by Jen Silver
Jay waited for the water to drip through into one mug. When that was filled, she reset the cone with another filter paper, spooned in the fresh grounds, and waited for the kettle to come to a boil again. By the time the second mug was ready, Amanda had come into the kitchen, wrapped in a towel, her hair still wet from the shower.
Jay opened the fridge and placed the carton of milk on the counter. She drank her coffee black, but Amanda liked a splash of the white stuff in hers. Jay handed her the mug.
“Thanks, babe.” She took a sip. “Sure you can’t stay for something to eat?”
“Sorry. Full day of appointments.” Her phone buzzed. A message from Josh with a thumbs-up emoji. Jay took several big gulps of coffee. “I need to get going. Catch you later.” She gave Amanda a quick peck on the cheek and made her escape.
Pausing on the pavement to catch her breath from running down the stairwell, she wondered why it always felt like a release when she left the confines of the apartment. On the ground she didn’t feel threatened by the presence of the bridge. It was just another part of the familiar London landscape.
†
Amanda stood at the window watching the river traffic. After the joys of lovemaking during the night and in the early morning, Jay’s abrupt departure left her feeling empty. A ringing sound broke the silence and she hurried into the bedroom to retrieve her phone. The brief flicker of hope died when she saw Lynne’s name on the screen.
“Hi. Hope I didn’t wake you.”
“No, I’m up.”
“How did the meeting with Daddy go?”
“It was a disaster. Jay was a bit late getting to the restaurant and he wouldn’t look at her. So she walked out.”
“Oh no! What did you do?”
“Well, he was going to carry on as if nothing had happened. When I left he was ordering wine.”
“You left as well?”
“Yes. But Jay was waiting for me outside. We had a good night.”
“You sound a bit down. I guess she’s not there now.”
“No.” Amanda tried to keep the bitterness out of her voice. But Lynne knew her too well to be fooled.
“There’s more to a relationship than sex. It’s not too late to call off the wedding.”
Amanda was on the verge of tears now. “I can’t. I want her more than ever.”
Lynne’s sigh was magnified through the phone connection.
“I know what you’re going to say. I’ve fallen into the trap of thinking she’ll change once we’re married.”
“Exactly. So why go through with it?”
“Because I love her.”
Another sigh. “Look, there’s something I’ve found out. Can you meet me for lunch or after work today?”
“What is it? Can you tell me now?”
“I’d rather not over the phone.”
Wondering what Lynne wanted to tell her kept Amanda on tenterhooks all day. Her colleagues knew about the upcoming wedding and gave her some leeway when she zoned out at her desk. Her supervisor smiled at her indulgently and gave her the tedious job of stuffing envelopes. Being given such a menial junior task would have irritated Amanda on any other day, but she was happy to be able to spend the time daydreaming. Her favourite was the one where she was walking up the aisle in her wedding dress towards a smiling Jay. With the vows and rings exchanged, they would kiss and walk back down the aisle together to begin their life of wedded bliss.
†
Drink in hand, Lynne led the way to a dark corner of the pub, where they could settle in to comfortable chairs with a degree of privacy.
“Has Jay ever mentioned a Charlotte Summersbridge?”
Amanda’s eyes widened. “Is she the other woman or a previous girlfriend?”
“I take that as a no. She possibly was a previous girlfriend.”
“Do you think Jay still sees her?”
“Only in her dreams. She’s dead and has been for the last twenty-three years.”
“Why do you think there’s a connection?”
Lynne sipped her gin and tonic and placed the glass carefully on the table before answering. “The name of Jay’s clinic. CSC. Did you ever wonder what the initials stand for?”
“Something to do with that therapy treatment she does…cranial sacral what’s-it…oh.”
“Yes, oh. It’s named after Charlotte Summersbridge. Now, I think that’s odd, if there’s no link. She wouldn’t have picked that name randomly.”
Amanda took a large swig of her white wine. “Who was she? How did she die?”
“Well, that’s rather interesting. She was a marine biologist and her specialist subject was diseased seals.”
“What?”
“I won’t bore you with all the details but she was something of a rising star in the marine-mammal community. She died, along with the entire crew, when their research vessel sank in the North Sea. The boat was never found and neither were the bodies.”
“Seals.” Amanda closed her eyes briefly. When she opened them again, she leant forward eagerly. “Jay has a tattoo, on her left arm, just below her shoulder. I think it’s a seal. And she’s had another one done recently. On the other arm. I saw it this morning when she got of bed. But I didn’t have a chance to ask her about it.”
“Hm. More food for thought. Do you want another drink?”
“Yes, I think I do.”
Lynne made her way to the bar and waited for the barman to finish pulling two pints for the man in front of her. When it was her turn to order, she had to shout to make herself heard above the noise of all the patrons enthusiastically enjoying the release from their working days. As she looked back at their table while she waited, Amanda was staring at her phone. If she thought she could summon up a call from her lover by wishful thinking, Lynne could tell her it wasn’t going to happen. Jay, to her knowledge, had never initiated anything in the relationship. For it to have lasted this long, she had to be sensational in bed.
