She tugged off her right glove and stuffed it in her pocket, swapping it with her pepper spray. Luckily, with this spray you could simply fit your finger into the slot and fire it at a distance, making it possible to stay far away from a perpetrator. Stomping down the trail, she squared her shoulders and prepared herself to do what was necessary to stay safe. Her heart thumped quicker and quicker and her palms were sweating, but she gripped the pepper spray tightly.
A tall, well-built body appeared through the trees, less than ten feet away. Cassie screamed and pushed the button in a knee-jerk reaction.
The man called, “Cassie!” at the same time the spray hit him.
“No! Jed!” Cassie cried out in horror. What had she done? She hadn’t meant to press the button, but her finger had been in the correct position and she’d squeezed it without meaning to. Dropping the canister in the snow, she sprinted down the trail to him. “No, no, no. Did I get you?”
Jed was bent forward, coughing. She’d obviously gotten him, and she could only hope that he’d been far enough away to avoid the full impact. Even stepping into the area, she could feel a sting at her face and a tickle in her throat. She swallowed hard.
He squinted up at her, his face red and his eyes swelling shut. He gasped for air, and Cassie couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt so low and awful about something she’d done. Her purpose in life was to love and inspire, not hurt, but sometimes she forgot that when she was overcome with the familiar fear of being attacked.
Leaning forward again, Jed continued coughing. Cassie sidled in as close as she could, her snowshoes banging into his. She fruitlessly patted him on the back, coughing a couple times herself. His coughing seemed to be interminable.
“I’m so sorry,” she kept repeating. “It was an accident. I’m so sorry.”
A few minutes later, the violent coughing racking his strong frame finally subsided. Jed took some long breaths, then scooped up some snow and put it in his mouth. He was still blinking furiously, tears streaming out of his closed eyes. He scooped up more snow and pressed it against his eyelids.
“Oh, Jed,” Cassie sort of moaned. “I am so sorry.”
Jed held up a hand. His nose and eyes were both streaming. Wiping at his nose with his sleeve, he looked absolutely miserable. He definitely didn’t appear to be his confident, handsome self, and she felt even more awful for her knee-jerk reaction.
“I thought,” he slowly said, “I was coming to protect you.”
Cassie hadn’t thought it was possible to feel any worse than she already did, but there it was. He was trying to protect her. Her brothers had always been protective of her. Sometimes when she traveled with a group, one of the men would try to protect her and the other ladies. It was incredibly sweet that Jed had wanted to watch over her.
“Thank you,” she said. “I think I’m pretty safe up here, though.”
“I’m not.” Jed chuckled, but that made him start coughing again.
Cassie patted his arm, feeling stupid and helpless.
His coughing subsided, and he sucked on some more snow. “The cold feels good,” he murmured. He still wasn’t opening his eyes.
“I’m so sorry,” she repeated. The words felt trite and were useless to ease his agony. “Can you not see at all?” She’d had no choice but to use her pepper spray half a dozen times over the years and it had enabled her to get free and run. She definitely hadn’t stuck around to see how the attacker reacted or recovered.
“No.” He actually smiled, though he didn’t look like himself at all, with his skin all red and his eyes shut tight. “You might have to lead me around. Can you hold my hand while we ski today?”
Warmth filled her as she pictured it. She could scarcely believe how kindly he was dealing with her mistake. “I’d probably trip you and hurt you worse.”
Jed chuckled.
She could hardly stand to look at him. “I think the blindness goes away fairly quick.”
“Yeah, when they shot us with it at the academy, it took almost half an hour, but you were farther away from me, so it shouldn’t be quite as bad. Already my breathing has calmed down and the pain is at molten lava level, which is better than the initial flamethrower sensation.”
The descriptions made her smile. Was this the same guy who had manhandled little Will and ticked her off in Park City, then haunted her thoughts since? “What am I ever going to do to make this up to you?”
Jed’s smile got a little wider, thought he still didn’t open his eyes. “I can think of a few things.”
