© 2018 by Anne Corley Baum
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or any other information storage and retrieval system, without the written permission of the publisher.
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Internet addresses given in this book were accurate at the time it went to press.
Printed in the United States of America
Cover and interior design and illustrations by Jennifer Giandomenico
Library of Congress information available upon request
ISBN 978-1-7323016-2-7
2 4 6 8 10 9 7 5 3 1 paperback
This guide is dedicated to my guardian angels in heaven: Elmer Gates, my dear friend and mentor, and my dad, Dr. W. Gene Corley who taught me, right from the start, that behavior matters. And to my awesome family—Brad, Reed, and Shay Baum, and my mom, Lynd Corley—thanks for always supporting me and my crazy ideas.
Contents
Introduction
The Transmitter
The Solver
The Front-of-Shirt Presser
The Table Groomer
The Moocher
The Celebrity
The Blamer
The Smart Phone Checker
The Wandering Eye
The Spin Doctor
The Professor
The Gossip
The Empty Promiser
The Wimpy or Tough Handshaker
The eRanter
The Name Dropper
Strategies for Success
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Introduction
When I sat down to write this book, my goal was to share common small mistakes that many people make that prevent them from being successful. Every day we interact with other people, yet we rarely think about our body language and behavior and, more importantly, the impact these behaviors have on how we are perceived by others.
Whether we like it or not and whether it is fair or not, perception is reality. People make subconscious decisions about who we are and our credibility the instant they see us. With that fact in mind, what can you do to have your perception equal your reality? How can you make the very best first, second, and ongoing impression on those with whom you interact?
First and foremost, we actually have to pay attention to how we act. From body language to the words we use, it is important to think about behavior as much as, if not more than, the business at hand. In practice, we tend to focus on data, presentation, and the technical side of an interaction instead of on our behavior.
Nothing you will read here is rocket science, and most of it you’ve probably heard in some form or fashion from mentors, parents, teachers, and advisors. The key for success with this guide is to put behavior at the top of your mind, then practice,practice, and practice again. As you do so, these behaviors will become habit, and these habits will prevent you from making those small mistakes that result in big consequences. Remember that behavior is not a substitute for technical knowledge— you must know your facts and data to build credibility, and you must always operate with integrity—but you have a much better chance of having people trust your information and data when you avoid these small mistakes.
Enjoy!
Good is the enemy of great.
—Jim Collins
Small Mistake
Number One
The Transmitter
The Transmitter is the person who is always talking, usually about himself and his accomplishments (or lack thereof). The Transmitter does not listen and is so focused on impressing you that you will rarely get a word into the conversation.
The Big Consequence
The Transmitter lives in an isolated world surrounded by his own perception of things. The Transmitter never knows where others stand on the issues and is rarely able to deliver what a client is looking to receive because he doesn’t know their viewpoints. The Transmitter tends to be opinionated and never listens to other perspectives.
The Solutions
How to Avoid Being a Transmitter
Be a great listener. One tip that always helps is sharing that listen and silent have the same letters. This is a great way to remember that, in order to be a great listener, you actually have to be quiet! While listening to someone, make excellent eye contact and pay attention to what they are saying. You will learn a great deal about the person and what motivates them, and you will also be perceived as sincere and trustworthy—great characteristics to which we all should aspire.
How to Manage a Transmitter
When you meet a Transmitter, try to listen carefully to what he is saying and link your ideas, thoughts, and business opportunities with things that appear to be important to him. In some cases, you may need to ask the Transmitter to listen to you. Let him know how what you have to offer will help him succeed. (You can determine what he is trying to accomplish by asking.) This is not always a good strategy with a new acquaintance, but it’s necessary with someone with whom you have to communicate on a regular basis.
How to Work with a Transmitter
Have patience when working with a Transmitter. They often don’t realize that they are not listening and are actually trying to help. Starting a conversation with an introduction such as, “I’d like you to listen to my whole story before you offer any suggestions, and then I’d be happy to hear your opinion” can help. Most Transmitters are not trying to overwhelm the other person. They are just striving to be relevant.
We have two ears and one mouth so that
we can listen twice as much as we speak.
—Epictetus
Small Mistake
Number Two
The Solver
The Solver is always in rescue mode. When you approach the Solver with a problem, she immediately jumps in to start working on the solution, often before she has even heard the entire issue. The Solver likes to show off her connections by picking up the phone or emailing someone right away.
