“Nick!” Gwen exclaimed.
Willow snapped. “Exile my mate and you’ll be exiling me too.”
“Nick, that was going too far,” Gwen chastised. “You know how powerful the connection between Fated Mates is. How could you say that? You weren’t exactly a gentleman to me in the beginning either. You were rude to me. You tried to stay away from me and to keep me out of your life.”
Nick ran one of his hands through his dark curly hair. “I don’t like him.” He wasn’t defending his words or pushing them. He was simply stating a feeling.
“Gwen is right,” Willow said, trying to keep calm. “I feel a connection between me and Derek. I know we’re supposed to be together even though I’ve been having doubts too. But there’s more to Derek. None of us really know him. He doesn’t feel comfortable opening up to anyone. I… I want to know him. I’m going to keep trying until I break through to him. That’s what I’ve decided. So, if you make him leave, Nick, I’m leaving too.”
“I won’t make him leave,” he stated. “I won’t do it if you’re sure.”
“I think Derek needs help,” she whispered. “That’s what Blue Pack does now, right? We help other wolves.”
Gwen nodded her head in approval.
Willow had made her decision. She hoped Derek would give her a chance. She hoped that when she left the cafe in a few minutes, he’d be at her home waiting for her.
Derek left Willow’s home because he wanted to explore Moonwatch and see what the small town had to offer—and his mind was a fucking hurricane. Moonwatch didn’t have much. In the end, he was drawn to the cafe—probably because Willow’s damn intoxicating scent was so strong and coming from there. He hadn’t intended to seek her out, but he kind of wandered over in her direction anyway.
When he got there, he heard shouting coming from the closed cafe, dim in the dying light of day. He knew those voices. Willow and her asshole brother. He got closer to better hear their conversation as it died down. He stood with his back against a wood wall. He made sure to avoid any windows so he wouldn’t be seen.
Then he heard her. He heard what Willow said.
“I… I want to know him. I’m going to keep trying until I break through to him. That’s what I’ve decided. So, if you make him leave, Nick, I’m leaving too.”
She really did want him to stay.
He felt as if someone had punched him in the chest. He didn’t deserve anything to do with this woman. Nothing at all. She had so much faith in him or the Moon or whatever. She was so warm. He wasn’t sure how to fight it anymore. He was in danger of letting her know him. It was the biggest risk he could take, but he wanted her to know. He wanted someone to know. He was tired of being alone.
Derek staggered away from the building as if drunk. He held his head in one hand like he had a splitting headache. He needed to get out of here before someone noticed him.
He dashed forward, not watching where he was going, and ran into a wolf shifter with a hulking frame, much like his own. Both of them stumbled backward. Derek moved his hand away so he could clearly see the wolf standing in front of him. He was pretty sure he had never seen this guy before. He was blond, had blue eyes, and bronze skin. Something about him smelled off. It wasn’t aggression, but it was something dangerous.
“Uh, sorry,” the guy said. “You all right?”
Derek scowled. The guy in front of him was one of those people who apologized when they weren’t the one in the wrong. He didn’t like that. “Fine.”
The shifter scratched the back of his head. “I’m Max. You must be Derek.”
Derek growled.
Max flinched and held up his hands. “Please, don’t do that. My wolf is… hard to manage.”
This guy was definitely weird. Derek shook his head and brushed past him. Then he ran. He ran for the tree line Willow had taken him to earlier. He didn’t know why that was where he went. He kept telling himself to grab his Fat Boy and to leave all of this behind, but he didn’t have the drive to follow through. He didn’t want to follow through.
He stopped running. He found himself near a couple of motels far removed from the rest of the town. He found it odd. He would have placed motels where the city was densest, not out in extended fields where all of the farms sat. Casey was there, standing outside one of the motels with an older male wolf shifter. Derek growled. He didn’t understand how Casey, this apparently great family guy, had left Willow and didn’t look back. It made his blood boil.
