“The Inquisitor!” Gülcan whispered and dashed to her seat. I didn’t know who had nicknamed our physics teacher thus, but it matched. Mr. Hübner was stern and adamant regarding things like truancy or homework, and he didn’t tolerate any lack of discipline during his lessons, either.
In fact, I appreciated that, because his lessons appeared much more interesting to me than most of the other subjects.
“Johanna, show me your homework.”
I had expected that. It hadn’t been my turn for a while, and from his glance while assigning the task, I had concluded he’d like to see my result. He always picked only a few students, but it wasn’t advisable not to complete homework—somehow he could recognize the culprits and pick them out unerringly. However, he wouldn’t catch me with a missing result—I had solved three the evening before, and the last just before.
I opened my exercise book and turned it to him.
He nodded upon the first three results, then his gaze reached the somewhat spidery last result, and he scrutinized me. “And the approach? How did you reach the result?”
“But it’s not wrong, is it, Mr. Hübner?” I asked cautiously.
“No, but I’d like to know how you calculated it.”
“The one-and-a-half seconds reaction time plus the time that the car needs to decelerate to a halt within the given distance.”
“And which intermediate steps did you use?”
“Intermediate steps? Would I have needed intermediate steps? I can calculate the time directly from initial speed and distance.”
He squinted. “Clever. Okay, this time. But watch out that your cleverness won’t get you in trouble one day.” Then he turned to the next student.
What else should I have said? I simply had calculated the solution in my head, as that’s what we learned all these stupid formulas for. Why should I collect any boring intermediate results first?
But I was a loser, poor, poorly dressed, so I had to be stupid and lazy and copy my results from other students. Prejudiced by fate—why should I blame the Inquisitor for that?
Instead, I’d better focus on the problem at hand. Where should the money for a mobile phone come from? And how should I afford the running cost? There were legal limits for children’s work, and I had reached those. Mama had warned me—if I earned more, the tax authorities would take the money away, as it would be credited against Papa’s dole. I considered that unfair, but I heeded the warning.
Chapter Nine
My work as leaflet and newspaper distributor led me through Wiesbaden’s better neighborhoods several times each week. Here was clearly demonstrated the difference between someone who had made it and a loser like me. Still, I was quite aware of the fact that most of these people couldn’t be blamed for my poverty. They simply had been luckier.
Papa still said, “If you really get down to it, you can make your way.”
Sure, just as he had done—got down to it for years and then canned only because a few rich American investment bankers had messed up their jobs.
I also got down to it and delivered my newspapers. However, this couldn’t earn me a life. It didn’t even allow me to fill the holes in Mama’s household budget.
Mama got down to it and cleaned ten to twelve hours per day. That sufficed for us three to not starve and freeze, but it wasn’t enough for us to eat our fill.
Still, I didn’t begrudge the rich their wealth. What would it help us poor people if there were no rich? For whom would I drop my leaflets into the mail baskets? Who would buy those goods? Where would my Mama clean? Who would bring his clothes to the second hand store or the clothing drive, where we could find cheap stuff? Who would run a discount store for us? Young Johanna was quite able to understand the connections.
That didn’t keep me from claiming my own right for warm clothes, enough food and social interaction with my age group—that is, I wanted my mobile phone.
I wasn’t allowed to vote yet, I wouldn’t be taken seriously as a protester, and talking with my local politician might help my grandchildren, but not me. No, I was totally aware that I had to care for my well-being myself. During the harvest season, I helped myself to an apple here and there. Not all apple trees were well-groomed and regularly harvested. There were many forgotten trees, some of them in my recipients’ gardens. Warm stockings, a warm pullover could be procured, I could buy the scarf out of my income, and for the mobile phone I used my cleverness.
What worked in the large department stores also worked in the residential neighborhoods. During my tours, I observed the residents’ habits for weeks and months. Soon I could tell from the first glance where someone was absent for a few days, even if the neighbor moved the shutters each day. I could also tell where the forgetful people lived, those who left a window open sometimes.
