Will. Cassie had helped hundreds of children since September when she’d met Will, and Jed, but she couldn’t get the child’s big brown eyes out of her head. He reminded her too much of Austin. “Have you seen Will?”
He nodded. “I see him often and check on him regularly.”
Her gaze darted back to his. “You do? I thought you …” She couldn’t say didn’t care or acted like a jerk, though at the time she’d thought both were true. It had made her very conflicted, as she’d been attracted to him while knowing she could never date someone who didn’t love children like she did.
“Didn’t care?” he asked gruffly. He didn’t pull away, but his arm was stiffer around her.
She shrugged. “Sorry. I think we got off on the wrong foot that day?” Weird that she’d ended that as a question, but she’d love an explanation. With how quickly she was becoming invested in him, she needed to know if his heart could be soft toward children like it had been toward her today.
Jed blew out a breath. “I met Will a year ago.” He shook his head. “The kid tugs at my heart, but he’s got a rap for stealing money and credit cards, and the worst part is, he targets people who try to help him. He’s had two short stints in juvie. I’ve tried everything to help him, and before I met you, I’d gotten a little hard-nosed with him. Thank you for reminding me that rarely works.”
She smiled, grateful that although he’d been jaded, he appeared to care deeply for Will.
“I’ve made an effort to get him food and play ball with him as often as I can the past few months. I’ve also checked regularly on his foster family and tried to get him transferred.” He pulled her a little tighter, as if drawing comfort from her. “The family passes inspections, claim they’re feeding him, clothing him, taking good care of him. I guess it could be true—maybe he’s just a kleptomaniac—but I see this hunger in his eyes. It digs at me, reminds me of …” He broke off and released her, stepping a foot away. His interest seemed fixed on the trail up ahead. “How far is the lake, then? I’d think we’d hear your family by now.”
Cassie stopped in the middle of the trail.
Jed turned to her. “You okay?”
“I read you wrong, didn’t I?”
He shrugged, but he wasn’t meeting her gaze. “We all do that sometimes, right?” He gestured up the trail. “Shall we get going? I’m really excited to learn to skate.”
Cassie tilted her head. This big, strong detective was scared of admitting the truth? Did she push him, or lay off? Maybe she was wrong, but she felt like he needed to share. “Who does Will remind you of, Jed?”
Jed’s gaze darted to the trees, then up to the sky, and it dawned on her. She waited, giving him time if he wanted to share. Maybe he’d tell her to bug off, or he’d shoot her with pepper spray.
His blue eyes were wary, uncomfortable, vulnerable. He folded his broad arms across his chest and finally muttered, “Me.”
Cassie felt emotion rise quickly. She’d thought she’d become … not hardened, but at least accustomed to human suffering by all she’d seen. Not so. Her heart was still soft and ached for so many in need, especially for Jed at this moment. “Were you in foster care?” she asked quietly.
He nodded, still focused on her, as if trying to read how she would react to the news.
“For how long?”
“Sixteen years.”
Her gut wrenched.
“Taken from my mom when I was two. No father on record.” A bitter grimace crossed his face. “Usually a toddler would get adopted, find a family. Not me. I must’ve been one horrific two-year-old, right?”
“Oh, Jed.” He would’ve been an adorable two-year-old. She couldn’t even imagine how the system had overlooked him like that.
He shook his head and straightened. “It’s fine. It was a long time ago.” Yet the haunted look in his eyes betrayed his hurt.
“Have you ever … connected with your mom?”
He shook his head shortly. “She’s dead.”
Cassie blinked and hesitated for only a brief second. Then she rushed across the space between them and wrapped her arms around him. At first it was awkward, definitely awkward. She’d wrapped her arms around both of his arms and his back, as his arms were hanging down. He made no move to return the hug, but he didn’t pull away either.
Cassie was afraid she’d overstepped. Just as she was wondering if she should pull back, he released a soft, pent-up breath, tugged his arms free of where she had them pinned, and wrapped her up tight.
