It wasn't long before her problem was diagnosed.
Anaplastic Astrocytoma.
Brain cancer.
Inoperable.
A death sentence.
“What are you doing here?” I take her hand and kiss it, holding it tight, just in case she decides to disappear as quickly as she came.
“You were thinking of me, Lis, and I felt it.” Her blue eyes sparkle as she squeezes my hand. “I can't stay long though.”
“Why not?” I desperately need my best girl beside me. Everything seems right, now that she's here, and I don't intend to let her go easily.
“It's just how it is. I can visit, but I can't stay.”
“You live in that big city, don't you?” I ask, envious.
She nods, but her smile is sad as she gazes at me.
“What's it like?”
With a sigh, she looks up, pondering. “It's wonderful, beautiful, and busy. I'm very happy.”
“You are?”
“You sound surprised.” She laughs and shakes her head. “Dying wasn't a bad thing. At least for me.”
“It was for me,” I answer, feeling the sting of invisible tears behind my eyes. The reaction is automatic even though I can't really cry.
Again, she nods. “That's true, but Earth-life only lasts a short while. You know that.” She watches my face and her gaze feels warm against my soul, like the sun's rays, delicate and soft. I glance at the deep green grass beneath my feet and move my toes through it. It feels alive, and I swear I can hear it singing in happiness, just to exist.
I turn to her. “I don't know anything. Nobody knows anything. I thought I would be with you.”
“I know,” she says, socking me playfully in the arm like old times. “Silly girl. Always jumping before you look.”
Instead of chuckling like I would have in the past, I ask her the question that has been plaguing me since I came here. “Are you really happy, Natty? Tell the truth. And if you are, why? You left your mom, your home... me.”
“Yeah, but I'm still with family. My grandparents are here, and their parents, my cousins. Tons of relatives I'd never met because they lived long before me. It's like a huge family reunion. In fact, it's nice to come see you and get away from it for a while.”
She doesn’t mention her dad and neither do I.
I wanted a huge family reunion too. I wanted happiness, rest, and beauty, but all I got were scary roommates who don't like me, except for Shana—and a field trip to hell.
At Natty's smile, I feel a twinge of jealousy twist inside me. I want what she has. But I was too impatient. I was stupid.
“Don't worry. You'll be a great guardian.”
“You know about that?”
“Yep. We all have guardians. Most are guardian angels, but sometimes, people like you get to repay their debt. It's totally cool. I'm hoping to be a guardian angel soon, but it will be for my charge's whole life, not just a short stint. And for guardian angels it's always a relative, or a descendant.”
I hadn't known that. I don't know anything, and the longer I listen, the more I realize it. “I'm not sure I can do it, Natty. I'm so screwed up. I've totally ruined everything.”
“Not everything, Lis. And you can do this.” She stands up and I stand with her.
“You're not leaving, are you?”
“I have to. I only came for a minute, but I'll keep tabs on you and visit when I can. Don't worry. You'll be just fine, and we'll be together soon. Okay?”
I nod and pull her into an embrace, hating the moment we let go. With a blink of her eyes, she's gone.
Just that fast.
And once again, I'm left behind.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
~The Dreaded Call~
Brecken
It's a cold, rainy spring day and the wind blows with a biting ache. It has rained for the last week and Brecken's sisters have been stuck inside the house, bored and ornery. He finally sends them to their rooms, so he can have privacy to make this call.
He stares at the phone in his hand, dreading the coming conversation. It never seems to matter what Brecken wants, says, or asks for. His dad's automatic answer is always no. He doesn't even listen. Or maybe his dad just doesn't care. The hurt of numerous rejections stings, and Brecken doesn't know how to fix things.
At one time, life seemed so simple. He remembers past fishing trips with his dad, nights they stayed up late doing math homework, one-on-one basketball games of HORSE. Those days are long gone.
He dials his dad's number, almost hoping he won't answer.
He does.
“Hey, Dad,” Brecken says, hesitating.
