by Amy Davies
“It is Christmas Eve and we are both miserable. By the looks of things, my lack of explaining has put you in a headspace that you have no right to be in.” I go to speak, but he holds his hand up to stop me. “I am not going to darken tonight by explaining about my parents, that is for another day, okay?” I nod my head and look down at my hands in my lap. I feel Jay coming closer, and glance at him as he sits on his knees in front of me.
“Baby, I wanted today to be happy, but I screwed that up. I will tell you about my past, soon, and you will tell me everything about yours. That is a guarantee, babe. I am here to stay and I hope you are too.” I bite my lip and nod.
“Freaking, wicked. Now, I believe that I have something to give you.” My gaze meets his and I mirror the smile on his face. God, he is so bloody handsome, in that rough kinda way. He stands and walks over to my wardrobe, where he pulls out wrapped presents. He had the help of Chris, who dropped off the gifts earlier today. I take his cue and lean under my bed to pull out his Christmas presents. Jay comes over and sits on the bed with me. I place his gifts on the bed and then take my shoes off and climb onto the bed more.
“I hope you like them,” he says, shifting back on the bed.
“Thank you, Jay. I hope you like yours, too.” I start to tear the paper off, and burst out laughing when I hold up the t-shirt. He has bought me a ‘Save Ferris’ t-shirt. I freaking love that movie. The next top is a kick-arse superhero t-shirt, with Batgirl, Wonder Woman and Supergirl on. Yeah, my boy did good. I open the bigger of the gifts to find an awesome Batman hoodie. I smile at Jay.
“Thank you. These are amazing, and perfect timing; my old Batman hoodie has seen better days and I had to throw it out. Do you like yours?” I ask, hoping he does.
“Like. I fucking love, Kitten. Tickets to go and see Linkin Park in concert… Fuck, babe. You are coming with me, right?” he asks, hopefully.
“If you want. But you don’t have to take me.” I shrug my shoulders. Jay is on me in a flash, laying me on my back and looming over me. He kisses with me force, proving he wants me.
“You. Always. Now open the last gift.” I nod my head and turn to pick it up. It’s an envelope. I see the symbol and gasp. He didn’t?
jay
Her gasp echoes around the silent room. My heart is beating like a fucking drum in my chest, for fear that she won’t like it. Luke kept telling me to calm my tits because she was going to love it. I look at Cassie and see tears in her eyes, and my heart sinks. My pain must show on my face because she drops the papers and clasps my face in her tiny hands.
“Hey, look at me.” I move my gaze back to hers. “I love it, babe.” Her smile widens at the name slip. She has always called me Jay.
“Yeah?” She nods.
“It is amazing. It’s the best gift anyone has ever given me.” I slide to the side of her and pick the papers up, before handing them back to her. She unfolds the certificate and reads the words printed on the paper.
“You adopted a panda in my name?” I kiss the side of her head and nod. “Oh, Jay.”
“I wanted the perfect gift; I hope I’ve done that.” Cassie turns her body so she is laying on her side, facing me. Her smile spreads across her face, making me grin in return as warmth spreads through me. I am falling in love with this girl, the start of a journey I cannot wait to go on.
“Oh, boy you did good. I love his name, too. Gun. It says here that it means ‘Strong’ in Korean. Oh my God, Jay. I love this so much! Oh, I FLOVE it.”
“Flove? What the hell is that?” Women: they don’t half make some random shit up.
“It means I fucking love it.” She drops the tone of her voice when she says ‘fucking’; my girl doesn’t like to swear. I bellow out a laugh and fall onto my back, holding my stomach because the muscles are tightening.
“Don’t laugh at me, Jay Castle. Oh, you bloody runt.” She slaps my chest. I grip her hand before she can pull it away, and I pull her up onto my chest. I take a hand-full of her arse in my hands and hold her to me. She arches her back so she can see me properly.
