by E. A. Copen
Leah’s cell phone rang. I picked it up. “Hello? Is this Steve Irwin?”
“Do you know what fucking time it is here, mate?” growled the familiar, surly voice of the scary Aussie. “And if I had a tenner for every time some arsehole asked me that, I’d never need to work another day.”
“Sorry, pal. I don’t actually know your name, but you did a job for a friend a while back.”
“No refunds.”
I shifted the phone against my ear. “I’m not calling about a refund.”
“Yeah? Then who the fuck is this?”
There were several ways to introduce myself, depending on how I thought he’d take it. If I just gave him my name, he’d probably hang up on me. If I told him I was the Pale Horseman, he might adjust his attitude and be useful. Or, he might still hang up if he thought I was trying to intimidate him. My chances were better with the second introduction. “I’m the Pale Horseman, Lazarus Kerrigan. The man you did the job for was Pony Dee Durrant. Pulled something out of a guy named Buck Thompson.”
The other end was quiet for a minute. I thought he hung up.
“You’re the brat he had with him. Tough case, that one. Didn’t go the way I would’ve liked, but you win some and lose more in this business. What can I do for you, Lazarus Kerrigan, Pale Horseman?” There was a click and a whooshing sound on the other side before a long exhale. I’d heard that enough times to know he’d just lit a cigarette.
“How much will you charge to exorcise an Archon from a pretty girl?”
He thought another minute before answering, “My fee is ten grand plus expenses and travel. That’s Australian. I don’t want to fuck with exchange rates, so that’s up to you to figure out. I can be there in two days by plane. You need me sooner, there’s a rush fee of another two-grand due on arrival in full before I begin. You don’t have it on hand when I arrive, then things get messy. Are we clear on that, mate?”
Thirteen thousand Australian was what? Ten in American? More than I had, but I figured I’d cross that bridge when I came to it. “Crystal. Can you be here tomorrow before sundown?”
“Does a demon have wings?”
“How should I know? I haven’t run into one yet.”
He sighed. “The answer’s yes. Usually. See you tomorrow.”
“Wait, before you go. Who should I be waiting for?”
“Name’s Josiah Quinn. Don’t write it down, though, and don’t expect me to sign anything you don’t want to be burned. Remember, cash, or we have a problem. I don’t take checks. Tomorrow, Mr. Kerrigan.” He hung up.
I sighed and looked down at Remy. “I really need to talk to Baron Samedi about a raise.”
Chapter Eight
I called Sybille at her shop right after. She was disappointed that I wouldn’t be bringing Remy by, irritated that I only called when I wanted something, and dodgy when I asked how much she wanted. We haggled a bit before she finally settled on a reasonable nightly fee to keep an eye on me.
Before she hung up, she added, “And come collect your friend before I banish him.”
I had no idea which friend she meant, but I hoped it was Jean. After my antics in the pit with Fenrir, he’d disappeared. He should’ve been spat back to Earth if I was right, but who knew? None of the rules about life, magic, and death seemed to matter. Here I was, sporting injuries I’d gotten while out of my body all over my physical form. The world had gone screwy, and I was pretty sure I was the cause.
My next call was to Pony, who picked up on the second ring. “How is he?” He must’ve thought he was talking to Leah.
“I’m still breathing. For now,” I answered.
“Well, that’s good. Now tell me how you really are. How bad’s the damage? What’d you do?”
I couldn’t lie to Pony, not after all we’d been through together, but I didn’t want to spill everything where Leah and Sarah could hear. “I’m headed that way. You can see it for yourself. I was hoping you’d be up for watching Remy a few days.”
He snorted. “Leah finally have enough of your bullshit? Think you can just dump your kid on me, huh? Because I’ve got nothing better to do.”
“Pony, I’m serious.” I picked Remy up and started to pace. “I can’t take her where I’m going, and it’s not going to be safe for me to be with her for a few days.”
