by Amie Knight
He kissed me like that, with one hand in my hair, the other at my hip, and I couldn’t help but rub the wetness of my slit along his hard length. I groaned into his mouth when the head of his cock caught against my clit. I bore down harder, wanting more, needing friction, and his hand at my hip moved to my behind, pushing me into him.
“Fuck, you’re so wet and ready for me.” His mouth moved down my jaw, past my neck, and straight to my breasts, and I pushed up on my hands, giving him the room he needed to mouth my nipples. To suck and lick them and bite them.
It was heaven, his thrumming heartbeat beneath mine, his hard cock heavy against my wet core, his mouth devouring my breasts. I liked how he dominated me, took what he wanted. I lived for his passionate kisses, his fierce eyes, his domineering hands.
I should have been embarrassed, the only sounds in the dark room our breaths, our moans, the wet, slick sounds of our bodies moving together, but I wasn’t. This was Holden. This was me. It was us, and nothing about us made me ashamed.
I leaned back on my knees, too hot, too wet, too needy. I wanted him inside of me, thick and hard, and filling me up. I couldn’t wait another second, so I reached between us, running my hand up and down his cock, the feel of me all over him making me hotter by the second.
I positioned him at my entrance and before I could ease down, he pushed up and into me fast. White hot heat shot through me and I shouted out into the quiet room.
My shout only seemed to spur Holden on. He gripped my ass hard in his hands, rocking into me and growling out obscenities, dirty words that made my belly somersault as he thrust into me.
“God, you were made for me. You’re so fucking gorgeous and wet and hot. Ride that cock, baby. Ride it hard. It’s yours. Take it.”
His words were filthy and they made my core clench around his length.
He grunted, rolling us over quickly until I was on my back and he was over me, crashing into me, whispering dirty words, chanting my name like a prayer.
He ran his hands over my breasts, his thumbs and forefingers rolling my nipples, and I arched into him, moaning his name.
“You’re mine,” he ground out. “Tell me you’re mine.” His mouth said it like a demand, but his eyes pleaded. Those eyes begged for me to give myself to him, but I already had.
I rubbed the side of his face with my palm and kissed his lips. “I’m yours. I’ll always be yours,” I promised.
He closed his eyes and leaned into my hand, pumping into me, and I met his every thrust with one of my own, until we were a sweaty, groaning, writhing mess.
He pushed my knees up toward my chest and ground down on my clit with every push of his pelvis until I was squirming and pleading beneath him.
“Holden, please. I’m going to come. Don’t stop,” I begged.
One final push and I snapped my eyes closed as the most intense orgasm I’d ever experienced rolled through my body like a tidal wave. It crashed over me again and again, each one higher and longer than the last. My body froze beneath him, but fire sang in my veins as light flashed behind my eyelids.
Holden jerked once, twice, and then he was pouring into me, crushing his body to mine as he kissed the absolute hell out of me.
We laid there silently long after, content to pet and hold each other in the pitch-black room. I realized in that moment that I’d hold Holden through anything. I knew his problems were far from over. I knew we’d have many dark days ahead of us, but I knew we could get through them as long we held on to each other. As long as we didn’t let go.
And as I came down from the highest of highs beneath that big, sometimes mean, sometimes wonderful man, I knew my life would never be the same. This had changed everything. That moment, with my legs around him, my heart beating in tandem to his—it would be forever etched into my heart. Because while Holden had taken every bit of me, demanded everything I’d had to give that night, he’d given me some of him, too.
It felt priceless.
It felt wonderful.
It felt like love.
I was nervous as we pulled into the driveway for an early Christmas dinner with Mae’s friends. The last few weeks had been like living in a dream. I didn’t want that dream to end. I wanted to continue living in our bubble. Long morning walks, dinners out, sexy nights in. But I couldn’t just keep her all to myself forever even if I did want to.
