Merck inhaled and exhaled slowly.
“You really think this is a good move?” The old man put his hand on the door latch.
“I think it’s going to be hard on you, because this is always hard on you, but I really believe it’s best for Ember.” And that was the truth. It was clear that Elise was the love of his life. The poorly timed love of his life.
“Okay, I’m there. For dinner, this Sunday.”
I could virtually hear his nerves revving up, but it was good. This was good.
“It’s a plan.” I nodded as Merck exited the Hummer.
I’d put this in motion before checking with Nix, but it was a gut instinct. Hopefully, it was the right one.
I met T’s gaze. Even through the tinted windows she found me. I watched as she banged out a text and then looked at me again.
T: You cool?
I nodded and waved. I had to manage three more meetings before I got home. One loan shark was coming in early, wanting his payments too soon. Another pawnshop had been selling off stolen stuff from a recent rash of burglaries in a retirement community, and the last was a pimp who was beating one of the girls.
By the time I got home, T and Ember were there already. The loan shark now had a brand new broken femur and a newly rejuvenated sense of loyalty to me. The pawnshop owner sent me selfies in front of all the different addresses that Nix had hacked from the police report, returning the property that he still had in the store or cash taped to the inside of the mailboxes of the stuff he didn’t have. And the pimp was currently trying his hand at being a mermaid. It wasn’t going well when I left.
My reputation was carefully maintained. I wanted people to trust me and fear me in equal measure. So far, I was doing pretty goddamn well.
Chapter 39
Animal
Merck had been texting me in the two days he had to stew about meeting Ember again. He hadn’t changed his mind, but he wondered what to bring, what to wear, if he should provide a side dish.
It was sweet to see him so excited. When I approached Nix later in the evening after I got home to the girls, he was thoughtful for a while.
He asked my opinion, and I offered that I thought it was a good choice. Merck was a good dad. At least, from my standpoint. Nix brought up that having a cop in our house was a tricky situation. We wanted him not to be watched or tagged as our friend, and we didn’t want our people to think we had switched sides at all.
We settled on letting T smuggle Merck in. And Merck had left it up to Nix and me to decide what to do about Ember. We debated the merits of telling her and then letting Merck reveal it.
In the end, we decided it wasn’t fair to spring the news and the man on Ember in the same night.
It was late on Saturday when we all convened. Both Becca and T made themselves scarce. Nix and I had tipped them off to what was going down. They would be on standby if Ember needed some female interaction after the news we had for her.
Finally, when Nix and I had settled into the living room, Nix texted for Ember to drop downstairs.
She gave us both suspicious looks when she got to the living room and folded her legs crisscross on the sofa. “You’ve all been too nice to me lately. And now you’re staring at me weird. What’s going on? Are you kicking me out?”
Her phone was clutched in her hand. I had a thought. “You alone in that phone?”
“What do you mean?” She hugged it close to her.
“You don’t have any of your friends on FaceTime or anything, right?” I waited to see what her body language told me. Sure enough, I was right. She pressed the buttons to show me that she was no longer broadcasting the discussion to God knows how many people.
“I’m in trouble, huh?” She was starting to shut down.
“Baby girl, no, we have news, though. And we’re going to deliver it to you like people who care about you.” I sat forward and put my elbows on my knees.
Nix nodded. “It’s nothing scary.”
Ember nodded and looked from Nix to me and back again. “Okay, I don’t know what to expect, but okay.”
I waited for Nix. I felt like the news should come from him. If she had questions about Merck, I would share.
“You and I, we might not have the same dad—which you’ve known.”
Ember’s eyes grew wide.
“Well, it turns out, we know who Mom was involved with around the time you were conceived.” Nix cleared his throat. “His name is Merck. Well, that’s his last name. Animal said you met him the other day? His first name is Patrick.”
I watched Ember carefully. She was holding her breath and seemed reluctant to blink. Ember pursed her lips and took all her blinks at once.
“He’s a retired cop. Just retired this year—actually.” Nix reached out and held Ember’s hand.
She looked like she was trying to figure out a very hard math problem.
Nix shrugged at me. “If you have any questions, we’re here.”
Ember pulled her hand away from Nix’s and stood. “Wait. You know my father? How long have you known this?”
Nix stood as well. “A few years now.”
I didn’t like the turn this was taking and made sure I had some of the blame. “I’ve known since you were a kid.”
“Oh. Sure.” Her eyes filled with tears. She was mad. Really mad.
She seemed to start and stop a few questions before running her hands through her hair. “This is… something.”
Her face was getting red and Nix gave me an alarmed look.
“So, today is the day I get to know what you both have known all this time?” Her voice was thick with the tears she wasn’t shedding.
“Baby girl, it’s just the way fate laid it out the other day. Merck’s a great guy.” I held out a hand to her. I was used to her sneaking hugs with me. That she would turn down the contact made me realize that this wasn’t going to end well.
“Yeah, I’ve got to go.” She turned and walked out of the living room.
“Shit,” Nix and I said at the same moment.
We trotted after her. She went straight to her room and started to pack. This was not what I’d pictured at all.