I held the phone in place against my ear by tilting my head and pinning it to my shoulder so I could lift Remy and look at her. She smiled at me. Somehow, that made everything harder. “After this, I’ll never ask you for anything. I swear it.”
He sighed into the phone. The image of him pinching his nose and tilting his head back appeared in my brain. “You remember that time you asked me for a ride to the hospital? You said you’d never ask me for anything else after that, too.”
I remembered. That ride to the hospital would change my life forever. He’d dropped me off to see Lydia on his way to the bar. She died later that afternoon, and rather than calling him to come and get me, I hid in a stairway until they moved her body downstairs to the morgue. I’d used magic to break in and tried to revive her. When the cops came, I punched them and hit them with another spell that, thankfully, didn’t seriously hurt anyone. The ride he’d given me was how I landed my ass in prison.
“Give me a chance to explain before you turn me down at least. You want me to buy you frog legs at Bubba’s so we can talk it over?” Bubba’s was my ace in the hole. Pony never could say no to Bubba’s frog legs. I used to take him there every time I wanted to butter him up. He was onto it now, but that wouldn’t change the fact that he loved their frog legs, especially if someone else was paying for them.
“Well, I was fixin’ to go over to Karma for the evening and do a little tarot, but if you’re buying, I wouldn’t say no,” he said. “At least not to a decent meal.”
“Great. I’ll meet you there in an hour.” I hung up without saying goodbye.
Leah stood in the doorway, a deep frown on her face. “I don’t know what you’re up to, Lazarus, and I won’t reiterate what I’ve already said, but don’t run out just because I was short with you earlier.”
I lowered the phone and placed it on the table. “It’s not just that. You’ve done enough for me. Nate’s done enough. I can’t ask any more of you.”
She folded her arms. “But you will. If not today, someday. One day, you’re going to ask too much, and Nate will still go to help you. The man adores you for whatever reason, even though every time he comes back, he’s hurt or exhausted. Is that how you treat all your friends, Lazarus?”
I looked down at Remy, unwilling to meet Leah’s eyes. “I don’t really have all that many friends.”
“Don’t take this the wrong way, but maybe there’s a reason why.”
I stood and set my shoulders, pretending what she said didn’t tear open an old wound. “Thanks for the crash space and the use of your phone. If you want to point me toward Remy’s car seat, I’ll get out of your hair.”
She pointed to the corner where I spied Remy’s car seat and diaper bag, already packed and ready to go. I nodded my thanks and went to strap Remy in.
“For what it’s worth, I don’t think you’re a bad person,” Leah said, still in the doorway. “I think if you can get yourself figured out, you and Remy will be just fine. Please take care of her. She’s a wonderful child.”
“That’s what I’m trying to do.” I slung the diaper bag over my shoulder, gripped the carrying handle of the infant car seat, and stood. “Could I call a cab?”
Leah stared at me a minute before turning to shout into the kitchen. “Sarah, keep an eye on Jess. I’ll be back. Just running Mr. Kerrigan home.” She twisted to grab her keys and her purse from where they waited on the table.
“Oh, you don’t have to. A cab is fine, really.”
“I’m sure it is, but Nate would be upset if I let you do that. Whatever disagreements lie between you and me, I love my husband, and I don’t like the idea of seeing him worry over you. I’m goi
ng to take you to your destination and make sure you get there in one piece for his sake.”
Coming from Leah, that was as close as I figured I’d ever get to friendly.
Twenty minutes later, Leah pulled into the parking lot of Bubba’s Shrimp and Burgers and squinted at the venue. It was an old, repurposed Texas Roadhouse turned shrimp shack with lots of neon and beer signs in the windows. It wasn’t a bar so much as it was a casual dining joint, but she clearly didn’t approve of my taking Remy in. If only she knew that my other choice had been to bring Remy to Karma instead.
“Thanks for the ride.” I opened the door. “Will you thank Nate for me, too? And tell him not to worry about D.J. He’ll get what’s coming to him.”
Leah nodded.
