had no idea what to do. Nothing like this had ever happened to him before, and the next step wasn’t at all clear to him, not like it had been only a few days ago.
At seven o’clock, he gave up on trying to sleep and took a shower, hoping to clear the cobwebs from his racing mind. He got dressed and headed out to the diner for some badly needed coffee. As he stepped into the brightly lit diner, he wasn't surprised to see his grandfather sitting at one of the tables reading the Burlington Free Press.
Elmer Stillman’s face lit up with pleasure at the sight of his grandson.
“Mind if I join you?” Grayson asked.
“You know better than to ask me that. Sit your ass down.” He signaled to Butch, who was running the diner in Megan’s absence. “Can we get some coffee for my grandson, Butch?”
“Coming right up.”
“Why is he so nice to you and cranky with everyone else?”
“I’m a silent partner,” Elmer said, as if that was the most obvious thing in the world.
“Silent?” Grayson asked, brow raised in amazement.
“Megan and Hunter are in charge. I just do what I’m told.”
Grayson laughed. “That’ll be the day.”
“Enough about me. What brings you out so early looking like something the cat dragged in? What’s wrong?”
For a second, Grayson thought about saying nothing was wrong, but his grandfather was far too perceptive to be lied to. “Emma and Simone are leaving today.”
“Ahhh. I wondered if that was it. You’ve taken a shine to that girl.”
“You could say that,” Grayson said with a grunt of laughter. More like he was obsessed with her, but his grandfather didn’t need to know that.
“It’s about time,” Elmer said with satisfaction.
Butch plunked a heavy mug full of coffee onto the table in front of Grayson. “You guys eating?”
“I’ll have a full stack of pancakes with sausage,” Elmer said.
“Make it a double,” Grayson said.
“Coming right up.”
“You’re doing a good job running the place, Butch,” Elmer said.
“Megan can get her ass back here any time now.”
“Couple more days,” Elmer said.
“Damned honeymoon.”
They laughed at Butch’s scowl as he stormed off.
“We need to find him a wife,” Elmer said. “Then he’ll be all for the damned honeymoon.”
“Seriously.”
“Enough about him. Tell me about you. What’re you going to do about the lovely Emma and the absolutely adorable Simone?”
“They are rather lovely and adorable,” Grayson said, smiling as he thought of them. “I’m going to New York next weekend to see them, and we’ll go from there.”
“If you feel something special for this woman, son, and I can already tell that you do, don’t let her get away. You’ll regret it for the rest of your life.”
His grandfather’s blunt statement struck Grayson square in the chest, leaving his heart aching. “I feel… almost desperate to hold on to her. I’ve never felt that before.”
A big smile stretched across Elmer’s face. “You’re falling in love with her. If you haven’t already fallen.”
“That can’t happen in four days.”
Elmer laughed. “You don’t think so? I’m here to tell you that I took one look at your grandmother, who was dating my cousin at the time, and saw my entire future laid out before me with her by my side. One look, Gray. That was all it took.”
Grayson felt light-headed and despondent at realizing his grandfather was right. He was falling hard for her—and her daughter. But what did he do about it? “She has a life in the city that works for her and Simone, a support network, a job with insurance that she needs… Her dad is there.”
“Okay…”
“What does that mean? Okay to what?”
“So she isn’t willing to uproot a life that makes her feel safe and secure. The way I see it, you have two options—one, go there and be part of her safe, secure life in the city. Or offer her the same safety and security here, and see if it appeals to her.”
“Why does it sound so simple coming from you when it’s anything but to me?”
“Because it is simple, Grayson. You’ve found a woman and a little girl you could make a life with.”
“It’s too soon for talking about making a life together.”
“Is it? You’re thirty-six years old. If not now, when?”
“Is it normal to feel like you’re having a heart attack when you realize you might be in love with someone you met a week ago?”
Elmer roared with laughter. “I assure you it’s entirely normal. This is a good thing, the best thing that’ll ever happen to you. No matter what, don’t let her get away.”
“The thought of her leaving today makes me sick.”
“Make sure you tell her that. Don’t let her leave without knowing you’re serious about her—and her daughter. Including Simone will matter to her.”
“Of course she’s included. I think I fell for her the first time I ever talked to her and she told me I was silly for asking if she likes scotch.” He smiled at the memory of her sassy comebacks.