The Big Consequence
By jumping in immediately, the Solver risks losing a number of leadership advantages:
Taking on the problems of others allows for team members to dump their problems on the Solver, creating more work for the Solver and ending empowerment of the team.
By doing, not teaching, the Solver is destined to continue to have to support the team. They will become dependent instead of independent, and the culture of the organization will decline.
The Solver may be solving the wrong problem! By jumping in before understanding the full request, the Solver hasn’t grasped the entire situation and may cause more issues.
The Solutions
How to Avoid Being a Solver
Empower your team. Empowerment requires three key elements:
Trust
Training and resources
Coaching
When faced with questions from team members, ask them to explain what they think should be done. More often than not, they know exactly what to do, and they are looking for reassurance that they are headed in the right direction. Some-times, they need additional assistance. When you help them find their own solution to a problem and train them to do it themselves, they will become more confident and will deliver a better product each and every time.
When I first got my driver’s license, I always asked my dad for directions. Every time I asked, he pulled out the ma
p—or sent me to get it—and taught me to find my way on my own. This simple lesson served me well and created a very independent mindset for me. Trust your team, help them learn how to do things, and coach them through the good and the bad. Remember that every mistake is a joint mistake. They need to be confident that you won’t throw them under the bus. If you cut them off at the knees when they make a mistake—and they will—empowerment is dead in your organization. Believe in your team and make sure they know you have their back, and they will amaze you with their accomplishments.
How to Manage a Solver
If the Solver reports to you, have a talk with her about empowerment and the development of the team. Often, the Solver believes that it is her job to solve problems for the entire team. Teaching her the skills of empowerment will make her life easier and will create a stronger team.
How to Work with a Solver
Listen to the advice Solvers offer and let them know that they don’t need to make the call or solve the issue for you. Tell them that you’ve got it and you appreciate their advice. When they can make a connection that you would otherwise not have, ask for the introduction and then take the lead in working with the other person to get the problem resolved on your own.
If you report to a Solver, come to her with solutions as well as problems. Ask her advice, but make it clear that you will run with the solution. This will help her build confidence in you.
Give me a fish and I eat for a day. Teach
me to fish and I eat for a lifetime.
—Chinese Proverb
Small Mistake
Number Three
The Front-of-Shirt Presser
The Front-of-Shirt Presser is the person who does just enough to get by from an appearance perspective. The Front-of-Shirt Presser irons only the part of his shirt that shows under the jacket; the back and sleeves are still wrinkled. He uses safety pins to attach buttons, tapes falling hems, and hides stains under his jacket.
The Big Consequence
Unpolished is unpolished. Safety pins show, runs get longer, tape falls off, and the day will come when you will be forced to remove your jacket in a sweltering meeting room, revealing the partially pressed shirt. Getting caught with rigged fixes is almost worse than the original problem and hints that you are willing to take the easy way to solve a problem as opposed to getting to the root of the problem and fixing it correctly.
The Solutions
How to Avoid Being a Front-of-Shirt Presser
Be polished. Don’t take the easy road. Image and perception begin with your appearance, so don’t let your shortcuts get you in trouble. Polish shows, and it sends a message that quality is important to you. If people perceive that you prefer high quality, they will assume that the work you perform will be of a high quality. Sew on your buttons. Iron the whole shirt. Hire a tailor. Use a detergent pen. These extra steps will reflect well on your image, and your reputation as someone who delivers high quality will grow.
How to Manage a Front-of-Shirt Presser
Does this person work with you? Does he present himself to your clients? If so, you need to have a heart-to-heart conversation right away. Your organization is only as strong as the weakest person. If your team members are not presenting a polished image, then your company will not be perceived as such. Teaching your team to be polished helps everyone. If you need help, find a local store or person that specializes in professional attire and invite them in to teach your team.
How to Work with a Front-of-Shirt Presser
Your co-workers represent the company just as you do, so it is important to set the example and hold others accountable to the image you are striving to present for your company. Deal with image right from the start, define your expectations, and hold fast to those standards. Your company image is at stake, and it’s important to teach your employees what your image is and how you’d like them to present themselves.
If you have a concern about a co-worker’s presentation, you can speak to his supervisor or offer advice to the person directly. Image is very personal, and often people are put off by or uninterested in advice. Be kind in your approach and offer advice in the context of business success or company policy, not as personal criticism.
