by Nic Saint
“Looks like Brutus is scoring one for the home team,” I said.
Harriet had jumped up on the couch and was watching the scene intently.
“Shouldn’t you be helping your boyfriend?” Dooley asked a little bitterly.
I didn’t blame him. Us cats might not be on Facebook but that doesn’t mean we like it when someone unfriends us the way Harriet had done.
“I don’t know what’s gotten into him,” Harriet said, shaking her head sadly. “He’s got this cockamamie theory about the murder, and he’s adamant that Kane is going to supply him with the missing link to the killer.”
“What’s his theory?” I asked.
She hesitated, loyalty to her boyfriend warring with her desire to unburden her soul. Finally the need to confide in someone won out. “He thinks Shana was killed by a giant dog who bit her head off.”
I stared at her, dumbfounded. I hadn’t expected this.
“A giant dog?” asked Dooley. “You mean like a big, humongous dog?”
She frowned at him. “Yeah, a gigantic dog who bit her head off and spit it out again when he discovered he didn’t like the taste of human head after all.”
“That’s crazy,” Dooley said. “The Kenspeckles don’t have a giant dog.”
I stared at Dooley. “Is that what you think is crazy here? What about the idea that dogs bite people’s heads off?”
“Well, don’t they?” he asked.
“Of course they don’t! It’s a physical impossibility!”
“But what if they’re big enough? Like Cujo?”
“Cujo never bit anybody’s head off! No dog can bite someone’s head off!”
“Well, Brutus is convinced they can,” said Harriet. “He’s convinced the Kenspeckles have a pack of vicious dogs running around. He’s seen them on one of those Bravo shows. Huge and ferocious creatures. All the big-name celebrities keep them nowadays. To protect themselves from paparazzi and kidnappers and stalkers. He thinks one of the dogs went rogue. Got a taste for human blood and bit Shana’s head clean off. And now the Kenspeckles are trying to cover it up. They’re hiding the dog somewhere in this house. He thinks Kane knows where, and he’s trying to get him to give up the location.”
“To get him to roll over on his monster dog friend?” I asked.
She nodded, chewing her lip. “He says he needs to break Kane. Make him squeal on his canine brother. Says it’s the only way to get the truth.”
“But what about Clarice’s statement? What about the masked killer and the big-ass meat cleaver?” I asked, exasperated.
“Brutus says Clarice can’t be trusted. She’s nuts and will say whatever to get attention. And his meat. She’ll do anything for a slice of filet mignon.”
“Your boyfriend is crazy,” Dooley said. “Absolutely batshit crazy.”
Well, I wouldn’t have put it so strongly, but basically he was right.
“At least we don’t have to worry about Brutus getting in good with Odelia,” I said. “If he tries to sell her his mad dog theory she’ll just laugh.”
“Oh, cut it out, Max,” said Harriet, giving me an angry look.
“Cut out what? What are you talking about?”
“Cut out the bullying. You’ve been mean to Brutus from the start.”
I couldn’t believe what she was saying. “Me? Mean to him?”
“Yes, you are a mean cat and a bully. Can’t you see that Brutus wants to fit in? To be welcomed into the community? He’s doing his best and you keep pushing him away. I think it’s very selfish of you, Max. You too, Dooley.”
This was just crazy talk. “Look, he’s the one who started bossing us around from the moment he set foot in this town.”
“Can’t you see through that, Max? That’s just a pose. Deep down, Brutus is a gentle, sensitive soul. All he wants is to be loved and accepted the way he is.” She sighed as we all watched Brutus chasing Kane around the pool.
“Come back here, you little weasel!” he was shouting. “Wait till I get my claws on you, you stupid mutt!”
Harriet was right. A gentle and sensitive soul. No doubt about it.
More and more paparazzi were splashing in the pool, tripped up by Brutus and Kane, and had to be fished out by bodyguards. Who knew so many paps couldn’t swim? Brutus was doing the Kenspeckles a big favor.
“I don’t see it,” said Dooley. “I don’t see the sensitive side in Brutus.”
