by Elicia Hyder
She smiled.
After another few moments of reflection, he squeezed her thighs gently. “I love you. And, I trust you,” he said. “Dave was a really big part of your life for a very long time. I know you still think about him, and I know you have a lot of regrets about how you left things.” He noticed the surprise in her face. He traced his thumb across her lips. “But I also know you love me and you respect me.”
She nodded. “I do, Marcus.”
He smiled. “Can I tell you something that I’ve never told you?”
She raised an eyebrow.
“Dave is kind of the reason that you and I got together,” he said.
She laughed. “What?”
“Before he left again after boot camp, he showed up at my house. He told me that you guys had a big fight and that he had to walk away for a while. He made me promise to take care of you.” He smiled up at her. “I hope I’ve done a good job of it.”
His wife wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him close. She kissed his neck and pulled away laughing. There were tears in her eyes. “You’ve saved my ass more times than I can count!”
He laughed. “Yeah, maybe once or twice.” He leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers. “I think you should write him back.”
“Really?”
He nodded. “Yeah. I’m serious. He was my best friend too, you know? I would kind of like to know where the hell he’s been for the last five years.” Marcus paused. “And Dave’s a good guy. He won’t cross any lines.”
Her shoulders relaxed. “OK,” she agreed, running her hands over his chest. When her fingers touched the buttons of his shirt, her lips spread into a thin smile. She freed one button and then another. She pulled him close and let her lips brush against his as she spoke. “But not right now.”
· · ·
After dinner that evening, Journey settled into the chair in front of the computer. She pulled up the email from David again. She felt better about the whole thing after discussing it with Marcus. His confidence, understanding, and love for her never ceased to be surprising. She read David’s words again before clicking on the ‘Reply’ button.
David,
I got your email this morning, and to be honest, I’ve been in so much shock that it has taken me all day to try and respond. I have so many questions and so much I would love to tell you. How on earth are you? Where have you been? I tried for years to find you after you left, mostly to tell you I’m sorry for the way I acted. I was a horrible friend, and I will always regret how I treated you and disregarded our friendship. I hope you can forgive me.
Yes, I married Marcus! We got married about a year ago, and we have a little girl that is eight months old. Her name is Genesis, but we call her Genna. She’s bald and chunky and the cutest baby you’ve ever seen. I will attach a picture for you to see. Marcus is now a detective at the police department. I wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t wind up as the Police Chief. Everyone here loves him so much.
Marcus really saved me when my life spun out of control. To make a long story very short, Steven was put in prison for manslaughter, and I went to rehab in Tennessee near Elena. I started in college in Tennessee and maybe someday I will finish. Haha. Having a baby and becoming a wife sort of put that on hold for a while. Anyway, life is great, and we are really happy. Marcus said to be sure to tell you hello from him.
How is your life? I wrote letters to your parents’ old address hoping they would be forwarded to wherever they moved, but they were always returned back to me with no forwarding address. I always wonder where you are and, mostly, how you are. I’m really glad you found me again, and I hope to hear from you soon. If you're ever in Georgia, I hope you visit.
-Journey
Journey pressed send on the email and let out a sigh of relief. Before turning off the computer, she logged onto EBay and checked on the tactical boots for Marcus. The auction was over, and she had lost.
16
The Hard Drive
David was sitting on the back patio of his three bedroom duplex in Lacey, Washington, chain smoking and reading the email from Journey for the millionth time since he had received it almost two weeks before. He wished more than anything that he had never attempted to make contact with her. He had successfully restrained himself from contacting her all the times before: when he first left Emerson with immense guilt for walking away from her; when he graduated from Army Ranger school, and she was the person he wanted to share it with the most; and even when his mother sent her engagement announcement to him while he was deployed to Afghanistan. He had always known that if he ever opened the door to her again that nothing but the gut-wrenching frustration in the pit of his stomach would be the result.
Yep. I should never have sent that email.
So much had changed in the five years he had been gone from Emerson. David was a member of one of the most elite military fighting forces in the world. He had been deployed to Iraq twice during Operation Iraqi Freedom and had been to Afghanistan four different times. After his third deployment, he accomplished one of his professional dreams when he completed Army SOTIC, Sniper School. During combat, he had received many commendations and awards including the Army Commendation Medal and a Bronze Star.
Personally, his life was pretty great as well. After being stationed in Tacoma, Washington he was out at a bar one night with some friends and encountered a bachelorette party. One of the girls was a beautiful, young schoolteacher who had recently graduated from the University of Washington. He began dating Allie Johnson and had proposed to her after returning home from Afghanistan the year before. They were married in a small ceremony on the beach, and they moved to Lacey, a few miles away from Ft. Lewis.
The one thing that hadn’t changed in five years was his regret for how he had left things with Journey. It had taken two years and then nine long hours in a foxhole in Iraq before he finally figured out exactly why their relationship had crumbled so dramatically. Journey had practically been a privileged orphan as long as he had known her. All she had wanted was for someone to make her their priority, and David had done just the opposite. He should have just been honest with her… about everything.
