“Shut up, Mason.”
“There’s no need for that language, son. It’s unbecoming of you.” Roosevelt leaned back in his chair. “I’m sorry for the ill that has befallen you, my good man. No one deserves to be treated as such. But there’s nothing I can do to help you get your arm back.”
“But you’re Teddy Freaking Roosevelt!” Glitch pleaded. “You should be able to do something.”
“We did. I personally led a glorious charge against the beasts.”
“And… did it succeed?” Mason asked.
Roosevelt looked up and to the right. He stared into the distance as his hands found his lapels. “Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much, because they live in a fray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat.”
Mason looked at Glitch. “So that’s a no.”
Glitch agreed, “Definitely a no.”
“You need to try again,” Mason said. “Our friends are out there. We don’t know if they’re dead or alive.”
“We don’t have the men,” Roosevelt said. “Taft has both Johnsons, Taylor, Polk, Adams. Even my dear fifth cousin sided against me.” Roosevelt shook his head. “He married my niece you know. Tell me that’s not messed up.”
“Where are the generals, the great military men?” Glitch asked.
Theodore Roosevelt pointed to himself.
“Of course there’s you, sir. But where’s President Grant?”
Roosevelt waved off the suggestion. “Probably drunk somewhere.”
Mason tried to help. “What about President Jackson?”
“Who?”
“Andrew Jackson,” he clarified. “Old Hickory?”
Roosevelt removed his glasses and pulled a handkerchief from his pocket to clean the lenses. “I don’t know who you’re talking about, son.”
“The hero of New Orleans,” Glitch added. “President from 1829-1837.”
“Son, I’m not sure where you went to school, but we didn’t have a President from 1829 to ’37. Everyone knows that.”
Mason clicked his teeth and nodded. “I forgot. They wrote him out of history about fifteen years ago.”
“Right,” Glitch remembered now as well. “The Feelings Over Facts Act. I forgot all about FOFA.”
“Is that the same law that made Pluto a planet again?” Mason asked.
Glitch nodded.
Mason snapped his fingers. “Where’s Washington?”
“Mount Vernon. Said he wasn’t getting involved. Said he wanted to be a citizen again. He just sits out there all day with Hamilton. Singing. It’s annoying really.”
Mason threw up his arms. “Well who do you have?”
“We’ve got Tippecanoe here,” Teddy said.
At the sound of his name President Tyler smiled and said, “Tippecanoe and Tyler, too.”
Teddy pointed to Barack and W. “Presidents Obama and Bush.”
Obama gave a thumbs up and said, “Now let me be clear.” While Bush donned a dopey smiled and shouted, “Mission Accomplished!”
Roosevelt pinched the bridge of his nose and squeezed his eyes shut. “So, we’ve got that going for us. Then there’s Reagan, Quincy, Sideburns, Woody, Truman and, kind of, Jefferson.”
“What do you mean, ‘kind of’?” Mason asked.
Roosevelt stood and put his glasses back on. “Come with me.”
A door in the back of the North Room opened up into the rotunda of the Jefferson Memorial. President Reagan was discussing Harding’s demise with Jefferson, who was a twenty-foot tall Animatomatonic bronze statue.
“Poor Harding,” Jefferson said. “If there was only something we could do about Taft.”
“I have a plan and you know it,” Reagan said.
“For the last time, Ronnie, we don’t have an orbital space-based weapons platform.”
“And for the last time I’m telling you we don’t need one, we just have to make them think we have one.”
“Is he at it again, Tommy?” Roosevelt asked as they entered.
The massive statue turned as far as its bolted feet would allow it. “Ah, Teddy. Yes, he very much is.” He noticed the two men. “Who do we have here?”
“A couple of our fellow Americans have dropped in. They are looking for their friends.”
“Greetings, my friends. I am Thomas Jefferson.”
“Yeah, I’ve seen a nickel,” Mason said. “Look, are you Presidents going to help us find our friends or not?”