Lynne paid for the drinks and pushed back through the crowd to the table. Amanda had taken a large gulp from her glass even before she’d reseated herself.
“Anyway, the seal business got me thinking.” Lynne sipped at her G and T. “This mystery place Jay goes to on weekends could be by the sea. Following the Charlotte connection, there are seal sanctuaries situated around the coasts and she would probably have wanted to be close to one of them.”
Lynne watched Amanda’s face as she mulled this over. At one time, she thought she had a chance to be more than a friend. But she left it too long and when she’d finally gathered the courage to say something, Amanda had met Jay Reid and fallen hopelessly, to Lynne’s mind, in love.
From the ups and downs of the relationship that she’d witnessed, Lynne couldn’t see the marriage lasting more than a few months. Although she didn’t want to see Amanda’s heart shattered, she was willing to stick around and pick up the pieces.
Chapter Five
Thursday evening couldn’t come soon enough for Tess. Her list of questions for Jay grew each day. Alice had scoffed when she’d seen it.
“That’s never going to work. Why don’t you just let her talk? Start with her brother. Seems to me the sticking point is getting her to talk about Char. How did that relationship work? Everyone at the time knew that Jay Reid was a lesbian. But Char was in the closet. And both had careers that took them out of the country for weeks at a time.”
As usual, Alice had nailed it. But Tess wasn’t going to let her know that. “Of course,” she’d responded. “That’s what I was planning to do. These questions are just prompters for me, really.”
As she waited for the hours to pass, Tess mulled over the conversation with Donna. She didn’t want to hurt her parents, the two women who had lovingly brought her up. But she couldn’t ignore the compulsion to find out more about her birth mother. She felt Alice didn’t really understand what it meant to her. Had Char cared about giving birth to her at all, or was it just a financial arrangement? She’d carried her for
nine months, so there had to be some sort of bond. Tess hoped Jay would be able to give her the answers.
†
Josh texted to say he was going out after work. This happened so rarely that Jay didn’t have the heart to tell him he couldn’t because of her meeting with Tess. Ritchie could manage without the walk, but he would want his dinner. Making the decision wasn’t that hard. She had thought it would be easier to handle Tess’s questions in the impersonal surroundings of the clinic. But the girl had already been to the cottage, so what did it matter if she came to the mews?
Mo wasn’t in when Jay called her office, but her secretary was able to give her Tess’s contact details. She sent her a text with the change of venue, giving her the house number and postcode. Jay was sure Tess would have an app on her phone to help her find it.
When the doorbell chimed, Jay had fed Ritchie and given him a run around the garden. She opened the door to Tess and gave her what she hoped was a welcoming smile before inviting her in. Ritchie greeted the visitor with more enthusiasm than Jay had managed. Maybe he thought she was a new dog walker.
“Ritchie, leave her alone. Would you like a drink? Coffee, tea, wine, beer?”
“I wouldn’t mind a glass of wine.”
“Right. Red or white?”
“Red, please.”
“Well, have a seat. I’ll bring it through.” As she uncorked a bottle of Malbec, Jay wondered if wine preferences were hereditary. Charley would have chosen red wine as well. She would be amazed at the range of excellent choices available from different countries now.
Jay took the two glasses into the living room and set them on the coffee table. Ritchie had retrieved one of his squeaky toys from his basket and sat gazing up at Tess. But she wasn’t paying him any attention; her eyes were riveted on the photographs Jay had placed there earlier.
“That’s your dad.”
“Yes. I recognise him from the Wimbledon image. Who’s the man with him?”
“That’s Douglas Rennie. They both worked on Piper Alpha. Dougie was on shore, though, when the explosion happened.”
“Was Dougie his boyfriend?”
“Yeah. How did you know that?”
“Easy to see from the way they’re smiling in this photo. And my mum, Donna, told me your brother was gay.”
“What else did she tell you?”
“Nothing much she could tell me. She’d never met you or your brother. Can you tell me more about him?”
Jay picked up one of the photos. Stewart was grinning from ear to ear holding up his catch. One of his last fly-fishing trips with Dougie…the Kilmartin River on Skye. He had given her the photograph when they met up before her Wimbledon finals match.
“Bit of a cliché, I guess, but he was a gentle giant. Apart from fishing, his other main passion was rugby. He helped his school’s under-14 team win all their matches for two years because he was bigger than all the other boys his age.”
“Could he have played professionally?”
“Maybe. But he sustained a serious neck injury during his first year at university. Kept him out of the game for over a year. By then he was getting into his studies and starting to look at job opportunities. The North Sea oil fields were an obvious fit with his qualifications, and the 1980s was a good time for the industry.”
“Isn’t production down now?”
“Yes. It peaked in the mid-eighties and late nineties.”
“Does Dougie still work there?”
“He’s sixty-one now and thinking of retiring in a few years. After Piper Alpha, he worked only for land-based oil companies. And that’s taken him all over the world.”