“Hey,” his dad answers. “Can I call you right back? I'm kind of in the middle of something.”
His dad won't call back. Not because he is a liar or completely unreliable, but because he is always in the middle of something. It happens all the time. Brecken waits and waits for the call back that never comes.
“Actually, this can't wait, Dad. We need some money deposited into the account. We have some late bills, and the companies are calling.”
There's a moment of silence on the other end of the line, and Brecken is sure his dad will tell him he's sorry, but that he can't give them money. He's surprised when the reply is, “Okay, Bud. I'll get to the bank this afternoon. I was just paid for my last job, so I have a check. Will five hundred do for now?”
No. It won't. The house payment is due as well as the power bill, the gas bill, and a hospital bill. And he still needs to buy groceries.
This should be his dad's job. Brecken should be able to act like a regular teenager, have fun with friends, play lacrosse or basketball, and go to dances. But he keeps his voice flat, neutral, not wanting his dad to know how hard this is for him. Life is hard for his dad too.
“Sure, Dad. Anything would be great.” His dad doesn't have a lot of money to send. He lives in their camper when working out of town, and he needs materials in advance for his jobs and money for food too.
Not one word is said about being glad Brecken called, or I love you. No questions about school, friends or homework. With a heavy sigh, Brecken places the phone on the coffee table and grabs the keys to his dad's old beater car.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
~Returning to Earth~
Alisa
As time passes, I attend my classes, study the handbook, and have regular interviews with Raphael. I've managed, so far, not to have any with Anaita. But that success streak ends abruptly.
Shana comes running to our cottage with a vellum note clutched in her hand. She thrusts the note into my face while I sit on my bed reading boring educational material that is supposed to help me during my guardianship.
“Alisa! You have a letter from Anaita.” She watches me as I read. “She saw me on the path and asked me to give it to you. What does it say?”
I take the note and gently unfold it. It's made of thick paper that's almost scratchy in my hands. “She wants to see me.” My spirit has many of the same reactions as a physical body, except it's more about the emotion that is attached, so the moment I read the note, it feels like my heart races, and then drops into my stomach. A wave of anxiety plows over me, and I struggle to find an excuse to refuse. I come up with nothing.
“Just great.” With a sigh, I leave my cottage and plod down the path to the white marble building where my guardian classes are held. It sparkles in the light like a beacon, but does not beckon me forward. It is the last place I want to go.
Once I reach Anaita's office I hesitate, my fist ready to knock on her door. I can do this, I tell myself, my eyes closed. I rap on the solid wood. The door opens without a sound and there she stands—gleaming and golden.
“Hello, Alisa. Have a seat.” She gestures to a bright red couch to her right. A wide window gleams crystal clear, and I sit down, glancing through it to the small town of Idir Shaol. I won't miss this place when I leave.
“How are you?” she asks, pulling
a chair close.
I shift uncomfortably and turn to face her. I'm pretty sure she could care less how I am. “I'm good.”
“Have you enjoyed your time here?”
That is a loaded question. She'll know if I lie, so I stick to the truth, trying not to sound like the surly teenager I am. “Not really.”
Her laugh resonates through the room, full and rich, but with a touch of sarcasm. “Yes. I know what you mean, but nothing happens by accident or chance.”
I nod, but in my head, I think the complete opposite. What kind of loving god would destine me to be molested, or to go through all the heartache I have? No. Even with everything I've seen here, I'm not sure I even believe in God, and if he is real, then he's cruel and uncaring.
Anaita leans back in her chair assessing me, her hands clasped before her, eyes narrowed. “Raphael has decided it's time for you to go.”
Because of the cold tone of her voice, my hope sinks. They've changed their minds. My thoughts fly to the prison I visited, automatically assuming that is my new destination. She smiles, but her expression is dark, sinister somehow, and I wonder how that's possible, considering her job and everything. “To Earth, Alisa. As a guardian.”