Cassie’s hand fell away from his arm as heat and concern traced through her. He couldn’t be thinking of anything similar to what she was thinking. She wanted to hold him close and nurse him back to health, kissing each of his eyes and then his mouth to make sure he’d recovered. Oh, goodness. She stepped back slightly so she didn’t act on any of those things.
“I hope you’ll believe it truly was an accident,” she said. “I heard and saw someone coming, so I got my pepper spray out. I’ve been attacked a lot, and I guess I have an itchy trigger finger because of that. As soon as I saw you clear the trees, my finger pressed the button, and then I realized who you are and what I’d done. I hope you’ll forgive me.”
Jed’s lips pressed together. “You’ve been attacked a lot?”
Oh, shoot. That was nothing she should be sharing. If her older brothers had any clue what situations she had, and still could, find herself in, they would cut her funds and drag her home by her hair. Maybe that wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. She missed home with a constant ache, and though she adored the children, each week seemed harder to get through than the last. The Savior taught that serving others would bring joy and happiness, and it did; she was just a little worn down. Maybe she had undiagnosed mono or something.
“I can hold my own,” she insisted, though her voice sounded weak and as tired as she was. “I’ve taken self-defense classes, and I’m usually much more in control of my pepper spray than I was today.”
Jed blinked and tried to open his eyes. She caught a hint of blue before he closed them again. “What kinds of situations are you placing yourself in?”
Cassie glared at him, though he couldn’t see it. “I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself, Detective Beckham.”
“I can see that.” He let out a short laugh. “I mean, I can’t see anything, but I believe you. I just hate to think of anyone ever mistreating you.”
Even though he couldn’t look at her and bewitch her with those brilliantly blue eyes, the depth and feeling behind those words tugged her in just as surely as the words themselves did. Here was a man who would never let any harm befall her, a man who would protect and love her, give her some of the peace she was craving. If only she could stow him in her suitcase and take him with her on her next trip.
Reality and sadness came next. The two emotions were not her friends. What was she thinking? She couldn’t just throw this tough guy onto a plane with her and have him tag along as her personal bodyguard. Then again, if Jed spilled the beans to Gavin and Heath that she’d been “attacked a lot,” as she’d so stupidly let slip, her brothers would probably hire a bodyguard for her anyway. They’d expressed concern on numerous occasions—Heath had paid for her training in self-defense, and Gavin kept cases of pepper spray in his storage and sent her a couple new ones a month to make sure they were fresh. Yet neither of them really knew what it was like, because she lied and pretended it was all grateful recipients and sunshine.
“Please don’t tell my brothers that I’ve been attacked,” she rushed to say.
Jed squinted at her. He scooped some more snow and held it to his eyes, letting out a soft sigh. Then he rubbed the snow over his face and opened his eyes a little more, straightening back to his full height.
“Please,” she repeated. “They’d freak out. They’d either try to keep me from going on my next trip, or hire me a bodyguard.”
“Maybe they should.”
&n
bsp; “I am completely capable,” she reasserted.
“I’m not saying you’re not, but you also need to be smart and careful.”
“I am both.” Her hackles were raised, and she wanted to be irritated with his tough-guy I’ll protect the little woman attitude. That wasn’t completely accurate, but she was an independent woman. She craved protection and steadiness, but she wasn’t wimpy enough to admit to either desire. Especially not with a naturally protective, too-appealing guy like Jed.
“I’m not going to hide the truth from your brothers. This is serious, Cassie.” His eyes were opening a fraction more each second. “I can’t stand the thought of you being in danger, and I’m sure they’d agree.”
“Please.” Cassie wasn’t above begging. “They know I’m in dangerous situations sometimes, but I keep myself armed with my pepper spray and I know how to fight. Also, I try to never be alone.”
“Yet you’ve been ‘attacked a lot of times’?”
Cassie groaned. How had she let that slip out? To her family, her life was idealistic, because that was what she told them. She was spreading love and helping the children. In part, that was true, but there were some evil people in this world and Cassie had been exposed to her fair share. “That was when I was younger, more naïve.”
