by Ezra Dawn
Benji grins and says, “Then I’ll be there, how about you Kuro? Will you be going?”
Nodding, I say, “Sure, I’ll be there,” then turning to Ethan, I add, “Do you know the genders?”
He shakes his head, “No, we want it to be a surprise. So, stick to gender neutral gifts.”
Grinning at him, I raise an eyebrow and say, “Who said I’d be buying a gift? Maybe I just want to come for the food.”
“No gift, no food.”
“That’s messed up.”
With a laugh, he says, “I’m kidding. You don’t have to bring a gift, but my family and I would appreciate it, if you did. It doesn’t have to be anything extravagant. The thought is what counts.”
“So, diapers it is then.”
Ethan snorts and rolls his eyes. “We’ll need them, that’s for sure. Do you have any idea how often babies use the bathroom? Let me just say, it’s a lot.”
“Times two means you’re all going to have shitty days for the foreseeable future.”
“Ha-ha, very funny, asshole.”
“What? It’s the truth.”
Hearing the clink of a spoon against glass, I see Benji has finished his soup but is covering his mouth with his hand. For a moment, I worry he’s going to be sick but then I see his shoulders shaking with stifled laughter.
Ethan looks at Benji and says, “Are you finished?”
Benji nods and Ethan smiles at him. “Good, I’ll sedate you now and remove the tube. Normally, I’d do this in a sterile operating room but after what you’ve been through, I don’t think taking you into the clinic for this is a good idea. Instead, I’ll take it out here, and leave some antibiotics for you to take to prevent infection. I know usually we aren’t affected by things like that, but since you’ve been in a lab, your immune system could be compromised so, I want you to take them just to be safe. Sound good?”
Benji says, “Yes.”
“Alright then, we’ll get started. Kuro, I need you to leave while I do this. It’ll help lower his risk of infection. Maybe you can go find him some clothes to wear for when he feels up to moving around.”
Standing up, I nod at Ethan and say, “Sure thing doc, I’ll be right down the hall, so holler if you need anything,” then turning to Benji I say, “I’ll be here when you wake up and if you’re feeling alright, we’ll talk then.”
Benji nods and I exit the room, leaving Ethan to do his work. Walking down the hall, I enter my bedroom and pull open a couple dresser drawers, grabbing a few t-shirts, some athletic shorts and sweatpants -since I know my jeans won’t fit-, socks, and underwear, I place them on the bed then go into the bathroom to grab some toiletries he’ll need. Something that’s easy to do since I keep extras on hand in case I forget to go shopping. I really should keep my spare bathroom stocked with things a guest would need other than the towels, washcloths, and toilet paper I usually keep in there. But, since I only have guests staying over when my parents come to visit, which isn’t very often, I only stock the basics.
Hell, I rarely have anyone over, even if it’s just for drinks and food. Even though I do have friends, I’m usually the one being invited to things instead of being the one who hosts. Maybe I should change that. My friends know virtually nothing about me while, I know everything about them. It’s time to open up and let the walls I’ve been hiding behind come down. I can’t go through the rest of my life keeping everyone around me at a distance. The only purpose doing so serves is to isolate me from feeling anything for anyone.
Dying alone without having truly lived my life to the fullest is not an experience I want for myself. For so long, I couldn’t see past the fear of being hurt and didn’t realize that what I was doing could be a bad thing. I was simply existing, not living, but now that I’ve decided to let go of the past and the fear, things are about to change. Starting with my relationship with Benji. Hope he won’t be angry with me for hiding it from him but, I wouldn’t blame him if he was. Being mates is a big deal and no matter the reason, I really shouldn’t have hid it from him. In hindsight, I was protecting both of us, me from being hurt again, him from pining after a mate he’ll never have. But the situation has changed and when I confess what I’ve done, Benji might not see it the same way I do.
Once I have the extra toiletries, including a toothbrush and toothpaste, I place them on top of the pile of clothes, gather them into my arms and return to Benji’s room. I wait outside in the hall until Ethan is finished. As soon as he exits the room, I put the clothes and toiletries on the dresser then exit the room again, leaving Benji to sleep for a bit. I know the sedative will likely be wearing off soon, so, I want to speak to Ethan about that food list he mentioned as well as any extra care Benji will need and see him out before Benji wakes up. I did promise to be there when he woke up, after all, and I’m a man of my word.
Following Ethan downstairs, I walk him to the door and say, “Is there anything I should be doing care wise, now that the feeding tube is out?”
“Just make sure he takes his medicine. I left a bottle of antibiotics on the nightstand by his bed. He’s to take them twice a day with food until they’re all gone. I’ve sent the list of thing he can and can’t eat to your phone so as long as he sticks to that for the next few days and keeps up with his medicine, he’ll be just fine. I’d still like to run a few more tests but since it’s just some more blood work and a couple x-rays, it can wait until he’s settled more. Maybe bring him to the clinic in a week or two, after he’s had time to adjust and maybe talk to someone about what happened to him.”
