“Trey.” My name suddenly became an unmistakable condemnation. “I thought you worked on breaking that pattern.”
“I thought I had too… but I wasn’t challenged until now.” And that was the truth. Until Camilla had come along, my therapy sessions had revolved around opening up to my friends and being transparent with my feelings.
Dr. Rutherford and I hadn’t touched on any other kind of emotional relationships that could come along, and obviously I wasn’t ready to crack the lid on this can of worms.
Being down at the beach for so many days meant I had my weekly session with Dr. Rutherford over the phone. Even with all my progress, skipping wasn’t an option. Yes, I’d gone from two therapy sessions a week to one, but I still had a long way to go. Such was proven once I began explaining to him what had happened since we’d arrived.
He listened quietly on his end, never interrupting. Knowing him as well as I did, I assumed he was scribbling everything I said down on paper to pick apart and analyze once I was through.
Admitting that I wasn’t sure if Camilla having feelings for me was what caused the angst I felt in my core, or whether it was the fact she didn’t trust me, caused his first interruption. I knew better than to simplify my emotions by using the word angst.
In his typical manner, he chipped away at the wall I subconsciously erected until I admitted the angst came from both scenarios making me want to flee.
Dr. Rutherford refused to sugarcoat my issues and came right out and said I needed to face them head-on. If Camilla was falling for me, then I needed to address it. She and Alivia were a package deal. That meant I couldn’t pull my usual disappearing act when a woman got too close. Of course, that behavior was prior to marrying Tara… and even she had been subjected to my constant need to push her away before I finally gave in.
Once I opened my heart to her, I’d truly believed we would be together forever. I had the right to that ideology after having lost so tragically at the age of eighteen. I’d paid my dues and stupidly thought finding Tara was the universe finally acknowledging that.
What an idiot I was. Losing my wife was the hardest thing I’d ever gone through. During my recovery, I’d vowed to never put myself in that position again, but I somehow had managed to make it through. If something were to happen to Alivia, I knew for sure it would be even worse… and I wouldn’t survive it.
Regarding the part where Camilla didn’t trust me, that also needed to be addressed—and fast. It wasn’t fair to continue with that shadow hanging over our heads.
I felt like all the progress I’d made over the last two years now teetered on the head of a pin. I admitted as much to Dr. Rutherford. The last thing he said to me before ending our session was, “Trey, you need to consider your therapy as a journey. Every stop along the way isn’t necessarily a setback and serves to get you that much closer to your destination.”
Well, what if my assigned destination was a form of hell on earth?
Despite being on shaky ground with Camilla, Alivia and I had formed a solid connection. I looked down at her sleeping soundly beside me. It was later than I had originally promised Camilla. Alivia was having so much fun, I hated pulling her away from it.
Once we had dinner, with Leila’s help I got her ready for bed and left, knowing she would most likely conk out in the car.
Two hours later, Alec pulled in front of Camilla’s apartment and quietly said, “I’ll grab her bag for you.”
“Thanks, man. I’ll text you when I’m ready.”
“Take your time.”
When I gingerly unbuckled her seat belt and lifted her out of the seat, she drew her little arms around my neck and rested her head on my shoulder. And in the process stole even more of my heart.
She never stirred as I carried her to the side door. Camilla appeared ten seconds after I rang her bell and took Alivia’s suitcase from Alec. After a quick nod toward him, I wordlessly followed Camilla up the stairs and straight into Alivia’s room.
She peeled one corner of the comforter away as I laid our daughter on the bed. I could feel Camilla’s eyes on me when I bent and kissed her forehead. Once she shut the door to her room, Camilla spoke first. “It’s very late.”
“As I texted you several times, it made more sense to drive back after we had dinner.”
“I know,” she said defensively. “I’m just saying she’s never out this late. I understand this was a special occasion, but I don’t want to start a new trend.”