It wasn’t quite Christmas yet, but it was mid-December and Mae’s friend Ainsley and her mother always had everyone over for dinner for an early get-together. I hadn’t seen Mae’s friends since the last time we’d gone out and that hadn’t gone very well. I was preparing myself for the worst as we sat in front of the small ranch house just outside of Columbia. Adrian would be here, and I knew he definitely didn’t like me. He had every right not to.
Her hand landed on mine over the gear shift. “Don’t be nervous. Everything is going to be fine.”
Her smile was reassuring, but her eyes, they were worried. I appreciated her trying to ease my nerves, but I knew she was wary, too. Her mother would be here. She wasn’t a fan of mine either, but Mae had told me many times that Jessi and Luanne had been neighbors since their kids were toddlers. I didn’t like Luanne, but she was Mae’s mother, so I’d learn to live with her. It was going to be a long, long evening between her and Adrian.
I nodded, smiling at her. “It’s gonna be interesting for sure.”
She squeezed my hand. “I know you’re worried about Adrian and I admit he isn’t your biggest fan, but he loves me and he’ll be nice to you for me. He’s just protective. He’ll learn to love you like I do. I promise.”
I doubted it. I looked around the driveway and yard. There were a lot of cars here. It looked like we were the last to arrive. I’d have to work harder at winning over Mae’s friends. I loved her. I planned on being with her forever. I needed to get these people on board.
I walked to the front door with determination in every step. Mae knocked, her hand in mine, and the door swung open to reveal an older lady with very short gray hair.
She smiled at Mae and then her gaze swung to me. She looked a little shocked to see me, but recovered fairly quickly.
“Miranda.” She leaned forward, hugging her. “Who’ve you brought with you today?” she asked, looking at me.
Mae smiled shyly. “Jessi, this is Holden. Holden, this is Jessi, Ainsley’s momma.”
“Nice to meet you, Holden.” Jessi held her hand out and I took it. “Well, y’all, come on in. We’re putting dinner on the table now.”
She waved us through the entrance of the house where we followed her past the living room to a dining room where Ainsley and Adrian were placing food on the table.
“Hey, y’all,” Mae said.
“Hey, lady,” Ainsley said to us, grinning, but Adrian only looked at her for a moment before pinning his gaze on me and then back to her before shaking his head and leaving the room.
Well, this was off to a great fucking start. Mae patted me on the back and smiled sadly before talking so softly to Ainsley I couldn’t hear what they were saying.
There were pictures all over the walls in the dining room, and I noticed another little girl with Ainsley in all of the photos and wondered if they were of Lori, the girl who’d passed away when they were all teenagers.
I was helping Mae put napkins and silverware on the table when her mother came into the room.
“Hey, baby girl,” she greeted Mae with a hug before turning to me. “Holden.” She gave me a forced smile and helped us finish setting the table silently.
After all the dishes were set and the food was out, we took our seats. I was next to Mae, and Adrian and Ainsley sat across from us. Jessi and Luanne took each end.
Jessi said grace and we all dug in. “So, Ainsley, how’re you feeling, honey?” she asked, scooping some mashed potatoes onto her plate.
Ainsley smiled at her momma and her hand went under the table where I imagined she was rubbing the small bump that was starting to form at h
er mid-section.
“I’m good, Momma. I’m feeling better. I think the morning sickness has passed and I’m starting to feel like myself again.”
Adrian watched her adoringly, and I couldn’t help but think he was probably a good guy. That he was only trying to protect Mae, and I couldn’t blame him. She deserved the world and he knew it. What he didn’t know was that I wanted to give it to her.
“I’m so glad,” Mae piped in. “I can’t wait to hold that sweet baby. I’m gonna spoil her.”
“Him,” Adrian corrected Mae around a mouthful of chicken and Ainsley laughed.
“You two are a mess,” she said, pointing her fork at Adrian and then at Mae.
Mae huffed out a breath. “You don’t know if it’s a boy.” She rolled her eyes and forked some salad into her mouth.
“I do,” Adrian said pointedly.
Ainsley smiled and shook her head at him, but he only shrugged his shoulders.
“I just have a feeling.”
