by Emma Lea
“Are you telling me what to do?” Alyssa asked.
“Well, no, but it won’t look good to the rest of the world. I’m an unwed mother. My history will be brought up, my father’s gambling, my mother’s desertion, David’s abandonment. It will reflect badly on you and the crown. I can’t do that to you.”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Alyssa said. “You are not going anywhere and that is an order,” she added when I opened my mouth to protest. “Don’t you get it?” she asked with exasperation. “I don’t care about what other people think. Not only do we love you like a sister, but I love what you do. I love your work and I love what you bring to the table. People won’t like it, you’re right, and there will be fallout in the press but the changes I’m making—or trying to make—in parliament and in the minds of the people would mean nothing if I turned you out because you are a single mother. Your marital status, or motherhood status, has no bearing on the job you do. You are certainly not the first woman to bear a child out of wedlock and you won’t be the last. Isn’t it time we stopped limiting ourselves and each other because of some patriarchal idealism that always paints women to be the bad guys? Why should being a mother besmirch you? And why does David get to prance around in life like none of this has any impact on him? In my mind, you are the braver one. You are the stronger one. You have taken on all the responsibility and the financial burden of having a child so you should be commended, not shunned. I refuse to let you believe that you are or ever could be an embarrassment to me.”
I gaped at Alyssa. “So, I’m not fired?”
She growled at me and Alex laughed. Some of the weight pressing down on me lifted. It wouldn’t lift all the way until I had Archer in my arms and knew he was okay, but the added pressure of having to find another job and somewhere to live, eased. Knowing I had friends—real friends—circling the wagons to support me meant more than I could say.
Jed
I thought it would be easy. I thought I would find Archer and Penny in the clearing near the cabin, but Archer was cleverer than that. It felt like it had been hours since I was standing in the airport waiting for my plane and with each minute that passed, I worried more.
The creak and groan of the trees as they swayed were the only sounds as we picked our way through the forest. It was snowing now and I expected it to snow for a good, long while yet. The trees protected Mistborn and I somewhat, but it was still cold and the snow was getting heavier as the wind picked up.
I heard a soft whinny and pulled Mistborn to a stop. It was hard to know which direction the sound came and I waited, holding my breath, until I heard it again. I turned Mistborn to the right and headed in what, hopefully, was the direction of Archer and Penny.
I saw the old shed first—not the one we used for his lessons. Dilapidated and old enough to have moss growing on the roof, it stood in the protection of the tall trees with black holes for windows and a gaping maw for a door. In all my treks through the forest, I’d never come across the old shed before. I worried for its integrity, especially in the storm that was coming.
I slid from Mistborn’s back and approached quietly. I could hear Archer talking cheerily to Penny now and I wasn’t sure if he was unaware of the danger or if he was keeping up the steady stream of chatter to distract himself.
It was dark in the shed and it took my eyes to adjust, but then I saw him as he brushed Penny. The horse stood quietly, patiently, as the boy tended to her. I would have been proud of the way he looked after the horse if I hadn’t been so worried for him. As it was, I wanted to rush to him and pull him into my arms to assure myself that he was okay. I also wanted to yell at him, but neither response was the right one.
“Archer,” I said, keeping my voice calm. “What are you doing buddy? Don’t you think it’s time Penny went home?”
He stopped and dropped his head, leaning against the horse before turning to face me. “This is her home now.”
I took some steps further into the dim interior. “Don’t you think it’s a bit cold for Penny? Where’s the straw for her bed and what about food?”
“I’ve got food,” he said pointing the saddlebag on the floor near the discarded saddle. “I didn’t think about straw.”
“Why don’t we take her home now and get her settled in her stall. She looks cold.”
“If she goes back to the stable, I won’t be able to see her anymore,” Archer said.
“I know that’s what your mom said,” I replied, stepping closer and crouching down next to him. “But maybe we can work something out so you can visit her occasionally.”
He turned into me and buried his head in my shoulder. “She won’t let me,” he mumbled. “She won’t let me ride Penny ever again.”
I put an arm around him and pulled him close. “I know she’s going to be a bit mad at first,” I said. It wasn’t worth pretending otherwise. Archer knew his mother and knew Savannah would be furious with what he’d done. “But I’m sure we can work something out. Besides, you don’t want Penny to get sick, do you? Keeping her out here in the cold like this isn’t good for her or for you.”
He sighed and pressed closer to me before pulling away. I could see the tears in his eyes as he tried to be brave and not cry. I could also see that he was scared, not of Savannah, but of the weather. I could pretty much guarantee that he knew he was in over his head but his pride had stopped him from changing tack. He was too much like his mother in that respect.
“I don’t want her to get sick,” he said. “I love her.”
“I know, buddy,” I said, trying not to smile. I scooped him up in my arms as I stood. “Come on, let’s get her home and get some nice food in her belly.”
“Okay,” he said, laying his head on my shoulder.
I picked up the reins that he had looped over an old hook in the wall and led Penny outside where Mistborn stood waiting, surprisingly patient. He tossed his head when he saw Penny and Archer and I had to hide my smile. Maybe he’d been worried about them too.
