He turned and gave her a quelling look, then tossed her ballgown in her direction. ‘I will be the judge of that. Now, cover yourself before Jenks gets here.’
She nodded, eyes wide.
Before she could offer any useless platitudes, he said, ‘I have no idea why I let you talk me into throwing a ball.’
‘You cannot blame—’ she said.
‘You?’ he asked.
‘A curse,’ she corrected.
‘When what has happened before happened again, in just the same way?’
‘We do not know that,’ she said. ‘We only know that it was a carriage accident.’
‘That happened to the guests of honour,’ he replied.
‘A coincidence. Nothing more than that,’ she said.
‘How glib of you to say such a thing when it is my brother’s life that may hang in the balance.’
It was some comfort to know that he cared deeply for his brother, even if he was unable to show it, for he was truly distraught, his hands shaking as he slipped into his coat. ‘I will go and see to him. You—’ he pointed a dire finger in her direction ‘—go back to your room.’
Perhaps it was the pregnancy that made her moody. Or perhaps it was because his fit of temper had come so soon after a night of compliments and lovemaking. His sudden anger hurt more deeply than anything he had said to her. But she might push him into another attack if she gave way to her emotions now. So she took a calming breath and said, ‘Send word when you know the truth of the matter’, gathered her clothes and returned to her room to cry in private.
Chapter Twenty-One
It had been too good to last.
Nearly two months had gone by without a single disaster he could attribute to the family curse and no sign of a nervous attack. He’d truly begun to believe that Emma had been set free.
But now he was struggling through the worst spell in ages and could not afford the luxury of a collapse. Jenks, the valet, argued, just as his wife had, that he was in no condition to go out and that he must let the servants deal with whatever had happened.
Robert shrugged off the man’s concern, trying to ignore his racing heart. He needed deep breaths and brandy. Brandy, at least, since he could not manage the other for himself without the help of a sedative. He demanded a drink, refusing the laudanum that Jenks offered to go with it, and felt steady enough to go down the stairs and out to the stables.
The walk gave him a chance to find some composure. He was probably overwrought for nothing. It did not seem fair that his brother, who had survived the worst Napoleon could give him, might be ended by accident a few miles from home.
But then he remembered there was nothing fair or rational about the Gascoyne luck. The thought hit him so hard that he pitched out of his saddle when he tried to mount his horse.
The grooms persuaded him that it would be more useful and perhaps safer for him if he took a dray. But it was nearing dawn by the time Robert was able to get the wagon harnessed and proceed to the site of the accident.
* * *
By the time he arrived, the injured had been ferried back to Jack’s home for care. He was assured that these consisted of a coachman with a dislocated shoulder and a tiger with a bump on the head. Mrs Gascoyne was shaken, but unhurt, as was the Major. The carriage itself had broken an axle and was tilting wildly into the ditch. The horses had been unharnessed and led away, uninjured.
It was not, perhaps, as dire as it first sounded. But he would not know until he had seen Jack for himself. So, for the first time in his life, he sent the servants home with the dray and walked the few miles to his brother’s house to discover the truth.
The home was large, clean and modern, one of many new manors that had been built in the area in the last decade from land that had once belonged to the Gascoyne family. When he arrived, the servants were already up, but his brother and wife were still in bed, recovering from the harrowing ride home.
Since the butler refused to wake Jack, Robert took a seat in the library and announced he would wait as long as necessary, until he had been assured of his brother’s health. He requested a bottle of brandy and to be left to his own devices until such time as the Major woke.
Only then did he allow himself to fall apart. He gritted his teeth and pressed a numb hand over his chest, for it sometimes felt that he needed to hold his heart in place to keep it from beating its way out of his ribs. Logic told him he would not really die, only because he never had before.
Perhaps, this time, he might. Jack would come down to find him cold and stiff with no explanation of why he had come here in the first place. It was a shame. They were doing better, the two of them. But there was still much he had not said that his little brother deserved to hear.
For a moment, he succumbed to despair and the terror washed over him, blotting out common sense, leaving nothing but the conviction that this was to be the end for him. He had left Emma with words of anger that he could never retract, blaming her for his own weakness and his dread of what was happening right now. He had lived as a coward and now, he would die as one. He closed his eyes and waited for the end.
But eventually, just as the feelings always had, they began to ease. The clock on the mantel said it had been less than a half an hour since he’d sat down, but it had felt like an eternity and he was left drained, barely able to lift the glass that his brother’s butler had left for him. He closed his eyes and spent the next hours in an uneasy sleep, waiting for Jack.
* * *
It was nearly noon when that man made an appearance, tired, but otherwise no worse for wear. He took one look at Robert, stretched out in a chair by the fire, and yawned. ‘What the devil are you doing here?’
‘I came to see if you had survived the crash,’ he replied, feeling somewhat embarrassed in the full light of day.
‘How dramatic of you,’ Jack replied, laughing. Then his expression changed. ‘From the tone you use, I could almost believe you are serious.’