Yet being older and more savvy hadn’t helped her when Kellen had shown his true colors just last year. She thought she’d fallen in love with her fellow volunteer, but then she’d found him in her tent stealing her credit cards and her huge stash of cash. He’d hit her twice and then shoved her down to escape, breaking her heart as she realized she’d only been easy cash for him. He’d disappeared before the men in the group could find him.
“Now I’m safe and I’m smart,” she insisted, though the incident with Kellen had proven to her that she was still too trusting, and men were often much stronger physically than her, even with all her training. At least she hadn’t seen the loser Kellen again. “Please.”
Tears were still leaking out of his eyes, but more bright blue color was showing, and his gaze was perceptive and too direct, even if it was a little cloudy from the pepper spray. He wasn’t going to lie for her. His moral compass was probably so straight and true, he’d never had a parking ticket.
“You can’t ask that of me,” Jed said quietly. “If I know you’re in danger and I say nothing to your brothers, who could help keep you from that danger? How do I live with myself if something happens to you?”
Cassie shut her own eyes, trying to protect herself from his gaze. He wasn’t trying to be a jerk, but she didn’t need her family worrying about her. “My family has a lot to deal with,” she said, blinking her eyes open and focusing on him. He looked almost back to his normal gorgeous self, though his skin and his eyes were both red. “My papa’s paralyzed; my mama tries to be everything to everybody; Austin is a cutie, but he’s a handful; Gavin’s busy running this resort and raising Austin; and Heath’s busy running multiple resorts. Nick, Stetson, and Ella have their own futures to be concerned with. Please don’t put more of a burden on them.”
Jed looked unconvinced that her family’s busy lives negated their need to know that she was sometimes in dangerous situations.
“My family isn’t naïve. They realize I’m sometimes in danger.”
That angle didn’t seem to work either, as he tilted his head to the side and stared at her with those beautiful blue eyes that were slowly becoming clearer. “Do they know you’ve been attacked?”
She wanted to lie, but finally gave him a short shake of her head. She painted a beautiful picture for her family, always. She didn’t want them worrying about her, and she did love what she did and took satisfaction and happiness from helping others. Usually, she was with well-organized groups who took good care of their volunteers, but some groups were not as prepared or as savvy to the environment they took their people into. She’d found that out the hard way. “Please. I’m really careful now which groups and trips I commit to. I’m safe. I promise.”
“How bad have the attacks been?” he asked in a low, barely controlled voice.
Cassie’s heart walloped against her chest. She swallowed and met his gaze. Thankfully, the effects of the pepper spray had worn off, but it had been much easier to talk to him without those blue eyes studying her so perceptively. She knew what he was asking; she might as well take it head-on. “I’ve never been raped,” she forced out, knowing it was the first thing a lot of people wondered about.
Jed pushed out a heavy breath. “Thank you, Lord,” he breathed.
Cassie’s throat felt dry and her chest grew warm. He seemed to care deeply for her. That was silly. He hardly knew her. He was just naturally protective, and of course he wouldn’t want any woman to be hurt in that horrific way. “I’ve had my cash stolen numerous times and had some cuts and bruises,” she continued quickly.
“So you’ve been in dangerous situations, vulnerable to attack, but managed to escape before the worst happened.” He shook his head. “That’s insane and terrifying, Cassie. You don’t need to be doing that.”
Cassie’s spine straightened and defensiveness flared in her. “I do need to do it. It’s my calling in life.”
“Who called you to it?” He folded his arms across his chest, and Cassie was temporarily distracted by the way his shoulder and bicep muscles flexed under his workout shirt.
