CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT
The smell of cigarette smoke filled the small flat. Gretchen coughed and felt dizzy. She’d only seen her Onkel Gunther a handful of times that she could remember, but the most lasting memory of him was the odor of his cigarettes. For the second time since his arrival, he apologized for his smoking habit. But even as he did, he lit another one. He took a puff and then put the cigarette down in the ashtray.
“I know that our führer doesn’t approve of smoking,” Gunther said, picking up his cigarette and sucking the smoke into his lungs. “And I have been meaning to quit. I started to, right before we left home, didn’t I, Margrit? But then, of course, all this mess with Karl. How could I quit? I am a nervous wreck.”
Margrit didn’t answer her husband’s rhetorical question.
Gretchen didn’t give a damn what the führer thought about her uncle’s nasty habit. All she knew was that she hated it. It stunk and made it hard for her to breathe. Their flat was too small for all that smoke. But as much as she wanted to tell him he was stinking up the place, she held her tongue. After all, her aunt and uncle had traveled to help her father. So no matter how annoying her uncle was, she would restrain herself.
Karl Schmidt came into the room and sat down on the sofa. He studied his brother-in-law, Gunther. The man was overweight with a ruddy complexion, and fat, red fingers stained brown at the tips from smoking. He wanted to like the man for Margrit’s sake, but the truth was he never liked Gunther.
“Why do you do these foolish things, Karl? Don’t you realize that you are one man trying to fight a system that is far bigger than you? You are a fool. A goddamn fool.” Gunther shook his head.
“Don’t be so hard on him,” Margrit said. “He has always been one to stand up for the unfortunate. That’s just the way he is. My brother is not a fool; he’s an idealist, Gunther.”
“Same things. These are treacherous times. You need to take care of what you say and do. Look at you, Karl. They beat you to a pulp, and why? For what? For Jewish professors? Who are these Jews to you? Nobody! So what was the point?”
“Because someone must find the courage to stand up to the Nazis. And I was finally forced to do it. Oh, believe me, Gunther, I am no hero. And I have never been one to fight. In fact, I am not at all brave. All I wanted to do was protect Gretchen. So, I tried like hell to avoid taking a stand. But as they fired more of the Jewish professors, my workload grew. And before I knew it I was buried in work. I couldn’t keep up. I was afraid I would lose my job. I had to speak out.”
“So you stood up for the Jews because your workload became too much to bear?”
“At first, yes. But then I started to see that there were things happening all around me, which were bound to affect my daughter and I even more, as time went on. So, I realized something. No matter how much I tried to crawl under a rock and hide, I could not escape. I had to take a stand. The breakdown of a civilization doesn’t begin with an earthquake of changes. It begins with the smallest crack in its foundation. And before you know it, that crack becomes a canyon. Yes, right now Germany is advanced in art, and culture, and science. No one could argue that she is not a civilized nation. However, since the Nazis came to power, we are facing a regime that could strip us of our humanity and turn us into savages. These Nazis have built their entire regime on hatred. And if you think that this snowball will stop gaining speed, strength, and momentum with the firing of a few Jewish professors and the forcing of Jewish students out of our schools, you can think again, Gunther. I promise you that it won’t stop there. If we turn our heads and ignore this very tiny breach in our morality, that little crack in our respect for what is right and what is wrong will only grow bigger until the crack is a giant hole that will swallow us all. We will lose everything that makes us a respected nation, in the process.”
“You really think that something as trivial as the firing of Jewish professors is a crack in Germany’s foundation? I don’t think so.”
“Yes. Listen to me. I am trying to tell you something, Gunther. This is the beginning of something more horrible than we can even comprehend. Jews are no longer allowed to work for Aryans; we Germans are no longer allowed to buy from Jews. Any kind of romantic relationship between Jews and non-Jews is forbidden by law. Good God, man! Don’t you see the foundation cracking? I can hear it in the back of my mind when I try to rest at night. I can hear the cracking. And mark my words, Gunther, I promise you that if everyone allows this madness to continue, and no one says a word, it will only grow and get bigger and bigger until . . .”
“Karl, please. Stop. I understand that you want to change things. But right now, you are walking on very thin ice. The police are watching you. You’ve openly made yourself an enemy of the Nazi Party. This is a bigger mistake than you realize. I can see that the police have manhandled you, and still you talk like a childish fool. You are my wife’s brother, and she loves you. So, of course, I am here to help you if I can. But in order for me to be of any assistance, you have to work with me, Karl. If you don’t, the party will destroy you. It has destroyed more important men. Believe me.”
“What is it you want him to do, Gunther?” Margrit said, standing up and putting her hand on Karl’s shoulder. “Please Karl, you must listen to him.”
“Your brother has no choice but to show his loyalty to Hitler and the Nazi Party and to do so in a very deliberate way. He must make a strong statement, and do it as quickly as possible. Are you a party member?” Gunther asked Karl, taking a puff of his cigarette.
“No,” Karl answered. “How could I join such a terrible political group? I never felt comfortable with the Nazi Party. I never liked their ideals at all, and quite frankly, after what they did to me when they arrested me, I like them even less.”
