Trey

by Madden, A. M.

  And once my arms relaxed around my daughter, she’d look at me with bright eyes and tell me how happy she was that I was her daddy. I envisioned her years down the line, smiling and singing along while front and center at one of my concerts. I’d hate everyone she dated, measuring them up and knowing they fell short. I’d even dare to dream of walking her down the aisle and giving her away to a man worthy of her love.

  Surprisingly, while lying in my bed, I even saw Camilla during those daydreams. She was always beside or behind Alivia, with a smile on her pretty face instead of her usual scowl. I had no idea what kind of relationship I’d have with Camilla, but I hoped co-parenting wouldn’t be a constant struggle. Maybe with time she could accept me and all my baggage… and I could forgive her for keeping Alivia from me.

  And maybe I could finally be happy again. All in all, I felt optimistic over my future. For the first time in a long time, I felt at peace.

  Who was this man? Seriously, I had to have been abducted by aliens at some point these past few months.

  Once my thoughts calmed, sleep came quickly. But my newfound state of tranquility was short lived when I ironically had my first nightmare in months.

  I sprang up in bed, drenched in sweat, panting while trying to bring more oxygen into my lungs. Sure, I wasn’t a stranger to disturbing dreams. They used to occur nightly, the vivid reenactment of the accident, or a memory of Tara and me that always ended in a tragic new way. And after each time, I’d eventually come out of it knowing it was all part of the healing pattern my psyche needed to navigate. According to Dr. Rutherford, it was a form of PTSD that came from all the tragic events in my fucked-up life.

  But this time was different. This time I couldn’t shake the dread I felt in my chest, and it stayed with me long after I woke. Never before had I felt panicked with such a deep-rooted fear.

  Later that morning, I received a text from Camilla with a song and dance about canceling lunch. Claiming she had a ton of work to do, Alivia had activities, and they were both coming down with colds, she pushed me off for the remainder of the week as well. And after last night’s nightmare, I decided to give her the space she needed… the space I needed, which meant taking a step back to regroup.

  As long as I was diving headfirst into fatherhood, then I’d do so proactively. Through a text, I bailed on dinner with her friends on Saturday, claiming an engagement I had forgotten about and asking if they could reschedule in the coming weeks. That would give me time to prove I was in this for the long haul.

  Next on my list was to meet with my financial adviser. I had him set up a trust fund for Alivia, including all the retroactive child support I would’ve paid since birth, and an ongoing payment schedule effective immediately. I also, thanks to my dream and life in general, put the wheels in motion to have Alivia named as my sole beneficiary. My lawyer, Gene, wasn’t happy.

  By the time Friday came around, I felt more in control of my intentions. But that damn nightmare still haunted me. Fears that I never knew existed oppressed me. It was a different kind of worry… it was petrifying.

  After filling in Jack and Leila of all that had happened the past few days, they thought it would benefit me to talk it out. I agreed and decided not to keep Alivia a secret any longer. I asked them to call an emergency meeting regarding the tour, at which I would break the news that I had a kid to my other bandmates.

  When I strolled into the studio, beating everyone else, Jack couldn’t mask the surprise on his face. “What?” I asked, plopping into a chair beside him.

  “Nothing.” Despite his one-word response, his expression meant he also believed I’d been abducted by aliens.

  “Where’s Lei?”

  “I’m here,” she responded from the doorway. Haven, her assistant, followed behind, wheeling a cart loaded up with our breakfast. “Good morning,” Leila then said with a brilliant smile, but one look at me and it morphed into a frown. “What’s wrong?”

  How the fuck did she always know?

  Normally, I’d razz her on that sixth sense she seemed to have when it came to my life, but I couldn’t bring myself to joke about it this time. Sensing my unease, she sat beside me and laid a hand on my arm. “Is it because you’re telling the guys?”

  “No, that’s not it. I went to Queens again yesterday.”

  “Did it not go well?”

  “Actually, it went really well. By some sheer miracle, Camilla didn’t slam the door in my face. I met her best friend, Debbie. She tried to play devil’s advocate, but by the time she left I had charmed her enough to where she invited me to dinner.”