No, no fighting. No causing a scene. He had caused enough trouble. Besides, the old guy looked like he wanted to punch Casey’s lights out as well.
“Goddamn it, Casey,” the old guy said.
“Hey, Dad,” Casey said quietly. He stood submissively, giving his old man all the power here.
His dad growled, but there were clearly tears in his eyes. The tension Derek mistook for aggression faded away as Casey’s father threw his arms around his son and squeezed him tightly. Casey squeezed back.
“What took you so long to come back home?” his dad asked.
“I don’t know. I was afraid to,” Casey replied. “Because I don’t regret what I did. If I hadn’t left, I wouldn’t have found my Fated Mate. She was out there waiting for me, Dad. She needed me. I had to go. None of you would have backed me up. None of you would have understood.”
“You’re right. And I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry, too.”
“I want to fix things.”
“Me too.”
A little wolf shifter boy came bounding out of one of the motel rooms. He ran right for Casey and raised his arms, clearly wanting to be held. Casey complied and tossed the kid into the air before catching him safely in his arms. The kid giggled and clung to him.
“This is Cade,” Casey said with a grin, “my son. If you want to hang out for a bit, I can introduce you to the rest of the family.”
The way Casey’s old man looked at his grandson with such pride was too much. Derek tore his eyes away, and he stopped listening. So this was home. This was family. A real family. Love. They work through their problems. They forgive. They accept.
“You’re Willow’s mate.”
Derek looked behind him to see the old she-wolf who had left with Willow and Gwen the night Derek had arrived in Moonwatch.
“I’m Julie. We haven’t been properly introduced,” she said, holding out her hand, inviting him to shake it.
He didn’t. “I’m not Willow’s mate,” he said.
Julie rested her hand back at her side, unperturbed. “But you claimed her.”
“For the last fucking time, I didn’t know what I was doing!”
“Because the Moon picked you and Willow.”
“I’m so tired of hearing that shit. I don’t believe it.”
“And yet you have a Lunas Sigil on your neck as proof.”
Derek shook his head. “No. I’m going to leave this town. Willow is going to forget all about me. She’s going to find some other guy, a guy who actually deserves her. I’m not the guy.”
Julie softened. “You are, Derek.”
“No.”
Derek tore off his clothes and shifted in a flash. He had never shifted so fast. He missed the sound of his bones snapping and was suddenly on all fours, running for that tree line again. This time he made it and passed it, diving deep into the now dark forest.
He ran and he ran as if he were running on burning coals. It wasn’t until those coals cooled that he slowed and eventually stopped. He felt as if the forest was closing in around him. He tucked his tail in between his legs and whimpered. He was alone in a quiet forest. A black wolf that appeared as nothing more than a shadow. Alone. Always alone.
He howled. He howled so loudly and for so long that his throat was raw. He was in anguish. His heart was being shredded. So badly he wanted somewhere to belong, but he was terrified about what that meant. He was terrified what he’d do if he cared about someone again. He was terrified that someone would send him a
way. He was terrified that anyone he cared about would leave him. It wasn’t worth the pain.
So why? Why did he feel like risking it? He liked Willow. He didn’t want to hurt her. If he cared about her, he would give her a deep scar. Or worse. All he brought with him was death.
Chapter 11
IT WAS BETTER TO rip the Band-Aid off quickly. Willow burst into her home, hoping to find Derek waiting right there in the living room. She didn’t. Her nose already told her all she needed to know, but she needed to be sure. She started checking room by room. With each room she checked and didn’t see him, her heart sank a little more.
He wasn’t there.
Maybe he was out for a run. Maybe he was tired of being alone. She couldn’t blame him for that. She had been gone for a few hours. But she couldn’t help thinking the worst. She couldn’t help thinking that he had left. Would he have left his bike, though? It was still parked in her driveway. The few things he had in his hotel room were here too. Maybe he thought it was in his best interest to sneak out and not draw any intention to himself. Then he would have gotten a big head start and no one would have followed him. Maybe.