And so the conversation continued on with light teasing and giggles. They were easy around each other, these folks. You could tell they’d known each other most of their lives. There was a specific way they spoke to each other that screamed family.
Luanne and Adrian kept quiet most of the meal and I found myself relieved. I wanted to avoid an altercation today if I could. It was the holidays. I wanted Mae happy today.
We finished up and made our way to the living room where Mae and I sat on the sofa and Ainsley and Adrian took the love seat. Luanne grabbed a rocker in the corner and Jessi passed out plates with chocolate cake and ice cream on them.
“You just made my life, Ms. Jessi!” Mae exclaimed around a mouthful of cake.
Luanne refused cake and sat back in the rocker, eyeing Mae. “Do you know how many calories are in that cake and ice cream, baby girl?” she asked.
My teeth ground at the back of my mouth. This fucking woman. It was on the tip of my tongue to tell her to mind her own fucking business, but Jessi beat me to it.
“You hush now, Anne. Let Miranda enjoy her cake.”
Mae laid her half eaten dessert back on the table, and my hackles rose even higher.
I grabbed the plate off the coffee table and held it out to her, imploring her to finish with my eyes, but she only shook her head. I sat the plate back on the table and blew out a long breath, trying to keep my cool.
“What do you do for a living, Holden?” Jessi asked and the room became deafeningly quiet.
I cleared my throat and sat my empty plate next to Mae’s. “I’m retired army.”
“Oh, really!” She seemed surprised. “That’s so admirable. And what do you want to do now?”
“I’m not quite sure. I’m in the process of figuring that out.”
A snicker sounded from Luanne. “Or you’ve just found a young girl you can mooch off of.”
Several people gasped.
“Luanne Jacobs!” Jessi yelled at her, her face horrified.
“What?” Luanne spat out. “How’s he gonna take care of her? He’s a cripple.” She got up out of her chair and stood next to Jessi. “He’s only got one leg, Jessi. How’s he gonna do anything but collect a disability check and take advantage of my baby girl?”
My eyes shot to Mae in shock. Had she told her mother about my leg? My pulse thumped with the low hum of anger, but I needed to rein it in for my girl. I needed to keep it together for her. I could be angry and sad and pissed off later. When I turned to Mae, her eyes were shooting daggers at Adrian. Fuck. This was gonna be bad.
She stood up now, too. “You told her?” She charged toward Adrian. She sounded horrified and hurt, so fucking upset. “How could you do that? How could you do that to me?”
Tears shone in her eyes, and I jumped up off the couch and headed her way. Adrian and Ainsley hopped up off the love seat at my approach and I held a hand up to them. I wasn’t on my way over there to have a fist fight. I only wanted to comfort my girl. They needed to calm the fuck down. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her into my side, offering her the little comfort I could.
Adrian ran his hands through his hair, looking completely tortured. “Jesus, Miranda. I’ve been worried about you. I thought maybe she could talk some sense into you.” In Adrian’s defense he looked pitiful, but it didn’t seem that Ainsley cared too much for how upset he looked.
“You told her mother? How could you do that? You know how she is. I can’t believe you,” Ainsley spat at him, disgusted, and if I had to guess, I’d say someone was sleeping on the couch that night.
Adrian tried to grab Ainsley’s hand, but she only brushed him away. “I’m sorry, baby. I’m just worried about her.”
“He had every right to tell me. He’s older and crippled, with no job, trying to take advantage of my girl. Adrian is only looking out for her.”
Adrian pointed at Luanne. “That is not why I told you. Don’t make it sound like that. I was worried about her safety. Holden has some problems from his stint in the military. I never accused him of trying to take advantage of her. I’m more worried he might hurt her.” He looked at me, his voice all of a sudden apologetic. “Not intentionally. But I was there that night. I know what you are capable of.”
He was right. I hadn’t had any episodes like what had happened in the bar since that night, but he was right. Any day, I could lose my shit and hurt Mae. I didn’t like to think of it. I pushed it out of my mind, but Adrian’s words hit too close to home and I felt sick at his words. Acid crawled up my throat, but I swallowed it down and pulled Mae closer. It made me as angry as it did upset.
