His voice sounded just a tad resentful, but he was right. It would have been worse if he was waiting outside my apartment. I didn’t know any of my neighbors personally, but I didn't want them to talk, and what if they had ties to the school that I didn’t know about? Having one person know and blackmail me over our little secret was more than enough.
“What are you doing?” I asked, feeling resigned. “Don’t even think about staying, Ben. You need to leave, now.”
I walked forward. I didn’t know what I was going to do. Ben was bigger and heavier than me, so it wasn’t like I could drag him out, but I wasn’t quite ready to face him yet. I couldn’t just tell him that we couldn’t keep seeing each other, I could feel my throat start to ache at just the thought of telling him, so I kept my mouth shut on the matter. Seeing him wouldn’t make things any easier for me, though.
Then, I noticed what he was looking at.
“Ben! What the hell!”
My computer had a password, and while it was something completely simple, so I wouldn’t forget, I didn’t know how Ben managed to unlock it. I didn’t give him the password, and it was impossible that he would know me so well after only a few weeks together, when we spent most of our time rolling in between, or on top of, the sheets.
Was it a lucky guess?
Anyway, the problem was that I noticed he’d opened a document on my computer. He was reading chapters from my book.
He shrugged his shoulders, unconcerned. “I got bored waiting for you; then I remembered you saying you’d written a book and it was in your computer. I wanted to take a look, and I guessed your password.”
“Even if you guessed it, it’s still a breach of privacy! You didn’t ask before deciding to read it!”
I pressed the laptop closed, and his eyes widened. His relaxed body suddenly stiffened, and only then did he seem to realize that he might have done something wrong.
“I’m sorry for just coming in and making myself at home, but you weren’t replying to me, and I didn’t know what went wrong. Did I do something to annoy you?”
I looked at his slightly frowning face. He was confused, wondering why I’d changed all of a sudden. I felt helpless, and in the next moment, I felt a little angry.
If he hadn't sent that text to me by accident, if he had just ignored it when we both found out who was on the other end of the phone, then I wouldn’t have to deal with any of this right now.
“Leave,” I muttered, body trembling. “Get the fuck out, Ben. I don’t want to deal with you right now. Also, you should stop showing up at my place when you feel like it. This is my home, not yours.”
Ben looked startled. He slowly stood up and took a step toward me, but I quickly backed up, and he froze.
“Angela? What is it?”
I felt like crying, but I covered it up with a sneer. “None of this has anything to do with you. My life is none of your business, Ben. You’re just my student, and I should never have allowed things to get beyond that.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” He said, sounding agitated. He took another step closer, and I backed away again. It seemed to make him angry. “Everything was just fine after last weekend, so what the hell is this? Angela, tell me you’re joking right now.”
“This isn’t funny, though. You’re too young for me in the first place.”
“I’m still an adult,” he countered, a note of desperation in his voice now.
I scoffed, although I really wanted to make the hurt in his eyes go away. I had to end this, because of our parents, because of his ex-girlfriend, for my future. The pained confusion in his eyes tore a hole in my soul, but I couldn’t stop. I had to make him hurt so much he wouldn’t come back.
“Yeah, but you’re what, around twenty-one? So, you just became legal to drink alcohol this year, right? Well, I’m thirty-five, that’s a fourteen-year difference, Ben. And you’re not my type, to begin with. The only reason I went along with you was that I didn’t want you to report me to the school!”
That seemed to affect him, his whole body went still as his eyes widened. He stared at me for the longest moment, and as I panted lightly for breath, I felt regret and the hole grow bigger. He didn’t give me a chance to do anything about it.
“If that’s what you feel, then fine,” he muttered, eyebrows coming down in a frown. “Don’t worry, professor. I promised not to tell anyone, so I won't. I won't be bothering you, either.”
He sneered at me, then headed for the door. I watched him walk out of my bedroom, and suddenly, my legs felt weak. I moved over to the bed before shakily falling on top of it. I wanted to just disappear and forget the pain that felt as if it would tear me apart.
<><>
Long empty days filled with anxiety, regret, and pain passed by with no relief in sight. Nothing helped, and all I wanted to do was call Ben back and apologize, to beg him to come back to me. I stopped one day and thought, I can't do this anymore, I can’t take it.
After thinking it over, I went to the Dean to explain that my aunt was sick, and I wanted to take some time off so I could go visit her. It was a total lie, but he didn’t need to know the truth. After getting permission, I left the school.
Ben tried to call and left me a few messages. I did listen to the voicemails, apologies for the argument, for breaking into my apartment and intruding on my privacy. He asked me to call him back, but I didn’t.
Then, I got a text, and it had me shaking with confused emotions and indecision.
“I know about your dad; it’s not an issue. Please, talk to me.”
I stared at the words for a long moment but went back to ignoring him. I went back to ignoring my own wishes.
Chapter Twenty
Angela
I woke up, feeling disoriented for a moment. I’d dreamed I was back in my apartment and Ben’s arms, but no. I remembered I was in a hotel back in LA, where I lived with my ex-husband.