She’d meant to give him comfort, but as he held her, she was the one who felt safe, warm, and protected. No one could ever scare her if Jed would just hold her close. Resting her head in the crook of his neck, she closed her eyes and clung tighter to him.
Time must have passed, but she didn’t care. All she cared about was holding on to this man who was far different from what she’d assumed.
His voice was low and gravelly. “One of the reasons I’ve always worried about and tried to help Will, or kids like him, is that there was a policeman in West Valley, a suburb of Salt Lake, who pulled me out of an abusive situation.” He cleared his throat and gently cupped the back of her head with one hand as his other hand was wrapped around her lower back, holding her perfectly against him.
“How old were you?” she managed to get out, hating the thought of Jed, or any child, being abused.
“Ten.”
“Austin’s age,” she murmured. Her stomach pitched at the thought of anyone hurting Austin.
“Yeah. I always wanted to be like that policeman. He was so big and strong and heroic to me. That’s why I went straight to the academy after high school, then got my degree in criminal justice while working full time with Park City’s department and gradually working my way into my current position.”
“I love that you wanted to give back,” she murmured.
He leaned back slightly. She glanced up, and he was staring at her. “You have such a happy family life. Was it hard to leave them for your missions?”
“It’s still hard.” She forced a smile so he wouldn’t think she was whining. “But I’ve been so blessed, and I want to help others to feel those blessings too. Sometimes I get the chance to see someone give their heart to Jesus, and that is more rewarding than alleviating any hunger. If someone isn’t physically stable, it’s hard for them to build spiritual strength. I really like the missions that offer the light of Jesus, but I also like the ones that focus on teaching people marketable skills in their area, teach them how to plant a garden and grow their own food, or teach them English, which can open job opportunities for them. My main goal with people is self-sufficiency, but children can’t provide for themselves and need more protectors than they currently have.”
He nodded and sadly pulled back, but he took her hand and started walking. Cassie’s heart leapt as he held her hand so casually, as if they were a couple or something. “In Park City, and also down in the Salt Lake Valley, we have some great programs for the refugees as well. Teaching them to garden or learn marketable skills or English. Many times they already have skills and advanced degrees; they just need to be matched up with the right job.”
Cassie glanced up at him. They were getting close to the lake, and she could hear shouts and laughter through the trees. “You truly are not at all what I expected.”
Jed grinned. “Is anyone ever what you expect?”
“Sometimes.”
He looked down at her. His blue eyes were becoming familiar. “Well, you’re exactly what I expected.”
“Makes sense. I cussed you the first time we met and then shot you with pepper spray the second. So you expected a grumpy, quick-reacting woman?”
He chuckled. “No. I expected an angelic beauty who fills others with light from above, and that’s exactly what you are.”
Cassie’s heart warmed at his words. She’d heard often that she was sweet, kind, and angelic, but to hear it from his lips made her feel tingly all over.
They were approaching the lake, where her family was playing a makeshift hockey game. Austin saw them and yelled, “What’s up? Ready to get killed in hockey?”
Jed laughed easily. He didn’t release her hand, and Ella and Gavin noticed their clasped hands immediately. Ella gave her a conspiratorial glance while Gavin’s was a little more filled with questions.
“Let Cassie teach me how to skate first,” Jed said. “Then I’ll beat you at hockey.”
Cassie smiled at his fake confidence.
“You can’t take Cassie away to teach you. I got dibs on her on my team. She’s fast and can control a puck like you’ve never seen.”
“Sorry, bud,” Cassie said. “I need to teach Jed first.”
“Okay, okay.” Austin gave them a grandiose wave and then yelled, “Let’s play!” The game started up again quickly, and thankfully her family was distracted from staring at them.
Jed squeezed her hand and focused on her. “You don’t have to teach me. I can just watch you all play.”
Cassie released his hand, came around behind him, and slid the backpack off, trailing her hand along his arm as she did so. Feeling very bold, she leaned up and whispered in his ear, “I owe you for the pepper spray.”
