by T. S. Joyce
There was a tiny green pot with a Venus Flytrap on the bathroom sink. Someone had hand-painted a name in pink letters. Medusa. It was a healthy, ugly little thing, nice and green with several heads, open, teeth out, waiting for a fly to land and feed it. Medusa. Lynn had a disconnect problem with people. He’d been watching and could see it plain as day, but she had some kind of attachment to this little plant.
How did he know? Because when he’d taken her back to Damon’s Mountains from the Red Havoc Territory, she’d cradled the little plant in her lap the entire way to the airport and on the flight to Damon’s Mountains. She hadn’t said a word to him, and she’d been lost in her head for most of the trip, but she’d uttered three soft-spoken words to Medusa when she thought he wasn’t listening. “It’ll be okay.”
Just to experiment, he cupped Lynn’s cheeks. Skin so soft against the callouses of his hands made rough from the logging work he did. “Lynn, can you hear me?”
Nothing. Pupils constricted to pinpoints, her eyes stared straight ahead, looking right through him.
Jathan chewed the corner of his lip a few times and tried again. “Medusa.”
Lynn blinked and turned her face slightly. Pupils dilating, she focused on his face. “W-what?” Her lips were pretty as she formed the question.
“Do you want to bring Medusa tonight?” he asked.
“Bring her where?” Her voice was sing-songy and not quite right.
“I’m going to take you out.”
Her delicate, ruddy eyebrows drew down in the cutest fucking frown he’d ever seen. “Like on a date?”
Jathan laughed. “Woman, I don’t date. I fuck. You don’t want a date with me.”
Hurt slashed through her eyes for just an instant and confused the shit out of him. “Oh. Then no, I don’t need Medusa. She is safe here.”
Hmm.
“Do you want to call it a date? We can. You only have six days left. Six days, six dates with the Bad Bear. I’ll find us lots of trouble. Sound fun?”
The corner of her lip ticked up, then fell. “You think trouble is fun. Trouble isn’t fun. Trouble ruins everything.”
“Nah, you just found the wrong kind of trouble, little nut.” He made a knocking sound while gently rapping his knuckles against the side of her head. What the fuck was he doing? He didn’t do rapport with girls. He had this with Mom and Dad and Jaxon, and that was it. Girls were dangerous. This one was the biggest danger of all. She was already half gone.
“I think I’m more than a little nut,” she said, her cheeks flushing a pretty pink color. “I’m a big nut. I think I’m crazy. Everyone in Red Havoc calls me Crazy Lynn.”
“So does everyone here.” Honesty was best. She knew what was happening.
“Do you call me Crazy Lynn?”
Jathan dipped his chin once. “In my head, I do.”
More hurt slashed through her eyes, and what the fuck was happening? Broken little kitty. She wasn’t the same panther goddess who had left these mountains ten years ago. That Lynn had been destroyed by whatever had happened to her. Now she got hurt by everything. He was the worst one to be taking this on because he wasn’t kind, sensitive, or understanding. Likely, he would break her faster.
The world was black and white to him. You fight or you didn’t fight, and Lynn wasn’t a fighter anymore—but he was. They were too different, and he didn’t understand her. And now he’d offered six dates in six days but with the worst intentions. It wasn’t to fall for her, or to get her to fall for him. He didn’t feel emotion like that, and love was a crock of shit. He was going to manipulate her into living because everything else had failed. And admittedly? He didn’t carry a single ounce of guilt for what he was about to do.
“I want to show you something before I take you into town for our first date.”
“I don’t want dates. Dates lead to dying inside.”
Jathan offered her an empty smile. “Well, lucky for you, we’re both dead inside already. You call it what you want, and I’ll call them dates.”
Her cute little frown got deeper before she formed an O with her mouth, but she didn’t argue. Instead, she pursed her lips and clasped her hands in her lap. “If you’re going to show me your dick, I’ve already seen it.”
Jathan bellowed a single, surprised laugh. “You have?”
