No one offered an argument.
“Oh screw you guys!“ he cursed as he crossed his arms and leaned back in the chair. “I’m not a has-been. I’m relevant, dammit.”
Jake looked at Lucas and gestured to the flickering presentation hovering above the table. “I don’t think you’re going to get a better segue than that.”
Lucas took the cue and continued the presentation. “Like I was saying. I have some thoughts on how to improve the show that I think you all are going to find quite exciting.”
Mason leaned forward. “Great. When are we getting the new shop?”
Lucas was blunt. “We’re not getting a new shop.”
“I think that’s an interesting twist, Lucas,” Mason said. “Since you promised us a new shop last season and you didn’t give us one then either.”
“Guys, you don’t want a new shop. Look at this place.” Lucas waved his hand at everything and nothing.
“It’s shit,” Mason said.
“Yes,” Lucas agreed. “But this dumpy shop is as much a part of Scrappers as any of you.”
Hailey smiled. “You say the nicest things, Lucas.”
Lucas smiled apologetically. “What I mean is that it has character.”
“The Beast has character, too,” Kat added. “Lots of it. Tons of it. But it doesn’t need character. It needs brakes and shocks and engine work. When are you going to make those happen?”
"You can't change the Beast!” Lucas protested. “People love it. Beast toys are one of our hottest sellers. It outsells the Savant action figures five-to-one."
Savant threw up his arms and let them fall. "Seriously, man?”
“Don’t blame me,” Lucas scolded. “You’re the one that insisted on the crotch chopping action feature.”
“It’s awesome.” Savant stood and demonstrated the action feature.
“It’s offensive.”
“Only to people without…” Savant’s argument trailed off. “…crotches.”
“What about the rest?” Mason asked. “The disruptors are shit. You saw what happened at the arena.”
“That was perfect.” Lucas said. “It added drama. It’s going to be one of our best episodes because the disruptor broke at the right time.”
Hailey used her real scolding voice this time. “Jake almost died.”
“But he didn’t,” Lucas said.
“But he could have!”
“And that uncertainty is what makes good television,” Lucas smiled. “It’s exciting.”
Jake crossed his arms. “Exciting?”
Lucas took a breath to make an argument but abandoned it. “You guys just don’t appreciate a good narrative.”
“Maybe not, but I do understand contracts,” Hailey countered. “When we signed up for this, you made a lot of promises you haven’t kept. When do we get the new equipment?”
Lucas took a deep breath. “You don’t.”
Savant laughed and shook his head. “Surprise, surprise, the lying asshole turns out to be a lying asshole.”
“Look, guys, I’m sorry, but there just isn’t any money in the budget for all those things. In fact…” Lucas trailed off and looked to Jake.
“Don’t look at me,” Jake said. “You tell ’em.”
Lucas changed the projection to display the ratings graph. “The network is thinking about pulling the show.”
A full chorus of, “What?” erupted from the entire table.
Savant stood and swiped at the hologram. This outburst did nothing. It was a hologram. “This is bullshit. I just got famous!”
“The ratings aren’t where the network hoped they would be.” Lucas said. “The show just isn’t pulling in the viewers. They’re calling it boring.”
“How is what we do boring?” Savant asked.
Lucas pointed to the first big dip in the chart. “That’s where you all fought a lawnmower.”
“We told you,” Jake said, “before this all started, that we don’t often get calls to deal with four-story war machines. The lawnmower is more typical.”
Lucas turned up his hands. “The 18-to-35 demo just doesn’t care about lawn maintenance.”
“But what about yesterday?” Mason asked. “We took out the MFE Champion!”
Lucas snapped his fingers and pointed at Mason. “Yes, and I’ve shared the dailies with the network. And they’re excited. That’s why they’re giving us one more chance. But we need to spice things up.”
“Perfect,” Savant said as he stood and pulled a folded sheet of paper from his back pocket. “I have a whole list of ideas to make the show better.”