“I’m sorry, but you swearing is funny. I’m not used to you saying it. But I can tell you now, you will be screaming all the swear words in the English dictionary when I finally get to fuck you.” Her eyes fill with lust and her breathing becomes fast. I know she wants me as much as I want her. “Soon, Kitten. Very soon,” I growl at her as she grinds down on my hard-on.
“God, Jay. Why do you make going slow, so bloody hard?”
“Me making things ‘hard’? Baby, can you not feel how ‘hard’ you’re making me?” Cassie giggles and snuggles into my body. We lay there and… everything feels right.
This is how things should be in a relationship.
* * *
“MERRY CHRISTMAS,” I yell as I walk into Dex and Addy’s house. It is Phoebe’s first Christmas, so we went all out, not that she will remember it since she is barely eight months old. But, what the hell, right? Their house is as bad as mine in the decoration department. They wanted it fun and filled with lights for Pheebs.
Addy rounds the corner in her red dress with Christmas trees all over it, my baby girl on her hip, wearing a matching dress. Both Addy and Phoebe have a headband in their hair, with a little Santa hat on the side. The image of a little blonde baby girl on Cassie’s hip, wearing a matching dress to her on her first Christmas… My chest aches. I am missing her like crazy today. It’s our first Christmas as a couple, and we're apart, each spending the day with our family. But on the upside, I get her all to myself tonight.
“Merry Christmas, Jay.” I lean in and kiss Addy’s cheek as I take Phoebe from her arms.
“Merry Christmas, Ads. And Merry first Christmas to my little lady.” Addy turns and walks back into the kitchen, where Dex is stirring the gravy to go with our Christmas dinner. Dex likes to cook - when we were younger, he never had much of a choice. He has always looked after me. He is my hero in more ways than one. I have always looked up to Dex; during my bad days, he was there to kick me in the arse and force me on the straight path again.
“Merry Christmas, big brother.” I walk over to Dex, Phoebe still in my arms, and wrap one arm around him. He wraps both of his around me, pulling me tight to him. He breathes a deep breath and steps back, smiling at his daughter.
“Merry Christmas, man.” He looks behind me to Addy, who is standing, leaning against the wall. His smile gets bigger before he brings his gaze back to mine. “Look at us, bro. We did it. We fucking did it.” I know what he is talking about. We never thought we would be where we are today: both of us owning our own tattoo studio; Dex having a family; me being with a woman I can see myself having a family with.
The Castle boys are doing alright for themselves.
“That we did, brother. That we did. Now, when is dinner going to be ready? I am wasting away.” I lean over and smell the gravy – yes, the gravy. I am a sucker for it, especially over chicken and potatoes. Mmmmmm, my stomach rumbles at the thought of the scrummy food we are going to eat.
“Soon, man. Let’s open the presents and then we can serve up the food.” He stirs the gravy one last time and adjusts the dial on the cooker. We all walk into the living room and I chuckle at the sight before me. There is a mountain of ripped wrapping paper. I can bet you now that it was Dex that made this mess, there is no way that my little lady did this all on her own. I sit on the floor and lean back against the couch, setting Phoebe on my lap, and reach for her big sack of presents. Cassie helped me wrap most of them, because, come on, I am a bloke after all. They would be all messed up, and a bitch to open.
“This is for you, Ads. Merry Christmas,” I say, placing her gift into her outstretched hands. I bought her a choker that I saw her looking at when we were shopping for Dex. She smiles wide when she sees it and launches herself at me, giving me hugs and kisses.
“I love it, dude. Thanks, Jay.” She sits back down and places the choker around her neck. “How does it look?” she asks me and my brother.
“Sexy, baby,” Dex answers with a wink, which has Addy rolling her eyes at him.
“Looks great, Ads,” I tell her.
“Dex,” I call, handing him his gift. We don’t do big, extravagant gifts for each other, it isn’t our thing. I bought Dex a new leather wallet, complete with chain. It’s his thing. He smiles over at me when he opens the box, and I know that I did good. Yeah, I am always good; I know my brother.
“Thanks, bro, I love it. I needed a new one.”