Slipping out of bed, I went to the shower. I’d left New York a while ago, and without letting anyone know where I was going. Ben still sent me messages, and so did Dad, but I didn’t let either of them know where I was, either. Not even Dad. I was worried he would tell his wife to be where, and she would tell Ben, so I didn’t dare.
Dad just wanted me to show up for the wedding, and I hadn't made up my mind yet about whether I should go or not. I was considering skipping out on it.
When I came out of the shower, it was to find my phone ringing. I went to pick it up but ignored the call when I saw it was Ben. I hadn't talked to him directly; I was scared to. It was hard enough listening to the voicemails, but I knew if I picked up his call, he could talk me into going back or letting him know where I was, and I wasn’t ready yet.
A text came in, and I hesitated before I noticed it wasn’t either Ben or Dad. My mood shifted, and I went around the room getting dressed. Ten minutes later, I was outside.
Mornings in LA were always hot and sunny, while it was mostly cold in New York. I had to admit that I’d missed the heat, but it was about all I missed about LA. The hotel I was staying at wasn’t too far from where I used to live. There were a lot of familiar places I passed through before I arrived at the café.
She was waiting for me when I walked inside at our usual table. Casey, one of my old friends from before the divorce happened sat at the café, dressed in her normal casual, but elegant attire with a cream-colored blouse and blue silk shorts that nearly matched her eyes. Her red hair was tied up in a ponytail, and as usual, she looked beautiful. If there had been someone I expected to be on my side, it had been her, because she was my friend before she was Stuart’s, but he’d somehow won her over like everybody else.
I walked slowly over, and she looked up as I stopped in front of the table.
“Can I sit down?” I asked, voice small. I smoothed down the black and blue floral dress I had on with nervous hands.
She hesitated but nodded. Casey didn’t look the way she did when I last saw her. Back then, she had be
en disappointed, and her expression now was hesitant. I let it give me hope as I sat down. A waiter stopped by, and we ordered. We stayed silent, until our drinks were brought over.
“So,” she said after taking a sip of her coffee. “How’ve you been? You went to New York, right?”
I nodded, looking down at my cup. I wrapped my hands around it. It almost burned my fingers, but I didn’t care, and lifted it to taste.
“Yeah, I went back,” I murmured. “And honestly, I haven’t been all that great.”
She bit her lip, going silent.
I sighed. “Casey, I know it’s been a while, and this is coming out of nowhere, but can we be friends again? I need one of those right now.”
My eyes stung with tears, and I ducked my head down as I breathed slowly, blinking back the tears. When I looked up again, she looked worried.
“I’ve been meaning to contact you. I’m sorry about the way I behaved when everything went down with Stuart. I wasn’t there for you when you were the best friend I had and you needed me most. You gave me so much, and you were with me through my grandmother’s funeral five years ago. I shouldn’t have done what I did.”
I laughed, and the sound came out shaky. “Please don’t apologize. If we can put it all behind us, that would make me happier. I’ll forgive you, anyway, if you stick around from now on. It’s been so long; I think I forgot how to make friends.”
She reached across the table, and I reached my hand back. We shared a quick smile before separating.
“So, what’s been going on with you? What’s the trouble?” She asked me, her face now the familiar one I’d known for so long.
“Oh, Casey, you have no idea. I was lonely, and then I met the perfect guy, but he also couldn’t be more wrong for me.” I laughed again. “I’m technically supposed to be working, but I haven’t been at work for nearly five weeks now, and it’s already spring break. Also, my dad is getting married in a few days, and I feel awful.”
I lost my fight against the tears, and a few escaped. I pulled some tissues from my bag, sniffling as I wiped them away and tried to stop more from coming out. I was terrible at crying. The moment I let my emotions out and the tears flow, I wouldn’t stop crying for hours. It was a few minutes before I felt I could speak without breaking down again.
“What exactly happened?” Casey asked, concern a thick note in her voice.
I sighed. “Everything’s just been so overwhelming, I ran back here to try and regroup, but it’s not getting any better. I think I’m getting even more emotional. It’s almost been five weeks! I still can't stand the thought of going back. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
She frowned, looking thoughtful. “You know, that doesn’t exactly answer my question, but… Angela, could you be pregnant?”
I jerked at her question and stared at her with wide eyes because that came out of nowhere. “What? What makes you think that?”
“I don’t know, maybe because I’ve never known you to get emotional over anything? Like when you decided to leave Stuart, for example, I don’t think I saw you cry even once. Not even when… we all turned our backs on you. Also, you realize you ordered tea, right? I’ve never known you to take anything besides coffee. You used to say you hate tea because it reminded you too much of your mom.”
I looked at the mug in front of me. “I could have just had a change in preference…”
She snorted. “After more than a decade? Somehow, I don’t think so. Didn’t you say you met a guy, and you’re getting emotional? It could be your hormones. It was like that for me when I got pregnant.”
I nibbled on my lip, starting to feel a little worried.
“If that’s true, then my situation is even worse. Casey, the guy I was with, is one of my students. He’s practically a kid!”
Her blue eyes widened with amused, but shocked, interest. “Wow, Angela. I didn’t know you had it in you.”