“Well, he’s got one,” Harriet snapped. “You’re not looking hard enough.”
Dooley opened his mouth to retort. When he caught Harriet’s eye he thought better of it and closed it again. There are some battles you can’t win.
“Brutus is the sweetest cat you can imagine,” she said. “A real gentlecat.”
“I’m going to cut you, you ugly mongrel!” the gentlecat was screaming. “I’m going to cut you up so bad even your own mother won’t recognize you!”
“The only reason he behaves like this is because…” She sighed, and fixed me with an accusatory look. “Because he wants to impress you, Max.”
“Impress me!” I cried.
“Of course. Why else do you think he keeps challenging you? Secretly Brutus looks up to you. You’re his hero. All he wants is to be like you.”
I shook my head. “This is just… I can’t even…”
“Look at yourself, Max. You’ve got it all! You’ve got the best human in Hampton Cove. You’ve got a great home. Great friends. You’re even an ace detective. You’ve got it all.” She gave me a pleading look. “Is it so hard to believe Brutus wants to be a part of that? That he wants to be your friend?”
“Yes, it’s very hard to believe,” Dooley said.
“Well, it’s the truth,” she snapped. “And if you can’t see that, then who’s the bully here?” She stalked away, tail high. We both stared after her.
“You don’t believe a word she said, do you?” Dooley asked. “All that talk about Brutus just wanting to be your friend? That’s just a bunch of hooey.”
“Of course I don’t,” I said. “She loves the cat. She’ll believe anything.”
We watched Harriet chasing Brutus chasing Kane for a while.
“Do you think this evil dog theory holds water, Max?”
“Absolutely not,” I said. “I believe Clarice. Whoever killed Shana was wearing a black robe and a mask, and whoever was beneath that robe definitely wasn’t a killer dog. Unless dogs can walk on their hind legs and handle a meat cleaver.” Before Dooley could reply, I quickly added, “Which they can’t.”
The Kenspeckles were also staring at the scene, commenting freely, while the cameraman filmed the whole thing. This was going to be the gag reel for their next show. Some comic relief after the horror of the murder.
But even as the circus was in full swing, I didn’t forget for one moment that one of these people was a killer. Was it Shayonne? Shalonda? Dion Dread? Damien LeWood? I saw that both Odelia and Chase were watching the foursome intently, and I knew they were wondering the same thing.
Outside, the bodyguards snatched up the last of the paparazzi, escorting them off the premises. Kane, desperate to escape Brutus, had thought of nothing better than to jump into the pool, right on top of the head of the head bodyguard, who was wrestling three paparazzi. Brutus was stumped. He wanted to get a hold of Kane, but he drew the line at jumping into the pool. Us cats don’t like to swim. It’s not that we can’t swim—that’s a common misconception. It’s just that we prefer not to. It’s all because of our furry coats. We swell up like a sponge. It just makes us look ridiculous.
So Brutus just sat there, staring daggers at Kane, while Kane sat on top of the bodyguard’s head, making faces at Brutus. Classic standoff.
“Well, looks like the show’s over,” said Dooley, sounding disappointed.
“Au contraire,” I said. “It’s just getting started.”
Chapter 10
The last of the paparazzi had been caught and thrown off the property, but not before Shayonne
and Shalonda had hit their marks and struck their poses, giving them what they came for. You don’t get to be in the world’s top-rated reality show without giving back to the fans. Kane the dog had been fished from the pool, and it was time to finally sit down for the interview.
The sisters refused to be interviewed separately and Chase decided not to fight them on this. What he did fight them on was their expressed desire that the entire interview was filmed for their show. What was more, they wanted the murder investigation taped, Chase and Odelia included for this special.
They’d even get screen credit and SAG minimum, whatever that was.
Chase vehemently refused, and so did Odelia, though less vehemently. She wouldn’t mind being on national TV. Her mom would freak if she saw her daughter strutting her stuff amongst all these celebs. But Chase muttered something about making a mockery of the investigation and that was that.
