“Didn’t you say you wanted to fuck me? Come on in. I don’t have rules anymore. Let’s go. You a virgin? I can take care of that for you.”
She went from scared to angry in a hot minute. “Don’t you talk like that! Not to me.”
She stormed to the edge of my bed. If I’d been serious about scaring her, I would’ve pulled her onto me.
“My brother is on his way home. To this. To you. You’re his best friend. Don’t you dare think you’ll make him feel guilty for being alive.”
Ember flipped her hair and her eyes were fire. She was getting a rhythm.
“T didn’t want you to make him feel like a trash bag for living.”
The mention of her name was a tsunami of pain again.
“Get out.” I tried to make her go away.
Her anger flooded out of her. “You don’t get to change. I count on you being you.”
Her youth was shining again. The fear in her face.
“Life changes. People change. Get out. Go to your aunt’s. You’re not welcome here.”
I watched as she came to the conclusion that she wasn’t going to be able to fix this. Fix me. Make me better so that Nix could have a happy homecoming.
“Okay, that’s how it is for you now. I see.” She walked slowly to the doorway. Just before she could have been considered truly out of my room, she looked over her shoulder. “I needed you today. I have a thing that I’m not sure about…”
I shook my head. “Handle it yourself. It’s what T would have done.” My words were toxic, meant to harm.
They struck their mark. Ember left and closed the door behind her.
The only thing left was the steam escaping from my bathroom from the shower she’d started.
I closed my eyes and had regret. T would have been pissed if she’d seen me treat Ember that way. I forced myself to sit up. The room was spinning. The alcohol was still in my system. I’d shower. Give Ember that much. Give T that much. At least Ember was talking to me.
Maybe I’d make all my choices this way from now on. T’s memory would be my jury.
Chapter 48
Animal
Nix was home. I was showered. Ember had helped with her arrival and fighting, even though I was a tremendous dick to her.
I wish I had the will to fix it. I should’ve had the will to fix it. When I heard Becca pull the minivan into the garage, I opened the door and went to the passenger side.
I had to help him. Even with the dragging depression, I had to see my man walk into our home.
“Sweetness.” I opened the passenger door. Nix grunted and tried to smile.
“Hey. Glad to see you up.” His voice was still hoarse. I bent low and wrapped an arm around his back. Becca walked around and made sure that the doors were open. It was a slow walk, but we made it to the couch.
I helped him sit and Becca brought an ottoman over for his feet. He made all kinds of horrible noises.
He should’ve been dead. I’d seen the video many times. Bones was a tough fuck. I knew that. I knew he was capable of turning off his nervous system and accepting injury.
Breston had done a job on him. A very scary job on him. We had a ton to discuss. I needed to participate in this life, take control again.
“I’m sorry.” He was reading my internal dialogue. I put my elbows on my knees and covered my mouth with my index finger.
“Don’t. You didn’t do anything.” I looked out the oversized window that displayed the beautiful forest. I pictured T taking walks out there to clear her head.
“If I hadn’t been caught…”
Becca cleared her throat. “This has to stop with both of you. Blaming yourselves. You knew T. I knew her. She was going to fix it. That’s what she did. She made things better for all of us, but especially you two.” Becca stopped and her eyes filled up while I looked at her.
T was quiet, but she had a way of getting underneath everything.
Ember walked into the room. “She would’ve wanted you all to move on. Move past this. Do something else than what you’re doing. Get out of this business.”
I stood when I saw her enter the room. I held my arms out to her. “Baby girl, come here.”
I knew I had to make her feel okay. Nix would kick me in my balls for hurting her. Shit, I was going to kick myself in the balls for it—as soon as I could feel anything other than numbness. She had come to visit both Nix and me. I doubt we were forgiven, but at least she still cared. I should be fostering that feeling.
She nodded the whole way into my arms.
I kissed her head. “I’m so sorry. You were right. It just hurts so much.”
Nix started to struggle, plainly wanting to man up and get in on the hugs. Ember pushed away from me and sat cross-legged next to Nix in a smooth movement.
“Stay put. Traveling is exhausting. How are you doing?”
I watched as Bones reached for Ember’s hand. “I’m sad. I feel weak. And I wish T wasn’t gone.”
Becca came close to me and put her arm around my waist. I put mine around her shoulders.
We were a puzzle missing a piece.
“Hey, Mrs. Bones. Can I ask you for a favor?”
Becca patted my stomach. “Any tat you want.”
“Thank you. It’ll need to be big and painful.” I wanted it to hurt the whole damn time.
“My specialty.” Becca hugged me once more, then she went to sit next to Nix.
I needed time. I needed T. I had to look at the floor. I had not been grateful enough when it mattered.
Chapter 49
Nix
Seeing Animal broken was horrible. His shoulders were slumped. The light in his eyes was diminished.
Having T gone was too much of a shock. She’d been a part of our every day. I liked cracking jokes with her, knowing I hit a good one when she finally smiled. While Becca rubbed my back gently and Ember held my hand—despite her anger with me—I thought about how T had pulled off the rescue of a lifetime.