No matter how hard he tried to move on and leave her in the past, she was never absent from his thoughts. He had hauled her memory all over the world like a cumbersome piece of broken luggage. No one knew, though his mother suspected, that he proposed to Allie only after hearing that Journey had married Marcus. He loved the life he had built, and he loved his wife, but he could never shake the feeling that everything he had accomplished had only pushed him farther and farther from the place he had always wanted to be.
As he stared at his laptop screen contemplating a response to her email, he wondered what he could honestly say to her. He wanted to be happy for her, but he couldn’t feel it. He wanted to ask about the details of what had happened after he left, but the thought of it made him sick. He wanted to ask about Marcus, but he couldn’t help but be a little angry with him. He wanted to ask about her daughter, but it made him sad that Genna wasn’t his own. He realized how selfish and unreasonable his emotions were. And he knew, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that everything that had happened was his own fault.
“Hey babe, you want some lunch?” a voice called from the house. “I’m about to make myself a sandwich with some of that deli roast beef you like.”
He turned and saw Allie leaning her head out of the sliding glass door. She was wearing one of his Dallas Cowboys long-sleeved t-shirts, and her dark brown hair was in a long braid of her shoulder. He closed his laptop. “Absolutely,” he said and rose from his seat. “I’ll come help.”
He followed her into the kitchen. “What are you so wrapped up with out there?” she asked as she pulled the refrigerator door open.
Her question spawned a twinge of inner panic inside of him, but David was always truthful almost to a fault. “Do you remember me telling you about my friend Journey, from high school?”
S
he placed the package of shaved roast beef on the counter. “The crazy girl with the short blond hair?”
He chuckled a little and opened the loaf of bread. “Yeah, that’s her, though her hair was more multi-colored than it was blond.”
“What about her?” Allie asked.
David started preparing a sandwich. “I got an email from her a couple of weeks ago.”
Allie handed him the mayonnaise jar. “Really?” she asked. “How did she find you?”
David swallowed. “She didn’t. I found her.”
His wife looked up with surprise. “You did?”
He nodded, but didn’t meet her eyes. “Yeah, she had a post on our school’s website. I sent her a message a while ago.”
Allie slowly turned back to her sandwich. “Hmm.”
He forced a laugh to lighten the mood. “She actually married my best friend, Marcus. I’m pretty sure I told you about him. We played football together. They have a baby girl now.”
That information seemed to relax his wife a little. “Oh, well that’s good. Have you been talking to her a lot?”
He shook his head. “I haven’t written her back yet.”
She raised her eyebrows. “And you got her message a couple of weeks ago?”
David shrugged. “It’s kind of hard to write a letter to your past, you know? A lot has changed since I lived in Georgia.”
She smiled at him and winked her eye. “I hope some of it was for the better?”
He leaned over and kissed her. “Absolutely.”
When they finished making their lunch, they carried it to the table and sat down. Allie opened her diet soda. “Do you think you will ever go back to Emerson?”
He took a bite of his food and pondered the question. “I don’t know. I mean, we really need to go visit my parents, and they don’t live far from there. It might be fun to show you around my old stomping grounds.” He knew he wasn’t answering the question the way she intended.
“To live,” she added.
“Not as long as I’m in the Army. I mean, even if I get stationed back at Ft. Benning, that’s a few hours away,” he said. “Maybe we should go to Georgia for Christmas this year.”
His statement surprised him as much as it surprised her.
She was silent for a moment. “Maybe,” she said, signaling the end of the conversation.
They finished their lunch in silence. David didn’t know why he had suggested going to Georgia for Christmas, but he knew he meant it. Whether or not his subconscious was trying to reopen a door or finally find closure, he wasn’t sure. Whatever it was, he couldn’t help but feel excited about the prospect of going home. He would have to find a way to convince Allie to leave her family for the first time in her life at Christmas, but he was determined to do it. Except for an unexpected deployment, nothing would keep him from Emerson that year.
· · ·
Journey,
I’m sorry it has taken me so long to get back with you. I would like to lie and say it's because I’ve been busy, but that’s not true. I haven’t really known what to say to you. You asking for my forgiveness is just crazy. There is nothing to forgive. I feel so terrible for the way that I walked out on you when you needed me the most. I was the horrible friend. Not you. I hope you can forgive me for that. God knows, I can’t forgive myself. There were so many times that I wanted to come back, but I couldn’t do it. I just pushed forward and focused on my career. But don’t think that I didn’t care. I never stopped caring.
I kept up on what was going on in your life every now and then. My parents moved out of Emerson but not far. They are in Jackson, and Mom has always kept up with Emerson news. She told me about Steven going to jail. They hadn’t yet moved when he was arrested, so I figured if you wanted to talk to me about it then you would reach out. When you didn’t, I decided you didn’t want to, so I never tried. I’m sorry about that too.