Every few weeks, I gave my district an evening visit while my parents believed I was visiting Gülcan. An open terrace door, an open window, and I was in business. My topmost principle was not to damage anything—neither tangible goods nor memories. Quietly in, quietly out, and I only took cash or natural produce, things that might even not be missed. I learned to move very, very inconspicuously. I never got caught—perhaps because I never took it to extremes. Perhaps because I never struck the same neighborhood again. Perhaps because the damage I caused was never worth bothering the police. What did fifty or ninety Euro mean to these people?
For a seventh-grader, it was a small fortune. No luxury, but the door to a normal life among my classmates.
Chapter Ten
“What do you have there?” Gülcan asked curiously.
Proudly, I presented my brand new, night-black PPP handbag. “From my parents, for my eighteenth birthday.”
“That must have cost a fortune,” my friend observed. “How did they do that?”
“I guess Papa had a job. They’ve scraped everything together. During unwrapping, I felt guilty for a moment—but then I saw how anxiously they had waited to see if I’m really happy. I didn’t want to spoil it for them and me. I really always wanted to have such a bag!”
“Suits you well,” Gülcan said and reached out her arms. “Oh, yes. Happy birthday!”
“Thank you!” I returned the offered hug.
“Heyyyy,” I heard a voice behind me—one of our two Selinas—and at the same time felt a pull at the shoulder strap. “What’s that? Jo and a PPP bag? Where did you steal that?”
I let Gülcan go and turned around while trying to keep hold of the bag, on which the Selina still pulled. “Let go! That’s a present from my parents!”
The Selina didn’t let go. “So—and where did your parents steal it from?”
I remained totally calm. “Don’t say that again.”
My opponent gave me a short angry glance. Then she gave the shoulder strap a firm jerk. Not built for such treatment, one of the loops gave in. Aghast, I briefly stared at my ruined birthday present. As if remotely controlled, my fist moved straight into Selina’s face. I felt a slight crack, heard a cry, she stumbled back, and her nose sprayed red stains.
“Shiiit!” she yelled. Gülcan yelled, too, and I yelled and cried upon my loss. Never before I had owned such a precious gift—and it hadn’t even survived the first day!
My tears quickly dried. I’m a loser, after all, and losers don’t wear designer handbags. Screw it.
Mr. Herbert and Mr. Hübner quickly came running.
“What’s going on here?” Mr. Herbert barked at us.
“She broke my dose,” Selina complained.
“She tore my bag apart,” I dryly returned.
“I’ll call a doctor,” Mr. Hübner decided and gave me a dark glance.
Mr. Herbert took the Selina by the shoulder, gave her a handkerchief and focused on me. “This will have consequences,” he declared grimly.
“Selina started it,” Gülcan tried to help, but Mr. Herbert called her to order with a harsh, “Don’t interfere.”
Then he turned to me. “Johanna, you—you
’re eighteen now, right? You’ve gone too far this time. As you’re now old enough to stand up for your misdoings, so you’ll face the full power of law. Go to the teachers’ room!”
Of course. I’m a loser, so I’m guilty. Nevertheless, I wouldn’t have expected such from Mr. Herbert, and today I absolutely wasn’t in the mood to let myself be bullied. “Mr. Herbert, you’ve just tried to intimidate a witness. I will not allow that.”
“What? How? I?”
“Gülcan.” I glanced at my friend.
“Mr. Herbert, Selina started this. Jo is right, you tried to intimidate me and suppress my testimony, although you’ve taught us that exactly this kind of behavior had severe consequences—for example in southern Italy—and contributed to the success of organized crime.”
“Clever,” Mr. Herbert commented. “Gülcan, you’ll tell us precisely what happened here, and then we’ll see. Johanna, it still doesn’t look well for you.”
No, I knew that myself. Selina’s parents could afford a good lawyer, I couldn’t. And the testimony of a Turkish veggie trader’s daughter wouldn’t help me much. But regardless how it ended, my birthday present was ruined and my birthday spoiled, as was appropriate for a loser.