“This makes me so very, very happy,” Elmer said. “The only thing I’ve ever wanted for you kids is what I had with your grandmother. I’m kind of bummed that Linc and I might not get to nudge you in the right direction the way we have some of your cousins. You always were one to get things done on your own, although I suppose you didn’t have much choice in that.”
“Speaking of my father…”
Elmer’s amiable expression hardened. “What about him?”
“Noah heard from him. It seems he has leukemia and needs a bone marrow transplant. None of his siblings were a match, so…”
“You gotta be freaking
kidding me. He’s got some kind of nerve thinking he can ask such a thing of the children he abandoned.”
“It may be nervy, but he’s asking just the same.”
“You’re under no obligation. None of you are.”
“I know.”
“You’re going to do it anyway, aren’t you?”
Grayson shrugged. “I can get tested and donate without ever having to see him. Why would I want to have to live with knowing I could’ve saved someone’s life and didn’t do it? Doesn’t matter whose life it is.”
“Doesn’t it? Doesn’t it matter tremendously?” After a pause, Elmer said, “You’re a far better man than he is. You always have been.”
“Thanks.” Grayson smiled at him. “With you and Uncle Linc around, we never felt the void.”
“Sure you did, but we filled in where we could.”
“You were—and are—the most important man in my life. Don’t discount your contributions, Gramps. They meant—and continue to mean—everything to us.”
“Awww, for crap’s sake. You’re gonna make me cry.”
“Don’t do that.”
Butch delivered their pancakes, and they passed the jug of maple syrup that came from the family’s sugaring facility back and forth, liberally coating the pancakes and sausage.
“So good,” Grayson said around a mouthful.
“There’s no place like home.”
“I would’ve totally agreed with you until a few days ago. Now, I’m not sure where home is.”
“It’s wherever she is. Figure it out, Grayson.”
“I promised you guys I’d still handle the company account.”
“You did that from Boston. You could also do it from New York.”
“It’d be easier here, especially with the changes Uncle Linc is making in January with the catalog set to go into production, the website due to go live, the distribution center opening…”
“You can handle the legal end of it from anywhere. And by the way, why’re you waiting for next weekend? What’s stopping you from going home with her today?”
Grayson was struck dumb by the question. “Ahh, well… I don’t know. Exactly.”
Elmer cracked up laughing. “You suck at this.”
“Thanks a lot,” Grayson said dryly, amused as always by his irrepressible grandfather.
“I’ll tell you what… If I could have even one more day with my Sarah… Hell, I’d be thrilled with one more hour… Nothing would stop me from doing whatever it took to have that. Not one damned thing.”
“It’s too soon. She’ll think I’ve lost my mind.”
“No, son, she’ll be quite certain you’ve lost your heart. If she’s as excited to have found you as you are to have found her, trust me, she won’t be anything other than thrilled if you tell her you want to go back to New York with her and Simone.”
“Is it too much too soon for Simone?”
“She’s not your average nine-year-old, is she?”
“No, she’s so far above average, she’s right off the charts.”
“If you show her and her mother nothing but love and respect, you won’t have any problem whatsoever with Simone.”
“I… I think… I have to go. I have to… I…”
Once again, Elmer laughed as he reached for the check Butch had left on the table. Elmer insisted on paying to eat at Megan’s even though he owned the place. “I got this. You go get your girls.”
Grayson stood and did something he hadn’t done in years. He kissed his grandfather’s lined cheek. “I love you. I love you so damned much.”
Elmer’s eyes filled. “Back atcha, boy,” he said gruffly. “Right back atcha.”
Fortified by the conversation with his grandfather, Grayson left the diner and jogged to his SUV, which he’d parked behind the family’s store across the street. He had a plan to make and not a lot of time to do it.
His first stop was his mother’s house, where he took a few minutes to shovel drifted snow off the back stairs before sprinkling salt on the icy patches and scraping the ice off the windows of her car. Then he went into the mudroom, kicked off his boots and stepped into the kitchen, where she was having coffee with the morning paper. “Morning.”
“Morning.” Her disapproval of his night out came through in the way she said that single word and made him feel like a teenager again. “Heard you shoveling out there. Thank you.”
“No problem.” Though he’d already consumed his daily dose of caffeine, he poured a cup of coffee and topped off hers. “I wanted to let you know I’m going to New York for a few days.”