“Oh.” I breathe in relief. “You have no idea how good that sounds. I thought you meant that other place.”
“If you don't succeed, it will be that other place.”
“Right,” I say, nodding.
“I wanted you to come to my office for a specific reason before you discussed your new charge with Raphael.”
“Oh?”
“I understand you, Alisa. Whether you like the sound of that or not. I see a lot of myself in you. And although you rebel against authority, detest what you don't understand, and you take the easy road instead of the best road—”
“Hey!”
“I don't say this to hurt you, but you need to understand how serious this assignment is. It's your last chance. Your very last. Do you understand? You fail here and your soul will rest forever in the bowels of hell, screaming for a release that you will never leave. Never.” She pierces me with her iron gaze, her eyes smoldering with something I don’t understand. She's not the least bit heavenly like a teacher should be. She is nothing like Raphael, and it terrifies me.
Wanting to escape as quickly as I can, I say what she wants to hear. “Yes. I understand.”
“I hope so. If you need anything, don't hesitate to call... in your mind. You know how to do that I assume?”
“Yeah.”
“Good. Now go to Raphael. He'll fill you in on the rest.”
I hurry to the door and reach for the handle as though it is a life preserver.
“And, Alisa?”
I turn, my hand trembling. “Yeah?”
“Don't ever forget what I've said.” She shows no emotion, and her words sounds more like a threat than advice.
Paralyzed by her stare, I don't answer. I feel no love, no compassion, and certainly no encouragement emanating from her. After a moment, I pull the door open and fly down the stairs past Raphael's office.
Though her actual words hadn’t been cruel, her intent behind them was. Even I am bright enough to see that. What I don't know is why. She wants me to fail. It radiates from every inch of her perfect, celestial body, and I'm pretty sure she doesn't intend to help me... even if I call. The hardness of her crystal-blue eyes, the tightness of her mouth, even the way she held her hands, suggested she'd rather reach out and choke me than come to my aid.
Raphael pulls the door open before I make it too far down the hall.
“Alisa!”
I slide to a stop.
“I thought I felt you passing by. Please, come in a moment.” He is all smiles and warmth. The complete opposite of Anaita, and I wonder if he knows what she's been up to. With a steady hand, he guides me to a chair, the love and concern in his eyes, a welcome respite.
He sits behind his desk and begins sorting through a small box of crystals that are no bigger than my pinky. The crystals glow in a rainbow of color, some bright and bold, others with pastel softness.
He takes one out, its hue blood red, and places it in a slot at the corner of his desk. He turns it to the right. Within seconds, a life-size movie, similar to the one I saw in the library, appears on the opposite wall, projected from some unknown location. “The boy is Brecken Shaefer. He is seventeen years old.”
He is of average height, muscular, and wears a black leather jacket with faded blue jeans. All I can do is stare at the face on the screen—my eyes drawn to his—as though I should recognize him somehow. I squint, trying to see him more clearly, but the picture doesn't change. I can already tell—just by looking at him—the kind of guy he is, and apart from being totally hot –I would have to be a total idiot not to notice-- he looks dangerous. From his mussed, dark hair to the way he stands, the dare in his dark blue eyes.
I don't like him.
Raphael drones on, but I only hear half of what he says. The first words to register are: arrest, fights, and suspended, but I've already made my judgment.
I can't guard this wild, angry, intimidating boy. He is too... something, and he frightens me.
“So what do you think?” Raphael asks, turning to study my horror-stricken face.
“Uh... I... well, he seems nice enough, but I wonder, is there anyone else to choose from? Not that this Brecken kid isn't great, but I kind of hoped to guard a girl. You know, for propriety's sake.”
A knowing smile spreads across Raphael's slender lips. I don't like the look at all, and I brace myself for his next words. “There's no one else. The board takes these assignments very seriously. Every guardian is placed with a certain charge for a particular reason. Brecken is the one for you. Take him or leave him.”