Cassie forced herself to focus on his question. She had received many reactions when she grew close enough with someone to share why she traveled the world looking for every opportunity to help. She’d heard everything from placating—“Oh, isn’t that nice?”—to condescending—“You really think God speaks to you?” She looked in Jed’s blue eyes, still red-rimmed from the pepper spray. She felt guilty for spraying him, and that alone might have made her share, but she also wanted him to understand. “When I was seventeen, I was praying desperately for direction in my life. My family are amazing and with it, and they all seemed to have their plan: Gavin would stay here, help Mama with Papa and Austin, and run the resort; Heath would start resorts around the nation; Nick was always slated for the military; Stetson was meant to play football; and my twin, Ella, got a fabulous scholarship, simply has a head for business, and was going to leave me for college.” She bit at her lip and asked, “Did you always know you’d be a policeman?”
He nodded, and she sensed a story, but he didn’t give her the chance to ask. “So you prayed and …” he prompted.
“I felt impressed to play on my strengths of charity and sympathy. I talked with Gavin and Heath about it, and they both agreed to support me. I found my first mission and was certain I’d found my spot, my calling in life.”
He studied her. “So Gavin and Heath support you financially?”
“Yes.” She squirmed. She didn’t like handouts, but she had no resources or way to raise the money she’d need to sign up for every service opportunity that called to her. Most people saved and did one a year or one a lifetime. As far as she’d seen, only the organizers of the missions, or their employees, were regulars like her.
“That’s very generous of them.”
She nodded her agreement and forced a smile. “It’s a tax write-off, too.”
He didn’t return her smile. “That’s why you’re worried. If they find out you’re in danger, they’ll cut your funding.”
“I am not in danger,” she asserted through clenched teeth.
He elevated his broad shoulders. The look on his face said he didn’t believe her.
“I’m not,” she insisted. “And if you say anything, I’ll …” What could she threaten him with? She’d already shot him with pepper spray, and he’d been a champion about it. She was in his debt, not the other way around.
Jed raised an eyebrow and gave her a smirk that said he knew exactly how much she owed him.
She wanted to beg him again, but it was getting her nowhere. She thought about the confrontation she was in for if Gavin found out she’d been attacked, and her stomac
h squirmed uncomfortably. Thank heavens Heath was chasing Hazel to London. Gavin had rarely left the valley and had no clue what the world beyond these beautiful mountains was like, but he was more overprotective than any big brother she’d ever encountered.
“Are you feeling better, then?” Cassie muttered.
“Yes, thank you.”
She forced a smile and said, “See you later.”
His eyebrows arched in surprise, but he didn’t stop her as she stomped around him on the snowshoes, heading for the lake and then home. Her muscles were stiff and cold from stopping so long, but she pushed on harder and faster. Jed was a tough, impressive man; even with a lungful of pepper spray, he’d be fine getting home on his own. If only she didn’t feel like such a jerk for leaving him and for spraying him in the first place.
She also felt like a total idiot letting spill to him that she’d been attacked. The rosy picture she’d painted for her family might soon get blood-red paint splattered on it. She was in for some huge battles if Jed shared with them. A battle was the last thing she wanted. Maybe she should leave before Jed could reveal her secret—but the thought of leaving her home, her family, and her sanctuary felt like someone had ripped her insides out. Dang Jed Beckham all to heck. He was ruining her holiday in so many ways. She’d avoid him and pray he wouldn’t reveal her secret, though that was probably a vain prayer.
Chapter Three
Jed gave Cassie a head start before following her down the trail. His eyes and face still hurt, but he was over the shortness of breath and the oppressive, constricting feeling in his lungs. Truthfully, this hit had been much milder than the one he’d taken at the academy, but it still hurt and he hoped he wouldn’t have to go through something like that again.
Watching Cassie walk away obviously unhappy with him had hurt even deeper, and he was afraid this hurt wouldn’t ease until he could somehow get to know her. It was so appealing to him how strong and brave she was, but the thought of anyone attacking her … He bent forward again, forcing air into his lungs and feeling like he’d taken another hit of pepper spray. His vision had been clear enough to see that she was being truthful about not being raped, but the idea of anyone hurting her made him want to go to war. How could someone want to hurt such an innocent and kind woman?
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