Before anyone could protest, Savant cleared his throat and read the list. “Idea one, more Savant. Idea two, catchphrases. I’m taking ‘Get Bent’ but I thought Glitch’s could be ‘As a half-man that makes me half-mad.’“
Glitch sunk in his chair. “Shut up, Savant.”
“No, man. It would be cool. You’d say it really tough just before you smashed the crap out of something with your half-man arm.”
“I’m going to stop you right there, Savant,” Lucas said. “Those are some great ideas.”
“Really?”
“No, they’re horrible, however—”
“I’ve got more.” Savant handed Lucas the list.
“I’m sure you do.” Lucas folded the list up and set it on the table. “But let’s put a hold on these, because I’ve got an idea you’re all going to love. It’s killer.” Lucas held up his hands and backed away from the table. “Just wait right here.”
He disappeared into the office and Hailey looked at Jake. “What’s all this about?”
“I have no idea.”
“He didn’t tell you?” Hailey asked. “He tells you all of his ideas.”
Savant jumped into the conversation. “What do you mean? He’s been trying to improve the show all along? And you wouldn’t let him? Dammit, Jake, don’t you make me poor. I’ve become accustomed to a better life. I get to treat everyone like dirt now and I’m not going back.”
“You’ve always treated everyone like dirt,” Glitch said.
“Yeah, but now they have to take it. And Jake has no right to stand in the way of that. If Lucas was trying to make the show better you should have let him.”
Jake pointed to Savant. “His first idea was to fire you.”
Mason chuckled.
Savant course-corrected. “You’re a good man, Jake. I’m proud to work for a man who stands up for his employees like that.”
The producer reemerged a moment later holding a large item covered by a white sheet. He set the object on the table and backed away.
The team leaned closer. It even had Jake’s attention. It was a little over two feet tall and had no real shape. There were no corners. Whatever was beneath it was soft and lumpy.
Lucas grabbed a corner of the sheet. “We need to liven up the show. We need excitement. And to get excitement, we need danger, mystery, intrigue. And I know just where to find it.” Lucas snapped the sheet away, revealing an adorable, blue-furred teddy bear with a fuzzy white tummy.
Everyone gasped except for Kat. She stood from the table fast enough to turn her chair over with a bang. Without a word, she turned and walked away.
“I told you it was a killer idea,” Lucas said.
Jake stared at the toy bear for a long moment before he could even speak. “You can’t be suggesting that we…” his voice trailed off. Of course Lucas was suggesting that. The man had no heart, no soul.
“I sure am. It’s perfect.”
Glitch pointed a finger at the teddy and shouted, “That’s Brexbin the Bearberry Bear!”
“It sure is.” Lucas patted the toy on the head. “And I’ll tell you this, it wasn’t easy to come by. I had to track it down from a rare toy dealer. But the looks on your faces say it was worth it.”
“You know, Lucas, I pride myself on being pretty heartless,” Mason said. “But this is taking not-cool to a whole new level of dick.”
Lucas gave the bear on the table a puzzled look. “Oh, it’s not that bad.”
Brexbin, the cute and cuddly Bearberry Bear in the middle of the table, blinked.
Everyone jumped.
“Hi, I’m Brexbin and I want to be your friend.”
“Kill it!” Glitch shouted. He stood and grabbed the chair he’d been sitting in and lifted it above his shoulders to strike.
Lucas jumped between the bear and the cyborg. “What are you doing?!”
“What are we doing?” Hailey asked and turned to see where Kat had gone. “How could you do this, you monster?”
“What?” Lucas appeared genuinely confused. It was a natural look for him.
Glitch was doing his best to stand still, but everyone around the table could hear the servos in his augmented bits twitching. "That right there is a Bearberry Bear!"
"Yeah," Lucas stammered. "It's... His name is Brexbin. The friendly adventure bear or something like that."
“Wow, Lucas,” Savant said. “Even I’m appalled.”
"Everyone, shut up," Jake said.
