by Fitch, E. M.
"Emma!" Anna cried out, racing for the fence, slamming into it as though she wanted to magically pass right through. Emma laughed, the tears that were threatening before falling now. She turned from them, wiping her eyes on her sleeve. The chain link shook as someone climbed over and she looked up, finding her sister there, beaming at her.
Kaylee pulled her into an embrace, holding her tighter than she could ever remember being held. Their jackets were bulky, smelling of dust and dead leaves, Emma's still had the faint whiff of the soap she used last night. Kaylee's grip left no space between them. Every muscles in Emma's body stiffened in protest though Kaylee didn't seem to notice. She held Emma like she wasn't dirty, contaminated, even rested her smiling lips against her sister's hair. A small part of Emma broke apart like a young child and she let herself cling to her sister as the others climbed over the fence.
It wasn't until Kaylee let her go that Andrew spoke. "Is my dad here?”
Emma felt her eyes widen. She saw Jack tense. "He isn't with you?" she asked, stepping away from Kaylee and towards Andrew. Something shifted behind Andrew's eyes and she knew, no, Bill was gone.
"We haven't, not since-" Andrew stuttered and then stopped, clearing his throat. Emma stopped just in front of him, her hand reaching forward. She pulled it back before she touched him, balling her fist.
"Andrew," she whispered, "I'm so sorry.”
He nodded into the following silence, clearing his throat a few more times before he looked up again. He looked a little broken, haunted. He took a deep breath, resolving himself to this new reality, the world without his father. After a moment he looked up at Emma, a question brewing in his eyes. He held her bag in one hand, Emma just noticed.
"Are we going somewhere?"
~
They did not take the news of Emma's running away well. That warm smile from Andrew, the glow in her sister's eyes, it all vanished when she explained to them. It was just as she had imagined them when she was missing them both, smiling faces morphing into familiar ones of frustration and annoyance. She had almost laughed. But it wasn't at all funny.
Jack wasn't helpful. "I told you so," he muttered like a four-year-old, leaning against a boulder nearby. Anna grimaced, shaking her head, while Andrew and Kaylee exploded.
"This is what we were looking for, why we left the city!" Kaylee shouted. "We wanted to find a safe place to live, a place for all of us to live. That was the plan all along, you knew that.”
"We only said that to get Dad to leave Mom," Emma said. She tried to keep her tone gentle, knowing the words would hurt her sister. "We know there isn't really a cure. No one can fix this for me.”
"And if you're not infected?" Andrew asked. "If you really are immune, you'd be isolating yourself for what? Nothing at all. You want to live like that? All alone, forever?”
"Andrew, don't be naive!”
"I'm naive?" he burst out. "You have no idea what's even going on with you and you're running away instead of trying to figure it out!”
"Figure it out? How, exactly?" Emma spat. "Should I stick my tongue down the throat of the next bad guy I meet and sentence him to death? Wasn't killing those three girls enough?”
"You don't know you did that!”
Emma couldn't force them to see reason, just as she always knew she wouldn't be able to. She explained in shaky tones why she was leaving, how she couldn't be trusted in the closed confines of the camp, how people touched her constantly, innocent brushes that had her jolting away. She hated it, she feared it. She told them about the girls who had been infected. They didn't understand. Quinton had understood. If he was here, he'd have some answer, some way to make them see. But he was gone, just like her mother, father, even Andrew's father now. Any one of them could be gone at any moment. And it seemed as though that moment would only come faster if Emma stuck around. She eventually fell silent, realizing the futility of taking on Andrew and Kaylee alone. She nodded along with them, appeasing them though she didn't think she was fooling anyone. Anna was the least argumentative. There was a quiet understanding in her eyes. Emma threw one wry grin in her direction and the thoughtful smile sent back towards her confirmed it. At least Anna understood. Jack stayed silent. He didn't speak again until the sky lightened to a pale yellow.