Van Buren came running up the rotunda’s steps. His short legs caused quick slaps against the stone as he ascended, and it drew everyone’s attention. The President looked panicked. He stopped in front of Mason and gave the man a queer look.
“What about you, Sideburns? Will you help us?”
President Martin Van Buren spoke quickly. “The less government interferes with private pursuits, the better for general prosperity.”
“That’s a no?” Mason asked.
“Dammit. It’s Taft.” Theodore moved Mason aside and spoke to Van Buren. “Where?”
“The less government interferes with private pursuits, the better for general prosperity.”
Roosevelt nodded. “I see. How many?”
President Martin Van Buren sounded panicked as he said, “The less government interferes with private pursuits, the better for general prosperity.”
Astonished, Roosevelt looked around the rotunda to the other Presidents, who seemed to be in an equal state of disbelief.
Jefferson shook his head. “That’s impossible. There are not that many of us left.”
“We’re going to need more Presidents,” Reagan said. “Or a space-based weapons platform.”
“There are no more Presidents,” Teddy said. “Everyone has made their decision.”
“Tippecanoe and Tyler, too!” shouted Tyler.
“I told you before, I don’t want Garfield!” Roosevelt’s voice boomed around the rotunda and silenced everyone for a moment.
“The cat?” Mason whispered to Glitch.
“The President,” Glitch, the history buff, whispered back.
“Tippecanoe and Tyler, too?” asked Tyler timidly.
“Because he’s a quitter,” Roosevelt spat. “That’s why.”
“That’s not fair, TR,” the statue of Jefferson said. “He was shot and you know it. You can’t call him a quitter for that.”
Roosevelt rolled his eyes. “I’m not calling him a quitter for being shot. I’m calling him a quitter for dying from it.”
Reagan pointed at Roosevelt and nodded. “I’m with Teddy on this one.”
The statue looked away. “Whatever, Mr. I Gave a Speech With a Bullet in My Chest.”
“Damn straight I did.” Roosevelt said and held up his fingers in the shape of a gun to illustrate his point. When he dropped his thumb hammer, gunfire began outside the Jefferson Memorial.
The Presidents turned toward the sound as Truman came stumbling in, clutching his chest. He fell to his knees and slowly pulled his hand from his chest to reveal a gaping hole that sparked with shorted circuits and smoldering wires. He looked at each of the Presidents and wheezed, “The buck stops here.”
Truman collapsed to the marble floor.
“Harry!” Roosevelt screamed as he ran to the side of the fallen President. He looked into the darkness of the park, raised his fist and cursed, “You traitorous bastards!”
One of the cameras sped out into the night in the direction of Roosevelt’s tantrum.
Reagan and the others were scrambling. Tyler disappeared back into the North Room and reemerged moments later with an armful of long guns. He handed them out as Teddy pulled off his tie and threw it on the ground.
The President that had led the charge up San Juan Hill barked the orders and the other presidents responded.
Mason and Glitch drew their own weapons.
“Where do you want us, Mr. President?” Glit
ch yelled over the footsteps of the approaching army.
The famous toothy grin grew across Roosevelt’s face. “That’s the spirit, boys. Let’s give ’em hell.”
16
Gunfire had drawn her attention, and Hailey stood on the wall of Kandallaha and stared across the park. There had been several bursts and then nothing. Her imagination could play it two ways and it naturally went down the path of concern and frustration. Her friends were out there somewhere. Jake was out there somewhere. And she was stuck in Prehistoria.
In the distance she could see the laser lights of Futopia lighting up the sky. They moved about as if they were alive and looking for a way off the island themselves.
The great Bearberry Tree was alive with a thousand colors but it was still. No music reached her ears, if they were still singing. Of course, she knew they were still singing. They were always singing like some sadistic a cappella boy band.
So far, the bears had made no move to pursue them into Prehistoria, and several Fengali were on the wall with her to make certain they didn’t try. The mighty apes were armed with clubs and a menacing swagger as they paced the bamboo walkway. Their eyes never left the darkness outside.