“Not gonna happen,” were his exact words, and no matter how much the sisters insisted, even turning on the waterworks again, this time he stood his ground. He obviously had no aspirations to be a celebrity cop.
Shalonda tossed her long hair. “You know what we’ll do, Shayonne?”
“What?”
“We’ll shoot a confessional. Tell our viewers all about the investigation. They can’t stop us from doing that, can they?”
Both sisters gave Chase an inquisitive look, but he just shook his head.
The sisters had chosen the pergola for the interview. The wooden structure, covered with vines and honeysuckle, stood fifty yards from the house, at the bottom of the garden, providing a nice view of the Atlantic Ocean. Dappled sunlight slanted down through the rafters, and as far as Odelia could see there were no paparazzi in sight. What she did see was the cameraman sneaking around, trying to get the best view of the sisters.
She decided not to tell Chase. This was a fight they couldn’t win.
The Kenspeckles made themselves comfortable on the wicker furniture, making sure the camera caught them from their best angle. Even during a police interview they were concerned about how they looked on camera.
In a surprising shift of protocol, Chase had decided to allow Odelia to take the lead in the interview. Maybe he figured Shayonne and Shalonda would open up to her more than to him. More so because she didn’t look anything like a cop. In fact she might have featured on the show herself.
“Did Shana have any enemies?” she asked, opening the interview.
“Oh, no,” Shalonda said immediately. “Shana was the most beloved person on earth. Literally everyone adored her. I mean, literally every single person on earth loved Shana to bits. I’m not kidding. I know this for a fact.”
“Yeah, Shana was a sweetheart,” Shayonne agreed. “She had the biggest heart. You could never hope to have a sweeter sister than her.” A tear stole down her cheek, and Shalonda reached out a hand and gave hers a squeeze.
Faced with tragedy, the Kenspeckle sisters offered a united front. It was touching, Odelia thought. Until she saw movement from the corner of her eye, and noticed the camera recording every last second of the teary scene.
“Can you think of anyone who would have wanted to cause her harm?”
Shayonne hesitated. “Well, there was this one incident with one of her ex-boyfriends, Robin Masters. When Shana got engaged to Damien, he made a big scene. I mean, the guy completely lost it. Went absolutely ballistic.”
“Oh, that’s right. Wasn’t that in season ten? Or was it eleven? I forget.”
“It was so horrible,” said Shayonne. “Robin drove up to the house and threatened to torch the place. Camille—that’s our mother, Camille Kenspeckle—had to intervene and calm him down. The cops got involved, and Shana had to file a restraining order against the guy. I was terrified.”
“He wasn’t the only one. There have been others. Other ex-boyfriends. But they’re usually pretty amenable once they get their five minutes of fame.”
“You mean fifteen minutes of fame,” Odelia said.
“What’s that, honey?” asked Shalonda. “You have to speak up, for the—”
But before she could say ‘microphone,’ Shayonne had squeezed her hand.
“The expression is fifteen minutes of fame, not five,” Odelia explained.
“Oh, but these guys only get five,” said Shalonda. “We’re the stars of the show. Bit players like Robin Masters don’t get to steal our limelights.”
“They sure don’t,” Shayonne agreed. “We worked too damn hard. No boyfriend gets first billing. Five minutes and that’s it. It’s all in the contract.”
“Does everybody sign a contract?” asked Odelia.
“Of course,” said Shayonne. “Girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands, wives… Camille takes care of all of that. This is a business, honey. We need to protect the Kenspeckle brand. Nobody is going to come and mess with our brand.”
“And what is that brand, exactly?” Chase asked, unable to control himself.
“Beauty and grace,” said Shayonne instantly, as if she’d rehearsed the phrase, which she probably had.
“Wealth and power,” added Shalonda.
“Style and beauty.”
“I think you said beauty twice, honey,” said Shalonda.
“That’s because it’s important. The Kenspeckle brand is all about beauty.”
“And selfies,” Odelia said with a smile.
The two sisters laughed. “You said it, girl,” said Shalonda.
