by Chris Cannon
…
Working Sunday mornings kind of sucked but it wasn’t hard. Today I was teaching little kids how to make a potholder with a loom. Not that difficult. Their parents could have read the directions and explained it to them in fifteen minutes. Sometimes parents used our classes for babysitting while they ran errands or wandered around the store looking for their own projects, which was kind of smart and kind of lazy at the same time. Then again, who was I to judge? If the kids were happy and the parents had a few minutes to themselves, it was a win-win.
I had four eight-year-old girls on a play date. Three of them were into the pot holders but one had zero interest.
“Would you like to color?” I offered the odd-girl-out some markers and a couple of coloring sheets.
“Yes.” She smiled and picked out a Minions scene.
Problem solved. Why couldn’t all predicaments be settled so easily? I sat back and watched the girls as they wove the stretchy bands of fabric through one another.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a familiar face. Matt came down the aisle toward me. What was he doing here?
“Hey, there,” he said.
“Hello.”
He picked up one of the stretchy fabric bands from the potholder kit. “What’s this about?”
“Potholders.” I held up the extra loom the little girl hadn’t been interested in. “I have a spare loom if you feel like making one.”
“Maybe next time.” He tossed the piece of fabric back on the table. “How much longer until you’re off work?”
I checked the clock on the back wall. “The potholder party is over in fifteen minutes and then I’m free to go.”
“Cool. I’ll be back.” He walked away like it was normal for him to show up where I worked.
“He’s cute,” said the little girl who’d opted to color.
“Yes, he is,” I agreed.
“Is he your boyfriend?” she asked.
“Sort of.”
“What does that mean?” she asked.
“It means guys are complicated.”
“My brother is just obnoxious,” she said.
I laughed.
Fifteen minutes later, the girls had finished their projects, their moms had paid, and I was officially done for the day.
I was cleaning up the craft table when Matt headed down the aisle carrying a bag.
“All done?” he asked.
I nodded.
“Cool. It’s beautiful outside. Do you want to go to the park?”
I had no idea what was going on but I would go with it. “Sure.”
Matt seemed to be in a good mood. The way he was behaving, this seemed real. Like he was there to see me and spend time with me, not because he was acting. A part of me wished that were true, but if he’d been interested, he’d had a long time to act on it and he hadn’t. Maybe he was just playing a role and hoping it would get back to Jane that he was boyfriend material. Then again, maybe he was just being a friend.
Whatever, I should enjoy this day with him and not question his motives. When we made it to the parking lot, I veered left and headed for my car.
“What are you doing?” he asked.
“I drove to work.” Which in my mind meant I’d drive wherever we were headed and meet him there.
“I’ll bring you back to your car,” he said.
“Oh, okay.” I climbed up into his truck and buckled my seat belt. He had the windows down so fresh air was streaming in and blowing my ponytail all over the place.
I hit the button to raise my window a little bit.
“Wimp,” Matt teased.
“Hey,” I laughed and whacked him on the arm. “You don’t have hair to blow all over the place.”
He grinned but didn’t say anything else. Once we reached the park Matt found a spot for his truck and said, “Want to walk the trail?”
“Sure.” And then I realized there was one small problem. “My jacket is in my car.” The sun was shining, but it was sixty degrees and windy as heck.
Matt reached into the small backseat of the truck. “One of the benefits of dating a landscaper.” He held out a hoodie that said Patterson Landscaping across the back. “The fashionable clothing.”
“That will work.” I climbed out of the car and shrugged the hoodie on. It smelled like Matt…sort of a mix between fresh green growing things and Ivory soap and it came down to mid-thigh.
Matt came around the truck. “You’ll start a new trend.”
We headed for the trail that went around the lake. People were playing Frisbee and pushing strollers. Ducks quacked at the kids tossing bread into the water from a stone peninsula that jutted out into the middle of the lake.
I inhaled the fresh crisp air and smiled. “I love this time of year where it’s not too cold and it’s not too hot.”
He nodded. “Me, too.”
We walked along the gravel path dodging kids running after balls and the occasional duck that had waddled onto the land. Once we were out on the trail away from all the people, I said, “So, any special reason you wanted to go for a walk?”
“No. It’s just a nice day.”
It gave me a warm fuzzy that he wanted to spend time with me. It’s not like Jane or anyone was here to witness his behavior. That helped counteract the disturbing news my mom had given me this morning. “My mom spoke to Gavin. He’s stopping by tomorrow evening.”
“That should be interesting.”
I snorted. “Not the word I’d choose, but yes. I’m trying not to think about it. If I have a mental breakdown, can I come over to see—” I almost said you, but changed my mind and went with, “Ford?”
“Sure,” he said. “Ford is always available for counseling.”
“Thanks.” I noticed he was carrying a bag.
“Did you bring bread for us to throw to the ducks?” I couldn’t figure out what else he would have brought.
“Close.” He pointed to a picnic table that was off of the trail. “Let’s sit over there.”