Two minutes in and I was already frustrated. “I think we need to talk about this week.” She watched as I took a seat on her couch without invite. “Please sit down, Camilla.” Surprisingly, she did without arguing… although she chose the farthest chair in the room. “A lot has happened these past few days. I need to be transparent and help you understand where I’m at. But having said that, I need you to do the same.” As contradicting as it was, I had already decided I wouldn’t admit I’d overheard her conversation, not yet. But I was curious about how honest Camilla would be.
When she gave me a silent nod, I went first. “The time I spent with Alivia has been the most precious gift. I’m in this, Camilla. I’m not going anywhere. Every fiber of my being recognizes I’m her father, and it aches for her to know it. It’s time.”
“You’re right.” She smirked at my shocked expression. “When you’re ready, we’ll tell her together.”
Damn, I was ready right then and there. But I gave her a firm nod and responded, “This weekend at my place. You can let me know what night works, and I’ll have Alec pick you up.”
“Okay.” There was no fight, no argument… yet still I felt she was holding back.
“Once that happens, you need to accept I’m your partner in this, Camilla. That means you need to stop shutting me out.”
“Fair enough. I’ll admit I have been struggling with all this. You have to understand a few months ago I was convinced I needed to expunge you from her future. I was wrong. In my defense, I was still very emotional over the trauma I endured after my accident. But to flip a switch as quickly as I had from one belief to a new one results in confusion. You can’t blame me for that.”
“I don’t blame you as long as you communicate.”
“It seems when I do admit what I’m thinking, you go on the defensive and threaten you’ll fight me if need be.” She raised a shaky hand to tuck her hair behind her hair. “Trey, that terrifies me.”
“I said that out of frustration,” I admitted. “Every time you get lost in your own head, I’m thinking the worst, believing you’re back to wanting to take her away from me. It seems your actions cause my reactions and vice versa.” I stared deep into her eyes and shook my head. “I would never take Alivia away from you… ever.”
Her brown eyes began to shimmer a bit just as she sighed. “I won’t take her away from you either… no matter what happens between—” She stopped herself and waved a hand. “I won’t.”
No mention of her feelings for me, no mention of the kiss we’d shared. Her delivery was all very business-like and matter of fact.
For the first time since this all started, I finally felt relieved but was no less confused.
Chapter 20
Camilla
As my daughter chatted, I poured a bowl of her favorite cereal, maintaining the smile I’d had plastered on my face since the moment she woke.
So far, she had filled me in on all the things I’d missed out on—making s’mores on the beach, the most “beautifulest” fireworks she ever saw, watching The Minions in the theater room, and her team winning the soccer game, just to name a few.
“Mommy, Trey is so funny.” She stopped long enough to take her first spoonful of the sweet crunchy Os she loved. “He kept telling us knock-knock jokes.” After another spoon delay, she swallowed and her eyes widened before saying, “Knock-knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“Banana.” Suddenly, she frantically waved her hand. “No, that’s wrong… lettuce.”
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br /> I couldn’t stop grinning at the determined look on her face. “Lettuce who?”
“Lettuce in… and you’ll find out.” A fit of giggles took hold, shaking her body while she smacked the table. “Wasn’t that funny, Mommy?” she asked breathlessly.
“Very funny, sweetheart.”
“I can’t wait to tell my friends at camp. The banana one was funny, too, but I forget the rest of it.”
“Oh, I think I know that one.” Reciting the joke that starred an orange and a banana, I giggled along with her once I voiced the punch line.
“Yes, that’s it. I have to remember that.” I enjoyed watching her being her, pointing out things she noticed at the Lairs, boasting that she’d helped Leila by playing with Siarra. “Oh, yeah… can I get a guitar? Shane let me use his guitar so Trey could start teaching me. He’s going to give me lessons.” More dialogue came, praising Trey like he was the “funnest” person—her word—on Earth.