  “Sounds about right,” Leila teased with a smirk. “When is it?”

  “Tomorrow, but I backed out.” Just as Leila went to speak, I raised a finger. “I have my reasons.”

  She glanced at Jack, who voiced what they both were thinking. “Trey, maybe you’re moving too fast with this whole thing.”

  “It’s not what you’re thinking,” I defended myself. “I’m not having doubts that I want Alivia in my life. Just the opposite, actually. I spent the week securing them financially. I bought her a car so she wouldn’t have to drag my daughter around on a bus. If I could buy them a house with a massive fucking stone wall and a moat to protect her, I’d do it today.” Their surprised expressions also held confusion. I couldn’t blame them… this person wasn’t the man they knew so well. I barely recognized myself these days.

  “So, what’s the problem, then?” Leila asked.

  “I had a nightmare last night. In it, I visited Camilla and Alivia again. No one answered the door, so I strolled the few blocks to the park that Alivia loves.”

  The damn dream consumed my mind once again. So real, so vivid. They waited me out as I breathed through the anxiety that hammered as hard now as it had when I’d woken from it. Avoiding their concerned gazes, I stared down at my hands and continued. “Tara was sitting on a park bench. Her golden locks shimmered under the sunlight. That stunning smile lit up her face in a way that I missed so much… so damn much.” This was hard as fuck. It was easier keeping it all in, avoiding, ignoring. But now that I’d started this, I needed to finish it. I could feel their eyes on me when I dragged in a breath.

  Leila squeezed my arm supportively, but the shimmer of unshed tears in her eyes caused me to look away again from fear that I’d shut down.

  After an audible swallow, I went on and said, “Beside her was another bench where Camilla sat crying. Her sadness called to me as much as Tara’s joy had, forcing me to step closer. Camilla never lifted her head. Tara, however, glanced my way, still smiling brightly before returning her attention to what had her so engrossed.

  “I followed her line of sight and saw Alivia swinging happily in the distance. Stepping closer still, I called out to my daughter, and Alivia lifted her head. She hopped off the swing and came running toward me, but her tiny body ran right through me to where Tara was still sitting on the bench. Camilla had disappeared just before Alivia hopped on Tara’s lap. When I closed the distance to call out to her again, no words came from my mouth.

  “Silence was all that surrounded us, until Alivia said, ‘Will I ever see my mommy and daddy again?’ Tara stroked her head soothingly and smiled. ‘No, sweetheart. I’m sorry. You’re here with me now.’” Only then did I finally look up. Jack looked as pained as I felt, and Leila’s tears now fell freely. “So, I’m not having thoughts of running away, of rejecting my daughter.” My eyes bounced between them for a few seconds. “I’m terrified she’s going to be another person that I love to disappear from my life.”

  “That’s every parent’s biggest fear, Trey. It’s completely normal.”

  I studied her for a moment before focusing on Jack, who gave me a confirming nod. “It’s true. Nothing terrifies me as much as the thought of something happening to the kids.”

  “I feel like it’s my subconscious warning me.”

  Leila shook her head with a sad smile. “No, sweetie. It’s your subconscious realizing you
’re a parent now.”

  After having reviewed new details of our upcoming tour, while Hunter and Scott stuffed themselves on the breakfast Leila had arranged for us, Hunter pushed away from the table and asked, “Okay, are we done?”

  Jack and Leila swung their gazes my way, clueing me in that I was up. Clearing my throat, I said, “Actually, I have something to tell you guys.”

  Their eyes bounced around the room suspiciously. “What’s going on?” Hunter asked Jack, as though he dreaded what I’d say next.

  “Shit, now what?” Scott mumbled before his pale skin turned pink and he quickly amended, “I mean… are you okay?”

  How could I blame these two jackasses? Their history with me consisted of either being the butt of bad practical jokes or trying to support me through horrific tragedies. I really had no in-between with them.

