by T. A. White
"Our family has always been protectors," Harlow mused, staring up at his niece. "Our sense of responsibility is overdeveloped. It's why we've long been tasked with the leadership of this House."
"Kira is a chip off the old block then," Jin said.
"How do we get her out? As memories go, this is a gentle one," Raider said.
Jin answered before Graydon could. "You want to use her link to Raider to gain access to her mind."
Raider's face was puzzled. "What are you talking about?"
"Tuann form mental connections to the people they care about," Jin explained. "It's how they preserve their sanity. The more connections they have, the more stable they are. Deprive them of their connections, and they slowly wither and fade."
"How do you know that?" Makon asked.
Jin snorted. "Please. I know that woman better than I know myself. I've always suspected she needs an emotional connection with others. Our self-imposed exile confirmed it." He focused on Graydon. "It's a good idea, but I'm the better option. My connection with her is stronger. More developed."
For once, there was no hint of laughter or teasing in the drone.
"You're a machine," Makon said. "You won't be able to meld with her mind."
Jin's voice was cool. "You shouldn't judge either Kira or me by your definition of what's possible. People in Kira's vicinity have a way of exceeding your expectations."
"You're not a person," Indya pointed out.
Jin sniffed in insult. "I've never allowed myself to be limited by small minds lacking in imagination. I'm not going to start now."
He started toward Kira. "Are you in or are you out?"
Graydon didn't have to think twice. If the drone said he could do it, Graydon would risk everything to ensure she survived. "I'm up for anything you are, machine."
Jin cackled. "I knew there was a reason I liked you."
Graydon stopped inches from the bubble. "The marshal is right. Our technology doesn't always coexist well with the human's. It could destroy you and me in the attempt."
History was littered with stories of those who'd fallen afoul of the memory pools. They were both taking their lives in their hands by doing this.
"I'm willing to take the risk," Jin said. "Better to try and fail than live with the consequences."
"Strange to find myself agreeing with a machine," Graydon returned.
Jin rotated toward him. "Graydon, this has to work. If she destroys Devon's mind, you'll never convince her to stay. Any progress you've made will be over. She'll cut and run so fast you'll never find her."
Graydon had no doubt Jin spoke true. Kira would blame herself, despite her sharing no fault in matters.
"Then we'd better make sure we don't fail," Graydon said.
Graydon lifted his hand, praying to the Mea'Ave and ki around them that this would work. His connection with her was fragile. New. Yet it was stronger than it should be for what could be considered a blink of an eye for many Tuann. If allowed to grow, Graydon knew their connection would blossom into something they would write about for ages.
Kira cared. Even when she shouldn't. Even when it would have been easier to walk away. You just had to look at her actions when she'd saved Devon and the lu-ong. Neither scenario had promised her any benefit. Any Tuann he knew would have let things play out with no risk to themselves.
Not Kira.
It was the thing he liked best about her. She threw herself into danger because it was the right thing to do. It was noble and stupid. He’d prefer the woman didn't take such risks.
He refused to lose her now.
Graydon closed his eyes, drifting into a trance. The brightness of Kira's soul obliterated everything else in the room. It burned white-hot, full of an incandescent passion. Beautiful and deadly, overshadowing everything else.
This was why people were drawn to her. Why her humans had gone to such lengths to protect her and why the human at his side had followed her to Roake despite strong opposition.
She was an inferno with the power to destroy or protect.
Graydon had seen few souls as pure as Kira's. It made him crave her, tempting him to linger and let its strength settle his own.
With the ease of long practice, he pushed its intensity back, surprised to find the bright shadow of Jin in his mind's map when Kira's impact faded.
As one, they both stepped into the water's currents.
Pain surged, threatening to break bones. A thread of consciousness waved and he grasped hold, using it to pull himself free.
Kira's past rose around him. Shadowed and insubstantial as if afraid to show itself.
A boy walked out of the gray, tendrils clinging to his form until he stood in front of Graydon. He was young, on the cusp of puberty, his ears pointed, his eyes wide-set and familiar. His eyes were a bright yellow. His hair was black, and his skin was brown.
There was a familiar sarcastic light in his eyes, and his lips were pulled up in an expression Graydon had seen more than once on Kira's face.
"Jin?"
"In the flesh." Jin glanced down. "Well, in the dream flesh."
Jin held up a hand, flexing the fingers before opening and closing them to make a fist with a look of fascination. His hand dropped, and he looked up at Graydon. "Shall we continue? Kira is waiting."
Graydon was slow to respond, Jin's appearance causing him to reconsider everything he thought he knew. Why was Jin in the form of a boy?
More importantly, why did he resemble so closely a boy Graydon already knew?
"Why did you take that form?" Graydon heard himself ask.
Jin's shrug was dismissive as he stuck his hands into the pockets of a pair of jeans, a decidedly human invention. "It felt right."
The dreamscape shimmered, the half-formed figures wobbling before dissipating.
Jin looked up, his expression wiser than any child's had a right to be. "Damn, I'd hoped she'd stay out of those memories. Nothing good ever comes of revisiting them."
Graydon was still stuck on Jin's appearance and didn't speak.