“Wasn’t Shana called the queen of selfies?” asked Odelia. “Maybe her habit of portraying her wealth and beauty made some people feel jealous?”
“Oh, but everybody was jealous of her,” Shayonne confirmed. “Shana was so gorgeous it was hard not to feel jealous. She was the center of attention wherever she went. I’ll admit even I felt jealous of her from time to time.”
“Yeah, she couldn’t walk into a room without getting everyone to turn.”
“Remember my wedding? How she upstaged me in front of everybody? That dress. That hair. She looked like she was the one getting married.”
“I hated her for that,” said Shalonda.
“Me too. Or that time when I was sixteen, going out on my first date and she was flirting with my date? The guy didn’t even look at me after that!”
“Shana was an attention whore, no doubt about it,” said Shalonda. “And we all loved her for it,” she quickly added when she saw Chase frown.
“She was the most popular star in the family, wasn’t she?” asked Odelia.
The two sisters stared at her, momentarily lost for words. Then Shayonne asked, “Who the hell told you that?”
“That’s not true,” Shalonda chimed in.
“We’re all stars. Just look at our contracts. We all get star credit.”
“There’s no denying Shana got the most attention,” said Chase. “She got the endorsement deals, the paid appearances… Even her app is a bestseller.”
Wow. Chase had obviously done his homework.
“Those are just rumors,” Shayonne said, sitting up.
“Filthy lies,” Shalonda chimed in, also sitting up.
“We all share equal billing on our show. There are no prima donnas.”
“Still,” Chase insisted. “You just said you hated your sister because she upstaged you, and tried to steal your boyfriends.”
“Oh, she did,” said Shayonne, nodding.
“She most definitely did,” Shalonda agreed.
“Which doesn’t mean we didn’t love her.”
“Oh, yeah. We loved her to pieces.”
“Tiny, little pieces,” said Shayonne, holding her nails millimeters apart.
“You told me that Shana was sleeping with your husband?” Odelia asked.
“You told her that?” asked Shalonda, turning to her sister. “What about putting up a united front for the outside world, like Camille told us to? Family first, Shayonne. Family always comes first.”
“This is a police investigation,” Chase reminded h
er. “You can speak freely. Nothing you say will go beyond Miss Poole and myself at this point.”
“All we want is to catch your sister’s killer,” Odelia assured them.
“Yes, I told her,” Shayonne said. “Because it’s true. Shana was sleeping with Dion. She told me so herself. She came clean to me last week.”
“I don’t believe this,” Shalonda said, shaking her head. Whether she didn’t believe that Shana had been sleeping with Dion or that her sister was confiding in the police wasn’t immediately clear. Odelia suspected the latter.
“Well, she was!” Shayonne exclaimed. “She finally confessed. Told me she couldn’t live with the lie anymore. She also told me she was done with Dion.”
“And how did you react?” asked Chase.
“I was stunned. Completely stunned. And then I dumped Dion’s ass.”
Odelia frowned. “So why is Dion still here?”
“Because Shana confessed to me off camera, and I broke up with Dion off camera. We needed to do it again, on camera, which is why we all flew out here, because this was going to be the highlight of the season. We were going to end on a big cliffhanger, with my relationship with Shana and my marriage in the balance.” She shook her head. “You obviously still have a lot to learn about TV, honey. This all happened already, and now we have to recreate it.”
“So Dion was only hanging around until you filmed the bit about the breakup?” asked Chase.
“Well, duh. We were going to milk this thing for all we could get.”
“What about Dion? How did he feel about this situation?” Odelia asked.
“Well, he’s not too happy,” said Shayonne. “He’s off the show, isn’t he?”
“You snooze, you lose,” said Shalonda.
“I don’t think that’s correct, honey,” said Shayonne. “More like, you cheat, you lose.”
“It doesn’t have the same ring to it. I like mine better.”
“What it all comes down to, Detective,” said Shayonne, touching Chase’s knee, “is that when you cheat on a Kenspeckle you’re out on your ass.”