Lynn nodded. “I watch you Change at night when you think no one can see your monster. I have a monster, too. Soon we’ll fight. Clash of the monsters.”
Her eyes were going hazy, so Jathan pulled her off the toilet lid quick and turned her around in the mirror so she could see her make-up. He wanted to laugh at the difference between them. He was a foot taller than her, covered in tattoos up to his neck, and his eyes were glowing bright green. While Lynn was a dainty little redhead who looked tiny in front of him and shocked to see her reflection. He would fucking wreck her in the bedroom. Jathan frowned. If that were an option. Which is wasn’t, because she was broken and didn’t need any wrecking from him… Shit.
“Oh,” she murmured in a surprised tone as she angled her face from side to side. “I look…different.”
“Like a petrified raccoon?” Hell yeah, he was digging for a compliment. He’d done good. He’d even done cat-eyes eyeliner on her like the stupid tutorials had shown him how to do.
“No. I look…”
“Beautiful.”
Lynn looked at him in the mirror with wide, startled eyes, as if she was a deer in headlights. “I do?”
Jathan nodded. Yeah, the word “beautiful” was one of his manipulations, but he didn’t care. The slow smile on her face said it worked well enough. He would give her a hundred compliments if it made her fight again. If she was stronger, he would’ve told her she looked hot and fuckable, just like he told the girls he was trying to sleep with in town when his bear became too much and needed sex to settle. Lynn was fragile though, so she would need pretty words. He was going to have to pretend to be a gentleman.
“Show me,” she whispered.
But as he led her out of the tree house and down the narrow staircase to the field of dandelions below, her eyes went dead again, and she walked behind him like she was already a ghost.
Chapter Three
Confused, Lynn squinted against the evening light, trying to focus. There was a wall of weeds in front of her. Big weeds, taller than her. What the hell?
She scanned the perfectly manicured yard, the neatly trimmed landscaping, and the fresh mulch that lined the front of the mobile home. The giant weeds made no sense here.
“Meet Henry,” Jathan said from behind her.
She startled. She’d forgotten about Jathan and had been wondering if she’d sleepwalked here. She did that sometimes—woke up in strange places. Her panther took over and pushed her out, and she would end up in the woods or beside a road. Once she even ended up in someone’s car because she’d apparently been hitchhiking.
Baffled, she asked, “Who is Henry?”
“The bigass weed in front of you. The tallest one.”
Lynn arched her gaze to the top of the weed and shook her head. “Is this your den?”
“Yep. Home sweet home, right on the outskirts of Grayland Mobile Park. Singlewide, five years old, has two working window-unit air conditioners and only gets bugs in the summertime. It’s a love shack. The ladies come a runnin’ when they find out I live in this castle.”
Lynn giggled, but it scared her, so she clapped her hand over her mouth.
Jathan’s fingertips touched her lower back. “You should laugh more.”
Sometimes he didn’t make sense to her, so she changed the subject. “Why don’t you pull the weeds. Everything else looks pristine.”
“Pull the weeds? Woman, I grew these from baby-weeds! That was a tiny dandelion a month ago. I gave it plant food and I’m trying to get it as tall as me. It’s a goal of mine.”
“Well, it’s good to have weird hobbies.”
Jathan chuckled and splayed his hand across her lower back.
His palm was huge. Big as a bear paw, even when he was human. Usually touch made her flinch away, but for some reason, she stayed right where she was, practically purring under his touch. Trouble, trouble, trouble.
“Where do you go?”
“Hmmm?” she asked, forcing her gaze away from Henry.
“When your eyes go dead and you stop talking…where do you go?”
Lynn gave a helpless shrug. “I don’t know. I just…disappear.”
“Mmm.” He reached out and stroked a prickly leaf on Henry, almost as if he used the weed so he had another place to put his hand. Then he narrowed his eyes at her. “You want to know what I think?”
“Not really.”
“Look, I took psychology one-oh-one in college, and I’m basically a professional. I think you disappear when you talk about, or think about, something that hurts. I think your panther thinks she’s protecting you, but it messed you up instead.”
