—Mister Davidoff yes do you know where . . .
—Oh isn’t he yes I do think he rather revels in it, if you could have seen him this morning in the company suite making tales up faster than Scheherazade before they pranced off to court all baying after him like jackals about your J R person’s court appearance today in this business squabble, of course they’re merely whetting their carrion appetites for his squalid paternity suit I’m not one to point a finger you know, but I must say the vision of that Virginia person’s bulk wallowing unsheathed on a desktop does add a rather unsavory dimension to our little family of comp . . .
—Yes well I’m sorry Mister Brisboy I can’t really . . .
—But there’s no earthly reason you should Mister Bast your cold sounds perfectly ghastly and they are such bullies, whining about rude responses to their prying phone calls why I’ve talked with your Grynszpan person he sounds terribly gracious and I’ve had no difficulty at all finding the place we’re right in this quaint doorway aren’t we? I’d just rushed up to my analyst after this excruciating call from Mother so near your amusing neighborhood here I thought I’d run up for a chat . . .
—No what I meant was I’ve been away I don’t really know all the de . . .
—Oh your trip yes of course I simply can’t wait to hear every chilling detail, that hilarious story in the paper about the drunken brewer chasing you among the vats with a gun how fortunate the eye came through quite unscathed didn’t it, simply all that rather bilious discoloration thank heaven they got your good profile in that splendid picture in Indian attire I do so love pageantry, of course I sent it right off to Mother to reassure her after all these gloomy items in the paper when your stock stopped trading at four your Crawley person’s simply gaga over the whole thing isn’t he of course they say the poor man’s going under what a cutting wind! It does look so cozy in there I wonder if . . .
—No well I think we, I just sent someone to look for the driver I think he . . .
—That urchin yes he’s coming with him now of course you know I don’t approve your going at all you must be running a frightful fever but I know the courts cannot abide tardiness Mister Bast you must promise me one thing, you must not simply not permit yourself to fall victim to misguided loyalties you know I wouldn’t dream of sowing dissension but I simply must say your J R person does begin to sound rather un . . .
—Yes well we, driver? I think we’d bet . . .
—Just a second hey let me get my . . .
—of the confidence Mother and I have in you to mercy one just crept in beside you . . .
—Yes well it’s all driver we’d better leave goodbye . . .
—your own work I know you’ve had so little time but . . . waiting breathlessly to hear . . . only living soul I know with something worth doing . . .
—Hey holy . . .
—about the concert grand . . .? of a charming Chambolle-Musigny you’ll adore . . . care of yourself . . .
—Hey look he’s going to get run over if he runs along by us like that holy . . .
—found this delicious new Czech recording of the Kindertotenlieder . . .
—Yes goodbye, goodbye . . .
—to know you’re all we have left au voir au voir . . .
—No but who was that suppose to be hey.
—Just be quiet for a minute.
—Sure okay but I mean who was . . .
—Nobody! it, wasn’t supposed to be anybody . . .
—Okay I mean you don’t need to get mad hey you know what took me so long back there? This here tremendous truck that had us blocked in you know what it was hey what’s the matter your eye still hurts?
—Yes.
—Anyways what it was it was this whole shipment of these here ten thousand gross plastic flowers we got at this dock auction from Hong Kong so cheap because the colors were all screwed up you know?
—No.
—Like all these here red daffodils and blue roses and all see these here Chinamen which made them like they had pictures of the shape and all only they don’t have them real down at China like here so they just made up all these here dumb colors, I mean I heard this dopey truck-driver he’s yelling about all this plastic crap in his truck from Hong Kong I thought it’s these here sweaters we sent over there to make them for Eagle I mean didn’t they even come yet? And I mean it’s both suppose to go up to Union Falls anyways like what’s he doing yelling around that dump about J R Corp this address, this here big delivery at J R Corp this address what’s he . . .
—You wanted a low-cost operation didn’t you!
—Sure but holy, I mean, I mean holy . . .
—Sixty-one forty a month what did you expect for sixty-one forty! what do you think I’ve been . . .
—No but, no but I mean holy, I mean that was it this here whole world headquarters? that, that dump . . .?
—Well how do you think we . . .
—No but, no . . .
—Down Park sir?
—Down Park down anything driver it doesn’t . . .
—No but wait hey Bast we’re not going back now are we how come you . . .
—Because it’s the only way I can get a ride home that’s why, because I’ve . . .
—No but we only . . .
—Because I’ve got exactly thirty-seven cents that’s why! because I’ve got to get rid of these clothes because I’ve got a cold and a fever and my head’s splitting that’s why! Because I haven’t slept I haven’t eaten since that box give it to me, that white box . . .
—No but . . .
—Take the other one eat it go ahead open it eat it it’s your, one of your forty-eight cent tax dollar box lunches your neat guy Davidoff got for this so-called what made you do this anyhow, now today what made you do it!
—It just, it seemed like a good idea . . .
—Well it wasn’t it wasn’t a good idea, of all the . . .