Jed glanced over his shoulder at her, his eyes full of warmth and a teasing light. “I’m afraid you’re going to beat me up almost as bad teaching me to skate.”
Cassie bit at her lip. “If I do, I’ll pay you back some other way.”
“I get to choose?”
She felt a dart of apprehension and excitement. What would he choose? After a pause, she nodded. “Sure.”
He turned to face her and gave her arm a soft squeeze. “Don’t worry. It won’t be anything scary.”
“That depends on your version of scary,” she flung at him, sounding more like sassy Ella than herself.
He chuckled. “I’ll make sure it’s not scary.” The look in his blue eyes wasn’t scary at all. Whatever he had in mind for payback was going to be incredible. There was no way she could keep her heart detached from this guy.
Chapter Six
Jed slowly laced up his skates, sitting on a fallen log near the shore of the lake with Cassie. He couldn’t believe what he’d just shared with Cassie. Not even his close friends like Heath knew about the officer he’d idolized as a kid or the abuse Jed had been pulled from. He’d never told anyone his mom was dead; usually people heard “foster care” and felt for him, stopping their questions there. The compassion and acceptance he’d felt from Cassie were unlike anything he’d experienced. His Mama Olliver was always quick to hug him and listen if he was willing to share, but somehow Cassie had pulled more out of him.
Cassie stood and held out her gloved hand. “You ready?”
“No.” Jed grinned and winked at her as he stood and wrapped his hand around hers. Their gloves were both thin, so he could feel the smaller outline of her palm, but he wanted to hold her hand without the gloves on. He wanted to hold her close like he had on that trail. He wanted her to pay him back for the pepper spray with a kiss. He was concerned about her, though. When he’d been teasing her about paying him back, he’d read some apprehension in her face. Was that because of the attacks she’d told him about? He’d told her he’d make sure it wasn’t scary. He sure hoped kissing him wouldn’t scare her, but who knew what she’d gone through in her travels? What if she’d been interested in some guy who’d ended up hurting her? His free hand clenched into a fist.
They stepped through the snow on their skates and onto the ice. Jed immediately felt his skates wobble and slip. “Whoa.”
Cassie laughed and tugged on his hand. “Come on, tough detective, I’ll hold you up.”
Jed grinned at her. “I’m trusting you.”
Cassie seemed to take that very seriously. “I know.”
Holding on to his hand, she started pulling him forward on the ice. Jed slid behind her, feeling unstable and hating the thought of falling and making a fool of himself. The rest of the family was pretty intent on their hockey game, so hopefully they wouldn’t watch him fail at ice skating. He’d learn to ski because some buddies on the force invited him and Heath gave the entire force free season passes, so there was no reason not to try it. Heath had definitely helped him improve over the past two years, but Jed had never had any reason to try ice skating.
He tried to shuffle his skates so Cassie didn’t have to pull him.
“That’s good,” she encouraged. “Push back and slightly out, and you’ll move forward.”
He followed her directions, pushing back hard. His right skate flew out from under him and he flipped forward, wrenching his hand from Cassie’s. He caught himself with his hands before he face-planted on the unforgiving ice. His palms stung from the impact, even with the gloves on.
Cassie wasn’t laughing like he thought she’d be. She quickly knelt beside him. “You okay?”
“Yeah.” Just his pride was shot. He wanted to look good for this beautiful lady. He couldn’t imagine how awful he’d looked this morning after she’d shot him with the pepper spray, and here they’d gone two feet on the ice and he was already down.
He forced his way to his feet, his skates slip-sliding underneath him. He wanted to offer a hand to Cassie but was afraid he’d just knock her down and hurt her. She stood gracefully, spun to face him, and offered both of her hands.
“I think you’re the nicest person I’ve ever met,” Jed said, carefully putting his hands in hers.
Cassie smiled. “If you really still think that after this morning, you haven’t been around many nice people.”
“Occupational hazard.” He winked.