“I know,” I say cockily. “Now, onto the little lady’s pressies.” I sit Phoebe between my legs and start to help her open each of her presents. I bought her a range of different gifts, from educational toys to clothes and shoes. Hey, a girl needs plenty of shoes. Phoebe claps her hands excitedly when one of her toys flashes bright lights and plays music. My heart swells with love for this little girl. She is my world, and I can’t fucking wait to have babies of my own.
After an amazing dinner, courtesy of Dex and Addy, eaten around their dining table, we ventured back into the living room. They had gone all out with the dinner, since it’s Phoebe’s first Christmas, and I lost count of how many slices of turkey and beef I had consumed. I see hours in the gym in my future. Maybe I can convince Cassie to run in front of me and make me chase her. Now that is the kind of exercise I can work with.
Running behind her pert little arse... Having it flexing in front of me, begging to be squeezed... Fuck, I need to see her. I need to feel her, to taste her.
“Dude.” A slap to the back of my head brings me back to the room. Turning around from my position on the floor, I look at Dex and rub the back of my head.
“What the hell? What was that for?”
“You were off in fucking pervy la la land, with my daughter within close proximity of that little thing in your jeans.” He smirks at me. Yeah, little isn’t a word that is used when describing the Castle cocks.
“Little, my arse.”
“So, when are you seeing Cassie?” Addy asks, while bending and taking Phoebe from me and sitting on the floor opposite. I watch as she helps the baby open the rest of the presents that I got her. I bought her so many that we had to stop to eat the food they had made. The smile on her face makes up for all the shitty Christmases that me and Dex had growing up, once our parents died. I hate talking about what happened in the years that followed, but I know that I am going to have to talk to Kitten about it, especially if I want her to open up about her fuck-head of an ex-boyfriend.
“She’s coming over to my place around six. She’s staying the night...” I wiggle my eyebrows at Dex, and he chuckles.
“My baby brother is hoping to get lucky tonight, huh.”
“Hell yes. But we will go slow, I don’t want to scare her off. She has had a shitty experience with men before.”
“You aren’t like them, Jay. You are an amazing bloke, a true gentleman. Not many of them around these days,” Addy says.
“Hey, I am a gentleman,” Dex whines from his seat.
“Ha! You are only a gentleman when you want something, Dexter Castle,” Addy fires back.
“Yeah. And?”
“See what I have to put up with?” I raise my hands up, palms facing front.
“Hey, you are the one who fell in love with his nasty arse.”
“I did, didn’t I?” Her smile says it all. She is truly, madly, deeply in love with my brother. And there isn’t a woman on this planet that is more perfect for him. I know he loved Fiona, but I think, deep down, he always knew that Addison Cole was his soul mate. They connected from the second they met.
“Love you too, baby,” Dex says, crawling over to where she is sitting with their daughter.
One day I will have what they have: A family of my own.
A wife that looks at me like Addy looks at Dex.
My phone pings in my jeans pocket, and I lift my hips and pull the handset out. I smile when I see my baby’s name.
Kitten: Merry Christmas, Jay. I miss you xx
Me: Merry Christmas, Kitten. I miss you too, baby. How are your parents?
Kitten: Should I miss you this much, so soon? They are great btw.
Me: What do you mean? Do you think we are moving too fast?
Her words scare me. It feels like she’s wanting to slow things down with us, but we have been going at a snail's pace. I would never force her into anything she didn’t want, but... But I don't know if I could ever let her go.
Kitten: It scares me how much I miss you, Jay. We haven’t been together that long, and I feel like I’m not myself when I’m not with you. But at the same time, I love being with you. Bugger, my head is messed up.
Me: Can I come over?
I look up at the clock on the wall and see that it is already four-thirty. My mind races with thoughts of Cassie wanting to break up with me, because she is scared. I climb to my feet and look down at Dex and Addy, who are looking at me with concerned faces.
“Hey, are you two okay if I take off early?” I ask, and check my phone again. I frown when I see nothing from Cassie. God, these seconds feel like hours - days even. When did I become the man who pines after a girl? Am I pining, though? Shit, I have no clue. Dex and Addy stand.