It was all so surreal. It had been designed to be surreal, she knew that. But still the whole situation was bizarre. Hailey had spent most of her adult life dealing with murderous machines, but they were normal murderous machines. If a Nannybot went all “killing spree” on a family, it was to be expected. It was the natural order of things. If a dishwasher tried to murder someone it was just another Thursday night.
But here, bears and dinosaurs and apes and whatever else were out there in the darkness. And, worst of all, as far as she could tell, nothing was malfunctioning. Everything was working fine.
Fine was probably a poor choice of words considering the bloodshed, so she clarified to herself that everything was working as expected.
People were the problem.
Everything would have been fine if the guests had never come. Without the human catalyst, Fantastic Island would be the island paradise it was designed to be. People were the virus that destroyed an otherwise perfect system.
She shook her head. She was starting to sound like Savant and the comparison made her stomach knot up.
It wasn’t people. They weren’t guilty of anything. And it wasn’t even all of the machines. Kat’s weird relationship with Thorne was proof of that.
Of all the strange things happening on the island, that had to be the strangest. On one hand, she was happy for her friend. She knew what it was like to find love and she could see it in Kat’s eyes that the girl was genuinely in love with the jungle king. On the other hand, it was really creepy. Thorne was a machine. A sexy, sexy machine, she admitted. But he was a machine nonetheless.
Hailey had to talk to her. But what could she say? Telling a friend their new boyfriend isn’t right for them is hard enough when the loser is human. Even then there would be plenty of arguments and denial. But a robot lover opened up a whole new line of questions and concerns that made it impossible to form an argument.
And was he really that bad for her? Honestly? He protected her. He cared for her. He doted on her hand and foot. He could ride a dinosaur. His manners were impeccable. His pecs were impossible. But was a chivalrous hero that looked as if he was carved from stone really what she wanted?
Hailey gave up as she realized it was an argument she could not win. Even discounting the pecs, it seemed that Kat and Thorne had a history that could counter any concern she put on the table.
And who was she to judge? Even the Supreme Court had yet to make a ruling on the legality of it all. They wouldn’t even hear the arguments in Johnsonoid vs. Georgia until later in the year.
Hailey stared back into the park, wondering if Jake was all right.
“They’ll be okay,” Kat said.
Hailey was startled at her friend’s sudden appearance and choked back a scream. “How… I’m sorry, Kat. I didn’t hear you coming.”
Kat looked down at her bare feet and wiggled her toes. “Sorry. My old habits are coming back to me. The Fengali taught me how to walk without making a sound. I guess it’s like riding a bike.”
“Sure. A bike shaped like a jungle God.” And suddenly it was out there. Hailey grimaced. “I’m sorry. I take it back. Honestly, I had just convinced myself it was none of my business.”
“I’ll bet that took some convincing.”
“It did, but I’m really not judging. It’s just all of this is a lot to take in. But I promised myself I wouldn’t pry.” With questions off the table, Hailey wasn’t sure where to take the conversation next. “Thorne seems very nice.”
Kat smiled and looked at the ground before she spoke. “I know it’s weird. It’s weird for me, too. But I decided a long time ago that I don’t have to understand it.”
“Oh, God. You are totally in love. Aren’t you?”
Kat blushed and then smiled. “You’ve got to admit we’ve got a fairytale story.”
“All right.” Hailey smiled back. “Any promises I made to myself are out the window now. I’m prying. Spill.”
Kat smiled. “After he rescued me, he brought me back here. I was terrified.”
“Well, yeah. You’d just been attacked by Teddy Bears.”
“At first, here was no better. With no one else around, the Fengali can be pretty scary. And the big-ass dinosaurs! Once it’s not a part of the Fantastic Island experience it can be a little off putting.”
“Understatement,” Hailey noted.
