by Tina Martin
“Brenda, what you doing in here, girl?”
“I’m just wondering what Mrs. Brooks have been up to lately. It’s been a while since we talked.”
“I know, girl. I’m sorry. It’s just that since I’m married now, I talk to Derrick about stuff. We share our lives.”
“Aww…does he have a brother?”
I laughed at her. “He does have a brother, but he’s seeing someone. Sorry.”
“So how are things with you and Derrick?”
Her question brought a huge smile over my face. I felt like I was glowing.
“I love Derrick so much, Brenda. I never would’ve imagined I could be so much in love. Have you ever loved someone so much that you connected with them on every level? I know him…the way he feels when he’s upset or happy...I know him in so many different ways…it’s like we grew up together.”
“Like you and Reggie.”
She just had to say it. It was true though. I felt like I’d known Derrick all of my life. I wouldn’t say our bond was the same as my bond with Reggie, but it was a similar closeness.
“Yeah Brenda, sort of.”
She smiled like she’d made a point.
“How is Reggie? I don’t hear you talk about him anymore.”
“He’s fine. We’re actually going to lunch in a little while so let me get back to work. I’ll chat with you later.”
“All right missy…”
Brenda bounced and I got back to work.
An hour later, Reggie called me, told me he was outside. So I hurried and dabbed on some lip gloss, popped a few Tic-Tacs, locked my computer, then I was out the door.
Reggie was waiting for me at the front of the building. I climbed in his truck.
“Hey, Reggie.” I hugged him tight and he returned the favor. As we released each other, he kissed me on my left cheek, then asked, “So where we going?”
“I was thinking Pizza Hut lunch buffet. What are you in the mood for?”
“Pizza Hut is good. I mean, I really don’t care where we go, as long as I’m with you.”
I glanced at Reggie as he put the truck in drive and smiled. I flashed back to our junior year in high school when he’d gotten his driver’s license. He drove his Mom’s old beat-up escort, looking cool and sporty then. Now he was grown and handsome, and I wondered if he was seeing someone. I’m sure he had women lined up around the corner, but was he willing to let go of me to give any one of them a chance?
We arrived at Pizza Hut a few minutes later. Reggie ordered Dr. Peppers (our favorite soda) and we helped ourselves to the buffet.
“So...” Reggie said to me when we got back to the table.
“Yes? You got something to say?” I teased and watched a smile grow on his face.
“Yeah I got something to say. I was thinking how long it’s been since we had a moment like this to chill?”
“Yeah, it’s been a minute. I know you miss me, Reggie. Derrick and I are just so occupied.”
“I bet you are,” he said amidst a light chuckle. “Things must be going good. Every time I see you, you got a smile on your face.”
“Yeah. Things are good. I’m one hundred percent in love,” I said with absolute certainty, but Reggie glared at me like I said something wrong, like a newlywed wife isn’t supposed to be this love struck over her man. His stare had me trying to guess what he was thinking – was he jealous of Derrick, jealous of us both, envious of our happy marriage? Was he, at this very moment, thinking what life would’ve been like if the two of us had gotten married instead, or was he emotionally past all that?
“What?” I asked, wanting to know why he was looking at me like this now, like I was speaking out of line.
“You said you know I miss you but what about you? You miss me?”
“Of course I miss you,” I told him.
“Then why can’t I see you more? Why don’t we have game nights like we used to? You haven’t seen my Mom in months? She asked about you the other day.”
“Reggie, things have changed…”
“And? Just because things have changed doesn’t mean that you turn your back on your family.”
“I’m not turning my back on anyone, Reggie. I’m just…busy.”
“Yeah and what about your family? Or am I not your family anymore since you decided to marry him? What am I to you now? Tell me.”
Reggie was laying it on me. I knew I could’ve spent more time with Reggie and Patricia but at the same time, I thought they would understand my role as being a new wife. I needed to be there for my man. So as I sat there, trying to answer Reggie’s question, I wondered what we were now. Were we slowly drifting apart, something I’d feared we’d do since college, now something he feared we were doing since I’d gotten married?
