by Nicole Thorn
I gazed at her soft face as I stood straight and went to leave. But before I went, I decided I needed to do one more thing. I bent down and put my lips to her forehead.
“I love you,” I whispered, and crawled back out the window.
Chapter Twenty-Nine: Deliverance
Anastasia
I woke up late, alone, and in my bed. I decided that Ezra must have brought me back. I didn’t remember falling asleep, but I remembered all of the stories he told me.
I sat up, and saw the jacket. A silent tear left me as I held the jacket to my face, taking in the scent. It felt like he was in the room with me.
I showered quickly in hopes that the hot water would push away the bad thoughts.
It didn’t.
I went back to my room, then sat on my bed. I wasn’t in the mood for socializing with Poppy and Oswald. They wouldn’t mind the time alone.
My thoughts went from Ezra to what Lucifer told me. I hadn’t stopped worrying about it since he said the words. Either I died, or Ezra did. I couldn’t let Ezra die for me. I loved him too much.
The decision started poking at me last night when I walked to the pond. I ignored it until Ezra kissed me and I knew we didn’t have any hope left.
I couldn’t let him kill me. I wouldn’t add that pain to his already heavy heart. It would already hurt when I died again. He didn’t need to be the one to do it.
I couldn’t go yet. Not without a goodbye. I needed Ezra to know just how much I loved him. That I would love him for the rest of eternity, no matter where I went. Nothing could change that.
A light tapping sounded on my door, and I assumed it Poppy wanted to invite me out to a late lunch. But when I opened it, there was no one there.
I closed the door, and my knee brushed up against something soft. I looked down and saw a blood red sundress hanging off of my doorknob with a note pinned to it.
Always hope against hope
-L
Maybe I should be more worried that the Devil got me a dress. But I’m a dead girl, so what do I have to lose?
I put the dress on, and stood in my bedroom, unsure of what to do next. Would there be another note? Maybe skywriting.
I turned to start pacing and my eyes fell on the jacket. His jacket. I needed it on. I just wanted to feel close to him. I picked it up and pushed my arms through the sleeves.
When I looked up, I wasn’t in my room anymore. I stood in a hall, and stared at Ezra’s door. My hand went to the doorknob and it lingered before I got the courage to turn it. Slowly, it swung open.
Ezra sat on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands and his foot tapped. When I closed the door behind me, he looked up. The worry he had changed when he saw me.
We met in the middle of the room and our eyes locked. We didn’t speak. I pulled his face down to mine and wrapped my arms around his neck, getting on my tiptoes to reach.
Ezra lifted me up by the back of my legs and brought me over to the bed without hesitation. Too much waiting. He laid me down under him and rocked against my hips once. I let out a desperate sound. He smiled
After I took my jacket off, I tugged at the bottom of Ezra’s shirt and he moved back so I could pull it over his head. It hit the floor and his face came back to mine. I got his pants off without having to break away again.
He laid me flat on my back and pressed his lips to my neck, then shoulder. His hand went halfway down my shoulder, and then behind my back. I moved up, so he could pull the zipper down.
I laid flat again, and Ezra pulled the thin shoulder strap down. His mouth came down on my bare breast. Slowly, he moved down until he found what he looked for. He dragged his tongue around the tip of my breast.
My fingers knotted in his hair as I tried to stay quiet. I bit down on my bottom lip and Ezra stopped, hovering his face over mine. He looked so at peace. He kissed me for a few seconds before he yanked my dress over my head. When he kissed me again, I pulled his boxers off.
The only thing left that kept us apart was a lacey black piece of fabric. He pulled it down my legs and off of me unceremoniously. I tried pulling his hips down to me, but Ezra hesitated.
He put his lips back to mine and I felt electricity on his tongue. His hand slowly slid down my breast and stomach before going lower. His hand went between my legs and I whimpered desperately against his mouth when he started touching me.
