by Robert Thier
‘I prefer the word “determined”, Miss Linton.’
‘Sure you do.’
He silenced me by reclaiming my mouth. He kissed me hard and deep and, and crazy and determined, and a hundred other ways I wouldn’t know how to name. Every second filled me with more love and desire, and most of all more pain. Because with every moment I touched him, the likelihood that he’d be infected grew exponentially. Yet I simply couldn’t make myself let go. Even if his arms hadn’t been like a wonderful vice around me—I needed him right now. I needed him like I needed air to breathe. So I closed my eyes and sank into the kiss, forgetting everything but him and me and us together.
Finally, he released me. When I had enough strength back in my wobbly legs to stand on my own and was able to open my eyes, I found him staring down at me, coldly and implacably. In other words—just like I loved him.
‘Why?’ I whispered.
Why risk this? Why kiss me?
He cocked his head. ‘I believe the vows we intend to speak say “till death do us part”, do they not? You ought to know by now, Miss Linton—I don’t speak words I do not mean.’
His words sank into me like balm into an open wound. Grabbing him, I hugged him fiercely.
‘Neither do I.’
His arm came around, stroking my hair and pressing my face to his chest. It was a fiercely protective gesture.
I’ve found someone I can rely on. Always.
The thought made me want to kiss him again. So I did. Why the heck not? I couldn’t infect him twice in a row, could I?
When we broke apart again, he took my face in both hands and forced me to look him straight in the eyes. I wasn’t about to complain about the view.
‘How is she?’
A sliver of pain stabbed into the happiness that filled my heart.
‘Bad. Very bad. I’m not sure…I’m not sure she—’
His forefinger on my lips silenced me. ‘Sh. She will.’
‘How do you know?’
‘Because you won’t give up until she’s well again. And neither will I.’ One finger gently stroked down my cheek. ‘You look exhausted. How long is it since you’ve last slept?’
‘Says the man who did an experiment to see whether one can go without sleep altogether.’
He gave me a cool look. ‘It was a perfectly reasonable experiment.’
‘Then let’s just say I’m repeating it.’ I grinned up at him. ‘It’s always good to check the results of an experiment, right?’
Mr Ambrose did not look amused.
‘Are you familiar with the expression “working yourself into an early grave”, Miss Linton?’
‘Indeed I am, Sir. I feel its suitable use has been grossly exaggerated. Besides,’ I gave a helpless little shrug, ‘who’s there to help?’
‘Me.’
I stared at him, mouth open.
‘W-what?’
‘I am certain I spoke at a perfectly audible volume, Miss Linton.’
‘B-but…you can’t…the risk…’
His hand took a firm hold of my chin, forcing me to meet his gaze head-on. ‘Was I not clear enough earlier? Need I repeat my demonstration for it to be more convincing?’
‘Yes, please, right away for the next half hour.’
‘Miss Linton! Be serious!’
‘Who says I’m joking. I’m a sceptic by nature and need a lot of convincing.’
He promptly pressed a very, very convincing kiss on my lips.
‘I’m not a man who shies away from risk,’ he growled. ‘If I were, I wouldn’t be where I am today, with more power in my hands than most men can imagine! Some things are worth fighting for, and when the fight comes, you face it head-on.’
‘But…but she…is…you know.’
‘I’ve mucked out plenty a stable in my time. It won’t be that different.’
Holy moly. He really meant it. He was really willing to go in there with me and care for Ella through all the risk, the muck and the things you didn’t want to face but had to. Ignoring for the moment that he had, with his customary tact, compared my little sister to a horse, this was the most romantic and loving thing he had ever done.
‘Thank you!’ Throwing my arms around him, I hugged him to me fiercely. ‘Thank you.’ Never had I meant these two words more than in this moment. I held on for long, long moments—then let go and looked up into his stormy eyes.
‘But I can’t accept.’ He opened his mouth to say something, but I quickly held up a finger. ‘Not because of you. I want your help. God, how I want it. But Ella…’ I gazed at him, asking to understand. ‘I can’t do that to her. Letting someone else see her like that, someone whom she hasn’t even met yet…I can’t hurt her like that. Please understand.’