—I wanted to see it! I, I just, wanted . . .
—All right don’t, here get your foot down have you got a handkerchief?
—Sure just, just a second . . .
—No you, use it. Stop sniffling and use it.
—I just, always, I mean I always thought this is what it will be like you and, and me riding in this here big limousine down, down this, this here big street . . .
—Well we, we are, here . . .
—No I, I mean like we . . .
—I know what you mean here, eat your sandwich.
—But, okay . . . hey?
—What.
—Right there that big white place, what is it . . .
—A club an embassy 1 don’t know, why.
—I just always thought we’d, we’d, nothing. You want your pickle?
—No.
—Like I’ll trade it for half my . . .
—Just take it!
—Okay I mean you don’t have to get mad about it, I just . . .
—I’m not mad about it about a damn pickle haven’t you heard anything I’ve said? Don’t you know where I’ve been what’s going on out there haven’t you seen the . . .
—Like that’s what I’m trying to find out only you keep interrupting, I mean this here whole big thing where you’re dressed up in this neat Indian wait a second it’s under here . . .
—Look that’s yesterday’s paper I mean what just hap . . .
—No but I mean all this expense we went to and all and this old chief giving you this here pipe he looks like he’s wearing this cheap kid’s Indian suit with these crumby chicken feathers sticking up and like who’s this old fart standing back here looks like a . . .
—That’s Senator Milliken and those are crumby chicken feathers, when I got up in this fancy dress Davidoff rented for three hundred dollars Charley Yellow Brook’s father showed up for the picture in smelly jeans and that idiot with the appliances said he didn’t look like a real Indian, he sent that stupid kid of his to the dime store and that’s what he brought back size eight that’s what star
ted things off . . .
—I know it tells about it in this here neat story, echoing to the dip of paddles the hum of arrows and the legendary cry Howee! the dramatic reenactment of history unfolding here today promises to rekindle tribal hopes and loyalties smoldering from bygone times like the coals of some forgotten campf . . .
—Look this here neat story was written before anything happened like that picture, it was taken before they’d been pushed too far and exploded can’t you understand that? It’s a press release your neat guy Davidoff wrote from the script what he wanted to happen not what really happened, it was handed out the night before to get it in the papers the same day the . . .
—No but what do you mean exploded like they couldn’t even do it? I mean we have to go spend all this here money learning them how to row these canoes and shoot off these here bow and arrows like they can’t hardly do anything for theirself? Like we’re trying to help them out to like rekindle this here tribal spirit and defend their hunting grounds and all only they’re so dumb they don’t even know their own history so then we have to go pay this here topflight writer to fix them up with one so they can have this here dram . . .
—He did that all right he rekindled their tribal spirit that’s what I’m telling you, when they read it when they read about the rapes and famines their forefathers forced off their treaty reservation marching a thousand miles barefoot in the middle of winter to the one they’re on now the hum of arrows I wished Davidoff was there to hear them, these stoves and washing machines and the rest of that junk pieces of it spread all over the . . .
—No but wait hey wait hey wait a second holy, I mean like that inventory was worth like holy shit I mean one washing machine retails at a hundred nine, ninety-sev, they couldn’t of I mean they, they couldn’t of . . .
—Well they did nobody ever thought of finding out if . . .
—No but wait a second I mean, I mean just because they get mad about these here forefeathers marching around in the snow in these here bygone times so they go wreck up this whole tremendous gift which we’re trying to help them out like what did we ever do to them! I mean no wait a second like it says down here look, forging this here human betterment wait a second here, cause of human betterment to forge a two edge sword severing past from future at one fell swoop in the un un, unprecedented gift of a full range of modern electrical appliances from the Endo subsider, sidiary of the worldwide J R Cor . . .
—That’s the point they don’t have electricity! Nobody ev . . .
—What?
—Electricity they don’t have electricity! these Indians the reservation there’s no electricity nobody ever thought of finding out if . . .
—How can’t they have electricity I mean everybody’s got electricity, I mean you just turn on the . . .
—That’s what that Hyde idiot that Mister Hyde you sent out with your appliances that’s what he thought, the little talk he wrote bringing them civilization he even sent you a copy in this mess somewhere do you want to read it? Markets production lines what America’s all about till they came after him with . . .
—No but, no but wait a second was he . . .
—He was out there waving a hair dryer at them shouting come and get me they did too when that awful kid of his started . . .
—No but wait Bast wait wait was that wasn’t this same Mister Hyde that’s holy, this kid was he . . .
—Up there with his knives and coils of rope blowing the Call to the Colors on his bugle he would have been scalped if he’d had enough hair to . . .
—No but I, not this same kid I, this same Mister Hyde at the school? How could . . .
—Well you hired him didn’t you?
—No I mean, like I mean how did I know that’s where he works I thought . . .
—This kid of his you knew he was going didn’t you? he’s a friend of yours isn’t he?