“Reggie, you’re my friend, my—”
“That’s it? I’m your friend…”
“What else am I supposed to be, Reggie?”
“I digress,” he said after he bit a plug out of a cheese pizza and dropped the slice down on his plate as if he didn’t even enjoy the taste, just eating to satisfy a hunger but not necessarily enjoying the food. “I didn’t come out here to argue. I want to enjoy being with you. Besides…don’t know when I’m going to see you again, right?”
Reggie sure knew he could get under my skin. He pushed all the right buttons. The man knew me like the back of his hand.
“Love you, Tiffany,” he said after he’d successfully gotten on my nerves.
I worked up a smile and said, “Love you too, silly.”
He smiled too, his expression and the warmness of his face touching me emotionally, making past feelings for him unravel in my heart again.
We resumed eating, and even though I didn’t need more salad, I went to get some anyway, just to break away from him for a moment.
When I returned with a fresh plate of lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers, cheese and ranch dressing, Reggie asked, “Hey Tiff…you think we can do the hotel thing this year?”
“Noo…like Derrick is really gonna let me spend a weekend in a hotel with you.”
“Why wouldn’t he?” Reggie asked, smiling slyly. “And why is everything all about what Derrick wants? What does Tiffany want?”
“I want to be a good wife to my wonderful husband.”
I watched Reggie twinge, probably at the fact that I just referred to Derrick as wonderful and husband in the same sentence.
For the next few minutes, we sat there and ate. Reggie got up to grab a couple more slices of pizza and upon returning to the table asked, “So is he okay…health wise?”
“Derrick?” I asked frowning.
“Yeah.”
“Ah…yeah. He went to the doctor today for a cough but other than that, he’s pretty healthy. Why do you ask?”
“It’s the weirdest thing, but last Wednesday, I saw him coming out of that medical practice across from my job. The Wednesday before that, I saw him going in there and just this morning, a little while after I spoke with you, I saw him again.”
“Really?” I said, frowning slightly.
“Yeah.”
“Hmm…I mean, I know he was going for a cough. I think he might have a cold or something.”
“So how do you explain the last two weeks?”
“I don’t know,” I said shrugging my shoulders. “Maybe he’s putting together an advertising package for them.”
“Yeah, maybe you’re right,” Reggie said, pushing his plate away and wiping his mouth with a napkin. “Hey, I got an idea. Why don’t we all get together tonight and play cards or something?”
“Sounds good to me. We can have it at my house. I’ll check with Derrick…make sure he doesn’t have anything planned.”
“There you go again talking about Derrick,” Reggie said, taking out his cell. “I’m gonna set it up right now,” he said placing the phone up against his left ear.
I watched him as he chatted on the phone with my husband, knowing he had some level of resentment for him, but tryin
g to play it off like he was cool with the idea of me being married. After all, Derrick was the one who took me away from him. But still, for my sake and for the sake of our friendship, he wanted us all to get together like old times.
“All right then, I’ll see you tonight at seven,” I heard him tell Derrick finally before hanging up. Then he told me, “Looks like I’ll be at your house tonight.”
“Is that what Derrick said?”
“Yeah. He said it’ll be good to get everybody together.”
I watched a happy glow appear on Reggie’s face, glad that we were going to spend some time together. He truly did miss me and I wasn’t convinced that one night of playing games would cure his desire to be close to me again.
REGGIE WAS THE first to show up for game night, our first time hosting the tradition at my house. He walked in at 6:24 p.m. to be exact, having already went home and changed into some faded blue jeans and a black Polo.
“Why are you here so early?” I asked him, noticing how we were dressed in the same colors. I wore a black low-cut blouse and a pair of blue jeans a shade darker than his. “Derrick won’t be here ‘til seven, and how we end up dressing alike?”