He considered—then gave a curt nod. ‘Understood.’
I breathed a sigh of relief—which was abruptly cut short when he grabbed my chin again. ‘As long as you understand that I won’t have you working yourself into an early grave.’ Dark, sea-coloured eyes burrowed into me. ‘I have plans for you, Miss Linton. Plans that require you to be above ground. I will have Karim monitor the situation. If you do not take care of yourself, I will come in and take charge of things, a proper introduction to your family be damned! Do you understand?’
I nodded, unable to get anything past the lump in my throat.
‘Adequate.’ One last time, his lips claimed mine in a fierce kiss. ‘Then do not let me detain you.’
And, stepping back, he vanished into the shadows.
I returned to my room and settled myself in a chair next to the sleeping Ella. In spite of her laboured breathing, I felt a little bit of hope blossom in my chest. How could I not feel hopeful with Mr Rikkard Ambrose on my side? Somehow, we would pull through this. And when we did, Edmund would bring my little sister joy instead of carrots. I’d make sure of that.
Reaching for a book, I leant back and began to read to keep myself awake. I didn’t want to leave Ella unsupervised in her current condition. Still, it was becoming harder and harder to keep my eyes open. With every page I turned, my eyelids became heavier and heavier. But I couldn’t fall asleep. I couldn’t fall…couldn’t…
The book hit the floor with a thud.
*~*~**~*~*
I jerked awake, my whole body aching from a night spent in an armchair. My mind still fuzzy, I tried to focus on the world around me. What had woken me so suddenly? Everything seemed to be peaceful and quiet, and—
I froze.
Too peaceful and quiet.
My head whirled around and I saw Ella lying on the bed, stiff, pale and lifeless.
‘No! Ella! Ella!’
Grabbing her by the shoulder, I started to shake her. Her cracked lips parted, letting out a soft moan.
She was alive! Alive!
Just barely.
My eyes flitted over her cracked lips, her parchment-like skin and eyes that staid tearless in spite of the pain she had to be suffering. She was drying up.
‘Oh my God, Ella, I’m so sorry! I should never have fallen asleep!’ Rushing over to the jug on the window sill that held water mixed with sugar and salt as per the doctor’s instructions, I quickly filled a cup and lifted it to her lips. Giving another groan, she turned her head away, but I held her in place firmly.
‘I’m sorry, Ella, but you have to. It’s the only thing keeping you alive right now.’
With what seemed to be a monumental effort, she opened her eyes. They looked half dead already. The will to live had long fled.
‘What if I don’t want to?’
‘Then do it for Edmund.’
A moment passed—then her trembling lips parted and I tipped the jug just enough for a little of the liquid to trickle into her parched mouth.
It wasn’t enough. It wasn’t nearly enough. No matter how much I begged and pleaded and pestered, I was never able to get as much fluid into her as fled her body at the same time under the onslaught of the sickness. Desperate, I sent Karim to fetch the doctor,
and to the doctor’s credit he came instantly, but except for mixing me up a stronger version of the liquid I’d been feeding my little sister anyway, with a few special additions of his own, there wasn’t much he could do.
‘I’m sorry, Miss Linton,’ he told me, shaking his greying head. ‘I wish I had an answer to your prayers. But so far, a cure for cholera has eluded modern science. Do you, um…’ Nervously, he glanced over at the prone form of Ella on the bed. ‘Do you wish for me to stay and help care for her?’
Not for the first time, I was impressed at how intimidating Mr Rikkard Ambrose could be. This man knew better than most how dangerous and infectious cholera could be. Yet he still offered to stay and help. Because of his impeccable ethics? I didn’t think so.
‘For thirty minutes or an hour, if you could,’ I said, giving him a weak smile. ‘Could you? Just Keep an eye on her and feed her? I need to close my eyes for a moment, or I’m going to collapse.’
‘Certainly, Miss Linton. I’ll wake you when it’s time.’
He kept his word. Promptly on the hour, he awoke me and took his leave. I was marginally more functional, but even with an hour or so of sleep under my belt, I still felt as if a horse had sat on me.