—No but, no I mean he just said he’s getting this special permission to go on this here very important trip with his father so he’ll write this here essay what America has to protect and all where, but what happened where . . .
—Somebody finally got him with a shovel they’re holding his father till you give them this thirty million dol . . .
—Dollars? thirty million dollars for him? I mean what do they think we . . .
—The thirty million you already agreed on for this twenty year lease they want it now in cash, Charley Yellow Brook drove me to the bus in that smashed up Cadillac they . . .
—No but wait a second I mean we already agreed we’ll give them it in these royalties out of earnings I mean why should they get it off us now before we even get to . . .
—Because this here neat history you fixed them up with, it got them so upset about that thousand mile winter hike they’re afraid the government will send them back to that original treaty reservation and put this one up for sale they want the money to buy it that’s all, just give them the money and . . .
—What do you mean just give them the money! this old man Hyde you think he’s worth like thirty mil . . .
—I don’t think he’s worth a nickel no! but if they have to buy something that’s already theirs you’ve got what you wanted haven’t you? these leases? You’ve already agreed to thirty mil . . .
—No but that’s different than like getting it all at once . . .
—Where do you ever get it borrow it, that’s all you ever talk about building these here assets so you can borrow another three five ten what’s the difference it’s just numbers isn’t it? Just numbers on paper half the time you don’t even know where the dot goes you don’t even . . .
—No but you didn’t already tell them we’ll do it did you? I mean like give them this here whole lump thirty mil . . .
—Of course I did, Charley Yellow Brook yes I gave him my word we’d . . .
—No but look hey . . .
—Look hey nothing all you’ve done from the start is whine about what I don’t do I don’t take an interest don’t take responsibility well this time I have, I gave him my word I expect to live up to . . .
—No but anyways that’s okay you don’t have to live up to anything see because you didn’t have this here arthurization to . . .
—Why didn’t I have it I’m supposed to be executive officer of this whole, this whole mess nobody has to give me authority to . . .
—No but see that’s the thing you’re not.
—What do you mean I’m not that’s all you’ve been . . .
—Because you got fired that’s what I been waiting to tell you, I mean after how you loused up everything like I mean I try to fix everything up for you and I mean if it’s just you you’re lousing up but like you go lousing up everything for everybody what do you . . .
—Stop no stop of all the, get your foot down what do you mean, you’ve been waiting to tell me you fired me while I was gone? Waiting to see if your Indian deal worked out now you think I loused everything up so you decide I was fired before I ever went out there so you won’t have to part with this thirty mil look don’t start getting out these torn up newspapers I don’t want to see them just tell me, is that it?
—No wait a second see it’s not even . . .
—I mean don’t misunderstand me being fired nothing could be better nothing could make me happier, this helping you out again just this once if I’d never . . .
—No but it wasn’t me Bast I didn’t fire you they did, you . . .
—It’s never you it’s always they who’s they, if you’d . . .
—These here lenders that got pissed off when you sold your stock and screwed up everything that’s what I’m trying to tell you, these here banks and . . .
—What do you mean when I sold my stock, all I . . .
—I mean boy you can even ask Nonny if there’s this one thing I always said it’s to keep this here whole thing exactly legal and I mean with all these here option terms and bylaws and all if there’s this here one thing I thought you wouldn’t do it’s th
at, I mean after I go fix everything up so you don’t get screwed by these income taxes and you go sell it off so it’s taxed like this here straight salary I was saving you from? Like this here suit says you sold at eleven and a half that’s like fifty-seven thousand five hundred I mean that’s over fifty-four thousand dollars, that’s this fifty-three percent rate that’s like they’re taking like twenty-seven thousand just the government that’s not even the state which they’re these real shits boy and I mean that’s not even . . .
—Wait the only thing you’ve said I ever heard of is this salary you’ve been saving me from that’s the whole . . .
—No but that’s not even counting all this legal stuff too, I mean like they’re always saying this here friend in need is this friend indeed boy I must be this real big friend then I . . .
—It doesn’t mean that it doesn’t mean the one who’s in need, it means the friend who comes to help the one who’s in . . .
—I know boy I mean you’ve like got this whole fifty-seven thousand dollars and boy am I in nee . . .
—No now stop look, listen what makes you think I just told you didn’t I? I’ve got thirty-seven cents? What makes you think I sold my stock I just used it to borrow some money, this salary you’ve been saving me from what did you expect me to do I had about four dollars it’s the one thing your neat guy Davidoff’s ever done that made sense, he worked out something with Mister Crawley so I could . . .
—No but okay what’s the difference, I mean you go sell off your stock for like fifty-seven thousand dollars or you give it to this bank someplace for collateral and loan this here fifty-seven thousand dollars off them then they go sell it for fifty-seven thousand dollars, I mean you still got this here fifty-seven thou . . .
—I don’t have it! I never had it listen . . .
—And I mean this whole option thing like when I fixed it up to help you out so instead you’re yelling at me on the phone where were you suppose to get this fifty thousand dollars so you could like exercise it so now you . . .
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