That's pretty cut and dry. No arguing allowed? No debating? And what are those specific reasons for why I've been placed with him? That is something I'd like to know. “So if I choose not to guard this Brecken boy, then I can't guard anyone at all?”
“He's not 'the Brecken boy,' and yes, that's pretty much it in a nutshell,” Raphael says, unblinking. I notice a touch of humor behind his eyes, so he must think this is funny. Maybe he is more like Anaita than I thought.
Humbled at my predicament, I shake my head at the hopelessness of it all. It's do or die, metaphorically speaking. “I guess I accept.”
“Great!” Raphael eyes are full of newfound excitement. “That's the spirit! Here's how it works. Brecken has a huge obstacle to overcome.”
“Yeah, I know that part.”
“Let me finish. It's important for you to realize the seriousness of your assignment. It's a life or death situation. Your job will be to help him overcome this immediate hurdle. If you succeed, you will be allowed to move on and continue your spiritual training, which will be more wonderful than you can imagine.”
More wonderful than I can imagine? I can imagine something pretty dang awesome. And I also think it's entirely unfair they won't give me a hint at what Brecken's problem is. How can they send me down there completely unprepared? How will I ever succeed without prior planning? It's like taking a final exam and not studying beforehand.
“Alisa, you'll do fine,” he says. “You have a brave heart. Follow it. Pray, meditate, call for help.”
This will never work. Why would anyone start listening to me now? I'm not sure I want to pray anyway. How has God ever helped me? All I can think of is how soon I'll be returning here humiliated, a permanent resident of the underworld.
Raphael motions for me to take his hand and looks into my troubled eyes. “It won't be as hard as you think. You can do this. Believe in yourself.” With a blink, we are gone from his office and standing outside a beige, brick building.
I recognize the look of it immediately.
A high school.
Ugh. High school wasn't that great of an experience the two years I attended before I died. Mainly because my grandmother and best friend had died, but
also because I'd become so reclusive, had lived so deeply inside myself, that the other students had stopped even trying to befriend me. I'd become solitary. Invisible.
“Now that you've been assigned to Brecken, you will always be drawn to him,” Raphael explains, guiding me with his hand toward the front doors. “All you need to do is think of him, and you'll know where to find him. Oh, and don't forget about Brecken's special gifts. You need to be careful and be ready.”
“Special gifts?” What did that mean? He's telling me this now? At the last second? Is Brecken disabled in some way?
Raphael gazes at me with concern, his eyebrows pulled down in a frown. “You know. What I told you in my office? About his gifts?”
No, I don't remember. I hadn't really been listening. I'd been too shocked at Brecken's rugged, slightly beautiful, but scary appearance to hear anything. “Oh, right. Yeah, I remember,” I lie. “No problem. It will be fine.”
“Good. Well, this is where I leave you then. Good luck and Godspeed.” He takes one last look at me, and then shimmers from sight.
The world dims, seeming dark after being in Raphael's presence. Even Idir Shaol radiates with brighter light than Earth does. Shaking my head—because it doesn't really matter—I slip through the doors, not even needing to open them.
Being a ghost has its perks.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
~The Presence~
Brecken
Math is boring as usual. Brecken sits with his legs stretched out, the laces on his boots untied, and a scowl on his face. He surveys the other kids in the room, not caring one bit what they think of him. He's past bullying. Anyone who dares comment on his black boots, black clothes, or black expression will live to regret it.
His tough-guy exterior serves his purpose, and most people leave him alone. The only “normal” guys he's friends with are ones on the lacrosse team, and he only socializes with them at practice once a week on Saturdays. He can't afford to be on the team anymore, but they still include him even though he can't play in the actual games. That almost hurt more than anything else did.
In that moment a strange feeling comes over him, making the hairs rise on the back of his neck and chills run down his spine. Someone's in the room. A presence. He hasn't felt one for a long time. It tingles around him like jungle mist, warm and humid. He smells cinnamon, suddenly and clearly. It's not the same scent as last time, but he knows what it means.
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