  Before I even said one word, the entire admission I had to make exhausted me. But I knew keeping anything out would only have them asking questions for days.

  “Dude, get to the point,” Hunter said with a scowl.

  “Okay. The night Jack and Lei threw Cannon the party at Granite, I had a visitor. Her name is Camilla Deron, a girl I met backstage at the Jones Beach concert we played seven or so years ago.”

  “I remember that concert,” Hunter said while staring off in the distance for a beat. “That was the night Jack banged—” He cut himself off just as Leila raised both brows and crossed her arms. “Um… it was also the night I ended up with that chick, Debbie.”

  “She’s a friend of Camilla’s,” I admitted, and then wondered why I did.

  “Well, she could suck a marble through a straw like—”

  “Please stop talking…” Jack barked. “Or I’ll be forced to kill you.”

  “Jeez, I was just placing the situation in my mind.”

  “Can you focus, please?” Hunter raised a palm in my direction, prompting me to continue. “Anyway… she came to tell me I have a daughter.” Instantly, both their mouths dropped open. Powering on, I added, “We already proved paternity, which is why I didn’t tell you guys sooner. Her name is Alivia. She’s six, and I’m head over heels in love with her.”

  Taking the opportunity during their shocked silence, I pulled out the picture of my baby that I now carried everywhere I went and slid it toward them across the table.

  “This is—” Scott shook his head repeatedly, as if he had no idea what to say.

  “Hard to believe?” I offered.

  “Well, yeah.”

  I wasn’t sure if it was the fact that I had a daughter he referred to, or my admission to loving her already, but either way I shrugged with a smile. “Well, it’s true. I’m someone’s dad.”

  Chapter 11

  Camilla

  We stood shoulder to shoulder at the window, arms folded, eyebrows pinched—mine due to frustration and Debbie’s due to astonishment.

  “I’m sending it back.”

  She swung her focus my way. “No, you’re not.”

  “Deb…” I waved my hand at the sleek black sedan sitting in front of my apartment. “I can’t accept this.”

  “Why the hell not?” Her expression morphed into an angry one. “You did it on your own for six years, Cam.”

  Yes, I understood his newfound need to make up for lost time, which wasn’t his fault. But to have a brand-new car delivered just a day after I received a huge check was way too much. The retroactive “child support settlement,” as it was titled, came with a formal letter from his attorney explaining the exact breakdown of what it covered since Alivia’s birth, down to the penny.

  Debbie released the miniblinds and walked away from the window. “It’s time you accepted his help.”

  “This isn’t help. This is him pushing his way into our lives and not in the way it counts. I plan to give it back when I see him tonight.”

  “Wait… what?” Debbie’s brows rose again for the second time. Oops. “When you see him tonight?” she asked with an edge in her tone. “Is that the real reason you asked me to pick Alivia up and take her to my place?”

  “First of all… taking her to your place was your idea.” She quirked up a brow. “Okay, yeah,” I replied guiltily.

  “You said you had work to do. I assumed it would be one of those boring all-nighters you pull.”

  “I do have work to do. It’s not my fault you assumed it was graphic design work. I have to get him to take the car back, and that’s most definitely going to be work.”

  Debbie shook her head before plopping in my favorite chair. “I can’t say I’m not hurt.”

  “I’m sorry. I knew you’d make a big deal out of it if I told you the real reason.”

  Her expression became incredulous. “Well, of course I’d make a big deal of it. The man is trying, Camilla. You need to cut him some slack.” I shouldn’t have been surprised. Since meeting him, Debbie has become Team Trey. She paused for a beat, dragged her gaze up and down my body, and added, “You’re not wearing that, I hope.”

  “See…” I pointed an accusing finger at her, irritated by her comment. “That’s exactly why I didn’t tell you the truth.”

  “Well, you look like you’ll be walking dogs for the next few hours.”

  “This isn’t a date, Deb,” I said on an eye roll. “It’s a meeting.” So that meant my jeans and comfortable plain T-shirt were perfectly appropriate. As she narrowed her eyes suspiciously, I further explained, “We’re meeting to discuss my rules and guidelines.”