If this is your boss, you can offer advice and assistance like sharing your dry cleaner info, buying him a sewing kit, or sharing your tailor’s contact info. Because the image of one reflects the image of all, you can also have a heart-to-heart conversation around dress code and presentation of the team.
Small Mistake
Number Four
The Table Groomer
The Table Groomer has not learned the difference between a restroom and a dining table. The Table Groomer puts on lipstick at the table, and she doesn’t think twice about blowing her nose or brushing her hair while others are eating.
The Big Consequence
When one grooms at the table, others are forced to watch, and this distracts from the business at hand. This is particularly true with women in business. When others are focusing on lip-stick or hair, they are not focusing on your intellect or message.
The Solutions
How to Avoid Being a Table Groomer
Excuse yourself. When dining at the corporate table, it is very important to keep the focus on the business that you plan to address. Avoid distractions by excusing yourself from the table or waiting until after the meeting to primp. Prepare yourself before the meeting begins; check the mirror to be sure that everything is in order—no food in the teeth, lipstick on, nose clear. Keep the meeting professional and focused. In doing so, no one will notice that your lipstick has faded or that your hair is askew.
How to Manage a Table Groomer
For members of your team, set the example and define expectations before you attend meetings. Explain why this behavior distracts from the result you are trying to achieve. If you observe this behavior with a customer or someone who is not on your team, invite them to join you in the restroom. You can set a good example and save them from the embarrassment at the table.
How to Work with a Table Groomer
Invite the Table Groomer to join you in the restroom as soon as you see her beginning to primp. Tempt her with the mirror and privacy. You can also speak to her about the distraction that table grooming creates.
No one needs to know how much, or how
little, effort you put into presenting your
fresh face to the world. Grooming is a
behind-the-scenes activity; such matters
should not be taken care of in public.
—Jodi R. R. Smith
Small Mistake
Number Five
The Moocher
The Moocher never has his wallet. (He’ll buy next time.) He always calls to request the free ticket. The Moocher calculates his portion of a shared bill to the penny and rarely offers to contribute to charitable causes and organizations.
The Big Consequence
Over time, the Moocher gains the reputation of being selfish or greedy. He is often viewed as a freeloader. This is especially true when the Moocher has a significant income stream. Invitations stop coming, and jokes are made. People judge the Moocher’s work product and company by his actions and choose to do business elsewhere.
The Solutions
How to Avoid Being a Moocher
Be generous. Give more than you get. Generosity is one of the greatest characteristics that one can possess. Think of it as “the favor” bank—a bank into which you always make deposits and never make a withdrawal.
The favors will be returned to you in many ways, usually linked indirectly to the favors that have been done for others. When you invite someone to dine with you, it is your responsibility to pay. When you have the chance to donate to a charitable organization, do so, even if it is a small amount of money. Treat people to events. Send thank-you notes and gifts. Appreciate what others do for you, and they’ll appreciate you in the long run.
Be remembered for your goo
d deeds. Work and business success provide the means, and heart provides the drive. Give back, be generous, but do so sincerely. You will receive great dividends from the most unlikely sources.
How to Manage a Moocher
Teach philanthropy. Not everyone learned generosity and philanthropy as they were growing up. It is an important skill set to teach others. Provide employees and colleagues with the opportunity to lead by giving of their time, talent, and treasure. Not everyone will follow suit, but many will.
How to Work with a Moocher
When you work with a Moocher, let him know the payment arrangements before you go to any meal. Collect money up front for tickets or group gifts. Try connecting him to a mission when you are encouraging him to donate to a good cause.
Try to find out what motivates the Moocher and invite him to get involved. Sometimes, people are simply ignorant of giving. Not everyone is raised with the notion of philanthropy, and teaching someone to be generous is one of the greatest gifts you can give. On the other hand, some people are just greedy or selfish. You don’t have to take them to lunch or give them tickets. Spend your time with other generous people. You will be surprised how happy those encounters will be.
Small Mistake
Number Six
The Celebrity
The Celebrity thinks that everyone knows her. This person fails to introduce herself. She will often say things like, “You don’t remember me, do you?” This person tends to get angry when she is not remembered and presents an aggravated or arrogant approach to all.
The Big Consequence
Failing to introduce yourself makes others uncomfortable. As much as people would like to remember everyone, they often do not. This is especially true when they see someone out of context, such as seeing a physician outside of the hospital or a teacher outside of a school.
The Solutions
How to Avoid Being a Celebrity
Small Mistakes, Big Consequences Page 1