I retrieved Remy and all her equipment—baby car seats are complicated contraptions that come in multiple pieces—from the back seat. Leah waited until I took a few steps toward the restaurant to take off. I watched her go and shook my head. Jessica was a lucky kid to have such a fierce mama looking out for her. She’d need that growing up in this city.
Bubba’s was crowded. It was the first of the month and the day after Halloween, so I wasn’t surprised. It was also in close enough proximity to a couple of local colleges that it drew the hung-over late sleepers from campus. They sat around dark booths with sunken eyes, eating breakfast for dinner. Some of them had their textbooks open and stared blankly at the words on the page while they ate. Old men propped up the bar, trading war stories while couples shared appetizers in the side booths.
I snagged a table for four and ordered a round of coffee for both Pony and me. About the time the waitress brought the Joe to our table, Pony wandered in looking more haggard than normal. Maybe it was me, but his hair seemed to have grayed a shade. His eyes were puffy and he walked with a more pronounced limp, picking his way through the crowded dining room to the table. I got up when he came close.
Pony waved for me to sit down. “Don’t get up on account of me. You look about as bad as I feel, boy. Where’ve you been?”
I sat back down. “If I said Hell, would you believe me?”
“I might.” He sat and dumped a couple packets of pink sweetener into his coffee.
Over the next twenty minutes, I told Pony about everything that’d happened since we’d last seen each other. The tournament, Morningstar’s deal, Emma dying, and my trip to Hell. I almost didn’t tell him about Fenrir but he’d find out eventually, so I decided complete honesty was the best course and gave him every detail.
During my story, our entrees arrived, but Pony left his untouched until I finished. When I got caught up to that afternoon, he picked up one of the fried frog legs on his plate and chewed on it a minute before flagging down the waitress for a refill.
“So,” I said, picking at my burger and fries, “I figure to go get the next key, I should go back where the last trip ended. That’d be Our Lady of Guadalupe. Except I don’t know for sure how to get things going again, other than that I’m pretty sure my body has to be clinically dead.”
Pony held his cup out for the waitress to refill. “You want me to watch your back while you’re gone?”
I shook my head. “I got Sybille to do that. What I need is for someone to take care of Remy until this is all over.”
“Thank you, sweetie.” Pony beamed at the waitress before she scurried off. When she was gone, he leaned forward. “You know I ain’t been sleeping good. Nightmares. This explains some of that. A week ago, if someone told me my ward would be opening doors to Hell and letting Titans through to save his latest piece of ass, I’d have called him crazy. You know that.”
“Emma’s not just a piece of ass, Pony.”
“You saying you’re not going to tap that the minute you get an offer?”
I rolled my eyes. “Can we not go there? Romantic drama aside, Emma’s a good person who doesn’t deserve to rot in Hell because of me. I can get her back. Shouldn’t I try? You’re the one who taught me to help wherever and whenever I could.”
He put his cup down hard enough that some of the coffee sloshed over the side. “I didn’t mean you should go rob the Devil of his souls, son. That’s the stupid talking. Think with your head and not with your gonads for two minutes and you’ll see it. She ain’t worth it.”
I pushed my plate away half-finished. “Everyone keeps telling me that. You, that drunk Viking, probably a dozen more assholes before this is all said and done. Who are you to decide what something’s worth to me? This is something I need to do. I’m not asking you to help me do it. I’m asking you to watch Remy. Now, you going to do it or aren’t you?”
Pony folded his hands on the table, tilted his head, and stared at me from under his bowler hat. “I ain’t going to turn out the closest thing I’ll ever have to a grandchild just because her daddy’s a moron. But we got to get one thing straight, son.” He pointed a fat finger at me. “You can’t do this ever again. Not for this woman, not for Remy if something happens, not for nobody. Once you get her back up here, you hand over them keys you’re collecting, and you give me an oath you’ll never pull a stunt like this again.”