I followed him and sat down on one side of the picnic table. He sat next to me and opened the bag. “You have your choice of roast beef or pastrami.” He pulled out two foot-long sub sandwiches and two bottles of water.
He’d brought lunch. How sweet. “I’ll take half of the roast beef,” I said. “You can have the rest.”
“I’m up to the challenge.”
We unwrapped the sandwiches and ate while we made small talk and watched other people who were also enjoying the weather. It was nice and comfortable. Sometimes being with him was so easy. Why couldn’t it always be like this?
Chapter Twenty-Two
Matt
Monday morning at school I was nervous for Lisa. Knowing that the sperm donor was going to drop by had to be messing with her head. It was messing with my head, and it wasn’t even my family drama. What did that guy think would happen? Anyone who’d done what he did should be contemplating wearing a bulletproof vest.
Lisa stood in front of her locker, furiously writing in a notebook. That was not the norm. She always had her homework done and probably double checked the day before it was due.
“What are you working on?” I asked.
She froze for a second and then continued scribbling. “Last night, I was so pissed about that jerk coming over I forgot to write an essay which is due today.”
For about two seconds I considered making a joke about her grade point average being strong enough to handle it, but if I said that while she was upset she might try to stab me with her pencil.
“You’ll finish it,” I said instead, trying to offer moral support.
She snorted. “Yes, but the straight-A student in me is appalled that I let that idiot possibly affect my grade point average.”
Not much I could say to that. “I’ll be on standby after you meet with him tonight, in case you need someone to talk to, or a dog to hug.”
“It’s always good to have an escape plan,” she muttered.
“You c
ould avoid the whole situation and hide out at my house,” I offered.
“Thank you.” She sighed. “Honestly, I want to get it over with. I’m running scenarios through my head of all the reasons he could give for abandoning my mom and me. Nothing justifies what he did. I hate that I’m wasting time worrying about what he might say. I have better things to do with my brain cells.” She scribbled a few more lines. “And done.” She closed the notebook and stuck it back in her locker.
When she turned to face me, she looked so sad and stressed that I reached out to hug her before I realized what I was doing. She seemed startled, but then she leaned into me. It felt right. She fit perfectly in my arms, like she belonged there. And that was kind of terrifying. I tried to lighten the moment. “I could find out where he lives and deliver a truck full of manure to his front door.”
“Eww.” She stepped back from the embrace, but she was smiling. “Do you work with manure?”
“Not often, but I know where to order it and I could send it anonymously.”
“Depending on how big of a jerk he is, I might take you up on that.”
When I walked Lisa to her homeroom, I kept my arm around her shoulders. She didn’t seem to mind. What in the hell am I doing?
The school day flew by. Lisa acted normal whenever I saw her, but she didn’t have her usual spark. When I walked her out to the parking lot after school, she seemed distracted. I had to grab her hand to keep her from walking behind a car that was backing out.
“You don’t want to die in a high school parking lot,” I said.
“Sorry about that.”
I knew what the problem was. “What time is he coming over?”
“After dinner, I think. When my mom told me, I kind of freaked out so I didn’t hear all the details.”
Once the car had moved on, I checked to make sure all was clear before we continued walking. “Want me to follow you home?” If I couldn’t hit the guy, I could at least give her moral support.
“No, but thank you.” She took a deep breath and let it out. “I’m telling myself it’s not a big deal. I can handle this. Apparently, I’m a terrible liar because I don’t believe either of those things.”
“I’ll give Ford a Minty so he’ll have fresh breath for your therapy session.”
“Thanks.” She took her keys out but she didn’t get into her car. Instead, she looked up at me with vulnerability shining in her eyes. “Can I have a hug?”
I opened my arms and pulled her in close. I couldn’t think of a thing to say that would make the situation any better, so I just held on, trying to project reassurance and calm. The desire to protect her rose up inside of me. I inhaled and a lemony scent invaded my senses. It was nice, fresh and clean and no nonsense, kind of like Lisa.
She took a few deep breaths and then she looked up and met my gaze. Despite what I’d told her about not wanting my first kiss with a girl I liked to take place in a crappy parking lot, I focused on her lips. They sparkled in the light with some sort of makeup like it was a beacon attracting my attention. It would be so easy to lean down…close that distance between us, and brush my mouth across—
“I better go,” she said.
I blinked and released her. What in the hell am I thinking? She didn’t want me to kiss her. She just wanted comfort because she was afraid of what might happen when she met her jackass of a dad. What kind of jerk am I? I couldn’t comfort her without thinking about kissing her? It’s not like she wanted to kiss me. I needed to remember that. She didn’t want me. She wanted Trey. And I didn’t want her. I didn’t. Liar…my brain screamed.
“Good luck.” I hoped the confusion I felt didn’t show on my face.
Lisa climbed into her car and then drove out of the parking lot. The sound of tires on gravel came from all around me. Like everyone else knew what they were doing, who they were with, and what they wanted. Sometimes it felt like I was striking out at all three.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Lisa
This wasn’t a big deal. That’s what I said over and over again as I drove home. It’s not like Gavin was going to move in with us or request joint custody. He probably just wanted to say hello or something. Or maybe he was settling up accounts in his life because he was about to die. Not that I wished death upon him. Not really…okay maybe a little bit, because he was a miserable excuse for a human being, but not knowing why he was suddenly interested in my mom and me was making me a nervous wreck.
