“Fuck, Annabelle! How could you not tell me? That’s something really damn important I should have known before we . . .” I can’t even think straight and I’m now pacing around her small apartment. I’m freaking out.
I wasn’t good enough for her before, but I definitely shouldn’t have been the one to pop her cherry.
“I knew you wouldn’t if you knew.”
Her words come out as a whisper, making me wonder if I heard her correctly.
“What was that?” I’m really trying to keep my temper down, but this whole thing has thrown me for a fucking loop.
She finally looks up at me, and it guts me to see a single tear falling down her cheek. It takes all I have to not jump onto the bed and wipe it away, but I need answers. I need to know what she was thinking before anything else happens between us.
“Yes. I am—well was—a virgin.” She wipes the tear from her eye and takes a deep breath. “Please don’t be mad at me. I knew if you knew, you would have stopped it. And I didn’t want you to. I wanted it more than you could ever know.”
“You’re damn right I would have!” I don’t want to yell at her, but I can’t help it right now. “Annabelle, last night was our first night of figuring things out. We had time. We didn’t have to rush it. I could have made it—”
“It was perfect, Jaxson! It was the most perfect night of my life. Please don’t ruin this for me!”
Her words come out harshly, but I can feel every ounce of raw emotion leaving her body. Her tears are now heavy, and I can’t help it—I go back to the bed and envelop her in my arms.
I know I’ve made her cry before. I hated myself for it then, but I didn’t have to see it.
Now? Seeing this? It’s a knife to the fucking heart—one I wasn’t sure I had before Annabelle came into my life.
“I really wish you would have told me.”
“I didn’t know how.”
I sigh, knowing that the conversation would have been awkward as hell. Honestly, I don’t know how I would have reacted. Now that I’m thinking about it, her being a virgin doesn’t surprise me. I knew she was an innocent one, but I didn’t realize how innocent.
“Can I ask you a question?”
Her tears have stopped, but her question still comes out strained. She takes my silence as a yes.
“Will you teach me?”
Confused, I ask, “Teach you what?”
She shifts from my grasp so we are now looking at each other. “How to please you?”
I’m stunned by her question. I blink about six times without a response.
“Last night, many firsts happened for me,” she says, tracing the tattoo I have with Abigail’s name over my heart. “I didn’t even know what an orgasm felt like until last night. I know you’ve been with women—women far more experienced than I am, because, well, everyone is. But I want to please you. I want to give you the pleasure you gave me last night. But I . . . I’ve never . . .”
I crash my lips to hers, because she doesn’t need to say anything else. I might still be pissed at her for not telling me, but knowing that I’m the only man to have ever been inside her? To make her scream? I fucking love that.
And her wanting to learn how to please me and only me? God, I’m getting hard at just the thought.
Last night I made her mine. She’s never been with anyone else, and if I have my way, she will never be anyone else’s.
Fucking mine.
21
Annabelle
“Oh my God! You had sex with him!”
Yup, that’s how my best friend greeted me the day after Jaxson and I spent the night, and day, together.
The second Tori saw my face, she knew. I don’t know how, but as soon as I stepped into the café that afternoon, she let out a shriek that I’m pretty sure broke glass. She all but ripped off my arm—dragging me back into the office, away from the other workers and customers.
“Oh my God. You did, didn’t you? Never mind. I know you did. You’ve got that just-fucked look going on. It looks good on you. Details! Was he big? Of course he was. Now, lady, I need to know everything.”
I just laughed and convinced her to wait until tonight, bribing her with a girl’s night to dish all the details. So now it’s me, plus Tori’s sister Scarlett, at Tori’s apartment with pizza and wine.
I had friends growing up, some in college, but I never let anyone get too close to me. My mind was always at home, either wondering if my mom was okay, or after she passed, how my dad was holding up. And even during the few times I did hang out with friends, when they were dishing about who had the biggest dick or who was so horrible in bed they had to fake it, I never participated. I always just hung back, hoping no one would ask me about guys I had been with. I wanted to ask how you would even go about faking an orgasm. Couldn’t the guys tell?
Needless to say, it’s a bit weird now, sitting here with Tori and Scarlett, as they ask me questions about the best night of my life.
I didn’t lie to Jaxson when I told him that it was perfect. I never knew what I was waiting for when it came to my virginity, but now I do. It was him.
After we talked this morning, he was still a bit angry, but he understood where I was coming from. I just had to promise him that as we get to know each other—in and out of the bedroom—if there’s anything I haven’t done, or want to do, I’ll be open and honest with him.
I agreed, but only if he promised to talk to me whenever he was getting too much in his head about us or his past. The hot-and-cold act had to be over.
He agreed, then proceeded to go down on me again. I really liked that.
“All right. Start from the beginning. Don’t leave anything out,” Tori says as she situates herself on the couch.
“Honestly, when he came to the café, I had no idea what to expect. But then he told me a lot about himself, and his past, which is most of the reason why he’s been so closed off with me. Seeing him open up that way? I couldn’t stay mad at him, you know?”
I don’t tell them about his sister, or the fact that he’s been to jail. Some things need to stay private.