Lucas took a breath. "Thank you, Jake. I—”
Jake pointed to Lucas. “You shut up the most. Tell me your plan isn’t to send us to Fantastic Isle.”
Savant tapped the phone in the center of the table. The Scrappers logo reappeared. Dramatic music followed and a subtitle exploded at the bottom of the logo. Scrappers on Fantastic Isle. “Okay, Lucas. Now tell us.”
“That's your big plan?” Jake asked. “For all of us to commit suicide?
"Of course not. Look it's been ten years since the..."
"The massacre?” Hailey asked.
“Slaughter?” Mason added.
Lucas held up his hands for calm. "I was going to say incident."
Glitch folded his arms across his massive chest. "That ‘incident’ registered a 9.4 on the Crichton scale, asshole.”
"Thousands were slaughtered,” Mason added. “People don’t call it the Tragic Kingdom for fun, you know?”
"Right,” Lucas said. “That’s why it’s such a good idea! Everyone knows about it. It's infamous. That's why when you go in—"
"Are you absolutely insane?" Jake turned to look to see if Kat had returned before continuing, "First off, it's dangerous. But did you for one fleeting second stop being a selfish asshole and think about the feelings of the people that survived?"
Glitch stared at the bear. “I can’t believe you’d do this to Kat, Lucas. I thought you were our friend.”
The color drained from Lucas’s face. It took him a moment to find his voice. "Oh my… Kat was there?"
Hailey nodded. "She was the last one out."
Lucas looked at the table and shook his head. "I didn’t know. Honestly. So she's Little Crafty Kat? The news cycle loved her!"
Jake shook his head. “I think you’re missing the point.”
"This is perfect!"
Mason nodded. “Yep, he totally missed the point.”
“Don’t you see?” Lucas smiled. “It makes the whole thing more personal. This will be great.”
Mason snorted. “For you.”
“For everyone,” Lucas pleaded. “You guys go in, shut the park down, with Kat right there and she and all the families will finally have closure."
"While broadcasting her nightmare to homes everywhere.” Jake said.
"I think it will be cathartic,” Lucas said. “We could check with a professional and get their endorsement. This is going to be amazing.”
"You're incredible,” Glitch said.
Lucas lowered his voice. "Look, Glitch, we all handle grief in different ways."
Brexbin raised his arms to offer a hug. “If you’re feeling sad, I can help cheer you up. Everybody loves hugs!”
The flash of electricity blinded them all. It blasted blue and white and forced them all to turn away as the teddy bear took the hit and began to shake. Its fur burst into flames and the shell beneath melted into a smoldering puddle of blackened plastic.
When the blast finally stopped, the air smelled like ozone and burning fur.
Kat stood there with the disruptor in her hands and no expression on her face.
"Kat,” Jake took a cautious step toward her. “Are you okay?"
Kat tossed the disruptor on the table and looked at Lucas. "We'll do it.”
Glitch shook his head. "Kat. No. We don’t have to—”
"It’s okay, Glitch,” Kat said as she watched the Bearberry Bear burn. “I need to go back."
4
Hailey’s apartment was nicer than Jake’s. Most apartments were nicer than Jake’s. Broom closets, if kept free of rodents and roaches, were nicer than Jake’s apartment. His hovel was comforting, but he spent most of his time at Hailey’s penthouse.
Whirbert, marketed as the little drone with a big personality, buzzed about the dining room while the couple tried to eat. The machine did what it could to help. It constantly brought the salt and pepper around. Once denied, it would move onto napkins. If those were turned down it would start again with the salt and pepper.
The initial plan for the evening had been to drink a lot of wine and hopefully settle on a vacation destination that took them as far away from work and the fame as possible. That was before the production meeting, however, and the conversation had obviously changed.
“Why could she possibly want to go back?” Jake asked.
It was a question they had both asked one another several times, never settling for the answer, “I don’t know.” At this point, it was all but rhetorical, but that didn’t stop either of them from asking it.
