by Ella Miles
Milo’s body is on top of me. He’s in me. He’s around me. He’s everything I am.
I don’t fight anymore.
I gave up fighting within the first hour.
And since then, everything has changed.
Pain is different than it was before. It’s stronger somehow, yet foggy at the same time. But I no longer fear pain. It is who I am now. I am pain. And agony. And despair. That’s where I exist now.
But Milo was right. The physical pain just opened the hole to my heart; his words finished me.
Milo is Enzo’s younger half-brother.
Enzo’s father is Milo’s father.
I thought Enzo experienced pain at his father’s hand, but his experience was nothing compared to Milo’s. When Milo told me his story, I cried for him. How fucked up is that?
I felt pain for the man who raped and destroyed me.
God, my mind is so foggy. Am I remembering right? Did I really cry for Milo? I couldn’t have.
Milo said so many things.
So many truths spilled from his lips. He’s a monster, but he’s also a broken boy who has lost the love of his life.
It doesn’t absolve him of his sins, but it helps me to understand him. He’s as human as Enzo or I am. He’s experienced pain in a similar way we have, but the difference between him and us, is what he did with that pain.
We turned our pain into love.
He turned his pain into anger.
And that level of anger becomes so dark and evil, there is no coming back from it.
I don’t feel, but not because I’ve turned everything off. Not because I’ve put up my icy shield and gone numb like I have hundreds of times before.
I don’t feel because I gave Milo my heart and my love. That’s not to say I love Milo—I don’t. But I willingly surrendered my heart to him.
Words are strong, the most powerful tool any of us have. And Milo is an expert storyteller. The way he spoke was a weapon against my heart and love for Enzo.
And in the time we spent together, Milo obliterated any love I could ever hope of having.
That’s why I will never experience emotions again. Milo stole them, and I don’t ever want them back.
My eyes look deep into Milo’s. That’s why he’s able to hurt me like he is, because he has no heart either.
Milo shouldn’t have done what he did to me. He had no right. But the words he spoke needed to be said.
Yet that doesn’t stop what I need to do next.
My surroundings slowly come back into view after hours of darkness. The soft, wetness of the grass we are laying on. Milo’s cold body on my nakedness. The trees surrounding us, making it impossible for anyone to find us.
I suck in a breath, but it’s not enough, Milo’s weight is too much for me to get a good breath. Why is it that even though my heart is gone, I can still feel all the pain?
And this pain of Milo ripping and forcing himself inside my body will never end if I don’t stop it. Enzo will never find me here in the middle of the woods. We could be here days more before he finds us. I have to end this.
Tears wet my eyes again as I come back to reality. Of how many times I was raped. Of how my life changed in a few hours.
But I have to take back control.
I look around for anything I can use to try to get Milo off of me. I tried before he started. But my body was weak compared to his.
I tried reaching for the knife around my ankle, but I couldn’t reach it.
I even got desperate enough to press the button on my earrings, but Milo grabbed my arms, and I haven’t been able to move them freely again, until now.
Milo looks as exhausted and tormented as I am.
But that doesn’t stop him.
Nothing will.
Until I end this.
I go through the same motions as before, this time, more delirious. I search for rocks to slam into his head. But all I see are weak looking sticks.
My earrings! I can press my earrings. I squeeze the button on them tightly, trying to alert Enzo to where I am. But my hope quickly diminishes. Even if he finds me, the damage has already been done.
And then I see my clothes—bloodied and ripped, discarded next to me.
Milo continues his movements, pumping, but not really putting his whole heart into it anymore. While I search for my knife.
Please, please, please.
Shirt.
Pants.
Shoe.
Sock!
And tucked beneath the sock, is a thin blade of a knife.
Milo’s eyes are closed as he rocks.
Slowly, I reach out and grab the knife.
And then I do what I must—what has to happen for this to end. Even though I know the consequences of what I’m about to do. Milo may be bad, but his successor will be worse.
I grip the knife with both hands and use all of my force to stab into his chest, aiming for his heart.
I pull back, watching the blood squirt. And then I stab again, again, again, again, again, again, again…
So much pain, anger, and anguish go into each stab.
Die, die, die, die.
I hate you.
I hate your truths.
I hate it all.
I pant heavily, tears falling freely, blinding my vision as I stab. Over and over.
And over and over.
And over and over.
Everything consumes me in that moment.
“Stingray...”
The single word brings me out of the fog.
And I weep.
26
Enzo
Milo is dead, and Kai is alive.
I repeat the words over and over in my head, trying to erase everything else I see from my brain.
But I can’t.
I’m so tortured.
And this moment will change me. I’m not sure how yet. But it will. Just like it changed Kai.
I walk slowly to her even though I want to run. I need to keep her calm and get her out of here without her seeing anything else.
Langston is standing behind me, and I hold up a hand for him to wait. I don’t want to overwhelm her, and I don’t know what her current state is.