I don’t know if Reggie didn’t hear me because he wasn’t in the mood for banter and small talk, or because he was too busy staring at portraits of Derrick and me on the living room wall, the one in particular of our wedding photo on the beach, which Derrick had blown up to a sixteen-by-twenty masterpiece in a custom-made, platinum frame.
“You like that one?” I asked him, as he stood there with his hands in his pockets.
Reggie sighed and said, “It always baffles me how the happiest day of your life was the saddest day of mine.”
“Reggie…” I said, not wanting to go down this path with him tonight.
“I mean, had you told me how you felt, do you think we’d be married right now instead of you and him?” he asked, his eyes yearning for the truth from me.
“Reggie, why you wanna play the what if game?”
“Just answer the question, Tiffany,” he said in a tone slightly inimical, not at all what I was expecting.
“Maybe we would’ve been, but we can’t predict what might’ve happened. If that was the case, maybe you and Shontay would’ve gotten back together.”
“No we wouldn’t have.”
“Why not?”
“’Cause I don’t love her. I love you,” Reggie said, softening his tone, resting his hands on my face while we stood in front of my wedding picture. “And if I only knew how you felt about me, then this would be us,” he said, pointing at the picture of Derrick and I. “We would be together. Instead, I’m miserable, thinking about what could’ve been.”
I swallowed hard, trying not to cry and said, “Reggie, I’m sure you will fall in love again.” I felt like I’d caused this pain for him. I was the reason why he couldn’t be happy.
“I’m sure I would too, but whoever she is, she’ll be cheated because you already have my heart and I could never love another woman as much as I love you, Tiffany.” He leaned his forehead against mine, his hands lying atop my hair. “I’m sorry to put this on you but I can’t shake this feeling.” Reggie kissed my lips just barely, then embraced me, whispering in my ear saying, “I don’t know how I’m supposed to move on when I know you are the woman I was meant to be with.”
“Reggie, you can’t do this now, okay,” I said, unlocking his arms from around me, feeling awful about this.
Reggie seemed irritated by my resistance then said, “Tell me what I’m supposed to do about this, Tiffany? Just pretend like I have no feelings for you? What do you want me to do?”
“What do you want me to do?” I asked him sympathetically. “Reggie, I’m married.”
“I know that.”
“Then why are you putting me in this predicament? I love my husband,” I said as tears fell from both of my eyes. “And I don’t know how to make you stop loving me. I’m sorry.”
“So that must mean that you’ve already stopped loving me,” Reggie said walking away from me, and headed for the kitchen. The doorbell rang before I could follow him and try explain to him that I still love him, just not the way I love Derrick. And I knew it was Mom and Patricia at the door, so I quickly dried my eyes and put on my charm.
“Hey, Ma. Hi, Pat. Come on in. Derrick should be here in a few,” I told them, wishing they’d shown up five minutes later so I could continue my discussion with Reggie.
“Where’s Reggie?” Patricia asked. “I saw his truck out back.”
“He’s in the kitchen.”
They headed that way, and we all sat at the kitchen table, somehow feeling disconnected with this whole game night thing. Maybe because we’d never had it at my house, or never had a game night with Derrick included at all.
I was relieved when Derrick was finally home. He had Chinese carry-out with him, and after I helped him drop the plastic bags on the counter, he snatched me up, kissed me hard and embraced me tighter than Reggie did a lil’ while ago.
“Hey everybody,” he told them. Mom was excited, Patricia was even cool. Reggie, on the other hand, was distant. Mentally, he was some place else, not in our kitchen.
“The food is still hot, so do we want to eat first?” Derrick asked.
“Yeah, that sounds good,” Mom said.
So Derrick grabbed some plates and silverware while I unpacked the Chinese – noodles, shrimp-fried rice, chicken and various sauces to go along with it. And while Derrick and I were working, Mom and Patricia were talking it up while Reggie was sitting quietly. He only watched Derrick and I and I imagined he was thinking about us again and what could’ve been.
“Hey Reggie,” Derrick said, “You want a beer?”
“Ah, yeah. Sure.”