She had been able to get into an impenetrable fortress and defeat an army all while wearing a pair of heels. The way she thought out the whole scenario—she was a goddamn genius.
She gave me my life. I felt like she wasn’t gone. And I couldn’t place why. I might have to pursue collecting her body to make it real. I had faced a great deal of death over the years, but this was the first time I had this nagging feeling.
I’d look at my footage from the surveillance. Animal was standing in the living room, but his mind was far away.
I wondered if he’d been watching the video. And then I knew he had. The way he had deep lines on his face. The way he’d cried in my hospital room.
Merck had come to visit me after Animal had left. I wondered about his timing, but it was clear he wanted to talk to me without my brother around. We’d tried to come up with ways to help this man we loved. We were both woefully inadequate at cheering Animal up. Giving him something to smile at again. The loss of T had changed everything that gave him genuine joy.
Chapter 50
T
When I opened my eyes, I had to shut them immediately. The white of the room was blinding. I tried to concentrate on whatever I’d seen in the brief glance. I felt too…present to be dead. But as far as I knew, that’s what I was.
I had aches and pains. In the distance I could hear machines. Monitoring noises. I opened my eyes very slowly, giving my pupils time to adjust.
The ceiling was white, but had those drop down tiles. The walls were white, but needed a touch-up in parts. The floor had white tiles with a light gray marbling through them. The blanket covering me was white as well. I moved my hands and felt restraints.
I didn’t call out, because I didn’t know where I was. I wanted the upper hand if I could get it in any way.
I’d gotten Nix onto the four-wheeler. He was in reverse when the first bomb detonated. The bomb that Animal had planned to plant, but I’d set instead.
I wanted to know how he was. Animal. Nix. Becca.
Ember. My mom. All these people whom I cared about.
It was not lost on me that I was a loner that had a pack now. Well, had a pack then. Chances weren’t good for me here. I went down in a hail of bullets. I couldn’t move my torso, but this was different.
It felt like I was cemented into place. I had consciousness, though, so there was that.
A man in a lab coat walked in. He noted my open eyes and pulled out an iPad.
“And you’re awake?” He didn’t seem friendly.
The man was plain. He could have been a stock photo for “average guy”.
“Yes.” My voice worked at least.
“That’s good. Can you move your feet?” He pointed with his pen at the bottom of the hospital bed I was in.
I couldn’t move them. I tried again and again. “No.”
“That’s good.”
This made me reassess him. Something was wrong. He should have been disappointed. Maybe my gunshot wounds had paralyzed me.
My heart rate picked up and he noted it.
“Is not being able to move making you nervous?” He tilted his head.
I decided right then answering this man’s questions were not in my best interest. I pushed my lips together.
“You’ll note that it is very hard to conceal information right now. Do you find me handsome?”
My heart rate went even faster. The words felt like a cough in my throat. It was getting harder to hold on to them. Maybe this was a version of hypnotism?
“You’re either pretty good at self-control or we need to up your dose.” He walked to the IV hanging near the bed. The tubing snaked under the blanket that covered me. He made an adjustment.
He casually took more notes, checked my pupils, and made various observations under his breath.
After about ten minutes, he asked me the same questions. “Is not being able to move making you nervous?”
I wasn’t answering. No way.
“No, it makes me angry.” It was surreal to answer when I had no intention of doing so.
The man holding the iPad smirked and gave a thumbs-up to the wall-mounted mirror. A two-way mirror I realized. This man and I were not alone.
“Do you find me handsome?” He waited expectantly.
I knew my eyebrows were furrowed as I gave him what he wanted, “No, you’re not my type.”
“What is your type?” He opened his mouth as if my words were a treat he could eat.
“Animal. I only love once. So you’re the wrong color, height, and most likely, dick size.” I was brutally honest. Despite the sassy answer, I felt my rage sliding into fear.
The man’s face registered the insult and he closed his mouth.
I was doing what he wanted. I couldn’t move anything but my face. Where the hell was I?
“What is this place?” It was clearly not a hospital. He didn’t care if I was well; he wanted me to be his guinea pig.
The door to the room opened again. When I saw Albany in a lab coat, certain things made sense.
“T, funny meeting you here.” She took the iPad from the man. “She’s responding well to the higher dose? Probably did a lot of drugs recreationally. Tolerance can be a bitch to break through.” Her tall heels clacked as she walked around the bed. “Your vitals are great. You’ve been with us for a month now. We really get to know so much about you with this new treatment.”
For a month? I’d been here a month. This might actually be a nightmare. Maybe it was the afterlife—but hell instead of heaven.
“Feel free to say thank you whenever you want now. I was on the team that saved your life.”
Again, my usually silent mouth betrayed me. “Fuck you.”
Albany laughed. “Sweetheart, don’t tempt me. As I was saying, I insisted they save you. You see, the board at Breston was very angry that you’d inflicted so much damage on their property. They weren’t ready to be as forgiving as I was. But I noticed you, T. And I’m betting that I’m right. You know everything there is to know about Animal and Nix. And Ember. And Becca.”