“That isn’t the problem here,” I moaned out with misery, a nervous hand at my throat. “And anyway, I had PCOS. It’s always been hard for me to get pregnant. I think things between Stuart and me spiraled when we learned that. Besides, I was only with Ben for a couple weeks. I can't be pregnant, right?”
She shrugged, the amusement gone now, replaced with concern. “It only takes the one time. There’s only one way for you to find out. Let me know when you know for sure and I’ll come to see you later.”
We finished up with our drinks and went our separate ways. I had a lot of free time, but she had work to get back to. The moment I walked out of the café, I went looking for a pharmacy. I was worried about what I would find, but this wasn’t the kind of thing I could afford to waste time on.
There was one not too far from the hotel, and after buying the pregnancy test, I hurried back. In the hotel room, I did the test, and it was a long few minutes before I got the results.
Two small pink lines declared the test was positive. I was pregnant. I felt like crying again and dropped lifelessly onto the bed. It wasn’t until Casey mentioned it, but I realized I’d been crying a lot more recently when the last time I remembered crying was at Mom’s funeral. So, it was the pregnancy.
What was I going to do?
Chapter Twenty-One
Ben
I stared at my phone, feeling both annoyed and frustrated. Angela wasn’t answering my calls, and when I texted, all she said was that she was away and didn’t know when she would be coming back.
Fuck!
My restless mind thought back to that last time I saw her in her apartment. Maybe I’d gone too far, making a spare key without her permission and letting myself into her home when she wasn’t there. She had been acting strange, though. I didn’t think it was all in my head that she was ignoring me, and it was unlike her to blow up at me the way she did just because I was reading her book without permission.
I didn’t think it was enough to warrant her being so mad at me, though. Something must have happened before she came home to make her suddenly want to back away from me. She’d been so happy when she left the hotel that weekend, everything was still okay, so something else must have happened.
The most frustrating thing was there was no way for me to find out what the problem was when she wouldn’t talk to me. Fuck, she’d already left school grounds, and I had no idea where she was because she wouldn’t tell me! She had the GPS on her phone off, and while there were other ways to track her down, I was trying to hold myself back. It would be bad if I made her even more angry at me. She might not come back at all if that happened. She’d left LA because of her ex, hadn’t she? There was nothing to stop her from leaving again.
“Dude, what’s been going on with you?”
I blinked and looked up. “What?”
“Class ended already, and we’ve got swim practice after this. Are you coming or what?”
“Um, can you tell the coach I won't be able to make it? I need to do something.”
My friends looked at me oddly as I got up and headed out of the room. Spring break had ended already and we’d all gone back to classes. Angela had been out for a while, and she hadn't come back after spring break, so I was starting to grow worried. I went to her office, and found the substitute that took over her classes while she was gone.
He was seated at the desk and lifted his head when I knocked and opened the door. He was a man in his late thirties, and he must have been a new professor at the school because I wasn’t familiar with him.
“Hello,” he said, looking curious. “I have to say; I’m surprised to see you, Ben.”
I ignored that since it seemed the other professors had clued him in about me and my background. It didn’t matter, anyway.
“I was looking for Professor Kane,” I said. “Do you have any idea when she’ll be coming back?”
He frowned. “No, not really. All I heard was she was away for family reasons, but there was no news about when she’s coming back. I was put in charge of her classes for the rest of this semeste
r. Can I help you with something?”
I flattened my lips and cursed silently. “Did she quit?”
He shook his head slowly. “I didn’t hear that, either, so I can't say for sure. I’m sorry, but I’ve given you all the information I have. If there’s something I can help you with, feel free to ask.”
“No, thank you,” I said and turned to leave without another word.
I strolled around aimlessly, musing to myself. I could always wait to see if she would come back. Maybe she’d even decide to talk to me on her own, but I was worried. What if she never did? She had shut me out of her life, and I wasn’t sure what to do to make it stop, to make her talk to me. I might have been young, but I wasn’t stupid, and I cared a lot about her. It was enough to surprise even myself.
“Where the hell did you go,” I muttered to myself, feeling agitated.
I found a bench outside and sat down. I pulled my phone out and unlocked the screen. I looked over our text messages. Every text I sent got a curt, short answer, before they trickled down to no replies at all. I thought about sending her another text, but I felt like I would go crazy if I got another one of those autoreplies, or no response at all. Instead, I opened my photo gallery.
There was one photo I had of her in my phone. I’d taken it one morning when I woke up with her in my arms. We were at her apartment, and I knew I had to leave early to get into my dorm room. There weren’t rules against sleeping elsewhere as long as we didn’t bring trouble into the school, but I used to think it would be a pain if my friends looked for me and didn’t find me.
She was lying curled up on her side; her dark hair spread over the pillow. I’d pushed some locks back from her face, and ended up waking her, so her dark brown eyes were staring drowsily up at me. Angela had insisted I delete the photo, but she was still sleepy, so I convinced her I did and she never brought it up again.
It was the only photo I had of her, and I regretted not having taken more, now.
Dirty Sext (Accidental Stepbrother Book 3) Page 9
