by Fitch, E. M.
But this morning, as Kaylee’s still aching hip protested her position propped against Emma’s bed, she woke early and stole away from Emma and up to the roof.
It amazed Kaylee how nature was slowly, but very steadily, taking back what had once belonged solely to her. Without car emissions, chimney smoke, factories, furnaces, and engines running throughout the days, the sky was remarkably clear. The clouds had changed and the air lost its’ haze. It smelled different, cleaner.
And the green of the fields beyond the city was creeping closer. You could see it in the way the trees in the parks and lining the streets were growing wild, out of control; how branches would tangle with useless power lines and leaves would die and stay scattered over the asphalt. Even the smallest of plants was adding to the offensive, pushing up through cracks in the pavement below and blooming.
And suddenly, Kaylee had the sick and surging hope that nature would just hurry up already and swallow the city whole. She was sick of staring at empty windows and crumbling limestone, sick of the cars left to rust and rot, sick of the reminders of all of those abandoned lives.
As always, she felt him before she heard him as he joined her on the roof. His person filled every space he entered, demanding her attention.
“I thought you hated the roof.”
Kaylee smiled as the familiar voice she had come to rely on confirmed his presence. The awkward avoiding and ignoring had stopped entirely. Kaylee wasn’t sure if that was the result of her telling him, what now seemed like so many nights ago, that she didn’t like being ignored or a result of the bond that had developed so naturally while they had been stuck, pressed together in the chill of that horrible basement. Either way, she wasn’t complaining. He was often at her side in Emma’s room, joking and laughing, lightening the mood of everyone around him. His smile was contagious, his laughter infectious. Kaylee felt more drawn to him everyday and it was with great difficulty that she thought about the time that was sure to come: the day he would leave. There were even crazy moments, half-formed in thought, when she imagined packing her few belongings and joining him. But, when the twilight of sleep left her and dreams faded into reality, she knew she could never leave her father and sister. Family, actually biological family, was a rarity these days. One just didn’t turn their back on that.
“And you’re up early,” Jack continued, walking easily towards her. “I thought your lot likes to sleep late?”
She turned slowly to face him, not trying to hide how pleased she was to see him. Her hair whipped around her and she pulled her good hand through the strands to calm them. Kaylee shrugged in response before pulling at the folds in the sweatshirt again, tugging it closer to her body.
“Yeah,” Jack said, frowning as he nodded towards the sweatshirt she was rearranging. “I guess it’s a bit big on you. I couldn’t find a blanket and you looked really cold.”
“It’s perfect, thank you,” she said, biting her lip against her emerging grin. In the absence of his favorite hooded sweatshirt, he had a worn leather jacket on. The sleeves covered the injury he had sustained as they fell through the floor in the factory: a long red gash carved into his flesh by one of the splintered floor beams. He smiled at her, Kaylee thought a little awkwardly, and walked to her side. They turned together to watch the horizon.
“I’m not leaving,” he said, his eyes still level on the horizon. There should have been silence, after a statement like that. But amongst the roaming groans of the infected, birds were singing, crickets chirping, Kaylee thought she might have even heard a frog over the frantic beating of her heart.
“But what about—”
“I’ve talked to Quinton. He understands.”
The breath caught in Kaylee’s chest at the realization, the epiphany of what Jack’s words really meant.
I’m not leaving you.
That little word wasn’t there, never said, but his intention couldn’t be doubted. She turned to face him but his gaze was steadily outward, past the apartments and traffic lights and parking garages and tall buildings, past the life he was taking on willingly and into the life he was leaving behind. The highway stretched on; narrowing into a pale, grey point. Beyond that point there were forests and mountains and fields and deserts. Beyond those was Alaska. And there, who knew…
Kaylee wasn’t sure what she could say to Jack, what words could possibly describe just exactly what she was feeling. But, she was determined to try. He wrenched his gaze from the tree line and caught her eye. A grin was tugging up the corner of his mouth, dimpling his right cheek. His eyes were searching hers. And suddenly, she thought she might not have to say anything all that serious anyway.