“I can’t believe it either,” Hailey said. “All she would say was that everything would be okay. Not to worry about her. Which, of course, makes me worry. It seems like the worst idea I’ve ever heard.”
Jake nodded. “We’re outnumbered though. Kat wants to go. Mason hasn’t really said why he agreed, but I think he wants to stay famous.”
“What about Glitch?”
“Glitch doesn’t care about being famous. But he muttered something about just ordering a whole bunch of new parts so I imagine he wants in.”
“And Savant?”
“His production company just started a movie so he wants in more than anyone.”
“Oh, God. It’s not another sequel to Sex Plane.”
“No, he said the new one is called Sex Boat. It’s like Sex Plane but on a boat. He’s convinced it’s totally different.”
“It doesn’t surprise me that given the opportunity, Savant started making softcore porn. It does surprise me that it isn’t a violation of his morality clause.”
“I’m not sure a morality clause counts if you have no morals to begin with. Besides, I think it’s technically erotica and not porn.”
“What’s the difference?”
“I’m pretty sure it’s just the lighting.”
“Well with his mind behind it, I’m sure it’s all disgusting.”
“I don’t know. Sex Plane 4 had its moments.”
“Was that the one with the storm?”
“No, Turbulent Seduction was Sex Plane 3. 4 was International Customs.”
Hailey laughed and picked up her wine glass. Whirbert tried to refill it but she waved the machine off.
Jake stared at his own glass. “Everyone wants in. Every one of them acts like they’re doing it for Kat, but Savant is vain, Glitch has an augmentation issue and Mason has a gambling problem.”
“Really?”
“Probably. I mean look at the guy.”
Hailey smiled but the smile faded quickly. She set the wine glass down and got serious. “This is stupid, Jake. It’s been ten years since the disaster at the park and they still don’t know what happened.”
Jake chewed and shrugged and swallowed. “It’s hard to know what happened when no one is allowed back in the park. The company spent so much trying to cover up the disaster that there weren’t any funds left over to clean up the park. They went bust, boarded up the plac
e and there’s been a quarantine on it ever since.”
“So what do you think?” she asked. But, she asked it in a way that said there was a correct answer.
“I think it’s insane,” Jake said.
“It is,” she agreed.
“The show isn’t worth it,” he continued.
“It’s not.” Hailey nodded.
It was a trap. Jake knew it. “You want to do it.”
“I do.”
“Do you have a gambling problem?”
Hailey shook her head.
“Are you making softcore porn about flight attendants, and if you are, can I be in it?”
Hailey shook her head again.
“Then you must have a drinking problem.” He grabbed the bottle and filled his own wine glass. “You hide it well.”
“I want to do it for Kat. She’s set on going back to the island.”
“Why? What could possibly make her want to go back?”
“She wouldn’t say,” Hailey said. “Closure, maybe? No matter what it is, this is probably the only way it will ever happen.”
Jake snorted. “How does someone like Lucas get special permission from the military to land on a quarantined island? No one has been there for a decade but he makes it happen.”
“Maybe he’s secretly a spy,” Hailey said.
“And you think he’s gone undercover as an idiot?”
“If so, he’s a real pro. I’ve seen no crack in his cover.”
They finished eating and let Whirbert clear the table. The machine’s rotor spun furiously lifting the plates, and it would probably result in shattered dishes, but the little robot insisted.
Jake and Hailey stepped out onto the balcony just in time to catch the final rays of the sun sliding behind the hills outside the city. They settled in next to one another on the comfortable sofa and watched the light fade in silence.
As it slipped into night, the city came alive with the lights of a thousand drones zipping back and forth to their destinations. At this time of day, the bulk of them were most likely performing burrito deliveries. It was, after all, burrito hour.
Despite the frenzy of movement, it was quiet on the balcony. The faint whir of electric traffic below was nothing, and even the train passed by politely with nothing more than a hum.
Junkers Season Two Page 3