"It's snowing," he murmured. Small flakes had started to break past the dead branches that strung out overhead. Emma looked up just as a puff of snow landed on her cheek, it melted on contact, leaving a small patch of moisture just under her eye.
"Well, that settles it," Kaylee said smugly. "You can't go in the snow.”
"And we'd just follow your tracks anyway," Andrew added.
A well of misery rose of in Emma's chest. Even as Jack had followed her that morning, she had been focused on visions of herself alone, longing for the peace and serenity of not having to worry every minute. She wanted to leave the fear of her own infection behind her. She sucked in a deep breath and turned away, not willing to let them see it. But she whipped back around at Jack's next words.
"There's another way," he said softly, almost apologetically. "I'm sorry, Em, but you know I'm right.”
He explained about the camp, about the dorms and the expectations placed on the group members. He very sheepishly explained to Kaylee about claiming her as his wife. Emma looked up at that to see the pleased shock that flashed on her sister's face followed by a blush that tinged her pale cheeks pink. Kaylee was happy about it. That was good. It was the next part that made Emma's skin crawl.
"So if I say we're married, she wouldn't be put back in the dorms?" Andrew asked, catching on quickly. Jack nodded as Emma seethed. "So problem solved then.”
It was his casual acceptance, the indifferent way he shrugged his shoulders as though this was no big deal, that pretending to be married was just commonplace, that made her snap. She could feel the muscle in her jaw straining as she grit her teeth but she couldn't force her body to relax.
"No, the problem is not solved!" she spat. Andrew's eyebrows rose and he finally looked at her. "What is the matter with you? Do you realize what you're doing? Look over there! Look!”
She pointed towards the camp, towards the cabins and homes filled with non-infected humans. Andrew's eye reluctantly left her, following the path over the fences towards the camp. Even from here, the faint wisps of smoke could be seen and smelled.
"People," she whispered in a rush. "There are people there, through those trees. Men and women and boys and girls. There could be someone for you there. Someone you could be with. I'm not taking that away from you.”
"It's not up to you," Andrew replied coldly, his gaze shifting from the trees to her face. "It's safer for you. I'll decide what I can live with.”
"But I don't get to decide what I can live with?”
"It doesn't mean it's permanent, Em," Kaylee said, a hint of exasperation leaking into her tone.
“But-"
"No, enough!" Andrew yelled. Emma jumped, stepping back from Andrew. "We all just found each other again. It's snowing. You can't leave now even if you wanted to, which you obviously do. You can't live in the dorms because you're convinced you're infecting people just by breathing on them. So it's this. We're married. We'll act like we love each other. We'll put on a damn good show. We'll keep you safe and that's that!”
A spasm of pain shot across Emma's face at his words.
"Which way?" Andrew asked roughly, turning to face Jack. He jerked his head towards the camp, indicating the direction. Andrew took off without a backwards look, Emma's bag still gripped in his fingers. Snow was already gathering on his shoulders and in his hair.
"Well," Jack said uncertainly, rocking back on his heels. "That's settled then.”
Emma shot him a nasty look and then strode off, heading in the direction of the camp but keeping her distance from Andrew. She could just hear her sister's admonishment from behind her, her voice cutting through the soft snow.
"It's no use, Kay," Anna added after Kaylee finishing sc
olding Jack. "They will never get it. Must be in their genes or something."
~
Andrew's footsteps slowed ahead of her and Emma slowed hers to match, keeping his back just far enough ahead to watch without actually interacting with him. Every part of her was humming, subtle vibrations that shook her. If she didn't know any better, wasn't sure it was her own mind breaking apart under the combined elation, terror, and frustration of having them back, she may have thought the infection had finally taken its hold on her. But it was clear enough, that it was really the war between anger and joy that was shaking her.
They were alive. Not all of them. Bill was gone, dead or possibly just missing. But Kaylee was here, Anna, Andrew.
Andrew was alive.