“You don’t mind, do you?” he asked, smirking now. His hand reached for her, tugged her closer, and she fell into him naturally, bumping into his side with her good hip. She smiled, marveling at just how natural, how right, leaning into him felt.
“Well, I don’t know,” she murmured thoughtfully, watching Jack squinting down at her, the sun adding a glow to his olive tone. “You’re kind of messy.”
“Hmm, I am,” he said through a chuckle. His hand traced the contours of her back, traveling from hip to shoulder in one heart-stopping pass.
“And Quinton’s always complaining that you snore,” Kaylee bit out, losing focus just slightly as his warm, calloused fingers found the skin of her neck.
“True.”
“And you really are annoyingly cocky.” Jack grinned. His fingers ghosted up her neck, rising to tangle in her blonde strands.
“I prefer to call it ‘sure of myself.’”
“And—” Kaylee cut off as Jack turned to face her, both hands now encompassing her neck. His touch was soft but demanding. He tilted her face up to meet his gaze. The intensity of his eyes as they watched her, even through his perpetual grin, made Kaylee’s breath catch.
“And?”
“And you really take way too long to take what you want.”
He laughed once, a short, happy sound before his lips found hers. The kiss was soft, tender, so in contrast to his normal mannerisms but Kaylee wasn’t in any way disappointed. He kissed her carefully, thoroughly, his lips moving achingly slow, as though they were enraptured with discovering her.
Had it ever felt this way before?
She knew the answer immediately. No. Nothing had ever had her feeling so deliciously dizzy and light. Her skin had never raced at anyone else’s touch, never felt heated as fingertips searched the contours of her jaw line.
Sure, there had been a few other kisses, awkward fumbling between classes at school and once an embarrassing game of Spin the Bottle. They were nothing in comparison to this. Every nerve was on fire, every sense heightened. The woodsy aroma, the taste of pine and mint and just a dab of honey, the soft and the firm and the feel of his lips on hers sent her mind reeling. And all she really knew was that her hand found purchase in the worn leather of his jacket, that it was becoming difficult to stand on her own, and that Jack really, truly knew what he was doing.
He pulled away from her, kissing her cheek softly before tucking her into his chest. “You’re okay?” he asked, his voice soft.
“Very.”
He chuckled. “I didn’t think I’d ever be able to do that, not ever again,” he whispered and there was a reverence to his tone that surprised Kaylee. He was normally so happy, so buoyant. Things never seemed that serious when Jack was around, or maybe it was he who didn’t take things seriously. Either way, Kaylee couldn’t miss the opportunity to tease him. Just a bit.
“Quinton not your type?” she asked coyly.
He laughed, loud booming laughter that swept through the rooftop and into the wind.
She pulled away from him to watch him laugh, thrilling in the way his lips curled exposing his white smile, loving the way the skin around his eyes creased, hoping she’d get to see those faint lines deepen into wrinkles as the years went by. His eyes shone down at her, the picture of happiness, of fondness and friendship. She
was laughing too now, not at her jokes but at the wonder of it all, at the sheer miracle of their finding each other. It was irrational and improbable that it should happen, here at the end of every other thing. It was unexpected and slightly frightening and yet wonderful. The life that Kaylee had expected, a life with Andrew, loving but not being in love, just dissolved. Colored chalk in the rain.
He dropped a kiss on her collarbone, just at the junction between shoulder and neck, and her laughter stuttered to a stop as she drew a rapid breath. He smiled into her skin before he found her lips again and Kaylee was once again loss in the absolute thrill of him.
~
The sun had long sunk past the highest point of its’ arc and was inching closer and closer towards the earth before Jack chuckled against Kaylee’s lips and pulled back for the final time, holding her face gently in his hands. His eyes searched hers before he pressed his lips to her forehead. It was a gesture that brought tears to Kaylee’s eyes. She knew what he was saying with that most simple of kisses: I’ll take care of you. To hide her eyes she leant into his chest and his arms came automatically around her. She already felt sheltered from the wind.