Derrick opened the fridge, took out two bottles of Icehouse and tossed one over to Reggie, to which Reggie thanked him and popped it open. I took out soda for Mom and Patricia since I knew they didn’t drink beer (neither did I) and set the bottles on the table. So we were finally ready to have our Chinese take-out dinner. Derrick and I sat down to eat too. Reggie and Derrick were sitting opposite each other on the end seats. Mom and Patricia were sitting next to each other, opposite of me. I was sitting close to Derrick. Reggie was an empty seat away from me.
“So,” Derrick said as he scooped shrimp-fried rice on his plate and coughed a little. “Me and Tiffany have been debating where we want to spend our one-year anniversary. I was thinking Jamaica. She wants to go to Hawaii. What do y’all think?”
I smiled, but knew how uncomfortable Reggie would be with this subject. I just hoped he wouldn’t get up and leave.
“Ah…both places are beautiful,” Mom said, “But I would rather go to Jamaica.”
“I agree,” Patricia said.
“What do you think, Reggie?” Derrick asked him.
“I think you should take her wherever she wants to go. Isn’t there some marriage rule that says the woman is always right or something?”
Derrick laughed, which only made him cough a little worse than before but he managed to say, “Is that right?”
I made a mental note to ask Derrick how the appointment went, if the doctors were able to give him something to combat his cold and cough, or whatever it was making him so congested.
“No. Marriage is about compromise,” Mom said, using her chopsticks as pointers. “Both parties have to come together in agreement.”
“True,” Reggie responded. “All I’m saying is, if Tiffany was my wife, I would do anything in my power to make her happy. If that means going to Hawaii, then that’s where we’d go.”
We all sat there quietly since no one really knew how to respond to Reggie’s blunt statement, until Derrick said, “I always make my baby happy, don’t I, Tiffany?”
“Yes you do,” I said smiling, but feeling bad about having to talk about our happy marriage in front of Reggie, knowing how he felt about me.
“So when are you going to give me some gr
andbabies?” Mom asked, changing the subject, but this one was no better than the last one.
“Well, we don’t have a specific timetable, so if it happens, it just happens,” Derrick said without knowledge of my missed period. I could very well have been pregnant right now.
“I’m waiting for some grandbabies too, Reggie,” Patricia blurted out.
Everyone laughed except for Reggie and I.
Derrick glanced at me, then back at Reggie and said, “She’s putting you on front street ain’t she, man?”
Reggie said nothing. He turned up the bottle of Icehouse to his mouth, took a couple of gulps and slammed it down on the table. The kitchen was quiet with the exception of the appliances lightly humming in background. Other than that, you could hear a pin drop. Mom was looking at me, then back at Reggie then at Patricia – the situation was awkward.
“So, looks like we’re going to Hawaii,” Derrick said, looking at me.
“Yeah,” I said, forcing a smile.
“So, Derrick, how’s the marketing business,” Mom asked, an appropriate question considering that’s how she met him – through his business.
“It’s very well. I’m even considering hiring more staff. This is usually the busiest time of the year.”
“Really?” Mom said, shoveling a spoonful of rice in her mouth, having given up on the chopsticks.
“Yep.”
Mom wiped her mouth with a napkin and said, “You know, Derrick, I’m so lucky to have you as a son-in-law. Tiffany is so happy.”
I smiled, looking at Derrick, he in turn looking at me, the same look he gave me when we said our vows. And in the midst of our perfect moment, I could also feel Reggie’s eyes stalking me.
“I still remember when I met you,” Mom continued. “I called Tiffany that same night and told her all about you.”
“She sure did,” I said. “She called me eleven o’clock at night. She was so excited, she couldn’t even wait ‘til the next morning.”
Mom smiled big, Derrick chuckled a bit and so did I.
Then out of left field, Reggie looked at me and said, “That was the night I was with you, right?”
I glanced up at him, watching him bite a piece of chicken. Then I cut my eye over at Derrick to get his reaction. He was looking down in his plate, pushing rice around with a fork.