“Should I go and get the saddle?” Archer asked.
“Not this time,” I replied. “You can ride with me on Mistborn and we’ll lead Penny back.”
“I get to ride Mistborn?” he asked, his eyes wide. The fright and sadness were chased off his face by the pure joy of being able to do the one thing he’d wanted for weeks now.
“You get to be a passenger,” I said as I boosted him up onto Mistborn’s saddle. The horse stood completely still, almost as if he didn’t want to spook the boy. I shook my head as I climbed up behind Archer. I would never understand what it was about Archer that Mistborn had taken to, or maybe I already did. After all, the boy had found his way into my heart too.
As the snow began to fall in earnest, I led Penny out of the forest. When we cleared the trees, I pulled out my phone and rang Cliff, letting him know that both horse and boy were safe. He would let the palace know and I knew Savannah would be waiting for us when we made it back to the stable. I also knew I was going to be the focus of her anger and fear. I could take it, I had broad shoulders. Plus it would give me one more chance to see her before I left. I still had to go home and deal with that mess, even if I still didn’t want to.
Savannah
There was a knock on the door and then Benjamin walked in. I pushed to my feet, my throat tight.
“He’s been found,” Benjamin said. “They’re on their way back now.”
My knees went to jelly and a sunk back to the chair. Margaret’s arm was tight around me and it was the only thing holding me together.
“Is he okay?” Alyssa asked.
“He’s fine. No injuries to either boy or horse.”
“Oh thank god,” Jeanette said.
I stood to my feet again. “I need to see him. I need to go.” I looked around me, not sure what I was looking for or even where to go.
“They should be at the stables soon,” Benjamin said and that was all I needed to hear. I headed straight for the door.
“Wait,�
� Margaret called. “It’s cold out, you need a coat.”
I stood impatiently as she pulled my coat around me and as soon as the last button was done, I walked out the door and ran down the hall toward the stairs.
The snow was falling steadily and the wind pulled at me as I trudged across the courtyard toward the stable yard. I wouldn’t actually be reassured until I had Archer in my arms. I needed to see for myself that he was okay. Beyond that, I didn’t know what I was going to do. Alyssa said she wasn’t going to fire me, but what did that mean exactly and what did it mean for my father and Archer?
I stepped into the stable and breathed in the familiar scents of horse, hay, and leather. Cliff stood just inside the entrance and nodded to me.
“Is he really okay?” I asked. I didn’t know how Cliff would know, but I just knew he would and I needed the reassurance.
Cliff nodded. “A little shaken up, but he’s fine. He’s a smart boy you’ve got there.”
“Too smart for his own good,” I mumbled.
We waited together, silently, and watched the snow fall. The wind howled and flurries of snow swirled and danced in the stable yard. I could feel the bite of cold as it encroached on the open stable door, but Cliff made no move to close it. I was grateful, even as my nose turned numb.
Finally I saw a dark shape emerge from the snow and the gloom. Man and boy atop a horse with another trudging behind. I’d expected one of the security team and a car or an ATV. I wasn’t prepared to see Jed and Archer together. I wasn’t prepared to see Jed at all.
They came to a stop inside the barn and Jed helped Archer slide from the horse. I immediately grabbed him and pulled him to me. Tears streamed down my face as I held him close. I could feel his little body shivering, but he was alive and he was here in my arms. That’s all that mattered.
“I’m sorry Maman,” he whispered against my neck. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. You’re okay. I was so worried about you. Are you hurt? You’re so cold.”
“I’m okay,” he said and sniffed. “I am cold.”
“Come on,” Cliff said. “You need to put Penny to bed.”
I held on to Archer tighter. “I don’t think so,” I said.
Cliff sighed and looked at me with a no-nonsense gaze. “I’m sorry Lady Savannah, but we’ve got rules here in the stable. Now Archer here took Penny out, without permission mind you, and it just goes that he needs to take care of her and put her to bed. They’re the rules.”
“He’s a little boy,” I said, standing. “And he’s tired and cold and needs food and to get warm.”
“So does Penny,” Cliff said. “She’s not so young anymore and it has been quite an adventure for her, but she needs to be warmed up and get some food and water in her and Archer needs to be the one to do it. We’ll talk about his other punishments later, but for now he needs to take care of that horse.”
“It’s okay, Maman,” Archer said, knuckling the tears out of his eyes. “Master Cliff is right. I know the rules and I broke them. I need to put Penny away and make it right.”
Cliff and Archer led Penny away and I looked at their retreating backs with my mouth agape. I had no words.
“He had her set up in an abandoned shed in the forest.” The quiet words of Jed shook me out of my fugue.
“What?”
“Archer had Penny set up in a shed in the forest. He’d made a sort of stable out of this crumbling timber shed. He was going to keep her there so he could see her whenever he wanted.”
The fear and worry melted away to be replaced with red-hot anger.
“This is all your fault,” I hissed. “If you hadn’t let him come to the stables and ride that damned horse in the first place then he wouldn’t have done any of this.”
Jed nodded slowly. “I understand how you would see it that way but by my way of thinking, Archer would have kept coming to the stable with or without my encouragement. At least by me taking him under my wing, he learned something. He was taking real good care of Penny and if it wasn’t for the storm, they would have been fine.”