Chapter Eleven
“Hello, Stef.”
I simply had to take advantage of the situation. He stood alone in front of the teachers’ room, waiting to be called in for his dressing-down. We knew that well. Go in, sit straight and be nice, show them a sheepish downward glance, saying “Yes” to everything, then it’s over soon. Just don’t listen, they’re only annoying. I admired his artfully unkempt red hair tips, but tried not to let him know.
“Hello, Jo.”
“What was it this time?” I asked with a wink.
“Two hours German yesterday. Skipped them.”
I sighed. “Yes, deadly boring. Some protest book. What’s the author telling us? Nothing. The topic is hot, so he made something up, and currently the book sells well. But Herbert is in desperate search for something substantial.”
“And?”
“Nothing and. You pick some intricately muddled sentence and start babbling about the critics on the political system that the author must have hidden inside. Excuse me, Mr. Teacher, I can’t put it as concise and pointed, but he surely refers to the statements that the Minister of the Interior made last year in that talk show.”
Stef marveled. “You’re watching political talk shows? And you remember something someone said a year ago?”
I rolled my eyes. “No, I won’t do that to myself, and I don’t remember, but Herbert doesn’t remember, either. It only has to sound plausible. He praised me, you know?”
Now Stef laughed. “Great, Jo.” Then he glanced at the door. “As it seems, they need more time.”
“Yes.”
He grabbed the opportunity to have a closer look at my cleavage. Luckily, I had picked a blouse today, and I never closed the topmost three buttons. After all, not long ago I had started to grow a decent bust, so I presented it with a certain pride. Above all, I wanted to be noticed by Stef. Hey, I’m becoming a woman!
“Want to see more?” I whispered and immediately noticed the temperature rising in my face.
“What? Yes, gladly!”
We walked a few steps away from the door. Then I opened two more buttons and let him have a glance at my tender curves. “Do you like that?” I asked.
“Oh yes, very much!” He reached out a hand.
I stepped back. “Not here.” Quickly I buttoned my blouse again. Stef was on the hook, and that was important to me. I wanted to belong!
Chapter Twelve
Stef had a new e-bike and proudly drove onto the school court. Instantly, a crowd of students formed around him. I simply pushed my way forward. “Hello, Stef.”
He smiled at me. “Hello, Jo. Want to ride with me?”
“Sure.” Without hesitation, I swung one leg on the other side and moved close to him on the saddle. Stef was vulnerable to cuddly girls, above all those who didn’t act bitchy.
“Where to?”
I briefly thought about it. “Neroberg?”
“Fine.”
My jeans and tee shirt couldn’t buffer the head wind, and I didn’t own a helmet, but I didn’t care. I trusted Stef not to drop me. Perhaps that was careless—after all, he didn’t have much experience—but what were you young for? You couldn’t win a race on an e-bike anyway, at least not until you knew how to undo the restrictions.
Stef didn’t know that yet. Unhurriedly, he transported me to Wiesbaden’s city hill.
“What would be next, actually?” he asked while removing his helmet.
“Bio.”
His wide grin made him look truly magnificent. “That fits.”
“How do you mean that?”
He placed his bike on its rest, locked the helmet away and took me in his arms. Instantly, warm shudders ran across my body. Instinctively, I wrapped both arms around his neck, closed my eyes and offered him my half-open lips. Next, he would kiss me, and then fireworks would explode in my head and take me to seventh heaven—well. Indeed he kissed me, that is, he pressed his lips on mine and then tried to reach my neck with his tongue, while his hands tried to be on my breasts and my buttocks at the same time.
I continued to hold him tight, hoping the fairytale effect would come with a little delay, but when he finally let me go, I felt breathless, mainly for purely technical reasons.
“Good, wasn’t it?” He beamed. “Let’s look for a quiet place.”
I looked around. From our place at the side of the parking lot there was no one to see. It was very quiet. But why not? We only had to walk a few steps into the forest to find a truly remote place.
