by T. A. White
Had Kira been raised Tuann, she would have been within her rights to issue a challenge over the ambush Rheya had launched. She could have demanded recompense. That she had annihilated Rheya's argument with simple words only served to highlight the maturity and wisdom she carried herself with.
Rheya was nearly mute as she shook her head. "I didn't know. I swear."
“How did you survive?” Indya asked.
“We weren’t there,” Blue said. “Raider had a short-term assignment on another ship in transit to one of our military bases. He was supposed to rendezvous with them after the treaty with the Haldeel. I had already left for training.”
Across the room, Graydon caught the faint echo of conversation from the humans.
"Two guesses what she offered to get them to change course," Blue muttered.
Raider sent her a hard look. "We don't have to guess. We know."
Graydon wasn't deceived by Raider's easy manner. The human hid it well, but he was furious. The kind of anger that tasted like acid as it ate you up from the inside out.
Kira wasn't the only one this discussion had touched a nerve in. Judging by the hostile way those two were examining the Tuann around them, neither was particularly happy with what had just happened.
Raider struck Graydon as someone who sought control in all aspects of his life, much more so than most probably realized. It made him a dangerous enemy. Right now, he was cataloging the different ways he could hurt those around them and judging whether the risk was worth the reward.
The woman beside him wasn't as contained, stabbing at her tablet with anger.
Graydon's head cocked. Such interesting individuals Kira chose to surround herself with.
He could see why she showed a reluctance to abandon them. Despite Harlow's hopes, she'd never fully embrace Roake. The humans would always hold a piece of her. Unless the Tuann could claim a piece of her as well, their hopes of tying her to them would be in vain.
Graydon hid a sigh as the hologram caught his notice again, acknowledging Kira had ample reason to be upset. Not many oshota he knew could have spoken so matter-of-factly about the events which led to their pods’ deaths.
Whether she'd meant to or not, Kira had earned points with the oshota of Roake. They would remember her poise when confronted with such a devastating memory. He had no doubt many of those in the seats beside him would ask Harlow for a chance to serve at her side.
Kira might not wish it, but she'd just cemented herself as Roake. They claimed those they loved and were loath to part with them. They wouldn't easily give her up.
Graydon relaxed into his seat. This was an interesting development. All the more so because it hadn't been planned—at least on Kira's part.
Wren pulled his gaze from the door where Kira had disappeared, a thoughtful frown on his face. He stood, addressing Rheya, "One of the hardest things to learn is to see what isn't obvious. You made assumptions based on faulty data. Next time you will know to look below the surface to the motivations that aren't so easily discerned."
Chastened, Rheya returned to her seat as Wren took her place before the table.
"Now, I'd like to discuss the Thratni engagement," he said to the initiates.
Graydon quelled his impatience, knowing going after Kira at this stage would tip his hand. He had duties here, and as much as it might chaff, there was no getting out of them.
He forced himself to relax. She had Finn with her. Of any Graydon knew, Finn would have the best chance of breaking through to her right now. He had experienced something similar and knew what she was going through.
SIXTEEN
Kira moved quickly through the halls, uncaring of her direction as she fought to hold herself together. The diamond-hard shell she'd built around memories of that time was beginning to show hairline cracks, the emotions she'd buried deep seeping from its crevasses.
The sense of loss, the feelings of guilt over her part in their deaths, the soul-crushing sadness. It would be so easy to lose herself to their murky depths.
Logically, she knew the Curs would never have wanted her to feel this way. They would have been furious with her that she was still allowing this to fuck with her mind.
What had happened had happened. No amount of protest or argument would change things now.
It was war. Someone was always going to die. It was just their bad luck they were the ones to go.
Her Curs were dead. The majority of her family—the ones she'd carved from a harsh world—were dead. Misfits and the disenfranchised who'd found a home with her. All gone.
Sometimes she wanted to rage thinking about it. To rend and tear and destroy.
For a while, immediately after the war, she'd done exactly that. She'd tracked down any hint of Tsavitee presence and eradicated it. Picked fights with people and organizations she had no business antagonizing.
She wasn't proud to admit she'd been on a path of self-destruction, glorying in her descent.
Jin was the one to bring her around again.
He'd convinced her no amount of death or sacrifice would return their family. He'd been the one who'd made her see there were other ways of honoring their sacrifice.
She'd created her mission from the ashes of the old, clung to it during the nights when her demons had threatened to destroy her.
Having her failures thrown back in her face was insulting. It galled her on a level she could barely comprehend.
It was difficult resisting the urge to return to the class and exact retribution on Rheya. Kira knew the kid didn't deserve it. She'd seen an opportunity to knock the humans down a peg and exploited it. Exactly as she was no doubt taught.
Except this time, she'd gone after an open wound.
Kira's footsteps slowed as she came to a stop, staring at the empty hallway in front of her.
"I know you're there," she said, not bothering to look around. "Might as well come out."
Silence echoed. Kira waited with a restraint she didn't feel.