“We should get back to Emma,” he whispered into her hair moments later. She nodded against his chest, a little ashamed of herself for not thinking of it first. But Emma was okay; Andrew would be there.
Andrew.
“Do we… erm,” Kaylee stammered, not quite sure how to ask what she wanted. It was all so confusing, this life after civilization. Conventions didn’t really stand. What could they tell the others? Dating seemed like an odd word for it, but calling themselves a couple sounded strange too. Paired-off? Kaylee wrinkled her nose at the wording.
Sounds like mating at the zoo.
“Do we what?” Jack asked, his fingers were playing in her hair, raking through the strands gently.
“I mean, what do we tell the others?” she asked, very sure her face was turning red. But she felt she should know. He was staying and he was staying for her, with her. That meant something; she knew it did. But he hadn’t said the words.
“Well,” he answered and from his tone Kaylee knew he was smiling. “We could get very dramatic and serious and tell them we’re together.”
Together? Together didn’t sound so bad.
“Or,” he continued, pressing his lips to her forehead again. “Or we could just let them work it out for themselves. I’m staying. That says something right there, don’t you think?”
She nodded again, pausing to press her lips experimentally to his chest. He inhaled deeply, sighing, before he pulled her flush with him.
“Quinton’s really leaving?” she asked, partly stalling. Selfish as she felt, she didn’t want to leave the roof just yet.
“He is,” Jack answered, though there was a strange twinge of excitement in his voice that caught Kaylee’s attention. She gazed up at him, eyebrows draw, a small furrow in the center of her forehead, questioning. “Okay, well, just remember that I’m not leaving you. That’s my condition. It’s not that I’m not leaving here, just that I’m not leaving you.”
“What does that have to do with Quinton?”
“He’s been working frantically, now that he knows I won’t leave without you. And with the way things are with Emma now, well, he thinks he’s got a pretty good case for getting your Dad to agree to leave.”
Kaylee watched Jack closely, not quite sure how she felt. She hated to think Emma’s condition would be used to manipulate her father. But then again, maybe leaving this place now, with the help Quinton and Jack would give them, was the best thing for all of them. Either way, was it Kaylee’s place to stop Quinton from trying?
“If he doesn’t go for it,” Jack shrugged, trying for nonchalant, “well, then he doesn’t go for it. I’m still not leaving.”
“But you think he will?” Kaylee asked, attempting to keep a knowing grin from sliding into place. She was learning to read him very well. In this moment, he was confident. A smile tugged at the corners of his lips and his eyes were alight with excitement.
“Tell me, Kaylee. Be honest. Do you want to leave this place?”
“I can’t leave my sister or Dad.”
“That’s not what I asked.”
Kaylee turned her face from his, her bottom lip caught between her teeth. Her eyes flit back to the horizon, to the green meadow and the fluttering trees, and she knew. Yes, she did want to leave. She nodded.
His voice was soft and sure. “Then we’ll just have to find a way to take them with us.”
~
The argument was in full swing when Kaylee and Jack finally made their way to the infirmary. Emma was straining her neck from where she lay to see around Andrew and Anna. Bill was standing in the center of the room, the obvious challenger, while Quinton stood just as opposing in the opposite corner.
“What’s going on, Dad?” Kaylee asked, leaving Jack in the doorway and crossing the room to stand by her sister. She was ignored as Anna cut across her.
“Emma has been very honest with us,” Anna insisted, fingering the gauze restraints while watching Bill and Quinton. “She did tell us when she felt that twitch.”
“But the fact that she felt it at all is what worries me,” Bill grumbled, locking his eyes on Anna. Nick set his teeth, glaring at his friend.
“It wasn’t the infection, Bill,” Anna assured. “Her arm was falling asleep. She's barely sat up in three days.”
“You can’t really know that,” he argued.