When I turned the corner, there was the white Honda parked in front of our house. What was going on? Gavin shouldn’t be here already. He wasn’t supposed to come until after dinner. Could the idiot not tell time? More than likely he had no respect for anyone else’s schedule.
A slow burn started in my stomach. I parked my car and sat there, taking deep breaths, trying to get my emotions under control. I would not freak out in front of him. I didn’t want him to have that kind of power over me. I wouldn’t give him that power. Deep breaths. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.
Okay. I could do this. I checked my appearance in my visor mirror. Not that I needed his approval but I didn’t want to look disheveled in front of him. Okay. Enough stalling. I exited the vehicle and headed up the walk.
When I put my key in the front door, my mom opened it like she’d been waiting for me. Instead of letting me come in, she came out onto the front steps.
“I’m sure you noticed the car. Gavin called. He asked if he could come early because he’s going out of town on business.” I could tell by my mom’s pinched expression that she wasn’t super happy about this, either. “Honey, if you don’t want to meet him, you don’t have to. I’ll tell him you’re not ready yet. I’ll ask him to leave.”
Knowing she’d send him away made me feel better.
A black Impala pulled into our driveway. It was Tony, my mom’s boyfriend. He climbed out with a worried expression on his face.
“If he’s really obnoxious, can we have Tony punch him?” I asked, only sort of joking.
“No.” My mom was using her therapist voice. “That wouldn’t be appropriate, but you can say anything you want to Gavin.”
“Really? Anything?”
She nodded. “This may be your only shot, so go ahead and get whatever you want to off your chest.”
“Any language restrictions I should be aware of?” Because if ever there was a situation that called for curse words, this was it.
“You can have some leeway,” my mom said.
Game on.
I pushed past her and walked into the living room. Gavin sat on the edge of the couch like he planned to flee. “Getting ready to run away again?” I asked.
He sighed and sat farther back on the couch. “I deserve that.”
“You deserve much worse than that.”
My mom and Tony came in. Introductions were made. Severe awkwardness ensued.
“I’m sure you have questions,” Gavin said.
“You’re right. I do. What type of dirtbag leaves his pregnant wife because he isn’t ready to be a father?”
Gavin frowned. “I have no explanation except I was young and stupid. I know there is no excuse that will make up for what I did, but I wanted to apologize to you and your mother.”
“Why?” I asked. “Why now? Are you in some type of assholes anonymous twelve-step program?”
“You have your mother’s way with words.” Gavin smiled.
“Well, it’s not like I had a chance to learn anything from you.”
“True. I’m here because after all this time I wanted to try to set things right, in some small way. I don’t expect anything from either of you. I wanted the chance to meet you, Lisa, and to maybe help with your choices for college.”
“How could you help with that?” I asked.
Gavin looked at my mom.
She sighed. “I’m not saying we’ll accept, but Gavin has offered to help pay for your college.”
“You think any amount of money could make up for what you di
d?”
“No,” Gavin said. “But it’s the only gesture I can think of that might help both you and your mother.”
Something about this wasn’t adding up. “Why do you suddenly give a crap about us?”
“That’s a fair question.” He leaned forward. “And the truth will make you hate me even more, but here it is. I remarried a few years ago. My wife is pregnant. There’s no way I can be a good father to my son while I know how badly I failed both of you.”
A wave of anger washed over me, knocking me back a step. I didn’t think it was possible to hate him more than I already did. I was wrong. The temperature in the room seemed to spike or maybe that was the newfound hatred burning inside of me. No reason to hold it inside when I could spew it all over Gavin. “You are a complete piece of shit. You’re not here because you want to make amends or because you want to get to know me. You’re here because you want to ease your conscience.”
He pressed his lips together like he was trying to figure out if he should say something more or keep it to himself.
“Speak your piece,” I said. “It’s not like I could think any less of you.”
“I don’t expect a miracle, but I hope in time that we can get to know one another.”
“Don’t. Hold. Your. Breath.” I turned to my mom. “I’ve heard enough and there’s nothing more I want to say, so I’m going to Matt’s house. If you need help hiding a body later tonight, Matt’s dad is a landscaper, and I’m sure he’d lend us his backhoe.”
“Good to know.” She hugged me and kissed my forehead. “Drive careful.” She turned to Gavin. “Now it’s my turn.”
I almost wanted to stay and listen, but if I became any angrier I was afraid my head might actually burst into flames. I stalked out the door and dialed Matt on my cell.
“Hello?”
“Mental breakdown round two is in full swing. I’ll be there in ten minutes.”
“We’ll be waiting on the porch.”
When I pulled up to Matt’s house, he was sitting on the porch swing with Ford and Chevy lying at his feet. I parked on the side of the driveway, got out, slammed my car door, and stomped up the stairs.