“Stingray,” I say softly again.
Her watered eyes stare at me, but thank god, the bluish-green color is still there. There is still life behind her eyes, even if she doesn’t feel it yet.
“Can I have the knife?” I ask. I’m afraid if I touch her, she will start stabbing at me. And while I could easily block her, I don’t want her to have any guilt later for attempting to hurt me.
She drops the knife, and I toss it away.
“I need you to close your eyes for a second, stingray,” my voice is sweet sounding and calm. My breath is flowing and light like a feather. And I hope it’s enough for her to listen to me.
I see the determination in her eyes. She wants to keep her eyes open, now that she’s found something to hold onto. But she can’t. She needs to close them so I can get rid of Milo.
I’m not even sure she realizes he’s dead yet.
Slowly, she closes her eyes.
And then I ease Milo’s body off of her. She winces when he’s free of her.
All I see is blood.
Hers.
His.
It all mixes together covering both of their naked bodies.
This image will haunt me forever.
I failed.
Again.
And I don’t know if our relationship will ever recover from this—from me failing her. From the pain she endured. I don’t know if even time can heal this.
I quickly remove my shirt.
“Stingray, can I put a shirt on you?”
She nods and sits up, putting her arms up over her head.
Whatever is going on inside her head, at least she can hear me. She still trusts me enough to help her.
I carefully slip the shirt over her body, even though I want to wipe her clean of the blood first. I don’
t touch her skin, as much as I want to. I won’t be selfish, not with her.
I won’t hurt her.
“Keep your eyes closed for a few more seconds,” I tell her.
She nods.
And then I wave to Langston.
We both stand over Milo’s lifeless, mutilated body.
“Jesus,” Langston curses as he looks from Kai to Milo. “What do you want me to do?”
“Bury his body. And then take care of the team and Liesel. I need to...” But I don’t know what to do. I just know Kai needs me.
Langston nods as he goes to Milo and grabs his feet. He begins dragging him through the woods.
And as much as Milo got what he deserved, I have a strange sense of loss at seeing him go. Something I can’t explain. But I won’t focus on it. I have someone more important to focus on.
I kneel in front of Kai. “Okay, you can open your eyes.”
Her eyes blink open as soon as I speak.
I bite my lip.
She notices. But she doesn’t touch me. She doesn’t kiss me. She doesn’t throw herself into my arms now that she is free.
“We need to get out of here,” I say.
She nods.
“Can I carry you?”
She nods.
And I’m afraid that may be all I ever get again from her—a nod.
I lift her body, and it feels different than any other time I’ve touched her. The spark is gone. But then again, that is to be expected. She was just raped. And I just went through a war to find her.
But we’ve been through bad times before, and every time, the spark was there.
Every time but this time.
And a little more of my hope leaves me.
I carry her through the woods to my waiting car. Langston and I drove here together when the signal finally came through from her earring. It was no longer sending out a signal of her location unless she pressed the button, which she finally did, but only after it was too late to save her.
Langston will have to find his own way back.
I consider putting her in the backseat. But it’s too far away from me. The seat next to me is too.
So I push the driver’s seat back as far as I can, and then I sit down with her in my lap. It’s not comfortable for either of us, but she doesn’t complain or ask for me to move her.
Probably because she isn’t speaking to me again. This will be just like before. Maybe worse.
I start driving, taking her away from the destruction of our world. And hoping to find something that resembles healing in the horizon.
I should drive back to the cottage we rented, but I don’t. I can’t deal with people right now. Kai can’t either.
So I drive toward the water.
Some of our men brought one of the yachts over. But it’s empty because everyone was focused on killing Milo and his men.
I park the car on the side of the road and carry her up to the yacht. The water has been the thing that has brought us together and torn us apart more than anything else. Maybe it can do it one more time?
If nothing else, it will give us a place to be alone for a while. Because completely alone might be the only way we will heal.
I holler for a dockhand to untie us. And then I head to the helm and start the engines with Kai still in my lap.
We head out into the darkness of the night. But the darkness never bothered us. Until now...
I did everything I was supposed to do.
I made sure she bathed and put on clean clothes.
I got her food and water.
I never left her alone.
But now, I have no idea what to do.
Do I try to get her to sleep?
Do I try talking?
Do I leave her alone?
Do we sit on the deck and breathe in the fresh air?
Do I kiss her?
Do I hug her?
What do I do?
We’ve been here before, in the depths of a darkness I never thought we’d dig ourselves out of. And we survived. But this time, it feels so different.
“I will do anything for you. Just tell me what to do,” I say.
She nods.
“Or maybe, write it down,” I jump up from where we are sitting on the top deck staring out into the starry night and dark blue sea below.
She grabs my wrist, stopping me from leaving.
There it is.
I sigh in relief.
The spark is back. It’s weak, so fucking weak, but I feel its trembles stirring in my body.