‘I am completely serious. Are you wounded in any way?’ he said. It was still possible for even the smallest scratch to turn septic and what a cruel joke that would be.
‘Certainly not,’ Jack said, with a huff. ‘I am a bit bruised from trying to help unhitch a frightened horse. But I do not mean to drop my breeches and show you where I was kicked.’
‘The last ball that was held in that ballroom ended in the deaths of the couple it was held for,’ Robert informed him.
‘And you thought history was going to repeat itself?’ Jack said, with a look far more sceptical than any that Emma had given him.
‘The thought had occurred to me,’ Robert replied.
‘Well, it did not. I am fine. And since you have not yet asked, Lucy was totally undamaged by the accident as well.’
‘Of course,’ Robert said hurriedly. Then added, ‘But Lucy is your responsibility, not mine.’
‘You speak as if you have a responsibility for me,’ he said, with another laugh. Then he looked at him, surprised. ‘That is what you think, isn’t it?’
‘Our father’s last words to me were that I take care of you,’ he said with an embarrassed shrug. And he had failed dismally at it.
‘That was when I was a boy of seven,’ Jack replied. ‘But I have not needed a guardian for a very long time and I have not listened to one for even longer than that.’
‘I am well aware of the second fact, at least,’ Robert said, trying not to smile.
‘Then perhaps you will stop trying to manage me,’ Jack said, his voice gentle. ‘Whatever happens to me is my choice, my fate alone. If you stop trying to take responsibility for it, we will both be better off.’
‘You make that sound simpler than it is,’ Robert replied, thinking of the morning he’d had.
‘It will be easier, now that you have a wife,’ Jack assured him. ‘And soon you will have a family
, as well.’
‘What?’
His brother gave him a knowing smile. ‘Lucy and I have not yet been blessed. But the gossip about the ballroom last night said that I should not be too secure in my inheritance, since you might have a son in a few months.’
‘Then the gossip was mistaken,’ he said. ‘It was likely my mother-in-law who spread the rumours. And she is...premature in her hopes for us.’ It was a far more charitable way to describe her than totally wrong.
‘Hmmm,’ Jack replied, obviously surprised with the dark look that Robert was giving him at what should have been good news. ‘Too bad. But there is all the time in the world for that, isn’t there?’
‘Not for Beth, there wasn’t,’ Robert snapped.
‘Next time, it will be different,’ Jack assured him, with a confidence that showed how little he understood.
‘I hope so.’ It would be different, but only if he kept it from happening at all.
‘And now, you should be going home,’ his brother reminded him. ‘We are all fine here and you have a wife who is probably waiting for that news. Tell her the ball was a great success, to keep her shoes on her feet and the windows closed against stray birds.’
‘I will relay the message,’ Robert said. Then he stood and walked towards the door.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Emma had slept barely at all that night for worrying about both her husband and the Major and Lucy. The servants had returned with the wagon after several hours and assured her that no one had been seriously hurt in the accident. It certainly was not the dire disaster that Robert had feared when he left.
But if that was true, why had he not returned home? When he had left the bedroom, it had been clear that he was about to have another spell. He had been in no condition to travel anywhere, much less ride off to rescue someone else. Suppose something had happened to him on the road that the servants were not aware of?
She was near to sending a party of footmen to search for him when she heard him coming in the front door of the manor. As she reached the head of the stairs, she saw him offer his greatcoat to the butler and walk down the hall to his study without bothering to look in her direction.
She hurried down the stairs and ran after him, following him into the room and closing the door behind them. ‘Where have you been?’
He turned to her, and she saw lines of fatigue etched deep on his face. ‘I did not think I needed your approval to visit with my brother.’
‘Of course not,’ she said, coming towards him. His shoulders slumped in exhaustion and she suspected he had had an attack at some point during the night, but she doubted he would want to discuss it. ‘Was Jack all right? The servants said the accident was not severe.’
‘He was well,’ Robert said, ‘As was his wife. Everything was fine.’ But strangely, he did not seem happy with the fact.
‘Then you admit that there was no reason to be as worried as you were when you left the house yesterday,’ she prompted.
‘My brother said much the same thing.’ He sounded almost puzzled by the fact.
‘You take too much upon yourself,’ she said, linking her arm in his. ‘I understand the need to assure yourself of Jack’s safety. But you must trust that some things will work out for the best, if you just leave them alone,’ she said.
‘Perhaps,’ he allowed.
‘Then you admit that having a ball did not cause the accident?’ she said.
‘I am still not sure we should have done it,’ he said.
‘I am sorry,’ she whispered. Some naive part of her was waiting for the old assurance that she had nothing to be sorry for, but it did not come. Apparently, the confidence of the previous evening had disappeared and they were slipping backwards into doubt and superstition. ‘Perhaps it did not end as we wished it to. But yesterday, you said that the gathering itself was a success.’