Lynn clenched her fists at her sides and fought the tingling sensation in her middle that said she would Change soon. “You think too much about me. Best you stop that before you get attached to something that’s a puff of smoke in the wind.”
“Mmm,” he said again. “You wanna fuck, Smoke Nut?”
Lynn sighed. “All boys are the same.”
“Boys, yes, men, no.”
“You’re a man, not a boy?”
“I’m here, aren’t I? Where’s Brody? Hmm? Where’s the boy who did this?”
Blink.
“No!” Jathan gripped her chin and pulled her gaze to his. “Nope, don’t run, Smoke Nut.”
Blink.
“Lynn!”
Blink.
She was trying to hold on, really she was, but Brody was something she couldn’t think about. She couldn’t because it hurt too much. “Jathan,” she whispered as her vision collapsed inward. The sky went dark, and then the woods behind him. Everything was covered in shadows until only Jathan’s worried, chocolate brown eyes were in focus. They were holding her, tethering her. If she could just stay here a little longer…
Blink.
Jathan’s lips crashed onto hers. His hands went rough in the back of her hair as he forced her face against his. The kiss was a storm that jolted her from the cold, dead waters of the black ocean she’d tried to escape to. His mouth moved against hers in a violence that was breathtaking and painful and perfect. His sharp teeth scraped her lip, and when she opened her eyes, the forest was there again behind him. It was dark, but there.
Desperate to anchor herself in this moment, she slid her hands up the strong planes of his chest, around his thick neck, and then tightened her arms around him.
“Stay,” he ground out against her lips before he pushed his tongue into her mouth.
He tasted so good. His hands were steady against her back and in her hair. She waited for the trapped feeling, but it didn’t come. Not when he dragged her closer, and not when he pushed her through the landscaping and pressed her back against the side of his trailer. Not when he lifted her up like she weighed nothing at all and rocked onto her pelvis just right.
Broken, broken Lynn, giving in to a man again. But this was different. Jathan wasn’t Brody. He wasn’t trying to lock her down, but was playing with her instead. Oh, she knew he was in this for the next six days because she was a safe bet. He wouldn’t have to get attached. Men like Jathan didn’t do bonds. They didn’t do deep connections. He was a bad bear, and she was a bad kitty, and maybe for tonight, one of her last nights, she could feel something.
He rolled his hips against hers slowly, one, two, three, and she thought he would drag this out, but suddenly he pushed the pace. He was so powerful against her as he sped up, and oh, this felt so good. It had been so long since a man touched her like this. Since anyone touched her at all.
He bit her lip hard enough that she tasted iron, but she liked it. She liked rough. Wanted it. Wanted Jathan the way he was. Monster. He lowered his lips to her neck and sucked so hard she gasped in pleasure and pain.
“Are you still with me?” he growled against her skin.
“I’m here,” she answered breathily. God, she was holding on so tight. Don’t leave, don’t leave. Let me have this moment, Monster.
He slowed again, his erection pressing against her just right, teasing, changing the rhythm when she got close. Her toes were curled with how good it felt, and gooseflesh covered her skin. Oh, this man could fuck. She could tell from how he was revving up her body.
“More,” she begged, reaching between them. He was strong like an oak, and he snarled a sexy sound when she pushed her fingertips into the front of his jeans. He was big, perhaps too big for her body, she didn’t know yet, but she was willing to try. Willing to lose herself to a fun night just to get some relief from her head. Because he was doing it. He was distracting her from the turmoil inside of her, and she never wanted this to stop. She slid her hand down his pants farther and gripped his thick shaft. And then she grinned as he bucked into her hand and made a sexy groan in his throat. She’d been powerless for so long, and look here. She could pull a helpless noise from a someday alpha with a touch. For the first time in years, she was in control of something.
His lips collided with hers again, and he settled her on her feet, pressed her back against his home. The kiss was desperate. It wasn’t romantic, or lovey dovey. It was two people who needed release as soon as possible to be okay.