Jin shook his head in regret. "She's going to hate me for this later, but some things are worth the risk. I hope you don't betray the trust I'm about to put in you."
He didn't give Graydon time to respond. The scene spun.
Graydon ran through a field, trees all around, the dark pressing in, cloying in what it concealed. A small hand was clasped in his as his lungs burned with the need for air.
Kira/Graydon looked back, looking over the boy's head at the tree line behind them. The terrible bay of an animal hunting them floated out of the forest. The creature wasn't far. They'd never make it to the other side of the field in time.
The boy tripped, holding in his cry as he hit the ground. Kira/Graydon crouched beside him and eyes the color of sunny daisies looked up at them.
"Go," the boy whispered. "You'll never make it with me slowing you down."
He was right. They were going to be caught.
Desperation and terror threatened to strangle Kira/Graydon at the thought of returning to that cold, damp place.
The scene spun, and they stood in the rain, a rifle held in front of them. Their hands too small to properly grip it, their arms shaking as they struggled to keep it extended. Failure was too terrible a prospect to consider.
A shadowy monster the size of a giant paced in front of them. "Weakness won't be tolerated. Fail, and you will be punished."
A whimper came from beside her.
"Stay strong," she whispered to the young one.
It was a risk to speak. If their masters caught them, the beating would be brutal.
The boy's rifle clattered to the ground, the sound loud despite the pouring rain. Kira's face remained blank and uncaring. Emotion was pain here, and she was intent on surviving.
The giant's smile was cruel. "It seems we have a winner. Bring him."
The rest of those in the formation remained locked at attention, their bodies rigid as they kept the rifles upl
ifted. No one spoke. No one breathed for fear the masters would turn their focus to them.
The boy's gasping sobs could be heard as he was dragged out of the formation, stripped and then whipped, the flogger creating long streaks of red the rain washed away.
"We have to leave tonight. The distraction is already prepared. If we wait any longer, we'll be the ones they experiment on next," someone whispered as the boy collapsed and was dragged toward the gaping maw of the door.
Flash. The sky all around, ground to air artillery fire lighting up the air under their feet.
Flash. A Tsavitee demon class, its maw opened wide as it hammered at their armor.
Flash. A scream ripping from their chest as they destroyed the thing they feared.
Flash. The bridge of a ship as humans moved around them.
It was a strain, but Graydon managed to separate his consciousness from Kira's, not allowing himself to be dragged fully into the memory this time.
"You're good to launch, Whiskey One. Stay safe out there," a female said.
Kira limped into view, her foot encased in a cast.
"Don't forget to tell Phoenix to take care of that foot of hers. The rest of us will be happy to pick up her slack," a female said through the comms.
"Ha, fucking ha, Elise," Kira said with a carefree smile that startled Graydon. This Kira seemed younger than the one he knew, only a hint of the shadows he'd glimpsed in her eyes.
She was happy, he realized. Totally and completely.
"Try not to damage the deck on your way out," Kira was saying.
"Never, Nixxy. We'll leave that to you."
"Don't take it to heart, Sunshine," a man drawled. "You know the Phoenix can't stand being cooped up. Goes a little stir crazy."
Kira rolled her eyes as the humans around her ducked their heads, hiding their amusement. "Yeah, yeah, laugh it up, chuckle britches. I'll make sure to remember that next time I'm leading PT." Her expression became serious. "Stay focused out there. I don't want anyone damaging my perfect record because they got careless."
"Not to mention, I'd prefer we didn't look like complete idiots in front of our guests," a man said, stepping onto the bridge.
Seconds later, someone cried, "Commander on deck."
Those present snapped to attention. Kira was slower to move, as if going through the motions was almost more effort than they were worth.
"How are we looking, Captain Forrest?" the man asked, crossing the bridge.
Kira straightened from where she'd been leaning over a console. "Talks have begun, Commander. The rest of the Curs are sitting in their chutes, locked and loaded, and awaiting our orders."
"Very impatiently, I might add," someone said through the comms.
"When aren't you impatient?" Jin groused.
"Kids, let's not fight in front of the parents," the one Graydon had heard called Elise said. "The Phoenix doesn't like it."
The Phoenix in question made a sarcastic face at the console as those on the bridge grinned. It was obvious they were used to the byplay.
That was the way of things for those among the warrior class. They weren't always easy with your feelings, more prone to finding the spots you'd like to protect and then poking and prodding until a hard callous formed, but they were there when it counted.
And Graydon had a feeling this moment in time had counted for Kira.
The shadows he sometimes saw in her had their origins in this memory.
"Look alive out there," Kira said. "No games. We can't chance anything with the entire universe watching our every move. Get in, make sure the comet's not hiding any nasty surprises, and then get out."
"You think they'll name it after us?" someone asked.
There was a guffaw from another. "Why would they do that?"
"Well, we'll be the first to explore it. Sounds only fitting it gets our name."
Kira shook her head as the commander said, "I'll make sure to request that in my report to the higher-ups. Get me eyes on it and then get to the ship."
A chorus of yes, sirs answered him.
The commander nodded at Kira. "You have a go for this mission, Captain. Let's see what your Curs can do."