I’m glad that Marcus took care of you and that you're happy. Genna is beautiful. She looks just like you—bald head and everything. Tell Marcus that I said hello and congratulations. He’s really done well with his life.
I’m still in the Army. I’ve been a Ranger for four years now. I’m overseas and off the grid a lot, so that is why you were never able to find me. I just got promoted to Staff Sergeant last month, and I’m stationed in Tacoma, Washington. The weather here sucks, but this is my final duty station, so I will be here awhile.
Last year, I married a girl named Allie. She’s really great, and I think you would like her. She’s a schoolteacher at the elementary school on the base. We don’t have any kids yet, but she talks about it a lot. We do have a dog. He’s a black lab named Jack. I got him at the animal shelter when I first settled in Tacoma.
I’m thinking about visiting my parents for Christmas this year. I haven’t been back to Georgia for Christmas since 2002 between deployments. I’m usually gone for at least six months out of the year, but since I just got back a few weeks ago, and we don’t have anything on the books until January, I should be in the U.S. for Christmas. If we do visit, I hope we can all plan dinner or something together. I would love to see you and Marcus and meet your daughter.
Take care and write back if you can,
Dave
The thought of seeing David again made Journey’s heart pound nearly out of her chest. She was excited and terrified at the same time. It was her greatest desire and her worst nightmare all wrapped into one. However, for that moment she allowed herself to just be excited. She planned to leave the email open for Marcus to read it when he got home, but she immediately hit ‘reply’.
David,
You’re a Ranger? That’s awesome… and badass. Good for you! I always knew you would do great things in life. Please be careful though. I’m sure it’s really dangerous. Thank you for your service. I hope that doesn’t come off as cliché.
Congratulations on getting married. I’m sure that Allie is wonderful. I hope I get to meet her someday. Please send me a picture. You’ve always had taste in exceptionally beautiful girls, and I’m sure she is no different. I do hope that you both come for the holidays. It would be wonderful to see you again and meet your wife.
As for you and me, I’m not sure what you think you need to apologize for. You were only trying to help me, and you were one of the few people that would really stand up to me and confront my behavior. I should’ve listened. I was a complete idiot and a jerk to you. I’m not sure where my head was at back then. It clearly wasn’t functioning properly. I made so many bad choices that it baffles me now in hindsight. Thank God that I got out of it before something really horrible happened to me. I know I don’t deserve the life I have now, and I am very thankful for it. I’ve even mended things with my family. And who would’ve thought I would end up married to a cop? Haha.
Hope to hear from you again soon.
Love,
Journey
Journey sent the email and finished writing another message to Elena. Before she shut the computer down, a new message came through.
I always thought you would’ve married me.
· · ·
David knew it was wrong, but he hit send before he could think better of it. He had no right to finally tell her how he had always felt about her—not now—not now that she was married to his best friend. He deleted the email from his sent file for fear of Allie being hurt by it, and he wrote Journey again.
I’m sorry. I had no right to say that. I guess I’m just a little nostalgic today, and my emotions got the better of me. Please forgive me.
He sent the message and waited for a response. He lit another cigarette and stared out at the setting sun. It would already be dark in Emerson. He wondered what she was doing.
A moment later, another message was downloaded. He clicked it open.
David,
No worries. I understand. I would be lying if I said I hadn’t ever thought the same. But we’ve both made different choices, and there is no going back. I’m just glad t
o have you back in my life in some way… even if it is just as a pen pal across the country.
J.
· · ·
Journey felt guilty about deleting the last couple of messages between her and David, but there really was no sense in worrying Marcus or making him angry for nothing. She hoped that David would take her cue and drop the whole line of conversation. A few moments later it became evident that he had dropped it.
Being a Ranger is exciting, but it isn’t like it is in the movies. It’s really hard and pretty dangerous at times. The best part of the job is that no two days are ever the same. I like that a lot. The biggest downside is being gone so much. Half of my adult life will pretty much be spent in combat boots. I guess I wouldn’t have it any other way though.
Attached is a picture of me and Allie from our wedding last year. I don’t think we’ve had time to have any other pictures made together. How sad is that? Our wedding was simple. Our parents came and a couple of friends, but that was it. Mom saved me the picture of you and Marcus from your wedding announcement. You guys looked great. I still can’t get over you with long hair.
I will let you know about what we decide to do for the holidays. I’m pretty sure we can work it out to come. I’ll just have to talk to Allie about it. Speaking of Allie… I’m meeting her for dinner in a half an hour, so I have to run. We’ll talk more soon. If you text, my number is 243-555-0908. That might be easier than email since I move around so much.
David
Much like the computer, text messaging was another form of communication that Journey was in no hurry to utilize. Her newest cell phone was capable of texting, but she rarely ever used it except to ask Marcus to pick something up on his way home from work. David just might change all that.