Scarlett plops down next to me, two slices on her paper plate. “Yeah, yeah, talking about talking is nice and all, but I want to hear the good stuff. It’s been a while for me, so I need to live vicariously through you. Which I never thought I’d say in my life.”
“Having a drought? Has Asswipe disappeared again?”
Asswipe is the nickname of Scarlett’s baby daddy. Tori has a thing for giving nicknames. I honestly don’t even know his name, because Tori only calls him Asswipe. All I know is that he’s in and out of the picture, leaving Scarlett to care for their two-year old son pretty much on her own.
Despite the fact that he’s here one minute and gone the next, Scarlett can’t seem to stay away from him when he’s around. She’s tried. One time she asked Tori and me to lock her in her apartment all weekend and take her phone, knowing he was coming to town.
“Yes, but I’m done for good with him. I know I’m still going to have to see him because of Grant, but when it comes to him, my legs are closed. For good.”
Tori rolls her eyes, knowing it’s not the last time we’ll hear Scarlett say that.
“Oh, don’t roll your eyes at me, Miss Can’t Commit. Do we need to ask how many guys you’ve been out with this month?”
“Nope. You aren’t going to turn this on me. We’re here to talk about Annabelle and Mr. Dark and Dangerous finally getting it on.”
I laugh, the nickname making me smile.
“Honestly, it was amazing.”
Both girls sit up straighter, looking at me like I’m telling the most interesting story around the campfire—the smile on my face probably saying everything I need to.
I tell them about our talk at the coffee house, just the important details, and how he took me back to my apartment. I tell them about how he kissed me, and how my first orgasm came on his tongue, which apparently both were shocked about. Apparently, mos
t guys don’t like to do that?
“Really?” I ask as both of my friends insist that guys have never gone down on them this early in a relationship. “Jaxson seemed to—well, he seemed to really like it? He did it again this morning.”
Tori spits out her wine and Scarlett’s jaw drops.
“Is that weird?” I now feel a bit self-conscious.
Tori shakes her head. “Girl, you’ve got yourself a unicorn.”
Scarlett has found her voice. “I swear to God, Annabelle, if you tell me his dick is huge I’m going to hate you forever.”
The smile on my face is apparently answer enough.
“Of course he’s fucking huge!” Tori says, standing up to pour herself another glass of wine. “Only our virgin friend can find a guy who looks like a fucking Greek god, has a huge dick, and likes eating pussy.”
“The most important question is: does he have a brother? Maybe a friend who doesn’t mind a single mom?”
I laugh. “I’ll have to check on that, Scarlett. Honestly, I don’t know that much about his life outside the gym. We’re still learning.”
Only I know that last word has a double meaning. When I asked Jaxson to teach me how to pleasure him, I had no idea he’d react with such fierceness. He began my crash course right away, showing me how he liked his dick stroked.
I don’t know who loved it more: me or him. It was so hard, but had a smoothness to it that I couldn’t get enough of. And watching how he reacted made me so hot. Powerful. Feeling his length in my hand, and watching him come apart, made me want to do so many more things with him.
Speaking of which . . .
“So, I have a question for you two, that maybe you could help me with?”
I can’t believe I’m about to ask this, but these two are literally the only people I feel comfortable enough asking.
“Jaxson . . . well, he’s been with . . .” God, how do I say this? “Well, he’s been with many women. He didn’t give me a number, but I’m not stupid.”
Tori is all but jumping out of her seat in anticipation. Scarlett is smiling like the cat who ate the canary.
“Will you guys—oh shit, I’m just going to say it. I don’t know how to give a blowjob and I want to give him one.”
I try to mask my embarrassment, but before I know it, my two best friends have come to either side of me, squeezing the life out of me in a group hug.
“I’ve been waiting for this day for so long,” Tori says as she squeezes even harder.
“Our little girl is growing up,” Scarlett adds as we all giggle.
“I’m serious, guys.” I sit up, breaking the moment. “I’ve never done anything like that. Luckily, he took the lead on everything last night, but I . . . well, at some point, I want to return the favor.”
Tori gets up and sprints to her kitchen. I expect her to come back with the wine bottle, but instead she comes back with a banana.
Oh shit.
The look in my eyes says it all.
“Yup. We’re going to practice,” Tori says, sitting back next to me.
I eye the banana like it’s going to attack me.
“I don’t know how to even . . .”
“We’ll walk you through it. But keep one thing in mind,” Scarlett says, making sure she has my full attention, “the number one rule is: don’t bite it.”
And for the next hour, my two best friends teach me how to give a blowjob to a banana.
And I only bite it twice.
22
Jaxson
I don’t get nervous. Nervousness is weakness. And weakness is how you lose.
I was never nervous for a fight—even the first time I got in the ring with a guy who was four years older than me and had me by 20 pounds.
But now? Getting ready to take Annabelle out for our first official date? Fuck, I’m a wreck.
It’s been a little over a week since the first time we were together, but we haven’t slept together since. I told her that since I fucked up her first time—even though she insisted I didn’t—that the least I could do was take her out on a proper date before we were together again. Or at least our version of a proper date.