“So, did Char…Charley know your brother? I mean, how did he end up being the sperm donor?”
Jay closed her eyes.
“So, you’re going to go through with it?”
Charley stood in what Jay thought of as her Boudicca 6chariot-driving stance, swirls of red hair flying around her face. “I need the money, Jay. This research is vital. Thousands of seals are dying and we don’t know why.”
“Stewie will lend you money. And if I win a few tournaments….”
“I’m not asking your brother for money.”
“Not even for your precious seals.”
“That’s a low blow.”
“And what about the pregnancy? That’s nine months out of your life.”
“Being pregnant doesn’t stop the brain working. Or the body. As long as I’m healthy, I can keep working up to the last minute.”
“And what about…?”
Charley flew at her then and tackled her onto the couch. “Sex. Is that all you think about?”
“Yes.” With Charley lying on top of her, smothering her with kisses, Jay knew she’d lost the argument, again.
She opened her eyes and looked at the young woman seated opposite. “I introduced them. He was thrilled to be asked.”
†
Tess would love to know where Jay went when the faraway look took over her face. She’d seen it before at the cottage. Wherever Jay had gone this time, her face showed conflicting emotions of pain and pleasure. Had there been an argument? She could imagine the twenty-year-old Jay, just starting to make gains in her tennis career, not wanting her lover to have a baby. For someone else. Suggesting her brother as the donor may have helped her to feel included in the process.
Her next question was the one Alice had told her should definitely be taken off the list. But it was out of her mouth before she could stop herself.
“Did they have sex?”
“What? You think it was like some scene out of The Handmaid’s Tale. Me holding Charley between my legs while my brother pumped his seed into her. Of Stewart.”
Tess couldn’t tell if Jay was angry or not. But then she burst out laughing.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked that.”
Jay gulped some of her wine. “No, you want the details. If you must know, we used a turkey baster. Charley wanted it done properly. Muted lighting in the bedroom, soft music playing in the background.”
“Did you feel emotionally involved when she got pregnant?”
“Not really. I was amazed it worked. I’d heard it didn’t always take using that method. I didn’t see much of her during the pregnancy. She was away at sea for weeks at a time for the first six months. It actually worked out well for her. Just when the bump was getting bigger, she was able to stay home and work on her dissertation. I was travelling quite a bit to overseas tournaments. When we did meet up, we argued a lot. She probably saw more of your parents at that time. Stewart took an interest too. Particularly in the later stages. Whenever he had more than a week off the platform, he would spend time with Charley at the cottage.”
Seal View. That moment when she felt she’d been there before. Could a foetus have pre-birth memories of a place? It didn’t seem likely, but what other explanation could there be for the feeling that came over her as she stood in the doorway of that low-ceilinged room with the stone fireplace? She could even smell the wood smoke.
Jay poured out more wine for them both. Tess was surprised to see she had emptied her own glass.
“Did my parents, Cheryl and Donna that is, ever visit the cottage?”
“I don’t know. They may have done. Why do you ask?”
“I just experienced this vague feeling when I was there. Like déjà vu, you know.”
“Well, if they did, I didn’t know about it.”
Tess wished she could bring out the list she’d prepared. Questions were jumbling around in her head. “I guess one reason I want to know more about my birth parents is the question of hereditary diseases. I don’t have a medical history to draw on. Am I at risk from breast cancer, for example?”
“I’m afraid I can’t help you with that, either. Charley was an orphan. She grew up in foster care. There may have been records of her parents, but she didn’t pursue them. They abandoned her and she wasn’t interested in knowing anything about them.”
“How could she give up her own baby, then?”
“It was a different situation. You weren’t being discarded. She knew you were going to a loving home. At the time she thought that was the best solution. All her time and energy was devoted to saving the seals.”
“Is that what you argued about?”
Jay’s smile didn’t reach her eyes. “Mostly. I was young and stupid. I thought I could make her choose between me or the seals. But what was I thinking? She wasn’t going to be happy following me around the tennis circuit. Sitting in hotel rooms in strange cities. She was a brilliant academic. Do you know her doctorate was awarded posthumously?”
“Well, yes. I did read that she’d completed her PhD thesis just before….”
The front door banged shut and the terrier gave a short bark before getting to his feet and going to the top of the stairs. He stood looking down, his tail wagging frantically. Footsteps on the stairs came closer, and the person who appeared moments later stopped all thoughts in Tess’s mind.
The person was dressed in black jeans and a tailored black shirt. Apart from the short hair and hint of designer stubble on the cheeks, she could have been seeing herself in the mirror.
“Back early.” Jay rose to greet the vision.
“Yeah. It was just one drink.”
A look passed between the two that Tess couldn’t interpret.
“Um, Josh. This is Tess. We were just going over some family history.”
Josh’s eyes scanned her briefly before turning to Jay. “Are we related?”
“Yes. You have the same mother.”
“I didn’t know I had a sister.”
“Ditto.” Tess didn’t have any difficulty reading the panicked look in Jay’s eyes this time. “That I had a brother, I mean.”