Finally, she turned, knowing what she'd find even before she did. Finn waited patiently; his expression carefully blank. A good thing given how fragile Kira felt. She couldn't have guaranteed she wouldn't have tipped the situation into violence if he'd looked at her with sympathy or pity.
She looked away, her mouth screwing up. "I don't suppose you'd agree to go back the way you came."
He didn't answer, which was answer enough.
"It's too bad. I could use some alone time right about now." There was a shakiness in her voice that said she was at her limit.
Finn read that, moving to take a place at her side. He stared out the window she'd unwittingly stopped in front of. Finally, he moved. "Come on. I have a place to take you."
Kira didn't bother hiding her suspicion. Finn and Kira had come to a compromise of sorts, but it wasn't the sort of thing that made them friends. This smacked of caring, the sort you might apply to someone you were friendly with.
His smile was brief, lightening his eyes and revealing a glimpse of the man he might have once been. "Don't act so suspicious. Not everyone is out to get you."
"Says you," Kira threw at him. "My track record says otherwise."
*
"This is where you wanted to bring me?" Kira asked skeptically.
They stood outside a bar located on the edge of the city, close to the fortress's walls. Housed in a cozy-looking building of stone and stucco, the inside was filled with a sea of synth armor, deep blue the dominant color.
Wide-open windows looked out on the city below and the ocean beyond it.
A long bar curved through the middle of the room, its surface polished and bright.
The place smelled clean and fresh. A murmur drifted through the space, the Tuann inside not paying any attention to the newcomers. Many hung out in alcoves; gauzy curtains pulled to hide the identities of those inside.
There was none of the electric hum of depression or desperation that she'd become accustomed to from the station bars she nor
mally frequented.
This space spoke of elegance and comfort.
"You never struck me as the type to drown your sorrow with alcohol," Kira said, sending Finn a sidelong look.
Warmth lit his expression. "You looked like you needed to get away for a while. This place fits that need, while exposing you to another side of life with us."
Kira hummed in interest, taking in those around her. Roake's colors may have dominated, but she caught glimpses of the armor of other Houses as well.
Kira moved toward the bar, leaning against it as she people watched.
"Do you guys ever take your armor off?" Kira asked.
Of those she could see, almost all wore some type of armor. Not all were synth, but the majority were. Those who were dressed normally were mostly behind the bar or moving through the room with trays. Less than a handful of the patrons themselves were out of armor.
"Rarely outside of House walls." Finn signaled a Tuann at the end of the bar. The man pouring a drink lifted his chin in acknowledgment. "There are exceptions. Most of those are like Maida, who can reinforce her skin, but the rest wear the armor with the pride it deserves."
The bartender made his way toward them. As tall as Finn, he had a similar build. He moved as if any moment the floor might jump up and bite him. Kira had seen other soldiers move like this, as if prepared for the shit to hit the fan. Usually, it took several tours in hostile environments to develop that type of response to your surroundings.
There was a surliness to his expression, like showing any other emotion was too much effort. His hair was shaggier and more unkept than most Tuann she met. Eyes of light amber lightened infinitesimally as he approached.
Finn clasped the man's offered forearm with a nod that was downright friendly for the dour oshota. "Brother."
Kira glanced between the two of them as the bartender settled his forearms on the counter.
A slow smile dawned as he looked Finn up and down. "It's good to see you in the armor again."
Finn touched his armor, his motion almost surprised before he dipped his chin slightly.
"Again?" Kira asked.
The man's gaze shifted to her, his look guarded. Finn might be his friend, but he was withholding judgment on her. Fair enough. He wasn't the only one.
"Talon, this is Kira. She's my current sword."
The man's eyebrows lifted as his gaze sharpened. "The lost Roake heir I've been hearing so much about."
Finn nodded before addressing Kira. "We call the people we serve swords. Oshota are their protective shields. It's custom when a sword under your care dies to put away your armor until you find a new sword or have redeemed yourself in battle."
The stilted way Finn said this made her think he wasn't happy about having to reveal this odd Tuann idiosyncrasy.
It made her think his last sword, as he called it, had died under less than ideal circumstances.
It was hard to tell if the distance between Finn and those in Roake was because of his reserve or theirs. It was likely he’d played some role in this person’s death, even if she still didn’t have all the details.
"Doesn't make much sense to me, but many things about the Tuann don't," Kira admitted.
Talon's smile was slow in coming. "I like this one."
She arched an eyebrow at him, saying dryly. "I'm flattered. Really." She pointed at her chest. "It gets me right here."
He threw his head back on a roar. "Much better than Brianne."
Seconds later, he set two glasses of amber liquid in front of them. "Welcome to the Sirav Rytil."
"It means—"
"Second Chances," Kira finished for Finn. Seeing his surprise, she lifted a shoulder. "I may know a little more Tuann than I let on."
It was true enough, but it also helped to have Jin constantly in her ear translating what others were saying around her. It had allowed her to pick up a few interesting tidbits. You could find out a lot about a person based on what they said when you weren't around—or at least they thought you didn't understand.
"Smart," Talon said with admiration.
"I try."
Kira picked up her drink as Talon looked at Finn, tilting his head in a clear invitation for conversation.