  “How romantic,” she stated with complete boredom. I again rolled my eyes, this time including a heavy sigh. Undeterred, she stood and walked over to where Alivia’s overnight bag sat near the stairs. “Even though you misled me, don’t worry about picking Livi up tonight. I’ll take her to day camp in the morning. That will give you all night to work at your meeting.” Throwing me an exaggerated wink, she grabbed the bag and raised a finger, adding, “Oh, and be nice to him, Camilla. He’s not the enemy anymore.”

  I watched as she walked her perky self out of my apartment. Yep… he had most definitely charmed the panties off her.

  Debbie was always on my side. Without her, or Carson, I wouldn’t have survived being a single mom, especially since I had no support from my family. Listing them as Alivia’s legal guardians had been something that I’d intended to do for a long time now. And even if something were to happen to me, I no longer would stop Trey from having a relationship with Alivia… but giving him sole custody was an entirely different ball game.

  After his little drop-in, this past week had been a confusing one. When he’d asked to see Alivia again, I was a bit surprised that he accepted the pathetic excuses I threw at him. Showing up at my apartment not once, but twice, threw me off guard. I needed time to think. Little did I know he’d spent that time buying a car and securing a financial safety net for my daughter and me. As far as I was concerned, it only complicated matters more than they already were.

  One day he was a single gazillionaire with no responsibility besides getting his ass on stage when required. And in a blink of an eye, I’d thrown a grenade into his self-centered existence, yet he’d barely flinched. It all made me very nervous.

  Besides making it clear he wouldn’t sign custody over, he’d basically taken off running in a full sprint into fatherhood… or his version of it, at least.

  It was easy to move some money around and buy a car when you were wealthy. However, organically growing in your new role as a father, developing feelings you never knew existed, and cultivating a loving relationship couldn’t be bought.

  All that took time, patience, and understanding… none of which he had displayed yet. Trey needed to prove to me he was willing and able to do that. It had only been a week, but from the looks of it, he was trying to use his bank account to amend for six years of absence in seven days.

  Charming my friends, buying my daughter presents, or gifting me a car wasn’t the proof I needed. And having said that, I had to be careful in the metho
ds I chose to prove my point. Once again, money couldn’t buy what I was searching for, but it could buy him a victorious custody battle.

  When Trey requested that I go to his place for this discussion, I’d immediately become suspicious. He assured me there was a reason why and asked that I please trust him. I had no idea what to expect.

  But thanks to my friend’s critical comment, one last check in the mirror had me debating whether I should go and change. “This isn’t a date,” I reminded my reflection and grabbed my bag before taking my indomitable self out the door.

  After locking up, I swung around to see a black SUV idling behind the sedan Trey had delivered. Leaning against it was the same man who had been with Trey the night I confronted him outside his building.

  “Miss Deron,” he said with a nod as I approached. “I’m Alec, Mr. Taylor’s driver. I’m here to take you to your appointment.”

  Oh, for God’s sake. “Why?”

  “Mr. Taylor told me to tell you that he didn’t trust you would drive yourself, and he’d prefer you not to take public transportation.” I wasn’t sure what annoyed me more, Trey’s ridiculous condition or the fact this man repeated it word for word. But wanting to reserve my ire for my “appointment” with Mr. Taylor, I conceded by wordlessly getting into the back seat.

  Trey opened his door with a smirk. He wore black jeans, black lace-up boots, and a black T-shirt that molded over his broad shoulders, showing off the tattoos that colored the skin on both arms.

  “Thank you, Alec,” he said to his manservant beside me. “Did she give you trouble?”

  “Not at all.”

  The gall on this man. I folded my arms, shooting daggers at his smug face. “Can you stop discussing me like I’m a child?”

  Trey’s response was a deep chuckle before he waved his hand toward the space beside him in the doorway. “Come on in.”

  My exasperated huff and annoyed stomp served only to amuse him further. As he spoke a few unintelligible words to Alec, I glanced around the amazing apartment he called home.