“Thorne had barred the gates and left me here with the Fengali. He kept searching the park for more survivors. But he wasn’t able to find any.” Kat choked back the sadness in her voice and continued. “I was a wreck. I didn’t know if my family had made it out. I didn’t understand why no one was coming to rescue us.”
“No one came?”
“We heard people. There was shooting. I wanted to see what was happening but Thorne kept me here. To keep me safe. He sent some Fengali to see what was going on. Most of them never came back.”
“That was the rescue team, Kat.”
“I know, but I think Thorne was right to keep me hidden. They were shooting at everything. What would make me appear any different than one of the characters?”
Hailey couldn’t argue with that. A lot of the rescue team fell victim to the park as well.
“It was over quickly. They left and I was still here. Days became weeks and this became my home.”
Hailey didn’t know what to say. Or which sound of acknowledgement to make.
“I was going out of my mind with grief and fear and here I am in a fantasyland surrounded by robot apes and Thorne. I guess after a while you’ll accept anything as your reality if you don’t have any other options.”
A Fengali patrol passed close by and Kat reached out to scratch one of them on the head. “Hi, Gohbala.”
Hailey’s heart broke for her friend. Remove the apes, bears, dinosaurs and constant threat of death and she could basically place herself in the same situation. To be afraid and uncertain and then to find someone that takes those fears away—either with calming words or prehistoric fortress homes—and provides a constant is not a foreign concept to anyone.
“So,” Kat continued as Gohbala moved on down the wall, “I stayed here for days and weeks. There wasn’t anyone to talk to. The Fengali are wonderful but short on conversation. So I talked to Thorne and…” Kat trailed off and tried to wipe away a faint blush that crossed her face. “I was sixteen. I was confused.”
“Sure, you were just a kid.”
“He is wonderful.”
“But he’s a robot,” Hailey said gently, knowing the conflict was raging in Kat’s head as well. Even so, she regretted saying it.
“But you can’t tell,” Kat said. “I don’t know who put him together, but she sure knew what she was doing.”
“She?” Hailey asked.
“Oh, it was definitely a she,”
Kat insisted. “Trust me.”
Hailey didn’t know what to say, and that loss for words must have shown on her face.
Kat hurried to move past the awkwardness. “One day he said there was something he wanted to show me. He took me to the harbor and showed me one of the boats. He said there was something in the cabin I’d want to see.”
“What was it?” Hailey asked.
“It was nothing. He locked me in and set the boat out to sea. I watched him grow smaller as I drifted away. I screamed at him, all kinds of horrible things. And he stood there and took it all. Just staring at me with the saddest look I have ever seen.” Kat took a deep breath and looked out over the wall.
Hailey followed her gaze but saw nothing. “He was still protecting you, Kat.”
“I know that. I knew it then. I couldn’t stay. A person can only live for so long on vending machine sodas and Dippin’ Dots.” She looked at her feet. “I felt horrible for all the things I said.”
“Maybe he didn’t hear you.”
“He heard me. He’s a great listener. It’s one of his best qualities.” Kat turned back to Hailey. “But it doesn’t matter what he heard. It matters what I said.”
“Is that why you wanted to come back? To apologize?”
“I spent a lot of time thinking about him. I never really stopped. I grew up, but I never really moved on. I just couldn’t. I needed to. But I couldn’t.
“So, when this opportunity came up, I had to make sure I took it. But this time, when we leave, it will be different.”
You are supposed to support your friends. As long as they aren’t hurting themselves or others, you are supposed to give encouragement or comforting words. But Hailey couldn’t hide the astonishment in her voice. “You came back to this nightmare for closure?”
“No, Hailey. He doesn’t know it yet. But this time, I’m going to rescue him.”
“Kat, wait. You can’t… we can’t take him with us!”
With a swoosh, two flips and a thud Thorne was beside them. “Ah, dear Katherine. Here you are.” He kissed the woman’s hand and looked into her eyes for a long moment that was most likely timed to some algorithm pulsing away beneath his massive chest.
Junkers Season Two Page 13