“I already mentioned counseling to him, but he didn’t seem to keen on the idea.”
Ethan nods and says, “It’s a process. He doesn’t have to talk to a counselor but, it might do him some good to talk to someone. Ultimately, he’s the one who has to make the decision, we can’t force him.”
“I know.”
“If anything about his condition changes, let me know immediately.”
“I will.”
“The sedative should wear off in another ten minutes. He’ll be groggy for a bit before the effects completely wear off. I put stitches in the hole where the tube was, and I’ll be back to take them out in a few days after he’s had a chance to fully heal. Make sure he doesn’t do anything too strenuous until then and that he keeps the stitches dry.”
Nodding I say, “I’ll be sure to do that. Thanks doc.”
“No problem. See you in a few days.”
“See you.”
Once he’s out the door, I go back upstairs to sit at Benji’s bedside and wait for him to wake up. All the while, trying to figure out how exactly, I’m going to explain things. Do I start with the fact I’m masking my scent, or with the knowledge that I shifted the night before the attack? Decisions, decisions… either option will lead to the same outcome but, I have to wonder which option is the gentler of the two. Letting Benji know the truth by gently easing him into it is the plan I believe will be best. I fear if I just drop the bomb on him like ripping off a band-aid it’ll do more harm than good and that’s the last thing I want.
Especially, since telling him I knew we were mates on that day, might make him feel worse about the situation than he already does and kickstart another round of apologies. I’m more worried about what the news will do to his mental state than if he’ll be angry with me for keeping it from him, even though I had every right to do so after what happened. It’s only natural to be wary and I’m sure he’ll see it that way.
Feeling a touch on my arm I look up from the floor and see Benji watching me with a worried expression on his face. “Kuro, are you alright? You’ve been staring at the floor so hard and been so lost in thought, you didn’t notice me waking up or hear me talking to you. I could’ve carried an entire conversation by myself and you never would’ve known.”
Seeing the grin on his face and the glint in his eye has me smiling. “I’m fine. How are you feeling?”
“Still a bit tired but I’m fine.”
He smiles and says, “Thank you… so, are you ready to have that conversation now?”
Kuro leans back in the chair and sighs. “I’m as ready as I’ll ever be. I know you have questions, so, ask away.”
Sitting up a bit more, I lean back against the headboard and say, “Why don’t you have a scent?”
“I do have one, but I’ve been masking it.”
Confused, I ask, “How?”
“My animal form is a black panther. As such, I have a few magical abilities. Masking my scent is one of the tricks I learned from a warlock. It’s an ability that’s come in handy many times over the years.”
“Why would you mask your scent around me?”
Kuro folds his arms and sighs. “Now, that’s a harder question to answer but, you have a right to know.”
“A right to know what?”
He runs his fingers through his hair and says, “We’re mates.”
Before I can say anything in response, he holds up a hand and says, “Before you say anything let me explain.”
At my nod to continue he, says, “I had my reasons for hiding it from you. One, I was afraid of being hurt again, the way you hurt me when we were teenagers. Two, I was worried the bond would distract you from focusing on your recovery and you’d possibly injure yourself either mentally or physically. Now I know you’re perfectly fine and after hearing how you’ve lived your life the past thirty years, and how I’ve isolated myself out of fear of being hurt during that time as well; I’ve decided that you and I both deserve a little bit of happiness, so, I’m coming clean now. I know it’ll take a little bit of time for us to get to know each other again before we’re ready to bond, but I believe we’ll get there.”
Curious, I ask, “So, you scented me when you volunteered to take me in and realized we were mates?”
Kuro scoots his chair closer and takes my hands in his, then looking me in the eye, he says, “What I’m going to say, is going to be hard to hear and for that, I’m sorry, but it’s not possible for me to lie to you.” He takes a deep breath and continues, “I shifted the night before that day in school. I realized we were mates as soon as you were close enough, so when you hit me, it broke my heart and my spirit. The pain of knowing it was my mate hurting me when mates are supposed to protect and love each other and never hurt each other physically, was worse than the pain I felt when my bones had to be rebroken.”
Pain like nothing I’ve ever felt before slices through me at his words and tears prick my eyes as the magnitude of what one mistaken decision has done sinks in. Squeezing his hands tightly, I say, “I’m so, so sorry. I didn’t know. Had I known I never would’ve done that to you. Hell, I never should’ve participated in the first place. Instead, I should’ve stopped it, but I was an idiot and a coward and because of that, you suffered. I’ll never be able to express how sorry I am for that.”
Kuro pulls his hands from mine and moves them to cup my cheeks. “Listen to me, you need to stop apologizing. I forgive you, okay?” Using the pads of his thumbs to wipe away my tears, he repeats, “I forgive you. We’ve both spent the last thirty years in two different hells. You by force, me by choice. It’s time to stop. We’ve felt enough pain, and I have no desire to experience more. I won’t let you do so either. The past is the past, it’s over and done with, from this point forward we are never to bring it up again unless we’re reminiscing good times. Now, we focus on the future, understand?”