"Talk to your friend," she told Finn when it looked like he would hesitate. "I'm sure you have a lot to catch up on."
Finn didn’t move, reluctance in his posture.
She made shooing motions at him with one hand. "You brought me here so I could clear my head. Let me."
Kira took a sip of the drink she was holding, nearly coughing in surprise as it burned all the way down.
Finn didn't quite manage to hide his chuckle at her reaction.
She eyed the drink in her hand with suspicion. "What the hell is this?"
Talon smirked. "I take it you've never had keeva before."
She took another hesitant sip. This time the burn wasn't as intense, and the flavor was spicy and warm, like a jumped-up version of chai. "I grew up with humans. We didn't have anything like this."
"Humans have alcohol. We have keeva," Finn said, glancing at Talon. It was obvious he wanted to talk privately with his friend, and just as obvious that he was reluctant to do so because of her.
"We both know I can take care of myself," she told him.
"Yes, but isn't it nice sometimes to have someone watch your back?"
"Perhaps, but this isn't one of those times. Go. You'll be close enough if I get into trouble," she said.
Finn moved off reluctantly. Kira watched until he and Talon settled into conversation before putting her back to the counter and studying those around her.
For the most part, she went unremarked. Those in the bar seemed more interested in each other than Kira. It was a refreshing change from the fortress where she seemed to draw attention wherever she went.
Here, she was one of many. Kira felt herself settle a little, pushing away the sting of her memories.
She watched for several minutes, sipping on her keeva as the conversation ebbed and flowed around her, comforting in its steady hum.
A person entered the bar, drawing Kira's notice because of the way they seemed to stick out without even trying. Shorter than any adult Tuann Kira had met, they were also shorter than even Kira. Clad in a cloak, the person had their hood up, obscuring their face.
If that didn't say suspicious, Kira didn't know what did.
The steady drone of conversation dropped at the person's presence before resuming. Kira didn't miss the way several of the patrons kept an eye on the individual as they made their way toward the bar.
Kira tensed as they slid into the spot next to her, Finn doing the same from his position a few feet away. She shook her head at him. He settled back, his eyes glittering and his body tense.
Kira was careful not to look directly at the stranger as she observed the person. Finn wasn't the only one ready for action. Kira had been in too many bar fights not to be instantly on guard by the stranger so close to her.
"I thought for sure after the shenanigans on Ta Da'an you would be halfway into human space by now," the stranger said, not lifting their head.
Kira stared at the hood in surprise, her body locking up as the stranger signaled for a glass of what Kira was having.
Talon prepared the drink, shooting a look at Kira, asking without words if she needed help.
With a resigned sigh, she shook her head. No. They were past that.
The stranger took the keeva and downed it, exposing a smooth jaw and fingers that were a shade longer than any human's.
Finally, the stranger faced Kira, peering up out of the hood with a sly smile. An eye patch covered one eye, the other an emerald so bright, it looked like the green of spring after a week's hard rain.
The person’s features were androgynous. Neither entirely feminine or masculine but a perfect blend of both. Their skin was the color of almonds, and they had hair shorter than Kira’s.
The stranger slapped Kira on the shoulder befo
re heading to the booths. "Come on, Nixxy poo. We could use a little privacy from big brother."
Grimacing, Kira mouthed Nixxy poo as she followed the cloaked figure.
"Kira, you won't believe this, but I think I finally found Odin," Jin crowed.
"You don't say," Kira drawled.
"I found a message." There was a pause before Jin grumbled, "I don't know how Odin dropped it into my cache, but when I find out, I'm going to skin that annoying brat."
Kira hummed as she took a seat in the booth in front of the stranger, noting the earring dangling from the person’s ear.
Jin's voice dropped to a whisper. "Odin is here."
Kira's mouth quirked. "I know."
Jin choked. Several seconds passed before he screeched, "What do you mean you know?"
"She dropped by for a visit. I'm looking right at her."
Odin grinned, her expression mischievous. The earring was Kira’s clue as to which gender Odin was leaning toward today.
Odin had told Kira that her species didn’t experience gender the same way most humans did. They were all and neither, a benefit of having minor shapeshifting capabilities.
Often when they reached maturation, they leaned toward one or the other, but they didn’t have to remain the one they chose.
Odin liked flipping between genders as feelings dictated. The earring was her way of letting those who knew and cared for her which gender she preferred at the moment.
Today she might be female; tomorrow male. The next day she might choose neither, instead using her species’ gender-neutral form.
Even as Kira studied Odin, she could see her friend’s features taking on a more feminine caste. Her lips were a shade plumper, the line of her jaw softer. It was a minor difference, but there nonetheless.
"What do you mean you're looking right at her?" Jin demanded.
"How many other ways can that statement be interpreted?" Kira asked with irritation.
Jin exploded. "This is why I need eyes and ears on the ground. Stuck in here, I'm limited to what you see. I might as well be blind."
"Stuck there is exactly where you had better stay," Kira ordered in alarm. "I mean it, Jin. No wandering off again. You've already tipped Graydon to your presence. Let's not make it worse."