Nix stood in the doorway. Becca came into the hallway and stood off to the side, waiting to see if she could help. I didn’t see T.
Ember was throwing things into the suitcase that she’d dragged into the house when she’d first arrived.
Nix tried to figure out how to approach her. “Listen, this is a shock—we get that—but what are you doing?”
She stopped with her back to us, clothes in each hand. We watched as her chest expanded with deep breaths.
When she turned to face us, she was composed. The tear tracks made a few pinstripes on her cheeks. “You knew this and didn’t tell me. All this time, I’ve been thinking I’m part of this family.” She walked slowly up to her brother, toe-to-toe. Nix looked broken. “And you knew who my dad was? And kept that from me?”
Nix slowly nodded. It was the truth.
“So, am I just a houseguest? A pet? I don’t deserve to have that knowledge?” Ember made two fists and held them straight down.
I tried to help. “It’s not like that at all. Nix loves you. We love you. And Merck—he hasn’t wanted to interfere with your life…”
She turned to face me now. The betrayal was deep. I instantly felt how wrong it all was from her point of view.
“I never had my mother. Not a day that I can remember. I was six months old when she died. Sometimes, I try to pretend I can remember. Aunt Dorothy would tell me that I looked like her, so I’d look in the mirror and pretend to be her—tell me she loved me. That’s how fucked up I was.” She wiped at her tears that flowed freely now.
Nix held out his arms to her for a hug. Now that I was thinking about it, she was hugging him all the time she was here, too. And I knew my boy. Opening up for a hug was a huge deal for him.
She pointed at his chest. “I would have given anything—anything—to know you. To n
ot be so, so alone.” She took a second to sob before forcing herself to stop.
Ember backed up, turning to her suitcase and closing it. She didn’t take time to zip it, just held it in her arms. “And he was out there? In this town? Has he always been in this town?”
She looked from Nix to me and back again. Nix nodded, arms still open. He looked like he was going to cry, too.
Ember looked down at her suitcase. “I could’ve had a family. All this time.”
Nix and I were blocking her doorway. She stepped closer to the exit. “Please let me leave. I’m done here.”
Nix rolled his head to the side and dropped his arms, stepping to the side. He was crushed.
I held out my arm. She wouldn’t look at me. “Ember, you can’t go. It’s the middle of the night.”
Her chin started to quiver, and then she quietly added, “You’ve been trying to get me to leave since I got here. Some wishes get granted, Animal.”
I looked to Nix who nodded once, letting me know he wanted her to be allowed to make this decision.
She didn’t even have shoes on as she slipped by me. She was on the phone on her way down the stairs. “Jet? Can you come get me? I’ll be walking out on Route 8.”
Becca stood in the hallway. Nix’s jaw was twitching. He didn’t want to break down, but Ember leaving was killing him.
I felt my phone buzz. A text from T.
T: I’m on her. I’ll keep her in sight.
I showed my screen to Nix, who read it and handed it to Becca. Becca seemed to already know this was the plan.
“We figured.” Becca handed me back my phone. I pounded out a quick reply to T. I saw Ember’s canvas sneakers and grabbed them. Girls didn’t leave my house like it was on fire. I took the stairs three at a time and snagged one of Nix’s hoodies as well. I had to sprint to catch up to her, her suitcase dropping clothes on the driveway like she was leaving a trail on purpose.
I caught up to her and stopped in front of her. She was sobbing. I wanted to pick her up and bring her inside. I could overpower her, but that wouldn’t be fair. I tossed Nix’s hoodie over my shoulder.
I dropped to my knee and held out her left sneaker. She stared at it for a beat and then jammed her foot into it. I held out the right sneaker, and she did the same. I took the suitcase from her and stuffed the clothes that were falling out into it and zipped it up. Then I offered her the hoodie, and she slipped her arms in. I pulled the handle out of her suitcase. That way she could at least have shoes and some warmth, and her damn drawers would stop falling out as she walked.
“Ember, you don’t have to go. Be mad here. Come in and throw stuff at us. Please.”
After taking the handle, she maneuvered past me. I wanted to say more. Tell her that her brother was devoted to her. Crazy about her. He loved having her know him.
She looked over her shoulder and barely got the words out, “I thought we were friends.”
I put my hand to my chest. I hadn’t thought about this from her point of view. It had been a mistake to treat her like a privileged kid. She had a past that haunted her, too.
I let her walk away. Just before she was out of sight, T rolled her motorcycle past me, quietly following Ember.
I noticed T was packing heat and had a few knives with her. No one would hurt Ember. I turned and went back inside. Nix was in the foyer waiting. When I came back in alone, he stood rigid for a second and then put his fist through the wall.
Chapter 40
Animal
I called Merck to tell him the bad news. He slayed me with his understanding. He told me he would just save the presents he had for Ember in case she ever did want to meet him.
Nix was a goddamn basketcase. I knew he was getting updates from T, who was tailing Ember better than a pile of CIA agents.
But it was sad in the house. Sad without her. The first night she’d spent at Jet’s house. She’d snuck in through his bedroom window. I thought Nix’s head would pop off. Ember was with a girlfriend the second night. The third night, she was at another friend’s.