Pony didn’t get serious like that very often. The last time I’d heard him use that tone of voice was when he taught me about the Kiss of Life. He’d gone on for two hours about how it wasn’t something I should do lightly and how there would be lasting consequences.
Remy started to fuss, so I put my hand on her chest and patted gently. “I’ll make you that promise, Pony. I swear it.”
He grunted, accepting my word as truth. He’d hold me to it too, asking for a binding blood promise once this was all over. “Side note, if this girl don’t give you a little something after all the trouble you’re going through on her account, she’s a monster. Not sure I’d go to Hell to get any of my girlfriends’ souls back.”
I raised an eyebrow. “And how many girlfriends are you up to now, Pony? Three?”
“Two. Darla moved to Texas last week.”
“Plus three ex-wives,” I pointed out.
Pony shrugged.
“Yeah, I think I’ll get my relationship advice elsewhere.”
He chuckled and lifted his coffee cup. I clinked my glass of Coke against it, and we drank.
“Hey, Pony?” I asked after a while. I’d been putting together a bottle for Remy, who refused to go back to sleep without a full belly.
Pony’s response was a grunt. He’d cleaned off all the frog bones and was busy shoveling mashed potatoes with gravy into his mouth.
“You remember that Australian guy you hired to help with old Buck Thompson?”
He paused with the spoon halfway to his mouth and peered at me over his glasses. His eye twitched. “Tell me you didn’t.”
“I needed an expert in exorcisms. I don’t know how I’m going to pay him, though. I need the money before tomorrow night. I was hoping you could call Baron Samedi and he could give me an advance on my stipend.”
Pony put the spoonful of mashed potatoes down before pushing his plate away. “Boy, do you even know what Josiah Quinn is?”
I shrugged. “A pissed-off, chain-smoking Australian with magic and a bad attitude?”
He shook his head. “He’s a magical nuke. When you point him at a target, he doesn’t quit until the job’s done, even if things go too far. He’s who you call when you don’t care if the person you’re saving lives or dies, Lazarus. I hope whoever you’re pointing him at deserves it.”
I tapped my fingers on the table. Nikki had been a royal bitch the few times I’d talked to her, but she was young. It wasn’t her fault Morningstar thought she’d make a good host. Problem was, if Josiah and I got Morningstar out of her, she still wouldn’t have a soul. Archons tended to push other souls out. Maybe we could find it and put it back in but that would be a hell of a thing unless Josiah knew something I didn’t. Since I considered myself an expert on souls, I didn’t think that was likely.
“I’ll get it figured out,” I promised. “But I do need
the cash from Samedi. Think you can call him?”
“Haven’t been able to for the last few days,” Pony said, shaking his head. “I suggest you come to a different arrangement with Josiah. He’s a collector, you know. Has a whole warehouse full of supernatural junk. Maybe you’ll find something in Hell that’ll work as a down payment.”
There was nothing I could do about the cash, then. Pony’s idea of finding something of equivalent value seemed like a good one on the surface, but if the next Hell I went to was anything like Helheim, there wouldn’t be much lying around that was worth anything on Earth. There might be something with a lot of magical power though. I’d have to keep an eye out.
Our waitress came and dropped off the bill. I looked at the damage and cringed. Maybe I ought to nab something for myself while I was down there. “I’m going to go settle the bill. You mind taking Remy with you? I’m going to go meet Sybille right after this.”
Pony nodded. I kissed Remy goodbye and passed him the carrier when I got up.
“Boy,” Pony called after me as I went toward the register. “Be careful. Even Death ain’t invincible.”
I nodded and gave him a salute. If only he knew how right he was.
Chapter Nine
Sybille’s shop, Spellbound, was closed by the time I arrived, but I’d never meant to go through the front door anyway. Her store had a back door just for people like me, people with magic. If you couldn’t open it, she wouldn’t bother wasting her time on you. Of course, I’d opened the magic lock several times before, so I didn’t need to show off for her. Just the same, she’d be expecting me to come in that way.