Neither of us is the fancy type. Thank God for that. She and I both know that dinner at an upscale restaurant that has multiple forks and foods we can’t pronounce would make both of us uncomfortable. So I proposed that we take the day and go for a ride, stop and get food when we feel hungry, and just spend the day together.
And then hopefully the night.
When I pull up to her building and she comes out the door, I have to shake my head, still not believing that this woman wants to be with me.
She’s wearing tight jeans that leave nothing to my imagination, and a long-sleeve shirt that is showing off each and every curve. Her hair in a low ponytail is just begging for me to wrap it around my fist later.
If I ever had to picture a perfect woman, she’s walking toward me.
“Hey you,” she says as she wraps her arms around my waist. In the week we’ve kept things PG, I’ve realized that this is her favorite way to greet me. It’s my favorite too.
“Hey there.” I lift her chin so I can place a light kiss on her lips. It’s been a few days since we’ve seen each other, and I didn’t realize until right now just how much I’ve missed my lips on hers. “You ready to go?”
She nods and puts her small purse in the compartment on the back of the bike. I love the fact that she just does it on her own, and doesn’t wait for me to help her. I know this is a small thing, but I also know there are a lot of parts about us that make her uneasy, so any time she takes control and shows confidence makes my heart beat a little faster.
“Where are we going?” she asks as she puts on her helmet.
I climb on, getting situated for her to get on behind me. “I figure we’ll just start driving and see where the day takes us.”
Her smile is all the answer I need as I put the bike in gear and take off.
We head up Route 41, just riding and taking in the view of Lake Michigan. I’ve never gone this way, but I thought Annabelle would like the view. And with her arms wrapped around me, practically gluing herself to my back, it’s a feeling I won’t get tired of soon.
In a few short weeks, her presence in my life has already made me a better man. I feel different. Better. Like I want to make her proud of me.
And to my surprise, I most look forward to the little things. Like when she’s at the gym, and she always finds me to give me a kiss hello and goodbye. Or when I stop in for coffee, and make sure that every customer in there knows she’s mine before I leave.
We ride for about an hour when I see gray clouds rolling in. Apparently, that small chance of rain was a bunch of crap. Yes, I wanted to impress this girl so much that I checked the fucking weather.
I pull into a diner that’s pretty close to Millennium Park, and we hurry inside before the skies open up. We find a booth in the back, and as much as I want to sit next to her, I refuse to be that guy.
I’m not that whipped. Yet.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t think it was going to rain today.”
She takes my hand in hers, looping her fingers through mine. “It’s fine. Plus, I love Millennium Park. Maybe after the rain clears up, we can take a walk?”
“Absolutely. The day is ours. Whatever you want to do.”
As we place our orders, the skies open up and a thunderstorm comes down hard and fast. A few of the claps of thunder make Annabelle jump, which is freaking adorable.
We talk about everything and nothing over lunch. I tell her about how I met Kalum and Maverick, and she tells me about Tori and Scarlett. We decide which toppings we’ll get when we order our first pizza together, and figure out which favorite movies and TV shows we have in common.
We both know that there are heavier topics we need to discuss, but right now, neither of us wants to ruin the moment.
As I’m paying our bill, the rain comes to a stop, and the sun comes out brigh
ter than it was an hour ago. I don’t know why, but this makes Annabelle smile and bounce in her seat.
“Come on! Let’s go!”
I don’t know what has my girl in such an excited rush, but I’m pretty sure if I don’t follow her right now, she’ll leave and it’ll be hours before she realizes I’m not there.
I take her hand and we walk the short distance to the park. I’ve been here a handful of times in my life, but visiting the park with Annabelle makes it one of my favorite places.
She finds a spot on some rocks by the water, facing a rainbow that’s full of color and light. We take a seat, with her between my legs, and just sit and watch the water hit the shore. She leans her head back against my chest, and honest to God, I can’t think of anything better than this moment right here.
“My mom loved rainbows. They were our thing,” she says, breaking our comfortable silence. “After every big storm, she would take me to a spot not far from our house so we could paint the rainbows against the skyline.”
I kiss the top of her shoulder, loving that she’s opening up to me. “That sounds nice.”
She sighs, taking my hand, absently playing with my fingers. “It was. Every time I see one, I still think of her. Those are some of my best memories of her.”
“Is she—?”
“Yeah. She passed away when I was in college. Cancer.”
“I’m so sorry, baby.” I squeeze her tighter because I don’t know what to do or say. I’m struck by the fact that we’ve both had a loved one who was taken from us way too soon.
“It’s okay. I’m better. Now. But every time I see a rainbow, I just feel closer to her. I know it sounds silly—”
“Not at all. I think it’s great.”
“Thanks. I sometimes wish, when I see one so bright and beautiful like this, that I had my art supplies with me. I haven’t painted a rainbow in so long . . . since . . . well, since she passed.”
I turn her around so we’re facing each other. “You paint?”
Damaged: South Side Boys Book 1 Page 8