Her head was spinning. She couldn’t think straight. Her chest hurt and tears were stinging her eyes. Why did it hurt so much to think her mate had left? He said over and over again that he didn’t want her. She had no right to feel this way. Why did she keep holding on to her fairytales, her belief that she could somehow make this work? It went both ways in the end, didn’t it? If Derek refused to open up, if he refused to try, then she had done everything she could.
Her brother and Gwen had something special. Casey and Karol had something special. They were happy with their Fated Mates. Derek didn’t stick around long enough for that to be a possibility. Willow didn’t know Casey and Karol’s situation, but she knew Nick and Gwen had a bit of a rough start. Maybe there was hope for her and Derek. She kept believing there was. Maybe it was nothing but a desperate plea from a desperate wolf.
She sat down on her couch in the living room and pulled her knees up to her chest. She thought about that run she went on with Derek earlier. The river. It was so much fun. She forgot everything, her uncertainties, until the end when Derek had adamantly refused her. He was serious about not messing around with her again. So serious that he managed to escape their insane attraction for each other. She sensed… mixed emotions inside of her mate. Fear? She wasn’t sure, but her mate was carrying around a lot of weight. The little bit she knew about his past, him being a lone wolf, stealing, getting people mad, all told her Derek did not have the same kind of upbringing she had.
He had told her that family and love didn’t exist. Saying something messed up like that, her mate must have had something important broken inside of him. Her Fated Mate was supposed to love her unconditionally. Derek didn’t. He couldn’t. Not as he was. She had been expecting something impossible from him after all. That was why she wanted to know him. The better she knew him, the more she could help. She could teach her mate that family and love did exist. And that they were the best things this world had to offer as far as she was concerned.
Why did he have to leave now when she had just sorted through all of this?
“Come back,” she whispered to herself as she cried. She buried her face into her knees, muffling her sobs as she hugged her legs tighter against her chest.
The front door opened. The intoxicating scent of her mate wafted into her nose, and she lifted her head to see him standing there. He was really there. He hadn’t left. Or if he had, he came back. She hurriedly wiped at her eyes. She always wore waterproof mascara in case crying was ever involved in her day, but that didn’t mean she didn’t look like a mess right now.
Derek quickly shut the door behind him and came to her, sitting down right beside her on the couch. He was very close, his hand outstretched, wiping away a tear streak she had missed.
“What’s wrong?” he whispered. Maybe he didn’t mean it, but Willow could hear the protectiveness in his voice. It made her unbelievably happy.
“It’s nothing,” she said with a shake of her head, forcing a smile.
“It’s not nothing.”
Frowning, she admitted, “I thought you left.”
Derek bit his lower lip. Uncertainty clouded around him. Then he did something unexpected. He reached out for her and guided her head to rest on his chest. She did so willingly, and then one of his hands was on her back. He started rubbing in between her shoulder blades. He ran his fingers all over every inch of her back he could reach while they sat like this.
She soothed almost immediately. This was what it felt like to be safe in her mate’s arms, and it was amazing. She was still in heat, but right now her body was almost calm, content with this simple loving gesture.
“I was going to leave,” Derek said. His words were a rumble in Willow’s ear, pressed to his chest. “But… I couldn’t bring myself to.”
“What do you mean?” she asked softly as she held on to his arm.
“I’ve never seen anything like this wolf pack of yours. Moonwatch is a crazy place. I guess it was like you were telling me before about a big family or whatever. You have a lot of wolves here who… love each other.”
“You could join the pack. They’ll love you too if you give them the chance to,” she replied.
He snorted. “Yeah, right. Like hell I’d even want that. Besides, I’m an outsider, and Erin’s a problem.”
Willow suspected he did want that. She suspected he did want someone who loved him. “Erin hasn’t tried anything yet,” she said. “And Casey’s shifter contacts are supposed to arrive tomorrow. It’s all going to be fine. I don’t think you should worry about Erin anymore.”