“Jesus Christ. All of you! Quit talking about Holden as if he isn’t here.” Mae shook her head, tears running down her face. She stepped out of my embrace and got right in Adrian’s face. “He’d never hurt me!” she yelled at him. “But you, you’ve broken my heart. How could you?” she finished quietly before turning around and storming off for the front door.
I stood there for a second, looking at all the people in the room who loved her, and I felt sick. I’d done this. I’d ruined everyone’s special Christmas dinner by coming. I’d upset her friends, her mother. And Adrian, I felt guilty that Mae was so obviously hurt by his actions, but the truth was he had every right to worry. He’d seen me. He’d seen me hold her down and cover her mouth. Fuck, my stomach churned at the thought of that night.
I looked around one last time, not knowing what to say before I darted to the door and followed Mae out. She was sitting in the passenger seat of my truck, so I went around to the driver’s side and got in. I put the keys in the ignition and looked over at her.
Silent tears spilled down her cheeks like twin rivers, and I wanted to reach over and wipe them away. I fucking hated it when she cried. It always brought me to my knees. I knew she was upset, but Adrian was right. There was a very real possibility I could hurt her one day. She didn’t want to acknowledge it, just like I didn’t, but we couldn’t hide from it forever.
“He’s right, you know?” I said quietly.
She shook her head, a sob breaking free before sucking it back in.
“He is. One loud sound. One crash. One firework on Independence Day and I could lose my shit.” I felt sick thinking about it.
“Stop it,” she cried softly in the seat next to me and I couldn’t take it a second longer. “Are you trying to push me away? Is that what this is? You don’t want me anymore?”
Moving over on the bench seat, I pulled her into my arms. “Never. I want you all the time.” I ran my fingers through her hair. “It’s okay. Shhh.” I soothed her, but she only cried harder. “I’m so sorry I ruined your dinner with your family. I feel terrible.”
“Don’t,” she sobbed into my chest, clutching me to her with her small fist at the back of my T-shirt. “It’s not your fault.”
I leaned back and wiped the tears from her eyes with my thumbs. “It’s not his fault either. He’s just worried about you. He cares about you. I don’t blame him for looking out
for you.”
“I know,” she stuttered between tears. “I’m just so mad at him. I can’t believe he told my mother. He knows our relationship isn’t good. Can we just go home? I need time. I can’t talk to him when I’m this upset.”
I backed away on a nod and pulled the truck out of the drive. The ride home was full of the loudest silence I’d ever witnessed. She didn’t sob. She didn’t speak. She just looked out the window, not making a sound. I didn’t have a clue what to do to make the situation better.
So while she was quiet, I thought about Adrian’s and Luanne’s words. I was a washed up cripple. How would I take care of Mae and the family I knew she wanted one day? She loved babies. I hadn’t asked, but I was almost 100 percent sure she wanted a big family. How would I care for them? How would I care for her?
And maybe Adrian was right. Maybe I was just an incident away from hurting Mae. From destroying us. That thought was unbearable.
I parked the car outside of the apartment complex and Mae walked up the steps, not looking at me. Not acknowledging me at all. It fucking stung.
Maybe she finally understood what was at stake now, too. Her safety. Her life.
She walked into her apartment, and I stood on the concrete between our doors, debating which one to take. Maybe everyone needed some time alone to think about the shit storm that had been today. Maybe she needed time to cry about how her friend had upset her in peace, without me there to witness it.
I looked at her door one more time before stepping to mine and turning the knob. I’d go by and see how she was later. I’d give her time to cry it out and be angry. We had all the time in the world to figure things out.
I stepped into my small foyer and noticed mail was right inside the door like it often was when I’d been gone all day. One of the reasons I’d picked this old, rundown apartment building was the convenience of the mail slots in the doors.
I leaned down, picking up the envelope off the floor, and my hands and stomach dropped at the address. The pretty elegant handwriting. The name on the return address. That fucking mail slot didn’t seem so convenient just then.