“Her hand hasn’t twitched since,” Anna continued, her voice heating now in irritation. Emma stretched out her fingers and held them there, steady as can be. Kaylee had noticed how her sister had developed a tendency to flex her fingers and hold them still. At first, Kaylee knew it was because Emma most feared the onset of that first twitch, now she thought it might just have developed into habit.
"Once the muscular degeneration sets in with APND it’s irreversible. And her eyes haven’t shown any signs of jaundice and she forces herself to stay awake all night long just to prove to you that she’s safe. What more do you want the poor child to do?”
“I still say we can’t be sure,” Bill challenged, his voice rising.
“Who was it that worked with the Red Cross, Bill? Who had access to this kind of information? It wasn’t you!” Kaylee took an involuntary step back, stumbling into Emma’s cot and then sitting on the edge of it, as the normally bright and cheerful Anna yelled. But Kaylee did agree with her. Emma was doing brilliantly. And she had been painfully honest with the whole group. In the end, after several tense moments, it was Emma that convinced Bill and Quinton she was all right.
“I don’t want to be one of them,” she whispered. “I’ll tell you if I have any symptoms. I’ll ask you to kill me myself. I’m not going to live like they do.”
Bill faltered but Quinton locked eyes with Emma and nodded in agreement. Anna and Jack watched the exchange with understanding in their eyes as Nick, Kaylee, and Andrew all jumped up in protest.
“Nobody is shooting her!” Nick roared, flying from the wall and standing inches from Quinton’s face, his body creating a barrier between Emma and Quinton. Kaylee reached down to squeeze Emma’s hand, both in reassurance and in warning to keep her mouth shut. Quinton hadn’t moved an inch; his expression remained as relaxed as before. “I’ll kill you myself if you even so much as—”
“I’m not a murderer,” Quinton interrupted coolly. “But if she is infected and she asks—”
“No,” Andrew growled, coming to stand beside Nick. Kaylee had not noticed until that moment just how tall Andrew had grown. He was now taller than her father, his shoulders just as broad. They were an imposing sight.
“We shouldn’t even be discussing this,” Anna said, her voice cracking slightly. “I’m removing the restraints. We’ll see from there.”
Nobody argued as Anna bent to untie Emma, though every eye was on her. Emma whispered her thanks as Anna helped her to sit up and one by one ev
ery spectator but Kaylee and Andrew filtered out of the room.
~
On Anna’s suggestion, Kaylee officially moved into the infirmary. Despite allowing Anna to untie Emma in the end, Bill was still clearly not okay with it. He had grumbled to Quinton that Emma could turn in the middle of the night, kill Kaylee and then wander down the stairs to the next room, his, and do the same. Anna had overheard and went off on him again, really yelling this time. In the end, she said she would just keep Emma with her.
“That way, when she gets hungry, you won’t have to worry. I’ll be there instead,” she jeered. Emma had laughed nervously but Kaylee just felt nauseated. She wasn’t worried that Emma was in danger any longer. It had been four days. Even when the infection first started to spread, at least one symptom was always visible by four days. She had no problem with the thought of sharing a room with her sister. Oddly enough, she did have a problem with sleeping alone. So when Anna suggested all three of them share the infirmary, which was more than big enough, she gladly agreed.
And she was happy she did too. That first morning she woke up in her new room, she had rolled right out of bed and got down on the floor. She had no idea how to do what she wanted to do but she knew why she had to, ever since her sprint from the infected with Jack there had been a niggling worry in the back of her mind. Emma being bitten and her father’s reaction and, well, everything to do with Jack had eclipsed it for a while. But that morning, it could no longer be ignored. Kaylee needed exercise.
“What’re doing?” Emma sniggered, her voice raspy from sleep.
“Sit-ups,” Kaylee replied, crossing her good arm over her injured arm on her chest and straining her upper body upwards.
“Why?” Emma snorted through a laugh. But instead of answering, Kaylee concentrated on her breathing. It was already coming harder. She noticed Anna prop herself up on her elbow to watch. Instead of mocking her, like her sister was, Anna slipped out of bed and dropped to the floor next to Kaylee.