She tugged on his hands and glided backward, pulling him along. He had to weigh twice what she did, but that didn’t slow her down on the ice. Before he knew it, he was gliding along as she skated deftly backward. He wasn’t doing anything, but it felt good: the cool air nipped at his cheeks, the ice flowed beneath them, and he stared into Cassie’s deep brown eyes as they made a circle around the outside of the lake. The hockey game was taking place in the middle, and he could hear them battling it out, taunting each other, sometimes laughing or cheering, but all he could focus on was Cassie.
“You’re doing great,” she encouraged.
He chuckled. “I’m not doing anything but staying upright while you pull me.”
She squeezed his hands. “That’s an improvement from earlier, right?”
“True.” He wanted to be back on the ski slope. That, he knew how to do. The ice was … squirrely.
His skate hit a bump in the ice, and he launched forward, knocking into Cassie and sending them both falling. He landed right on top of her, and he could hear her breath rush out in a loud grunt.
“Cassie!” He quickly rolled off of her, lying on his side next to her on the ice. “Are you okay?”
She glanced over at him. “Yes,” she said. “Nothing broken.”
“Oh, man. I’m so sorry. I am horrible at this.”
She giggled. “You kind of are.” She rolled up onto her side also, close to him as they lay facing each other on the ice. “You seem like such a natural athlete. I’d think you’d be better at it.”
“I should probably stick to familiar sports like skiing and basketball.”
“Naw, you’ll get this, and I kind of like seeing the ultra-confident, tough detective struggling with something.”
“That’s low. Maybe you aren’t the nicest person I’ve ever met.”
Cassie grinned. “Probably not.”
His smile slid away as he studied her. “Earlier on the trail, I shared more with you than I’ve ever told anyone.”
She nodded. “I won’t share it with anyone else.”
“I didn’t think you would.” He blew out a breath. “I just wanted you to know that I trust you. I feel a connection with you I’ve never felt before.”
Her mouth softened, and her eyes studied him intently. He wanted her to return the feeling, wanted it badly.
A shower of ice crystals fanned over them. “Hey! You two okay?” Austin rested his palms on his knees and stared down at them. “Did you wreck or something?”
“Something,” Jed muttered. He smiled up at Austin. “Cassie’s trying to teach me to skate.”
“Everybody else needed a halftime,” Austin said. “Adults get tired quick, I guess. I’ll help her teach you.”
Jed thought the little guy was adorable, but he really wanted the kid’s beautiful sister all to himself. He focused on Cassie. She was staring at him, but he couldn’t read her expression. Was she upset they’d been interrupted, or was she glad not to tell him that she didn’t feel a connection and break him far worse than the ice could?
“Thanks, man,” Jed said.
Austin extended both his hands, helping them up onto their skates. “Okay. You hold on to Cassie and me, and I’ll teach you how to be a pro like I am.”
Jed laughed and took hold of each of their hands. They skated off together, and Austin instructed him on how to go faster, how to stop, and when to glide. Cassie stayed by his side, holding Jed’s hand and helping him along, but she wasn’t looking at him and she didn’t say much. Had his words scared her? They’d terrified him, but they were true. Ever since he’d met her last September, he’d felt drawn to her and he’d wanted this chance to get to know her, to be with her. Now that he was taking the chance, he was messing it all up.
Chapter Seven
Cassie had taken a quick shower and put a dress on after hiking home from the lake; now she was now helping Mama with final dinner prep. Ice skating with Jed had been interesting, exhilarating, and a little terrifying. He trusted her and felt a connection to her he’d never felt before. What did that mean … for them? What was he expecting? When they’d teased about him paying her back for the pepper spray, she was pretty certain they were both talking about a kiss. Pathetically, she hadn’t kissed someone or let herself develop a relationship with anyone since Kellen. Could Jed break through those barriers? She’d love to kiss him and tell him she felt a connection also, but where would that lead? She’d fly to Honduras after Ella and Trey’s wedding. Who knew when she’d see Jed again? It wasn’t smart to let herself fall for him and then leave him behind.
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