All of this, and it still didn’t feel like enough. I needed more of him than he gave me.
He moved back, and his lips traveled my body. He kissed where my heart used to be, making his way down. Ezra stopped at my stomach for a couple seconds before continuing.
He moved lower on the bed, pulling one of my legs up and over. His mouth lingered on my inner thigh and I sighed at the sweet torture. He purposely took his time on everything, drawing it out while I went insane under him.
Finally, Ezra’s mouth moved again, and I gasped when his tongue touched me. He moved it around the sensitive skin, and I grasped the bed sheets. His nails dug into my thigh and I moaned. My fingers combed through Ezra’s hair, my eyes closing.
I panted and moaned when I lost the control not to. The pleasure reached its peak, and I called out his name.
Ezra moved back on top of me and hooked my leg around his waist.
My chest rose and fell fast as I waited in anticipation for him to satisfy the desperate need. I felt his heart beating against my chest and it almost felt like my own beat with his.
He looked almost overwhelmed. His eyes filled with nervousness, happiness, love. A million other things.
My fingertips went to his cheek and he lowered his lips to mine. Ezra moved his hips against mine, pushing inside of me. I gasped at the pain and pleasure.
I put the small amount of discomfort to the back of my mind and reveled in the fact that I had him so close to me. It was finally enough. I felt like I had all of him. His body and his heart.
Ezra slowly rocked against me. His eyes searched mine for any sign of pain or it being too much. I gave him none.
I moved my hips with his and the pain went away. I relaxed more, and he moved a little faster. I moved my legs further apart as a silent plea for more of him.
I got it.
My breaths became more uneven as he went on and on and on. His lips would periodically find mine before moving to other parts of me. When his attention and mouth went back to my breast, I climaxed.
He couldn’t help but notice. Ezra held himself up with his arms on either side of me on the bed. He rocked into me harder, and I wrapped my legs around him.
My moans got louder the faster he went, and my hands gripped his back as I tried to hold him closer. I wanted him to feel me wanting him. I needed him to know how much I needed him. He was everything.
His body felt like fire against mine, and then I couldn’t take it anymore. When I desperately panted his name, spent, he came without leaving me.
Ezra stared down at me, and he had a weak smile on his lips. He looked as desperate for me as I felt for him. I didn’t know how long we stared at each other, but it felt timeless.
He moved off of me and collapsed. I closed my eyes as I tried to catch my breath. I felt electric and alive. More than alive. Even before, I’d never felt anything like this. Every part of me had been set on fire and I loved the feeling.
Ezra put his head on my chest and his hand on my stomach. His eyelashes brushed against my skin as he blinked.
“So, what brings you by?” he asked, and I started laughing. He joined me, the rumble in his chest vibrating against me.
“Just wanted to say hi. I was in the neighborhood.”
“Ah. Well, did I give you a proper hello?”
I laughed again. “A few actually.”
He flipped us so that I laid on him. His hand moved up and down my back like mine did with him.
It was over now. Time to go. But I was greedy, and I wanted more time with him. Just a few more hours.
My sweat-dampened hair starte
d to bother me, so I said, “I think I need a shower.”
“Hmm. That sounds like a good idea.” Ezra swept me up and brought me to the bathroom.
After our shower, we both dressed and sat on his bed. He wouldn’t let me be more than two feet away from him at any given time. It was sweet and painful. I felt evil for what I planned on doing to him.
“Are you hungry?” he asked me.
I shrugged. “Sure.”
Ezra made a call and ordered us pizza, since neither of us wanted to go out. He ordered an obnoxious amount of food and I had to keep myself from laughing, when he kept adding to the order.
“And a cookie,” he said a few seconds before he hung up. He set his phone down and came back to bed.
Without warning, he rolled on top of me. He pulled my legs around him and said, “I almost wish that the thirty minutes or less thing didn’t exist. Not nearly enough time for me.”
“Trust me. I know.”