“Please show me your tits again,” Stef demanded.
Would that help? I wanted to have him as my main squeeze, go steady with him, publicly, before the other girls. I was late anyway with regard to boys, smooching and sex, as late as my body. So I pulled up my tee shirt and let my apples dance.
His fingers were back in an instant and began with circling, massaging moves. Not entirely unpleasant, but somehow, it still didn’t feel right. At the same time, his mouth approached mine again. The second kiss felt better, perhaps because his attention was focused more on his hands than on his tongue. In my opinion, we were on the right path. So I didn’t object when his right hand left my breast area and wandered downward, until he tried to push it between skin and waistband.
“Don’t,” I asked him. “You’ll wear it out.”
“Okay, then I’ll open it first.” Very pragmatically he found the button, then the zipper, and then his path was free. After he had reached my butt crack without protest, it didn’t take long before his fingers dug through my pubic hair. Yes—and then there suddenly was this promising tingle that let me long for more! I moaned.
Next I noticed Stef’s hands were gone. They came right back, at my hips, felt around—and with a determined jerk he pulled pants and panties down to my ankles. Theoretically, I should have protested now, but I was simply hot. So I squatted down and tore the shoes off my feet, so that I could free my feet of these bonds. Stef only watched me as if he’d never seen a naked woman. I, on the other hand, knew instinctively what I needed now, and that was only one belt, one button and one zipper away. There his cock jumped up toward me!
I had already seen boys without pants, with shriveled little things. I had also seen a picture of a hard-on, but I never had seen one in real life right at my nose. I simply had to grab a hold.
Stef liked that, so I began to rub his penis. I remembered having heard something about blowing—and I knew, too, that it wasn’t about firmly breathing out, but about sucking. Moreover I had heard from other girls boys were too fast the first time. Well, if I want to have my fun, I have to help. So I took all my bravery and his cock into my mouth. Stef moaned happily and grabbed hold of my dark ponytail. It’s like sucking a thumb, I told myself, no deal.
With sucking a
thumb, you didn’t suddenly have your mouth full of a slimy juice that moreover didn’t taste good. Okay, at home we often ate gruel, so I could bear and bravely swallow it.
So, my dear. You had your fun, now it’s my turn. Don’t flake out! Before he had a chance to shrink, I was sucking at his boner again.
“Jo!” Stef moaned. “Oh my god!”
Thanks for the flowers, but I’m a mortal. I continued to suck until Stef felt firm and hard again. Just in time, I remembered that I had invested in a condom a while ago. I dug it out of the pocket of my jeans, which still lay next to me, and unrolled it over Stef’s hard member, as if I had practiced it before. Then I rose and bent forward—I had seen that on a picture before, too. “Do it!”
Stef did it. He penetrated me so firmly and so quickly that I hardly noticed losing my virginity. You could say that it really went smooth. It felt good. I enjoyed it. I came.
I came with a loud cry. Crap, that was good!
“That was insane!” Stef moaned and slid out of me. I straightened myself, enjoyed the dirty-sloppy feeling between my legs—in bright daylight in the public, that felt Dragon hot—and wrapped my arms around him again. Did he enjoy the feeling of a naked woman at his neck? A naked, hot woman!
Chapter Thirteen
The next day I dressed in the prettiest clothes I had—my newest pale jeans and a pink loose-fit blouse that wasn’t entirely opaque, then my Chucks—and all the way to the school I walked like on clouds. Stef, my dream prince, my knight with the strong lance on his red e-bike. The bike already stood in the parking lot. Only past this bush, and I’d see him again!
I saw him again and stopped as if run into a wall.
He stood in front of the school entrance and held the blonde Selina in his arms. When she saw me coming, she interrupted her sheep-eyeing and gave me a cheeky grin. Stef grinned as well and whispered something into her ear while rocking his pelvis back and forth. Selina laughed out loud and evilly.
Loser Page 3