“Yeah, man, it’s fine. Are you okay? Is Cass okay?”
I shake my head at him. “She just text me. She sounds scared of going further with me. I need to see her. I need to find out what the hell is going through her head. She’s it for me, Dex. I can feel it.” He nods his head in understanding and wraps his arm around Addy’s waist, pulling her close.
“Then what the fuck are you waiting for. Go and get your kitten.” He winks at me. Addy uses her free hand and slaps his stomach.
“Language. I swear Phoebe’s first word is going to be a swear word. So, God help you both if that happens. Warn Luke, too.” I lean in and kiss her cheek and then Phoebe's head. I fist pump Dex and leave them to it.
Castle family time is an important time.
But this Castle needs to go and see his royal kitten. She needs to know that what we have is important. Fuck time and patience. We live in the here and now. Tomorrow may never come.
cassie
The day started out great with my parents, we had our traditional Christmas breakfast, followed by opening the presents. Then we chilled until my mother had finished cooking the Christmas feast, and a feast it was. She always went overboard, but whatever we didn’t eat, she would take to the homeless shelter just outside of town. I swear she overcooked on purpose. My mother is one of the most kind-hearted people you will ever meet. Everyone’s needs come before her own. We always sat in the living room and watched Christmas movies after our dinner, before my parents went and delivered the leftovers. I normally go with them, but I got my period this morning, and I am suffering. I have always suffered, ever since my first period. My parents took me to the best doctors, but they couldn’t find anything medically wrong with my body to cause so much pain. My parents dropped me off back at my house when the pain started. I like to be in my own bed when I am ill.
The pain and the overwhelming feeling of missing Jay is playing on my head and heart. I am very emotional when I am on a period; my dad normally stays out of the way. One minute I am calm, the next I am either crying or losing my temper. I’m in a state of an emotional rollercoaster at the moment. I miss Jay, but my head and heart are at war. I feel like I am two different people with two completely different minds. One side is telling me to go all in with Jay, but the other side of me is telling me to pull back, out of fear that he will hurt me. Being around Jay Castle is intoxicating. He always makes me feel like I am his only thought when he is looking at me.
I dig my phone from under my pillow, and see a text from Jay.
Jay: Can I come over?
Do I want him to come over? No. Yes. Yes, I do. I hold the phone above my head and send him my reply.
Me: YES!
Not even five seconds later, he replies, telling me he is on his way. The butterflies t
ake flight in my belly. I smile to myself and stare at my phone, which seems to have a mind of its own as it slips from my hand and narrowly misses my head.
“Damned ninja phone,” I say to the room.
Note to self: DO NOT HOLD PHONE ABOVE HEAD WHEN LYING DOWN
I know I should take more painkillers, but my legs feel like jelly, and I’m lying down. I need them, though. I take a deep breath and slowly climb out of my bed. I was so happy when my parents brought me home, there is no way I can drive like this. Slowly, I make my way to the kitchen to get a bottle of ice-cold water. I always keep some painkillers in the cutlery draw, easy access. I don’t worry about opening the door for Jay; he has a key. Thank God for the small things. He wanted to cook me dinner one night, so I gave him a spare key. He had made us an amazing meal, with candlelight everywhere. The special added touch was the paw print balloons around the room. I fell a little more in love with him that night.
I pop the little tablet into my mouth and take a mouthful of water as a new wave of pain hits me. My knees buckle beneath me, but I don’t hit the floor like I expect to. I feel arms wrap around me and lift me up.
“I got you, babe.” Jay. Oh, my Jay. My very own superhero. I bury my head in his neck and breathe him in as he carries me to my bedroom. God, he smells so good. I am laid gently on the bed, and the thin blanket is pulled over me.
“Thanks, babe,” I tell him. I glance up and see how scared he looks. Fear is clear in his eyes.
“What’s wrong? Why did you collapse in the kitchen?” Worry etches his voice. I hate knowing that I am making him feel like this, but there isn't much I can do about Mother Nature. Jay sits on the bed next to me.