Still, one look at Ella told me that no matter how I might feel, she had to feel a hundred times worse. I hardly recognized my little sister. Oh, her body was there, her shell—but the spirit had drained right out of her along with every drop of water. She stared at me out of sunken, hopeless eyes.
‘Lill?’
I swallowed. ‘Yes?’
‘If…’ she coughed, and groaned from the pain. ‘If I dictate you a letter, will you give it to Edmund?’
The words echoed in the room that was far too small to have an echo. She might as well have shouted at me or kicked me in the stomach. Her meaning was painfully, horrendously clear.
‘Why don’t you just tell him yourself what it is you want him to know,’ I growled, leaning forward. ‘When you’re well again!’
You probably weren’t supposed to be angry at a loved one on their deathbed, but dammit, I couldn’t help it! I wanted nothing more than to kick her off her deathbed, break it into a thousand pieces and find her something more comfortable to lie on.
‘I think…’ she coughed again. This time the fit lasted longer. It was horrible, dry coughing without a drop of moisture anywhere in sight. ‘I think we have to admit that’s unlikely to happen, don’t you?’
‘No! I think nothing of the kind!’
‘Lill…’
A trembling, dry little hand reached out to touch mine. I gripped it fiercely. Too fiercely, probably. But if it hurt her, Ella didn’t let it show.
‘I’m going to die,’ she whispered. ‘I can feel it in my bones…the sickness eating away at me. I don’t think I’ll last long now.’
‘What a load of horse crap!’ I clenched her hand even tighter. ‘You’re going to live, dammit, do you hear me? Bloody live!’
‘Your bedside manner gets more charming day by day.’
‘You can’t go!’ Leaning forward, I stared into her eyes, not commanding now but pleading shamelessly. ‘What about Edmund? You love him, God knows why! You can’t leave him behind!’
Pain flashed in her eyes for a moment—but then it vanished, to be replaced by a strange, otherworldly peace. Something I wouldn’t understand if I lived to be a hundred.
‘I’ll see him again eventually. Death isn’t the end.’
‘It bloody is for me! If you’re dead, you’re gone!’
Smiling, she gave my hand a little squeeze. It was all she was capable of. ‘You don’t need me, Lill. You’ve never needed me. You always were the strongest of us.’
‘Of course I bloody need you, you feckless little idiot! I…I…’
My hands trembling, I wrestled with myself. I hadn’t wanted to do this—but now I had no other choice! I had pulled out all the stops. I only had one weapon left in my arsenal.
‘Bloody hell, yes I need you!’ I told her from between clenched teeth. ‘If there’s ever been a time I needed you, it’s now! You…’ I swallowed. My heart was pounding like an army drum. The moment of truth had finally come. With enormous effort, I managed a tremulous smile. ‘You wouldn’t want to miss the big event, would you?’
Slowly, I slipped my trembling hand into my pocket. When it came out again, there was a glinting ring on my ring finger.
Revelations-
Ella blinked.
And blinked again.
And a third time.
‘Err…Lill?’
‘Yes?’
‘Why do you have a curtain ring around your finger?’
I glared at her. She might be my favourite sister and about as near to death as a person could get outside of a mausoleum, but nobody insulted my engagement ring! It took a moment or two for the truth to dawn on her. When it finally did, her eyes went wide as wagon wheels.
‘You…no! You don’t mean that you…’
‘Yes.’
‘Lill! You…you…’
‘…you’ll get better?’ I finished, giving her a stern look.
‘Yes! Yes, of course I will.’
‘And you won’t fool around with Edmund before the wedding? I need a maid of honour.’
‘Lill!’
I grinned. ‘Just making sure. Although I guess you could always be my vixen of honour. Has an interesting ring to it.’
Ella blushed up to the roots of her hair, and the sight warmed me. She still had life in her! She still had fight in her! And I would make sure she didn’t give up.
‘Here.’ Grabbing the water cup from the nightstand, I held it up to her lips. ‘Drink.’