‘I thought so at the time,’ he said. ‘But apparently, your mother, who you allow to interfere in every element of our lives, was telling all and sundry at the ball last night that you are increasing. I had to correct my brother on the subject, but God only knows what the rest of the guests must believe.’
Everyone knew. Everyone but her husband, who still believed that they would be childless, willing to ignore the evidence, simply because he wanted it to be so.
Now he had noted her silence. ‘There is no truth in it, is there?’
He was waiting for her denial. When it did not come, he turned to her and laid his hand gently on her stomach. ‘You are with child?’ The exhaustion in his face changed to shock.
‘There was always a risk that it would happen,’ she said. ‘When we do the things we have been doing, it is not quite inevitable, but it is close to that.’
‘But I have been so careful,’ he said, shaking his head in confusion.
‘Not the first time,’ she reminded him. ‘And do not lay this on the bad luck of the Gascoynes.’
It was clear by the look on his face that it was exactly what he’d been thinking.
‘Do not dare call the birth of our first child a curse,’ she said, almost shaking with anger. ‘It is a blessing.’
‘You know why I am upset,’ he said, his voice taking on the cold rational tone he used to quell opposition.
‘Because you think it means I will die?’ She laughed. ‘It is surprising that you care. I am sure your life would be much easier without me here to push you into doing things that you regret.’
‘But that does not mean that I want you to die,’ he responded, horrified.
‘Then I won’t,’ she replied. ‘There is no reason to believe I will, other than some names written in a book.’
‘You are speaking of generations of my family history,’ he snapped.
‘History is in the past,’ she reminded him. ‘The future is what we make for ourselves. And I tell you, with my health and stamina, there is no reason I should not survive this, along with the child.’
‘You have been sick already,’ he countered, probably remembering how she had been after dancing that day in the ballroom.
‘Those symptoms have already subsided,’ she said. ‘They happen early in the process and that time has passed for me.’
‘It has been that long,’ he said, amazed. ‘Then there is nothing to be done but to try to keep you safe for the duration of the pregnancy.’
She smiled, relieved that they were coming to an understanding.
‘You must leave immediately,’ he concluded, pacing the room as he made his plans.
‘You are sending me away?’ she said, shocked.
‘It is not safe for you to be at Gascoyne Manor,’ he replied, as if this made any sense at all. ‘Or perhaps it is not safe for you to be near me.’ His breathing was quickening as he spoke, becoming shallow and uneven.
‘You are speaking of your foolish curse again,’ she said, shaking her head.
‘A foolish belief that has held true for five generations of wives,’ he said.
‘All the more reason that we will have no trouble. No one’s bad luck holds indefinitely,’ she said. ‘And even you admitted that things have been going well for you since our marriage.’
‘Until today,’ he replied. ‘Our happiness was too good to last for long. Today signals a turn back to the way things have always been for me. And I will not let my bad luck endanger you.’
‘Then we will survive it together,’ she said, trying another tack. ‘If your luck truly is bad, surely it will be better if I am here to console you.’
‘It is no consolation at all if I have you and happiness for a few months, only to lose you,’ he said. ‘I ignored my grandfather when he warned me what would happen to Elizabeth. But when she was in labour and most needed me to be strong for her, I had an attack and was a distraction instead of a help. Perhaps, if I had listened to him and sent her
away, she would be alive today. I will not make that mistake again.’
‘Your grandfather,’ she said, scoffing. ‘You have told me that you did not live with the man as you grew up.’
‘I was not the one he kept,’ Robert said, as if it still bothered him.
‘Then you do not really know the man, do you?’ she reminded him.
‘And you did not meet him at all,’ Robert reminded her.
‘But I read his journals,’ she said. ‘And you have not.’
‘I saw no need,’ he said flatly.
‘Then you do not really know who the man was that taught you to believe in a curse,’ she said softly. ‘Read them. You will understand that you have nothing to fear.’
‘Nothing to fear?’ He laughed bitterly. ‘I have already seen what awaits me. Two graves and an empty place in both hearth and heart. I cannot... I will not go through that again.’
She went to him, then, reaching out a hand to comfort him.
But instead of accepting it, he shrugged it off and turned from her, refusing to meet her gaze. ‘Perhaps you are right and all will be well with the birth. But you do not need me to help you through it. Since your mother always has a plan for you, let her figure this out. Pack your things and go back to her.’
‘I cannot,’ she said, feeling her new life collapsing around her. ‘No matter what happens, I belong here with you.’
‘You should have thought of that before you hid this child from me,’ he said. ‘I told you before the wedding that there would be no intimacy between us.’
‘Do not blame me for a lie you told yourself,’ she said, feeling her throat tighten with unshed tears.
‘I agreed to marry you. I did not agree to anything else. That includes keeping you under my roof when it is clear that I cannot trust you to tell me the truth. Nor can I guarantee your safety, if you remain here. It is for the best if you go back to your parents’ house for the duration of the pregnancy.’
Vows to Save Her Reputation Page 19