Nodding, I say, “Yes. I understand.”
He grins and says, “Good. I’m going to stop masking my scent now, then if you’re ready to get out of this room, I’ll leave you to get dressed and we can go downstairs to watch a movie. Sound good?”
Grinning at him, I nod and say, “Sounds perfect.”
His smile widens and this time, I see a little bit of his light returning. With a wink, he says, “You’ll be surprised at how far movies have come. Remember when we saw Star Wars?”
“Of course, I do. It was our favorite movie for the longest time.”
Kuro says, excitedly, “There’s twelve of them now. Though we pretend the prequel trilogy doesn’t exist.”
“Wait, what’s a prequel?”
“A prequel is a sequel to a movie that takes place in a timeline before the original one.”
Nodding, I say, “That makes sense.”
“I have all of them, even the prequel trilogy, so we can start with those if you want.”
“That’s fine with me.”
“Great. I’m going to stop masking my scent now, okay? And then, I’ll go downstairs to set up the movie while you change clothes. The spare bathroom is across the hall if you need it.”
“Okay. Ready when you are.”
With a nod, he stops masking his scent. Though the change isn’t visible it is instant. One second the only thing I smell coming from him is his laundry detergent and the next I’m hit with the most amazing scent I’ve ever come across. It’s the scent of warm apple cider and rum on a crisp autumn day and reminds me of home. It’s a scent I’d love to spend the rest of my life basking in and now that I have Kuro’s forgiveness, I’ll get the chance to do just that. But, before we can even consider bonding, we have to get to know each other again. I understand that after the events that occurred that day in school Kuro needs to be assured that I’ll never hurt him that way again before he’ll consider tying himself to me forever. I can’t say I won’t hurt him emotionally, because not every couple is perfect and as much as I might want to avoid such things, it just isn’t possible. Eventually, we’re going to fight and probably say things neither of us means but that’s part of being in a relationship.
After thirty years, I’m sure there’s a lot of things about Kuro I don’t know, just like there’s a lot of things about the world as it is now, that I don’t know; things I look forward to learning about with Kuro by my side. I can’t wait to experience it all… but, first, I think I’ll start small… just the basics. Like how to use the phone or television before tackling the bigger things. I really don’t want to overwhelm myself because I fear if I dive headfirst into the unknown, I’ll panic and have some kind of breakdown and lock myself away because it’s what I’m used to. So, to avoid that, I’m going to take this slow, learn little by little until I’m comfortable enough to face the world without the risk of having a meltdown. Shaking off those thoughts, I wait for Kuro to leave… only he doesn’t move. Instead, he says, “I just realized I can’t leave you just yet.”
Raising an eyebrow at him I ask, “Why not?”
“Because, you’ve been in a coma for an unknown amount of time and will probably have some trouble walking at first. I’d feel terrible if I left you on your own and you fell on your face and broke something while trying to walk.”
The sarcastic gleam in his eye has me laughing. “Okay, fine, you can help, but I draw the line at you helping me dress.”
“No need to be modest, I’ve seen you naked. But, if you’d rather not try to stand and dress, I can bring the clothes to you and you can stay sitting while you put them on.”
“My body has changed since we were kids Kuro.”
“I know, I’ve seen the scars.”
Looking at him with wide eyes, I say, “What?”
He shrugs and says, “Someone had to give you sponge baths.”
Burying my face in my hands, I say to myself, “Oh my gods, that’s embarrassing.”
Kuro pulls my hands away from my face and says, “There’s no need to be embarrassed or ashamed. The scars don’t bother me, and they shouldn’t bother you. They’re proof you survived; that you’re strong, that you walked through the fires of hell and came out on the other side maybe not completely unscathed but, alive. If they’re too harsh of a reminder you can get them covered with tattoos, but the choice is yours. Just know they don’t bother me, and never will.”
Looking up at him, I see the truth in his eyes. “They really don’t bother you?”
“No. Beauty is only skin deep. It’s what’s inside that counts. Besides, I have a few scars of my own that aren’t exactly pretty.”
As if to prove his statement, he lifts up his shirt and turns to the side, so I can see the long gashes that span from back to front across his rib cage on the left side. While the scars are thin jagged white lines now, I can still tell that the wound itself was grisly. Before I can ask how it happened, he drops his shirt and pulls up the sleeve on his right arm, revealing a tattoo of a black panther in the jungle. He takes my hand and puts it on the outside of his arm guiding my fingers from his elbow to his wrist. I can feel the raised flesh of a scar spanning the length of his arm. “I had this one covered by the tattoo because it was one of the only open spots, I had on my arm big enough for the design I wanted. There are other scars of course, some not as bad as these, some worse. They don’t change the person I am on the inside though, and that’s the point I’m trying to make.”