“Yes, well, it doesn’t matter what you like and what you don’t like. You had better join the party and quick,” Gunther said, shaking his head as if he thought Karl was an idiot.
“Gunther, I told you. I never wanted to get in the middle of all this. But I was forced. I can’t turn back now. I must stand by what I believe is right, even if it means that they will arrest me again. You have no idea how hard this is for a man like me. I hate fighting. I hate pain. I have always been a quiet man, keeping to myself. But I can’t do that any longer. They’ve arrested me. They’ve beaten me. They’ve forced me to take a stand. And now, I have to see this thing through to the end.”
“Really, Karl? Even at the risk of hurting your daughter?” Gunther asked. “Make no mistake, the party will assume she is just like you, and unless she is willing to stand against you, they will come after her too, and they will hurt her. If they even think you’re a traitor, they will make both of your lives a living hell.”
“Oh, Karl, think of Gretchen,” Margrit said.
Karl stood up and put his hands on his temples and squeezed. He paced the floor for several moments without saying a word. He would do anything for his daughter. Anything at all. She was his reason for living. Now he glanced over at her sitting quietly in the corner of the sofa listening to this horrible conversation.
“Gretchen,” Karl said. It was more of a statement than a question.
“Yes, Father?”
He had a million things he wanted to say to her. A million questions he wished he could ask her, but he knew that no matter what she said, her answers would not matter. Even if she said she would rather he stand up for what he knew was right regardless of the punishment, he would not. Because even though he would fight to the death if need be, he would never put her at risk, even if she wanted him to.
“Father?”
“Never mind,” Karl said, shaking his head. He turned to Gunther. “What do I have to do next to prove my loyalty, to make them leave my daughter alone?”
“I am glad you are ready to listen to reason. In the end, you will be quite glad you did. Now the first thing you must do is join the party. Then show your loyalty by attending meetings. Make sure that you explain how wrong you
were, and how you have begun to see the light.”
Karl nodded, but he felt disgusted with himself.
“And then, since you’re out of work, I think you should join the army.”
“Are you serious?”
“Yes, of course, I am serious. You will receive a regular paycheck, which you will need now that you are not working. They will feed you and take care of you, so you can send your money to Gretchen. And if you play things right, it will appear as if you have had a serious change of heart.”
“The army? Good lord, man. I am no soldier.”
“They’ll give you a desk job. They’ll know that you don’t have what it takes to be a real soldier. But you must make a grand gesture, and show them how loyal you are.”
Karl looked at Gretchen, and she shook her head. “You don’t have to do this for me, Father,” she said in a small voice.
“Yes, I do,” he answered.
CHAPTER FORTY-NINE
It had been over a week since Gretchen last saw Norbert. Ever since they first met, he came to her house after work at least three times a week. She tried to attribute his absence to his being busy helping his father open another beer garden. Norbert was good with a hammer and nail, so perhaps his father was working him hard. She wanted to believe that, but she knew something was wrong. She assumed that it was her father’s trouble with the law. Norbert’s family earned a nice living from the SS officers and Gestapo agents. Their popularity among the party members had given Norbert’s family enough extra cash to open another location. To make matters worse, since Gretchen and Norbert got engaged, she hadn’t taken the time to tend her friendship with Hilde. So now, when she needed someone to talk to, she didn’t feel comfortable going to Hilde. When Hilde first returned from the Bund camp, she told Gretchen how upset she was that Hann had moved away. Gretchen had tried to be caring and sensitive, but it was impossible. She was too excited about her upcoming wedding, and she found herself talking about her own plans. After that, Hilde stopped coming to see her. When they passed each other at work, Hilde was polite but not as friendly as she’d been. It bothered Gretchen, but at the time, she’d been so caught up in the idea of getting married that she had not paid much attention to Hilde. Now she wished she had. Hilde was not perfect, by any means, but she and Gretchen were once close enough to talk about anything. And now, Gretchen had no one she felt she could turn to.
Aunt Margrit was sweet, and Gretchen knew she cared about her, but she always lived so far away that they never developed an authentic closeness. The truth of the matter was that once she was engaged, Norbert became her best friend. He monopolized all of her time. And somehow, she hadn’t minded at all. There was the excitement of discovering sex for the first time, followed by the thrill of having a real boyfriend, a fiancée. Then there were all the wonderful plans for the wedding. She’d been swept away by the newness of it all. If she really thought things through, she knew that Norbert was wrong for her. She always knew. And she had never really loved him. Not really. Perhaps it was because he was nothing like Eli. But why was she thinking about Eli now?
Gretchen shrugged. It shouldn’t surprise her that Norbert was acting strange. He never had her father’s courage or intellect. He was always one to follow the crowd. Gretchen was angry with herself for pushing her friend aside. She had been avoiding Hilde. She’d been too busy with Norbert to spend any time with Hilde. And when Gretchen saw Hilde at work, she avoided her. That was because she knew Hilde would ask her why she couldn’t find an afternoon once in a while to spend with her old friend. How could Gretchen explain that Norbert demanded her every free moment and all of her attention? And even harder to explain was that she willingly gave in to him because it was easier than arguing. Besides, she had been so caught up in excitement of the wedding that she was enjoying the time spent with Norbert even if he was all consuming. But now that Norbert seemed to have abandoned her, she felt alone.