"You can't just avoid me or this is never going to work," Andrew said. Emma looked up and caught his eye, he had turned and was waiting for her in the falling snow. His voice was colder than Emma liked and she frowned. Snow was coming faster now. Already the fallen leaves were covered in a light dusting. Breakfast was probably being served and if Emma and Jack didn't get back soon, their work detail would miss them. Andrew stood firm, waiting her out. The rest had been behind them, picking their way through more carefully than either of the teenagers stomping ahead. Kaylee and Anna were probably catching Jack up with everything they had missed. Maybe Jack was telling them about the camp. Emma and Andrew should really be with them, but they needed this moment, Emma was loath to realize, to work out how they needed to behave around each other.
"I'm really glad you're alive," Emma whispered, surprising herself. Andrew's eyebrows rose.
“Em-"
"Oh, I'm sorry," Emma continued following a deep breath, "we're supposed to be acting like we're in love, aren't we?”
"I know it's been a while," Andrew said softly. "I know it makes you uncomfortable to be close to anyone. But we have to act as though we like each other, at least.”
"Says who?" Emma said, lifting her chin. "I thought married people were supposed to fight all the time?”
"After not seeing each other for weeks?" Andrew said, his voice harder now. "After thinking the other was dead? That's how you imagine people who love each other would act?”
"Well, I care about you and just look how you're acting," Emma said with a shrug.
"I'm not the one running away here, Emma," Andrew said, cutting straight to the point. He stepped forward and instinctively, she backed away. "Maybe I've never said the words, but I think I've been pretty clear with how I feel about you.”
"Andrew, stop it," she breathed. He froze on the spot, though it wasn't just his physical advance she meant. "This is insane, you know we can’t-”
"Can't what?" he challenged. "I haven't asked you for anything at all, expect maybe to stop hiding from me. I'm not pushing-“
"You are pushing.”
"All right, maybe I am. But not for anything you can't give me," he insisted. "It's always there though, isn't it, in the back of that stubborn head of yours?”
"What is?”
"Leaving me," he said. "You're planning it, always."
Emma swallowed roughly. Her tongue dart out in a nervous gesture to run along her lower lip, the warmth lasting only a moment before the cold air stung. She couldn't deny it.
"Don't," he continued, the words strangled. "I lost Dad, don't you leave me, too.”
"That's not fair," she whispered. Her eyes had that annoying burning feeling again and she tilted her head back, white flakes swirled down passed the trees from a dull sky. The leaves crunched underfoot as he moved forward.
Warm fingers reached for her and she tensed as his skin brushed hers. She let him take her hand, hoping that would be enough, that he wouldn't push for more. Already her chest ached, the intensity of the simple contact almost too much after weeks of nothing.
"I'm here now, like it or not," he said gently, ignoring her as she huffed. "And you can't go back to living in the dorms. Stay with me, please. If you're right, if you're infected and it's dangerous to others, I'll leave with you.”
"The point is to be alone," she muttered, unable to meet his eye.
"We've been with you since it happened and none of us have gotten infected," he argued. "I think I can handle myself. Besides, I've said all along, I don't think you are infected, just immune.”
"If you had seen those women-“
"Immune, not infected," Andrew interrupted firmly. "Someday, I may even test it out for you.”
She ripped her hand out of his grasp and strongly considered slapping him in the face. But the warmth in his eyes deterred her.
"That's not funny," she muttered, stepping passed him.
"Ah, well," he answered, falling into step with her. "We're married now, you're stuck with me. 'Til death do us part.”
"I never agreed to that," Emma said, tensing as he grabbed for her hand again. "Besides, that's what I'm worried about.”
"Don't be," he said smoothly, giving a small, encouraging squeeze of his fingers.
"Don't be afraid I'm going to kill you? Too late. Though at this point it may not be the infection. I may just strangle you to death.”
"Don't be afraid of death at all," he clarified, ignoring her jibes. He ducked under a low hanging branch and she did the same. "It's pointless, like being afraid of aging or your hair growing longer. It's going to happen, it happens to everyone.”
"I would say being afraid of death is very much the point. Isn't that what we're doing? Avoiding it at all costs?”