Kira grinned. "Sir, yes, sir. Sunshine, Bayside, you are go for release. Bring me back some space dust."
The scene spun, chaos and pain all around before going dark. A cry of grief and pain split the air.
When Graydon opened his eyes again, he was back where he began, racing through a field, panic and desperation beating at him, a small hand clasped in his.
TWENTY-SIX
"A loop," Graydon said softly. "How is she doing this?"
Jin's intangible presence brushed against him. "Technique she picked up in the camps. Hard for someone to find the secrets you're hiding when you shred your memories and force them to repeat."
In front of them, they reached the spot where the boy fell, his hand leaving Kira's.
"You need to find the thing she doesn't want you to see," Jin said urgently. "Right now, you're an enemy combatant. She'll dredge up the most painful memory she can find and relive it over and over again."
"Why would she do that?" Graydon asked as the memory spun. Rain poured down, indistinct figures standing at attention holding rifles.
Jin's unease emanated from him. Graydon got the sense this memory was a touchy one.
"Double-edged sword," Jin said, sounding strained. "The Tsavitee don't feel; not like we do. Overwhelm them with emotions they have no reference for, and you have a powerful weapon against them."
"She rattles their cages until they'll do anything to escape," Graydon finished for him.
"If their minds don't burn out first," Jin agreed.
The boy dropped his weapon and was dragged out of formation as the others whispered of their escape plans.
Graydon tried to see the faces of those standing around Kira and failed. Their features were cast in shadow and out of focus.
"That isn't possible." Graydon backed away and moved down the line. None of them had faces.
The uhva na should have pulled complete memories from Kira. You couldn't hide from the Trial of the Broken.
"That's not what you should be focusing on." Jin's flinch was barely perceptible as they finished whipping the boy until his back was raw and bloody before dragging him away.
Graydon stopped in front of Kira. To the unobservant, her expression would seem flat. Uncaring. Not the woman he knew, as she watched a boy beaten in front of her. She'd told him about this memory. About watching a boy whipped until there was barely any skin on his back.
Fire flashed in her eyes, there and gone in an instant.
"There you are," he said.
Hatred burned deep inside her, only to be replaced by something else. Determination.
"What about him?" someone asked.
"There's no choice; we have to leave him. Breaking him out of the isolation cells would take too much time."
Rebellion sparked.
Kira's rifle clattered to the ground as she stepped out of formation, locked on the man who'd had the boy dragged forward. He took in her insubordination, not smart enough to be afraid.
He started to speak. Kira lunged with a primal scream, her smaller body flying at his.
The man's hands raised, the familiar scent of ki saturating the air.
"Tuann," Graydon whispered, horrified at his discovery.
Kira never paused. She was on the man in the next second, the weapon she'd disguised in her hand slashing across his throat.
She landed. Her gaze flickered as she spotted Graydon.
"You see me," he said, starting. She was aware on some level of what was going on. He could use that to call her from her memories.
The world slid sideways, the memory replaced by the flight deck of a ship. Humans jostled Graydon, whistling and hollering at where Kira stood on a cargo container. She held a spoon up to her mouth, singing to the accompaniment of a few humans playing instruments.
Ki
ra's voice washed over him, teasing and sensuous. Her pleasure in the act was obvious, written across her face and carried in every note she sang.
The humans were enthralled, held spellbound as she wove her web. A few held up flashlights or glow sticks, waving them in time to the beat.
Her mother was said to have been able to do that. Luatha had long been known for their artisans. Music and art were a part of their daily lives. Kira's mother had won Roake's heart with her voice. She'd been nearly as treasured as Harding.
Graydon knew if he let himself, he could get lost in her music. Instead, he opened his eyes and forced himself to pull away. It was a distraction, meant to lull him into lowering his guard.
As if on cue, the scene shifted back to the bridge.
Kira limped into view.
Graydon padded after her, a hunter on the prowl. "It's not going to be that easy, coli. What is it that you don't want me to see?"
The barest semblance of defiance flashed across her face.
There she was, Graydon thought with satisfaction. "You can run all you want. I'll still find you."
"Bring me some space dust," Kira said as the scene started to slide sideways.
Graydon held firm, anchoring himself in place with a flex of his will. Not this time.
The dreamscape hiccupped.
"Something is interfering with Whiskey four’s signal," someone shouted.
"Abort, Whiskey one," Kira said. "Elise, get out of there."
"There's something here," Elise argued.
"I don't care what it is. Get on your board and get your ass back here," Kira ordered.
The atmosphere on the bridge shifted, tension ratcheting up.
"Four class three bogeys just appeared on scope," a human said, the voice showing the slightest hint of strain.
Kira looked up. Her expression horrified as the commander’s face tightened.
"They're here to stop the alliance," he said.
Kira nodded. "Sunshine, forget about what's out there. You have new orders. Rendezvous with the fleet and provide support. They'll go for the ambassador's ships."
"Fuck," Elise cursed. "I'm on it. Bayside and Champ, turn and burn. Don't wait for us."
The bridge was controlled chaos as orders were snapped out, then relayed down the line. The ship jolted and quivered under his feet as torpedoes were launched, and the guns came online.