Aunt Margrit came into the kitchen and put a pot of water on the stove to boil for tea.
“Your father and Gunther are going into town this afternoon.”
“I know. Father is joining the army. I think it’s a mistake.”
“I can’t say for sure, Gretchen. But I do know this; your father is in terrible trouble. Gunther will do his best to help him.”
“I believe that. But my father is not a soldier. He’s an intellectual, not a fighter.”
“Well, we can only hope that Germany doesn’t need her army.”
“Yes, I agree with you. We can only hope.”
“Gunther and I are leaving in the morning. He has to get back to work; he’s taken too much time off already.”
“Father and I will miss you,” Gretchen said.
“I was hoping to meet your young man before I left. Norbert is his name, isn’t it?”
“Yes, it’s Norbert.”
“So when is the wedding? I am going to come, of course. You know I wouldn’t miss it for the world. But I am not sure that Gunther will be able to join me. I hope so, but he might not be able to take more time off.”
“I understand. This trip was very unexpected for you. And believe me, I appreciate your coming to help us, Aunt Margrit.”
“Of course! You are my precious, only niece, and your father is my only brother. I don’t have any children, so you are like my own daughter. And even though we don’t see each other very often, I always have you in my heart.”
“I know that. I’ve always known it.”
“I do wish I could have met Norbert before I left,” Margrit said, touching Gretchen’s hair.
“I know. I was hoping so too. But Norbert has been very busy. His family is opening another location for their business. They own restaurants with beer gardens. Norbert’s been helping them. He’s been working on the building.”
Margrit nodded, but Gretchen could see in her aunt’s eyes that she knew the truth. She, like Gretchen, suspected that Norbert was not around because of her father’s problems with the law.
“Gretchen . . . if you need to talk, you know you can always call or write to me.”
“Yes, I will do that, of course.”
“And . . . well . . . I don’t know how to say this. If, for some reason, you decide that you would like to come and stay with Gunther and me for a while, you are welcome.”
“You mean if I decide to postpone my wedding, and when father goes off with the army?”
“Yes, exactly. I want you to know that our house is open to you.”
“Thank you, Aunt Margrit. But I have a job here, and I am quite sure that everything with Norbert and I will be just fine.”
“Of course, it will. But just remember, my door is always open.”
CHAPTER FIFTY
Gretchen and her father walked Aunt Margrit and Uncle Gunther to the train station the following day. Gretchen hugged her aunt tightly and then her uncle a little less tightly.
A dusting of snow fell from the sky.
“Remember what I told you,” Aunt Margrit whispered in Gretchen’s ear as she and her husband boarded the train. “You can always come and stay with me.”
Gretchen nodded. She and her father stood in silence as the train whistle blew. The train shook and sputtered and then came to life. Margrit waved through the window. Gretchen waved back. And then slowly, the train made its way down the track. Gretchen and her father waited until the train was almost invisible, then they began walking home. The snowflakes fell and hung for a brief second on Gretchen’s eyelashes.
“When are you leaving for your army training, Father?”
“Right after the wedding,” Karl said, clearing his throat.
They walked in silence for several minutes. “Father?”
“Yes?”
“I’m scared.”
“I know. Me too. But you will have Norbert, and he will take care of you.”
“I haven’t heard a word from him since your arrest.”
“You haven’t? Oh, sweetheart. I’ve been so c
aught up in my own problems that I haven’t noticed. I’m so sorry. I caused all this. My problems have become yours.”
“If Norbert is going to walk away from me because of what happened then he wouldn’t have been a worthy husband anyway,” Gretchen said.
“This world we live in has become so complex. If I knew that you would suffer because of my actions I wouldn’t have done what I did.”
“I love you, Father. No matter what you do, or where you go, I will always love you. You’ve always been here for me. You raised me all by yourself. I can just imagine how hard it must have been for you: a man without a wife. But you never let me down. You came to see me when I sang in the chorus at school. You never missed a performance. It meant so much to me. Oh Father, you have always been my hero.”
“Gretchen, my precious child, you have always idolized me. You’ve imagined me as the hero. I wished I could be. Not as the coward that I really am. But I refuse to let you suffer anymore on my account. And that’s why I must do what Uncle Gunther suggested,” Karl said, his voice choked with emotion. Gretchen looked up at her father; she saw that he was crying.
CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE
Gretchen awoke the following morning with a heaviness in her heart. As she got ready for work, she thought about Norbert. She knew it was time to see him. No matter what happened, she must face the inevitable. She’d been hoping that Norbert would drop by her house, but he didn’t. She gave him plenty of time to get over the initial shock of her father’s arrest. Now too much time had passed for her to believe things were all right. She would have to go to his house and speak to him. It was time to find out where her future was headed.
While she was at work, she contemplated the upcoming meeting with Norbert. She longed for someone to talk to about her feelings. For the first time since she got engaged, Gretchen desperately needed a friend. So when lunchtime came, she sat down at the long lunch table next to Hilde.
The Smallest Crack Page 19