"I guess," he allowed with a shrug. "But it's still going to get us, in the end. I think that's the problem with the world, then and now, people are so afraid of dying that they forget the most important part.”
"Which is?”
"Living well," he answered simply. "Being kind, and trying your absolute best to be a good person. What good is life if the only thing you care about is making it last as long as possible? Live a good life, and when it ends, you won't be sorry. At least, I won't be. And I doubt my Dad is either.”
"He might not be dead.”
"I might never know.”
Emma had no answer to this and Andrew wouldn't release the pressure on her hand. She tolerated it for the short walk to the square, allowing him to take her hand again after each fence they jumped. When they got to the outside of the square, the rest of the group joined them. Anna sidled up close to Emma and rest her head on her shoulder as they moved forward.
It was a dangerous, intoxicating feeling, the feeling of warmth and connection. It wouldn't last forever, she accepted that. Andrew's firm grip on her hand, the love that shone from her sister's face as she caught her eye. Even as Anna squeezed her around the middle and told her how much she missed her, even as she said the words back and meant them with all her heart, Emma knew, this couldn't be hers forever.
Chapter Fifteen
The New North America adopted Kaylee and the rest without hesitation, just as they had with Emma and Jack. They met with the Council, were given a brief introduction to the camp. Emma and Jack were given the day off of work detail to orient the newcomers. They spent most of the day walking by the lake, watching women ring steaming clothes out of giant heated pots. Kaylee felt their eyes on her more than once, probably trying to assess her arm strength through her bulky jacket.
She did wonder what job she would be offered, if she'd have a choice. She didn't really care, though she thought fleetingly she would like to work with someone she knew. As quickly as it had come, she tried to dismiss the thought. Anna would work with the medical staff, that was obvious. Jack and Emma were already set up building fences. Knowing Andrew, he would probably join them. But it didn't really matter if Kaylee were right alongside them or not. It was different here. They wanted it to be different, like it used to be. In that past world, that distant memory, people didn't work together because they knew each other. They worked together because they shared a passion, or knowledge, or skill. It was time for Kaylee to find something like that of her ow
n.
She kept Jack's hand in hers throughout the day. In some ways, it seemed as though no time had passed at all. Jack gazed down at her with the adorable look, a mix of love and longing. He pulled her close, still smelling of pine and rain and honey, though it had shifted now, tasting sharper in the cold, winter air. Every time his lips brushed hers, it was as though they had never been separated. But when he'd pull back and another story of him and Emma would emerge, when Andrew told them about the ambush at the Walmart, or Anna recounted their time with the Squatters, she was reminded forcefully that they had been apart.
It was Emma who finally asked what had taken them so long, why it was longer than a week after the explosion that Kaylee and the rest finally found them. Kaylee felt her chest seize when her little sister asked, looking at her with a crease between her eyebrows. It was Anna who explained. In a low voice, she told the rest about stealing the jeep, about the man Kaylee killed. When Anna said it, she softened it, made it seem not as bad. But it was bad. Every joint in Kaylee's body felt stiff, her shoulders hunching involuntarily. She could barely make eye contact with anyone, least of all Emma and Jack, both of whom she loved more than anything and both of whom were hearing what she was truly capable of for the first time.
Neither flinched. Emma sucked in a small breath but seemed more interested in what happened afterwards. Jack's pressure on her fingers never lessened.
They hadn't counted on being followed. Which was, Kaylee had realized quickly, stupid. They had thought the Circle would be too busy moving out, too focused on the next phase of their survival, to miss a few people and the jeep they stole.
Of course, they hadn't counted on murdering someone to get away.
It was bad enough that they beat Jim into submission, but hitting that man (Kaylee didn't even know his name and still felt sick for it) had been the final nail in their coffin. The Circle wouldn't give them up for lost now.
And especially, it seemed, because they were heading North. Patricia and Michael seemed most afraid someone would run to a large group, just as Kaylee and the rest had.