“Casey. I’m surprised you have that much faith in his contacts. I thought you hated him,” Derek mused.
Willow frowned. She gently made circles on Derek’s arm with her pointer finger. “My brother told me something. He said the only one I’m hurting by not forgiving Casey is myself. I think he could be right. I mean, he’s not my mate. He moved on a long time ago.”
“I saw him tonight.”
“Casey?”
“Yeah. His old man and him had a cry-it-out moment. It was like watching a bad drama on TV.”
“Howard was able to forgive him,” Willow whispered.
“Seemed that way.”
“Derek.”
“What?”
“I want to know more about you. Will you tell me?”
“You don’t, and no.”
Willow pursed her lips and squeezed his arm. “I always knew, Derek. I always knew that somehow when I found my Fated Mate, I’d know the instant I saw him, smelled him, touched him. I decided that the night Casey left. It was the only way I knew how to keep myself going. And you know what? I was right. All of that happened the night I met you.”
“Maybe, but it didn’t turn out how you imagined,” he replied quietly.
“That’s true.”
“Why are you still holding on to that? Why do you keep insisting I’m your Fated Mate?”
“Because I feel it. Right now especially. I feel it. Forget everything else. Forget that I’m in heat, that you claimed me without realizing it, that everything seems to have been set up. I feel it.”
“I don’t want a mate,” Derek stated.
Willow wasn’t going to let those words bring her down this time. She was going to get to the bottom of this. “I’ve been stuck thinking that when I found my Fated Mate we’d be this perfect match, and that he’d love me right away, and that everything wrong in my life would be fixed. But maybe no one is really perfect—even for their mate. I’d argue Nick and Gwen are perfect, but they fight sometimes too, and they’re still happy. They make things work because they love each other.
“Maybe you can’t magically fix everything wrong in my life. Maybe you don’t love me, and you never think you will. Maybe you don’t want to be my mate. Maybe you don’t want to try. I can’t make you do anything,
but I can keep trying. Call me stupid, but I’m not ready to let you go. Not without a fight.”
“I don’t get it,” Derek said simply.
“Right now, I’m seeing a side of you I didn’t think you had. You can be nice. You can be gentle.” She rubbed her cheek against his shirt covered chest and closed her eyes. She was tired. Lack of sleep was catching up to her. She could rest here like this and fall asleep in her mate’s arms.
“You should go to bed,” Derek said, rousing her with his deep voice and the rumble in his chest.
“No,” she countered. “I want to stay with you.”
He didn’t give her a choice. He shifted and scooped her up in his arms as he stood. Willow looped her arms around his neck. She pressed her palms against the back of his neck where his Lunas Sigil was located. Her hands tingled with the contact. She felt another low rumble in Derek’s chest at the same time. She knew he had to be feeling the same sensation she was. Her body had calmed, but now the fire of being in heat was spreading through her as intensely as ever. Derek’s eyes dilated in response.
When he got to her room, he tried to place her on her pink fluffy bed. But she refused to let him go. She held on to his neck and pulled him down on top of her. He held himself up with his hands and knees, but she guided his head down to hers. Their noses were almost touching. Their dilated eyes met. Their breathing hitched. And they stayed like that. Willow held on to the back of Derek’s neck as they stared into each other’s eyes. Her chest swelled with the simple exchange. Gazing into his eyes with no distractions, created a powerful connection. There was lust there too of course, but whether Derek liked it or not, they were building an emotional connection as well. Willow couldn’t call it love, not yet, but she knew it could turn into it.
Derek slowly eased down on her. He was still holding his weight so he wasn’t crushing her, but now the pocket of air that was between them was almost gone. Her heat and his heat were joined. Derek’s breathing was labored. He moved his head down to the dip of her neck and placed his lips there. Willow let out an incoherent murmur. His lips were scorching hot, and her whole body was writhing with need.
Her Fierce Wolf (Marked By The Moon Book 2) Page 12