I loved that she’d had such a great time, but a tiny part of me resented all the fabulousness he was introducing my daughter to. It was as if he held the key to the best amusement park on the planet and offered her a lifetime pass… or her first taste of sugar after a lifetime of vegetables.
Not wanting her cereal to get soggy, I pointed to her breakfast. “Finish eating, and then we’ll get dressed.”
“Can we go to Aunt Debbie’s to swim today? I want to show you the new jump Trey taught me.”
“We can do that. And how about if we buy Uncle Carson’s favorite cupcakes as a surprise?”
“Yes. He will be so happy!” A genuine smile spread as I watched her resume eating breakfast. Every few bites, she’d look up at me while those piercing blue eyes of hers melted my heart.
Knowing what was on the agenda tomorrow, I didn’t want to think about Trey, his money, or especially what he was urging me to do. All I wanted was to spend quality time with Alivia. This could very well be the last time I had her all to myself before reality changed. That may sound selfish, but I couldn’t compete with the world she’d been exposed to. I was barely making ends meet as it was.
The money Trey had sent went right into Alivia’s bank account, and any future payments would be deposited as well. I couldn’t wrap my head around accepting his checks and using them. I had to admit knowing they came supplied a level of relief I never experienced before. When one always lived from paycheck to paycheck it was hard to grapple with a security net that suddenly appeared from nowhere and not worry it would fail to catch you.
Keeping my business running was important to me. But distractions that came because of Trey had me so behind in work. So far, I’d been able to use the holiday as an excuse, since most of my clients were off. But come Monday, I needed to focus on getting all the pending projects done. Even though Alivia would be back in camp, I couldn’t assume our schedule would be back to normal. Especially not after we told her our news.
I’d worry about it all when I had to. For now, I had to take one day at a time.
“Done?” I asked as she gobbled up the last few rings.
“Yep.” Bouncing off her chair, she ran to get dressed in her bathing suit even without knowing what Debbie and Carson were up to today. I wasn’t concerned, as those times that they did have plans, Alivia and I would still use their yard.
I grabbed my cell and shot off a text.
Hey, not sure if you’re around, but we’re coming over to swim.
The dots danced and a reply came quickly.
You beat me to it. My nephew is sick, so our plans were canceled. Come on over.
A half hour later, after lotion was applied to her already beautifully tanned skin, Alivia helped herself to the pool toys Carson kept in a storage box. Once her favorite inflatables were blown up and ready to go, she took advantage of the large oval pool brimming with a refreshing escape to the July heat.
Possessing the stamina of most six-year-olds, she tirelessly splashed away the time without a care in the world.
“Watch me, Mommy.” I nodded at her as she positioned her toes on the edge of the deck and then jumped forward while making herself stiff as a board. Debbie caught my gaze and smiled. When Alivia surfaced, she said, “Ta-da! That was a pencil jump.”
We clapped on cue just as Carson appeared with snacks and drinks. “Who wants some quack-a-mole and chips?” he asked, calling the green creamy dip what Alivia had since she’d first learned to talk.
Being an avocado junkie, her arm shot up. “I do… I do!” She exited the pool in record time, came over to get a fluffy towel, and headed right toward Carson. The two had a great bond… as did his wife and Alivia. Desperately trying to conceive, they craved every moment they were able to spend with my daughter. Knowing they would care for her, unconditionally love her if I weren’t around, was what had started my need to plan a safe future for Alivia. For years I appreciated having Carson as a father figure in her life… except she now had the real deal.
I tried not to think of Trey all day and wasn’t having much luck. I truly worried about how Alivia would react. Would she understand the gravity of our news? Would she get why we hadn’t been together all these years? Would she resent me once she did understand?
Knowing my dilemma, Debbie leaned toward me and whispered, “Does she know what’s happening tomorrow?”
“Not yet. I’ll wait until morning to tell her we’re going to his place.”
“She really loves the guy. I don’t think you have anything to be concerned about.”