He dipped his head down and buried his face in my neck.
It didn’t feel fair. I only got a few hours of happiness, and I could hardly enjoy it. I could see the sword hanging over my head just waiting to drop on me.
The food arrived early, and Ezra seemed annoyed. We stayed on the bed. The buffet of junk food was a nice last meal. We split the giant cookie, and I could only eat two more pieces of pizza after that.
After we were finished eating, I cleared the bed from the leftover food, and pulled me to him.
My fingers tapped on his chest as my eyes drooped.
“Tired, Pet?” Ezra asked when he noticed.
I didn’t open my now closed eyes. “No.”
“You can sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up. Forever, I’ll be here for you.”
As sleep took me, I thought of how my forever would be cut short when I woke up again.
***
My eyes blinked open, and I felt Ezra’s arm lightly draped around me, like he just wanted to feel me with him.
“Ezra?” I whispered his name and got no response. He must have fallen asleep too.
Good. This would be easier if he didn’t have to watch me die.
I slowly got out of bed and turned back to look at him. His eyes were closed, and he looked peaceful. I wouldn’t get a goodbye, but that was all right. He’d wake up, and I’d just be gone. A clean break.
I moved to the dresser where his dagger laid. My hand touched the hole in the wood from where he’s stabbed the wood. I hurt him so badly that he couldn’t handle his rage.
What would he do now? I’d just left his home before. Now I would leave the land of the living. I’d never know what became of him. If he would get to move on. Or if he would fold, and become the man I met, only colder and emptier.
I needed his dagger for this. I couldn’t leave behind a body for him to find. And God knew he’d look. He wouldn’t believe I died until he had proof.
I gave a moment of thought to dying somewhere the police could find me, only so my parents could have some closure, but that wasn’t an option. I died more than six months ago. My body would look fresh, and who knew what kind of problems that would cause.
That left me with a dagger to stab myself with. Then my body would turn to ash. Nothing left behind to cry over.
I slowly reached for the dagger and held it in my hands. I looked at the sharp edge as I gathered the courage to send it in to my body.
Chapter Thirty: Despair
Ezra
She’s mine.
There was no other option. I had to keep her forever. I didn’t care what my consequences would be. Nothing seemed too high a price for what I got in return.
I could run with Anna.
Hide.
I’d keep her safe forever.
I should have known the whole time that I would never kill her. The decision had been made long ago. I could make a life for us. We’d be happy.
I woke up and felt the spot next to me. Cold and empty. Anna must have gotten up for something. I sat up. She stood by my dresser, holding my dagger to her chest.
“Anna!” I shot out of bed, and she backed away from me.
Her eyes looked so sad as she held her hand out to keep me away. “You were supposed to stay asleep.” More sadness leaked out of her voice. Pure despair.
“What the Hell are you doing?”
She blinked slowly and said, “You know what I’m doing. I have to do it, so you don’t have to. There isn’t another way.”
“There is. Don’t do this. Please.”
“No.” She shook her head. “It’s you or me in this situation, right? You know the choice I’ll make. It isn’t even a choice. If you don’t do it, they’ll just send somebody else.”
“No. I’m not letting this happen. We can run. I know how to hide. I’ve spent lifetimes finding people who hide.”
“And they are always found. That’s not a life I want for you. I don’t want you in Hell because you wanted to keep me. I’ll die eventually. I’ll get old, and you’ll suffer for eternity for fifty years with me.”
“I don’t care. I’d do it for far less.” I slowly walked over to her, and Anna didn’t tell me not to. I thought about grabbing the dagger from her. I could stop her, but that wouldn’t keep her from trying again. I needed to convince Anna to stay with me. “There is nothing I wouldn’t give up for you, Anna.”
“I feel the same about you. And that’s why I have to do this.”
I dropped to my knees in front of her. I put my head against her hip and felt tears escaping me. They burned my eyes as the rest of me burned. I didn’t think I’d cried in more than two centuries.