“She’s fucking homeless. My sister is homeless.” Nix had punched at least five more holes in the walls. He wasn’t dealing with things well.
Becca did her best. She offered to go speak to Ember, but she had a hunch that Ember might not take the news that everyone had stayed away all this time very well.
I kept up our business. I met with the Feybis who were complaining about a Kaleotos encroaching on their territory. I beat some heads. I met with the Kaleotos. Compromising between the two families sometimes felt like handing a bunch of middle schoolers’ weapons. Sometimes they just had to be forced to face each other and hash it out.
On my way home, I passed the bad part of town that Debra, Helena, and T hung around back in the day.
I saw Ember’s brown hair with streaks in the center of a group of guys. She was laughing and smoking a cigarette under a streetlight.
I parked a block away and got out of the Hummer.
If Ember saw me, she played like she hadn’t. I knew T was somewhere close, but I couldn’t see her.
T: I was just about to text you.
I looked at T’s message and leaned against a car. The group couldn’t see me, but I could make out some of the words they were saying and Ember’s giggles.
I sent T a question mark.
T: Her friend dropped her off down here. I don’t like this crew.
I was ready to go in and bang some heads.
T: She’s taking some risks.
I sighed. Ember was hurting and wanted to numb that.
Me: Stay hidden. I don’t want her to know she’s being followed.
I slid my phone into my pocket. As the group came into view, the tone changed. Ember’s laughter went from flirty to a little shrill.
I saw the hand motions of the punks in a circle around her. They were up to something. Ember was in over her head.
The one with a slouchy hat went low behind her and picked her up. The one across from them grabbed her ankles. The cigarette tumbled from her hands. Her laughter went to a quick screech.
Another put his hand over her mouth. He yelped as she obviously bit him.
I saw T headed at me. She hadn’t listened, but as the situation escalated, I wasn’t sad to have her with me.
I hit the mouth cover expert with one quick punch to the back of his neck. He went down like an empty sack.
These guys were used to trouble, because they were ready to fight immediately. They didn’t know that T was there, and she was double fisted with Tasers. Between the current she launched at two of the men, and with the knee-swipe-punch combo, she had three men on the ground before they knew they should be scared of her.
I had dropped one, but we still had two left. And they were holding Ember.
To her credit, she was struggling like a beast. I came low and lifted Ember away from them. I set her on her feet as the one who held her ankles took a swing at my head.
I ducked, so it was just a brush of knuckles, but what sounded like a wildcat ripped through the night.
T. I turned and put myself between Ember and the guys in time to see T decimate them. She was like a choreographer of pain. There were cracking bones and demoralizing punches.
I didn’t even have to help her.
“Shit, girl.” I turned to see a shocked Ember staring at the groaning bodies.
T detached the Taser wires and took the weapons with her. I grabbed Ember’s hand and made sure I had T.
We double-timed it to the Hummer, and then we were rolling out. I glanced at Ember as we passed under some lights. She looked embarrassed. I wasn’t taking her back to her girlfriend’s. I wasn’t taking her to Jet’s. I had one option if she wasn’t willing to come home with me.
“You want to come home? Or otherwise I’m taking you back to your aunt’s.”
She gave me a dirty look as I announced my intentions then she nodded once. T was in the back seat. I knew she was forcing the situation,
making sure Ember and I sat next to each other. I had about ten minutes to make a difference.
“Ember, Nix misses you. We all miss you,” I started with honesty.
I was wrong in assuming she was just a kid, because she had true insight. It wasn’t fair to assume she was unaffected by her situation just because she’d had a person to stay with.
Ember tapped on the glass with her pinkie. “You know, I think a lot of people make choices for me. Decide what I can handle. Decide what I need. More than I know.”
“We care,” I interrupted.
She looked at me without the flirty teasing. Just betrayal. “You knew who my dad could be, and you sat with me how many times and that information wasn’t on your tongue? Do you know how that makes me feel?” Ember twirled her long hair into a loose ponytail and then pulled it over her shoulder. “Expendable.”
“It’s not like that. You’re right. We should have told you. Your brother and I both think of you as the little girl that was better off being separated from Nix’s life.” I turned toward her aunt’s house. “Nix’s father was not a good man. He was dangerous. That’s what we were perseverating on. Not trying to make you feel like less.”
Ember lifted her shoulders and her eyebrows at the same time. “That settles it then. Good job. You were right. Now take me back to my aunt’s, the place I left on purpose.”
“Will you come back?” That was my preference, if that was an option for her. Maybe I hadn’t been clear.
“Nah. I’m nobody’s burden. I can take care of myself. And I will take care of myself. You can tell T to stop following me, too.” Ember grabbed the door handle.
I glanced in the rearview mirror. T’s face registered the rejection, and we met our gaze in the reflection.
It was hard to be in the wrong. Ember had a lot of great points, but her life was influenced by Nix’s decisions and mine.
“Baby girl, we can’t leave you unprotected. I’m sorry. You can be as independent as you want, but we’re watching you. We can’t have one of our associates pick you up and do you harm to get to us.” I parked in front of Dorothy’s house.
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