For just a moment, she hesitated—then our eyes met. We looked at each other for a long, long moment. Her eyes filled with warmth and one lone, single little tear spilled out of her eye and ran down her parched cheek.
‘I’m so happy for you, Lill.’
And she started to drink.
It was by no means over. The cholera burned as hot in Ella’s poor body as ever, turning it into a desert that soaked up every drop of water and spat out things I’d rather not think about, let alone smell. But the light was back in her eyes, and the fight back in her body. She drank whenever I told her to, and once her throat was greased, the questions started.
‘Who is he, Lill?’
I raised an eyebrow. ‘Who?’
She glared at me. Or at least tried to. It was quite adorable watching my sweet little sister try and glare.
‘You know perfectly well who I mean! You haven’t shown a jot of interest in a single man since you’ve been tall enough to not need Leadfield to get you books from the upper shelves in the library! And now you tell me you’re engaged to be married? Who is he? What kind of man would catch your interest?’
Even though she didn’t say it, I heard the part she thought: and what kind of man would be that suicidal?
I grinned.
‘Well, you’ll just have to get well again to find out, won’t you?’
‘What?’
‘You heard me, little sister.’
‘This is cruel and unusual punishment!’
‘No. This is effective therapy. The bridesmaids’ dresses I have in mind for Anne and Maria will be cruel and unusual punishment.’
‘Just tell me! Please!’
‘Open your mouth, will you? It’s time to drink. One gulp for Lilly, one gulp for the mysterious bridegroom, another gulp for Lilly, another gulp for the mysterious bridegroom…’
‘Lill!’
‘Yes?’
‘Just a little hint! Please! I’m dying here!’
I grinned. Because even though she’d spoken the words I most feared to hear in the world, for the very first time, she didn’t really sound as if she meant them.
‘All right.’ I nodded graciously. ‘One little hint.’
‘Yes? Yes?’
I considered carefully. What could I tell her about Mr Rikkard Ambrose without
giving away who he was?
‘His tailcoat is ten years old,’ I told her.
Ella looked at me, aghast. ‘Ten ears? Good Lord, the poor man must be destitute!’
I snorted into my sleeve. Ella, God bless her, mistook it for a sob.
‘There, there.’ Lifting a trembling hand, she patted my arm. ‘The money isn’t what matters. No matter how poor he is, if he loves you, he must be a good man. I’m sure the two of you will be happy together. If Uncle Bufford gives his consent, that is. I don’t think he’ll be very enthusiastic when he hears you intend to marry a man in such circumstances.’
‘Oh, I don’t know. He might surprise you.’
She gave me a warm smile. ‘Bless you, Lill. It’s good of you to think so well of him.’ The smile melted into a frown of worry. ‘But you really should be on your guard. Don’t spring the news on him. It might come as a shock.’
‘Oh, I’m quite certain it will.’
She patted my arm again. ‘Don’t worry. I’ll be there to help. Together we’ll convince him. And I’ll talk to your man, too. I’ll tell him that even if he hasn’t got two pennies to rub together, I will always love him like a brother.’
‘I’m sure he will be delighted to hear that. Here, take another swallow, will you?’
‘Only if you tell me more about him. Where is he from? How did the two of you meet?’
‘Later. Once you’re better.’
She opened her mouth to protest and, not being one to waste an opportunity, I put the glass to her lips and started pouring before she could say a word. Reluctantly, she started to swallow, glaring at me over the top of her glass.
I smiled. Curiosity. Not the most typical of cures, but so what? Ella was my sister after all. It definitely would have worked on me.
The last drops of water vanished between Ella’s lips. I lowered the glass, and quickly, she opened her mouth to speak.
‘Here,’ I said and shoved a piece of carrot between her lips. ‘Bon appetit.’
‘Mmph! Mm mph gmph!’
‘Yes, delicious, aren’t they?’
Reaching over to the nightstand, I let my hand hover over the bowl of carrots for a moment—then shifted to the left and reached into the bowl full of ham sandwiches instead. Edmund really was such a loving, caring man. He would make a good husband for Ella. I’d have to visit them for lunch once they were settled.