“Please,” I begged. “Don’t leave me. Not again. I can’t—I won’t survive it. Please. Please.” I held her legs tightly in my hands as I willed her to stay with me.
She put her hand on my head, and her voice sounded tearful. “Ezra, you know I can’t stay here. I would.” She got down on her knees with me and our eyes met. Both sets watering uncontrollably. “I would. I’d stay with you until the world stopped turning, but not if it means that you’ll suffer for it.”
“I’ll suffer if you leave me.”
She held back a choking sob. “You lived without me for three hundred years. You can do it again.”
“You can’t believe that it would be the same. That I would even want to try and live.”
“You survived last time,” she said, low.
How could she compare this to before? It wasn’t the same in any way. I didn’t love Anne the same. I’d take that pain a million times over. Relive it every day for another three hundred years to spare myself this.
“I don’t want to survive this, Anna. I don’t want to try. It’s pointless.”
“You have to try. Please.” Her hand held my face. “You need to be happy.”
“Happiness doesn’t exist without you. You can’t go.”
My head went mad with the thoughts that wanted to rule me. In my head, I prayed. I begged. I pleaded and bargained.
“It’s okay,” she whispered and tried to smile. “I got a second chance to say goodbye. I got to be alive a little longer. I had you. You brought me to life. More than anything else ever could, even when I was human. You are the only thing that could ever do that for me.”
“Then let me keep making you feel alive. If you die, I die. Everything I am, everything you made me, it dies with you.”
“Don’t let it.”
I dropped my head as the tears continued to leave me like every ounce of sorrow tried to leave my body through my eyes.
“Please,” I sobbed and pleaded. “You can’t leave me again. Not again. Please. Not again,” I repeated over and over. “I can’t keep going without you. How am I supposed to survive with you gone? You can’t ask me to try.”
Anna tilted my head up. When I saw her face, she looked so calm. My hands shook from fear. “Close your eyes,” she told me.
I kept them open until she softly put her lips on mine. Her hand rested on the side o
f my face as she kissed me.
Anna whimpered in pain, falling away from me. I looked down and saw my dagger in her stomach. Blood poured out of her like a faucet, spilling on her already red dress, making it darker. She pulled the dagger out and fell to the side.
“Anna!” I put my hand on the wound, trying to keep the blood in her. “Please,” I sobbed. “Please don’t die. Don’t leave me.”
I pulled her onto my lap.
“It’s… it’s okay… it doesn’t hurt,” she breathed shallowly.
“It is not okay,” I cried. “Just stay awake. Stay with me, Anna.”
“Shh.” She reached up and brushed my face. “I… I promise that I’ll love you… forever. No matter where… where I am. Or where you are… I love you.” She closed her eyes.
“No! Anna,” I said her name a million times as I sobbed for her to stay.
I watched her chest stop moving, and she turned to ash on me. I panicked, my hands going to the floor covered in her ashes. “Come back,” I cried, making a sound I’d never heard before. “Please, come back…”
I couldn’t breathe and my whole body shook as I went into shock. My heart beat so fast that it hurt. My only hope was that my body would show mercy on me and my heart would stop all together. If I died, then I could be with her again.
I fell from my knees, onto my back. I saw the concrete ceiling above me and prayed that it would collapse. That it would crush my body so that I could make this official. I wanted it to hurt.
My life ended when hers did.
I closed my eyes and prayed again. I prayed for my body to catch up to my decision. I couldn’t believe she was gone. The pain of the entire thing swallowed me, but somehow the rest wouldn’t click. Nothing left behind for me to mourn and that made it not real. Not real. Anna would come back. She had to, because she said she loved me. Everything in my soul had been connected by those few words. Gone, gone, gone. No more Anna, and somehow my body was cruel enough to let me keep going. I’d prepared for this moment since I started seeing her as a person, and it had been nothing like how I thought it would be.