“With her?”
He didn’t like that she referred to Emma as “her,” but he chose not to say so. “Yes, with Emma.”
“This is kind of sudden.”
“Certainly is,” he said with a chuckle.
“I’m surprised you would go chasing after a woman you just met. That’s not like you.”
“I know, but I’m still going.”
“What about the new business you’re starting here?”
“I’ll be working from New York on some things for Uncle Linc and the store, and I have several other clients from the firm that have asked me to stay involved. I won’t starve.” He took a seat at the table, dreading the other thing he needed to tell her. “Noah heard from Dad.”
His mother stared at him, unblinking. “And?”
“He’s sick.”
“With what?”
“Leukemia.”
She still didn’t blink. “What does he want?”
“Bone marrow.”
Grayson watched as she connected the dots, finally blinking when her expression went from blank to furious in the span of second. “No. Absolutely not. He will not ask that of you or the others. I won’t allow it.”
“Mom, you have every right to feel the way you do. We all do. But I, for one, don’t want his death on my conscience. If I can do this for him, then I will. It won’t cost me anything other than some time.”
“It’s outrageous that he would even ask such a thing of you all. What about his siblings?”
“None of them are a match.”
“I can’t believe his audacity.”
“He’s desperate.” Grayson shrugged. “I can’t imagine it was easy for him to reach out to Noah.”
“Easy for him,” she said spitefully. “Who cares about him?”
“None of us do.”
“Then why would you do something so huge for him? I don’t understand you lately. I thought I knew you as well as I know anyone, but since you came home, you’re like someone totally different.”
“Because I met a woman who interests me and don’t want my father’s potential death weighing on me?”
“It wouldn’t be your fault.”
“It would be if there was something I could do to save him. I want nothing to do with him. That hasn’t changed.”
“It’s not fair of him to ask this of any of you, but you in particular.”
“It’s a cheek swab. It’s nothing. I’ll do it and be done with it.”
“Do the others know?”
“Noah was going to reach out to them.”
“Why didn’t he tell me?”
“I suspect he didn’t want to upset you. We all know Dad is a hot button for you.”
“You ought to stay single, Grayson. You’re much better off.”
“I know you believe that, and I get why you do, but I really like Emma a lot. I want to spend more time with her. I’m not making a lifetime commitment here, so you don’t need to be worried.”
“Of course I do. I never wanted to see any of my children go through what I did, and Noah already had it happen to him.”
“We can’t hide out in fear of heartbreak. I don’t want to live like that, and it’s not fair to ask us to.”
“Not fair,” she said with a huff. “Don’t talk to me about what’s ‘fair,’ Grayson.”
Knowing he was fighting a losing battle, he got up, put
his mug in the dishwasher and went upstairs to pack. He brought enough clothes to stay a week. After that, he’d either have to do some laundry or come home.
When he was packed, he logged on to his computer to book a ticket on the two o’clock flight to LaGuardia and took a quick scan of his email. He read a message from Noah about where they needed to go if they chose to be tested and wrote down the address of the clinic that was on the way to Burlington. A short time later, he went downstairs, carrying his suitcase and the backpack containing his laptop and ongoing-case files. “I’ll call you,” he said to his mother as he wrapped his scarf around his neck.
She nodded.
Grayson hated to leave with unusual tension between him and his mother, but he also refused to be talked out of going with Emma and Simone. He had nothing keeping in him in Butler at the moment and every good reason in the world to go to New York.
* * *
Chapter 18
Love is a hole in the heart.
—Ben Hecht
Emma moved through the motions of packing for herself and Simone, who’d woken grumpy and unusually out of sorts. Her elbow hurt, and that made everything difficult for both of them as Emma helped her through a shower, getting dressed and packing her belongings.
Molly came to the door to the room Simone had stayed in. “I could use some help bagging up the cookies I made yesterday, if anyone is interested.”
“I’ll help,” Simone said, immediately cheered by the sight of someone other than her mother, especially if that someone was Molly, whom she adored. “If I can do it with one arm.”
“Your one arm gives me one more than I’d have without you.”
“Thanks, Molly,” Emma said with a grateful smile. “We’ll be out of your hair very soon.”
She put an arm around Simone. “You’re not in our hair. We’re going to miss you girls.”