Jathan gripped her hips and exhaled a breath as he rolled against her again. His hands were shaking slightly, and she loved this. The snap of his button sounded so loud in the quiet of the evening, and so did the quick rip of the zipper, but when she moved to shove his pants down his waist, he jerked away. “Fuck,” he whispered, retreating a few steps. He ran his hand through his longer hair on top and paced away, then back through the landscaping to reach her. “We can’t. You’re not ready.”
“Then I’ll never be ready,” she said, angry at being cut off. “This is as good as I get.”
“Bullshit. This is rock bottom. I can’t fuck you when you’re at rock bottom.”
Lynn huffed a pissed-off breath and looked away in shame. “Of course. Just like every other boy.”
“Don’t get it twisted. A boy would fuck you right now, Lynn. A man would wait until you’re ready.”
“You sleep with everyone,” she gritted out. “Fuck.” Something was happening to her face. Warmth trailed from her eyes to her cheeks and dripped off her jaw. She wiped the tears angrily and strode between the bushes, blasting past him. She needed to get out of here. Needed to hide because she was going to fall apart and she was going to disappear and she was going to Change and Monster would do awful things. She was going to fight. Who was next? Kirk? Beaston? Creed?
Help me! She wanted to scream it because she’d needed it so desperately all along. But with this thing that had happened to her, that had created her and made her unloveable, she had to be quiet. Suffer in silence, because who would understand? No one. If she admitted all her sins, who would still stand against her storm? Again, no one.
“Tell me why you’re mad,” Jathan demanded, keeping pace with her.
Which way was home? Which way to the tree house? I can’t breathe.
“Tell me!”
A wave of power washed over her skin, and she went down to her knees automatically. He was doing what Ben did. What Greyson did. What Creed of the Gray Backs did. He was pulling rank and making her panther think he was alpha. Making her obey. Not fair. Not fair!
Jathan went to his knees in front of her and gripped her shoulders. “Tell me, and I’ll give you relief.”
Struggling to inhale, she choked out, “I just wanted to not feel broken for a little while.”
“Touch fixes it?”
“I don’t—I—” Can’t breathe! “I don’t know.”
Jathan’s eyes were two green, glowing flames in the evening shadows as he scanned the woods. After a second of hesitation, he dragged her onto his lap, straddling her legs
around his hips, and before she could react, he rucked her dress up, slipped his hand down the front of her panties and dragged his fingers through the wetness he’d conjured between her legs.
Lynn was panting for breath, but the tightness in her chest eased a little, and she wanted more. She wanted that steady feeling he’d given her against the house. “Please,” she begged. “It doesn’t mean anything. Just…fix me for a little while.”
Jathan looked angry as he stared off into the woods and shook his head, but it only lasted a moment before he gripped the back of her neck with his free hand and kissed her, plunging his tongue into her mouth in the same moment he slid two fingers inside of her. She moaned into his mouth and melted against him.
He was keeping her here, keeping her present, not allowing her to disappear, and it had been so damn long since she felt this in control. He pulled his fingers out and pushed them back in, even deeper, and now she was rocking her hips with the pace he set. Her entire body was trembling, but it was with want, not fear, so she melted against him and hugged his neck as their lips moved against each other’s.
This was safe. This was release without love. Love ruined everything, but Jathan was good for her. He was disconnected, too. He was Monster, too. She’d seen his bear. Their demons matched, and there was no chance at either one of them falling for each other before her time was up. She could enjoy his affection, his attention, his body, guilt free. For once, she could do something guilt-free. This was freedom from herself.
He smelled good. Fur and cologne and arousal, and she could feel his erection between her legs as she rocked against his touch. He didn’t slow her down this time but pushed into her faster and faster until she was panting out his name. Until she was clawing at the back of his neck and fighting the urge to bite him on his exposed throat. Until she was shattering in an intense orgasm around his fingers. He pushed into her deep, over and over, until the throbbing felt unbearably good. Then it faded away, pulse by pulse.
And then he broke the unspoken rules.