“I’ll stay,” I say, sitting back down next to her.
She continues to grip my wrist.
Maybe this is what I do. Just sit here with her. Until she’s ready.
“Fuck me, Enzo.”
My ears must not be working. I didn’t expect her to say that.
“I’m sorry, I think I misheard you.”
“No, you didn’t.”
I swallow down the shock as I stare into her eyes. I expect to see broken. I expect to see pain. I don’t expect to see clarity.
“Why? I mean…um…are you sure that’s what you really want right now? I can hold you. Or kiss you. Comfort you. We don’t have to—”
“Fuck me, Enzo.”
I will give her anything she wants, and there is nothing more I want to do than fuck her and remove any remnants of Milo from her body. But I’m not sure it’s the right move for her.
“Stop thinking and fuck me.” She kisses me, hard. Harder than all of our other kisses. And then, I’m no longer thinking. I just have this animalistic desire to be inside her.
And her kiss proves that’s what she needs too.
I grab her neck harder than I meant to, pulling her body onto my lap.
She’s wearing a T-shirt and baggy sweatpants I found in one of the cabins, while I’m wearing jeans and T-shirt. And I want all the clothes gone.
She moans into my lips, “Yes.”
She’s reading my mind and giving me permission to remove all her clothes.
Kai keeps kissing me hard on the lips, and I know both our lips will be bruised and bloodied in the morning from the intensity of the kisses. But neither of us care.
I grab the hem of her shirt and lift up, breaking our kiss to remove the shirt.
She doesn’t give me a second to examine her body; her lips devour mine again. She moans against me, and I have the strongest desire ever to make her feel incredibly good.
My hands find her nipples, pointing at me, begging to be touched. I flick over them, and her body arches needing more.
“That feel good, baby?”
“Mmh,” she purrs, unable to get any words out.
I grin into her lips. “I think you love it when I do this.” I squeeze her nipples and watch her reaction.
She moans into my lips, grabbing my hair forcefully, and pulling my body to hers. Her thighs squeeze over mine, and my erection pushes up toward her.
“I want something else more though.” I grab the waistband of her pants and lower them as much as I can. Then I move her off me, so her pants drop the floor, so she’s naked in front of me.
“Even more beautiful than I remember.”
But from the heat in her eyes, I know she’s not here for my romantic comments.
I quickly lower the lounger back until I’m laying flat, and then I grab her waist. I don’t want either of us to have time to think. If we do, then we will stop. And I want to give this a chance to heal us. To see if fucking each other is what we need to get back together.
I part her legs, and she sinks down onto my face.
And when I taste her sweet pussy, I don't think about anything other than pleasuring her.
My tongue takes its time finding her clit, first licking around her lips and teasing her slit.
Her body rides my face, moving in gyrating circles, trying to get my tongue to stop her agony.
She growls—making me laugh.
And I finally give her what her body craves.
/> My tongue on her clit.
I lick quickly, making up for lost time. And she grinds into my tongue, begging me to move it faster. So I do.
Faster, faster, faster.
I want to put a finger inside her, but she rides my lips so hard there is no room. And from the sounds she is making, I know she doesn’t need my fingers to get off. Just this, my mouth fucking her.
“Come, stingray,” I purr over her clit—the vibrations adding another layer of sensation for me before she explodes on my face.
“Yes!” she screams.
I smile up watching how beautiful she is as she comes. And how Milo may have taken so much, but he didn’t take this.
It takes her a while to come down from her high, but slowly, she looks at me and says, “More.”
I know what more means—fuck her.
I nod—now I’m the mute one.
She scoots her body down, pulling at the buttons of my jeans. She slowly undoes them and pushes my pants down, wiggling them off my body.
She rests over my hips, and I hold her gently, giving her space to fuck me when she’s ready. But her eyes tell me this isn’t what she wants.
“What do you want?” I croak.
“For you to fuck me.”
I nod. She doesn’t want to be on top.
Carefully, I roll us around on the lounger until she is underneath me.
I’ve never been so scared in my life. My body is hard as steel, that won’t be the problem. But I’m scared that with one thrust I could ruin everything we’ve gained.
I want to tell her I love her. But a few hours after the worst night of her life doesn’t seem like the right time. So I don’t. When I tell her, I want it to be the only thing on either of our minds.
Slowly, I spread her legs and watch her breathing speed.
“We don’t have to, stingray.”
“Stop calling me stingray.”
I sigh. “I’ll do whatever you want, baby. Just tell me what you want.” It hurts she doesn’t want me to call her stingray. She may think Zeke was the only one that had any input in that name. He may have taken credit for it and told her first, but it was as much mine as his. It was as much Langston’s as his. It’s the name three men who love her use to describe her. And it hurts she doesn’t love the name anymore.
But if she doesn’t want me to say the name tonight, I won’t.