“I know everything there is to know.” The words were like breathing, a reflex.
“You’re disappointed in yourself. I can see it in your eyes.” Albany put her bright red nail under my chin. I tried to bite it and she pulled her hand away, laughing. “Look at that! Did you see that?”
She faced the mirror on the wall. “Ready to fight even though she’s paralyzed. She’s exceptional. I do believe we found my protégé.”
She turned back to me. “Don’t be upset, darling. You’re at almost double the dose that it would take to make a man Animal’s size talk. You’re a soldier. Never mind that—a general. Is it inappropriate to say I have a huge girl boner for you?” She leaned over me and whispered, “Probably.”
“What do you want this for?” I waited, because it was the only thing I could do.
She got a faraway look in her eyes. “It’s lonely at the top, you know? All these assholes dragging their nutsacks around like they contain extra brains. I just want to see what we could do. You and my father and brother think they’re the only ones that can make our company worthwhile. By the time I have this place up and running, I will be the one that they have to come to and not the other way around.” She acted delighted with me like she was my kindergarten teacher. “And I think you and I would make a great power couple.”
“You’re insane.” I tried to wiggle my feet again to no avail.
Albany looked hurt. “You’ll come around. See it my way. I mean, there aren’t any other choices, really.”
I wanted to scream. I wanted to react to this nightmare. But she had a hunger in her eyes that I didn’t want to feed. I swallowed my first response. I tried not to show that I had had a very small victory. If for some reason I could control my mouth on this drug, I could manipulate Albany and the situation and then get back to my pack.
Chapter 51
T
Albany had other test patients, but she was fascinated with me. I wasn’t sure if I was a new plaything or a science experiment.
I was in a locked room that reminded me of the psych ward when I was a teenager. It was killing me, though my actual body was healing. I had the care of the best doctors in the world, or at least that was what Albany said.
I believed it when I saw how quickly my gunshot wounds healed. The physical therapist offered a combination of exercises, acupuncture, and electric therapy to get my range of motion back. There was even an herbalist that set up a vitamin, mineral, and protein mixture to speed up the healing.
A plastic surgeon used cutting edge lasers to neaten my scars. They would always be there, but far less obvious in a few years.
I had access to movies, books, some puzzles, and crafts.
I was alive, and I was fighting by not fighting. I remembered how Nix infiltrated the Feybis so he could get information and kill his enemy at the same time.
That was my modus operandi for now. It seemed better to have a plan. And Albany, for all her suaveness, seemed truly alone. I really didn’t give a flying fuck about her, but I had to pretend to. It seemed clear that her brother and father had no designs on keeping me alive. But if I accepted her too quickly, she’d see through that as well. So I had to keep my head down and do what was asked. I had to bitch. I had to make a few half-hearted attempts at escape so they would believe me when I stopped trying to run for the open door. Even though it was actually painful to watch it close.
I was being watched at all times. Like prison. Like my worst nightmares. I recognized that I was in a very specific state of peril. And if everything had gone as I’d planned, no one would be looking for me.
They let me have a dull pencil and a pad of paper to draw about two months in. I couldn’t stop myself. I drew Animal’s face.
I just needed to see it, even if I had to pull his handsome face from my memory. I missed him. He was probably-knee deep in his slut kabob, with Ember giving him the business. When I heard someone coming down the hallway, I reluc
tantly scribbled over his image and flipped the page. Albany had to believe I was pissed at Animal and Nix. And not that I trusted them to miss me. That I knew that Animal and I would always be headed for each other no matter what had happened to us.
Albany was buzzed in. I talked myself out of poking her in the eye with the pencil. Momentary satisfaction would not get me free. I pushed the pencil into the tunnel the spiral on the notebook made.
She was dressed down in jeans and a white T-shirt today, black flats, and a ponytail. I wondered what was up. She was usually in full siren gear with false lashes and a push-up bra.
She was holding a piece of paper. I hid my irritation when she showed me a copy of the Animal image that she had copied.
“Screenshot of the surveillance, in case you’re wondering.” Albany smiled and sat next to me on the bed.
I wondered if she knew how many different ways I could kill her. So very many. I closed my eyes as the thought of her warm blood on my hands thrilled me.
“Sleepy?” Albany rubbed my back, running her nails over my spine.
“What do you want?” I opened my eyes and pinned her with a frustrated gaze.
She took her hand off of me and smoothed her hair in her ponytail. “Just a friendship, that’s all. I mean, I’m keeping you alive, healthy. If not for me and my family’s talents, we’d have lost you.”
She was narcissistic. I recognized it in the way she phrased her sentences. When I was a small kid, my mom was involved with a person just like Albany. A man named Brit. Mom was pretty and needy, and when she was on a high, there was no one more fascinating in the room. He could make everything about him and expected to be thanked for simple human actions.
“You’re right about that. The care here has been pretty interesting,” I said it begrudgingly. She was right, though. The crap they were using on me was stuff that only had numbers. Nothing looked like it would in a normal hospital.
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