“Of course you don’t see this as any of your fault. You’re not a parent. You don’t see the danger or worry about something happening to him like I do. You haven’t spent the last six years worrying about him or whether you are doing the right thing or whether you’re a good parent. You swoop in with a blasted horse and he thinks the sun rises and sets with you. I’m just the mean one who has to say no all the time. I’m the one who has to pick up the pieces when you leave and my boy is broken hearted. I’m the one who has to lay awake at night and wonder why you’re not here—” I slammed my mouth shut and whirled away from him. He didn’t get to know how much he hurt me. He didn’t get to have that power.
Chapter 18
Jed
“You’re not going to stay the night?” Cliff asked.
I turned from where I was watching Mistborn and shook my head.
“I think it’s for the best if I leave now.”
Seeing Savannah again had made it clear what I had to do. I had been marking time while I was here in Merveille, but it was time for me to get some forward momentum. Going home was the first step and then I’d work the rest of it out from there. One thing I knew, I couldn’t come back here.
“I’ve really enjoyed my time here,” I said.
“So that’s it then,” Cliff asked, coming to stand beside me. “You won’t be back?”
I sighed. How could I tell him that it would simply hurt too much to live and work so close to Savannah and know that we could never be together? I didn’t think he would understand
“I can’t. I think we both know that. I came here to escape my life, but you can only run for so long. It’s time to stop running.”
Cliff was silent, as was his way. I appreciated that he didn’t try to sway me with flowery words or thinly veiled manipulation. He was the complete opposite of my father, who made getting others to do what he wanted a kind of sport.
“I get family,” Cliff said. “I get the draw of working on the farm your father and his father before him built, but that doesn’t mean it’s for you, necessarily.”
I turned to look at him. “You told me to go home.”
He nodded slowly, his eyes not leaving Mistborn. “I did, but not because I thought your future was there. You need to deal with what happened because it’s been hanging around your neck like a millstone the whole time you’ve been here. It drags at you because it’s unresolved. You need to go back and finish it. Closure, that’s what you need.” He turned to look at me then. “But that doesn’t mean you have to stay there. You have options and opportunities.” He looked back at Mistborn. “That horse, for one. He’ll waste away here where nobody wants him. You have a knack, Jed, and I think it would be wasted if you go back to the States and turn your back on those opportunities.”
I watched Mistborn, who was deliberately ignoring me. He knew I was leaving and I could feel his disappointment and rejection. Despite his prickliness, we had bonded and I would miss the cantankerous horse.
“You let me know if the queen ever decides to sell him,” I said, pushing back from the rail.
Cliff nodded and then turned to me. He pulled me into a quick, hard hug and then stepped back, leaving me speechless with his out-of-character display of affection.
“You’re a good boy, Jed,” he said. “You’ll always be welcome here if you change your mind.”
He walked away without looking back and I swallowed thickly. Merveille had become home and the people here had become family. It was hard to leave. It was hard to walk away but I knew I needed to. I couldn’t be here and know there would never be anything between Savannah and me. It wasn’t the words she yelled at me, I expected those. I couldn’t blame her for focussing her anger on me. She was afraid for her son and I was an easy and convenient target. It wasn’t the words. It was the look in her eyes. There was a hollowness where there used to be heat. When she used to look at me, under the snide com
ments and heated remarks, there had always been fire. The fire was gone and that was how I knew we were really done.
I sighed and pushed the pain aside. I would get over it. It would hurt for a while and then it would go numb, just like before. I could admit that I hadn’t really loved Caroline and losing her hadn’t hurt so much as my pride had been bruised. But losing Chase in the mix had hurt like nobody’s business. Anger had masked the hurt for a good, long time, but seeing him again made it clear that I was still hurting. It would be worse with Savannah. Seeing her from a distance every day and knowing that I couldn’t be near her. I think that would kill me.
“Are you going to stand over there and ignore me until I leave?” I asked the stubborn horse.
He looked over his shoulder at me and then turned, purposefully, until he presented his rear end to me. The horse was far too smart for his own good.
“Fine then, you stubborn mule, have it your way.”
I bent down to pick up the duffle at my feet and took one last look around the stable that had become home. I would miss it. I would miss Cliff and Archer and even Mistborn. But I couldn’t stay.
“Leaving without saying goodbye?”
I turned to face Chase. “I thought we’d said everything to each other that needed to be said.”
“So you’re running again.”
I clenched my jaw to stop the ugly words from spewing out of my mouth. “No. Not running this time,” I said instead. “Going home. I left a mess in my wake and it’s time for me to go and clean it up.”
“What about him?” he asked, nodding toward Mistborn. “What about the deal we made?”
“I’m sure Cliff will be perfectly happy to continue with the deal. Lord knows Mistborn needs a distraction. I have a good feeling about him and Titania.”
“But don’t you want to be a part of it?” Chase asked.
I huffed out a breath. “I can’t.” I lifted my head and looked directly into his eyes. “Take care of her,” I said and walked past him. He gripped my shoulder and I stopped, turning to look at him.