“I’m not worried about her being happy he’s her dad. I worry he’s not ready to be her dad. A few days of frolicking in the sun doesn’t represent what parenthood is really about. He has no experience with tummy aches or fevers, tantrums or meltdowns. The reason I didn’t fight him on having Alivia stay a few days longer was because of Leila, her nanny, and all the other moms and dads that were there.” Debbie remained silent as I searched her eyes for a sign of agreement. “What happens if he wants her to stay over one night? Or wants to take her somewhere?”
“How about we walk before we run?”
“Yeah, I can do that, but can a six-year-old?” It was then Debbie understood my point. “Once we tell her, she may want to do things with him that can’t be done because of who he is. And even if we explain his fame to her, she won’t understand why her daddy can’t come to see her softball game or her dance recital. Once she finds out she has a dad, one who she already loves, don’t you think she’ll want him to do all the things he hasn’t?”
“All valid concerns, but that doesn’t mean she shouldn’t know the truth.” When she relaxed back in her chair, I thought she’d said her piece until she added, “You had come to terms with Trey being in her life. What’s really bothering you?”
Further complicating all I just mentioned by falling in love with a man like Trey.
“Mommy!” Alivia called, effectively killing our conversation. “Can I play water basketball with Uncle Carson?”
“In a little while. Your tummy is full, and I want you to take a pool break.”
“Okay,” she said with a pout. And despite her disappointment, my sweet little girl crawled onto my lap and kissed my cheek, because she was just that adorable.
Alivia reacted just as I expected when I shared that we were spending the day at Trey’s apartment in New York City. Her excitement and a million questions helped me ignore the way my heart anxiously pounded.
Any parent knew there was no way of predicting what would come out of a child’s mouth at any given time. My biggest fear was her need to push us together as a family. I prepared what I would say if that came up. I went as far as calling Trey once she fell asleep to be sure we were on the same page with our responses.
Surprisingly, he didn’t talk much during the conversation, having me believe he’d either conceded to letting me take the wheel or what we were about to do had truly hit him for the first time. Concern had me asking if he had cold feet, to which he’d merely said, “No.”
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The closer we got to his apartment, the more my nerves kicked in. I’d been revising and amending over and over what to tell her. It really didn’t matter, as every outcome was the same. Trey is your daddy. Yes, Mommy knew.
Alivia had been in the city many times, yet her mouth still gaped as she watched the flurry of activity right outside the car window.
“Mommy, Shane said they live in the city too. Can we visit him one day?”
“I think we can do that,” I responded with a smile while distractedly playing with her ponytail. Appeased, she kicked her little feet excitedly to resume staring.
Every so often, Alec caught my eye in the rearview mirror. I had no idea what he knew or what Trey had told him. I guessed discretion was an important part of working for famous people.
A few minutes later, he spoke for the first time since picking us up. “Trey is waiting for you in the lobby.”
“Thank you,” I said as Alivia squirmed. I unbuckled her seat belt before taking her hand and towing her out of the car.
“Wow,” she said, her head slowly tilting back, taking in his building floor by floor.
Through the plate glass door, we saw Trey waiting patiently. No sooner had I pulled open the heavy glass when he said, “Hey, Squirt.” She tugged free of my grip and catapulted right into his arms. “How are you?”
“Great. This is where you live?” she asked when I approached.
“Yes. Cool, right?”
“Very cool.”
Those crystal-blue eyes landed on me. “Hey. Ride was okay?” he asked, his expression guarded. I haven’t really been around him since our kiss on the beach, but it was obvious his interactions toward me had changed.
“Yes. Thanks for sending Alec.”
A quick nod came before he said, “Okay, let’s get you upstairs.” Alivia continued to grip his neck through the grand lobby and up in the elevator. Her chattiness provided a small distraction, but with every floor we climbed my heartrate spiked. While never releasing her, Trey one-handedly unlocked his apartment door, glancing back at me just before he pushed it open.
Trey Page 14
