by Olga Menson
"Mom, Dad. I want you to wait outside." I put on my best 'responsible adult' voice, firm, and without any fear. I hoped that they bought it.
"What?" Dad said, finally getting angry. "I won't just stand by while someone else makes decisions about my little girl!"
I had decided at last to take a page from Ath's own book. There was no way that my family would leave if I told them the truth. So I didn't.
"I need to speak to the doctors, and you're not helping. This is why Athena put me in charge in the first place. Right now, you're making this much worse. Wait. Outside."
To my surprise, it worked. Both of my parents looked a bit ashamed of having raised their voices to me. Dad still looked like he wanted to say something more, but Mom put her hand on his chest, and they both looked at me.
"We'll be outside, Od," Mom said as they left the office. "Just, please...please don't make any big decisions without us."
"I won't," I said. I was lying.
* *
I suspected that Athena had warned her doctors against me, but I was on a roll with feigned confidence. Why stop here?
"I discussed blood marrow transplants with Athena. I know that she wasn't big on the idea before, but back then, there was hope that the new treatments might work. I also know that I'm compatible. How soon can we get the procedure started?"
Dr. Fredricks and Dr. Roman shared a grim look of knowledge.
"Normally," Dr. Fredricks started, "we'd want to do something a bit uncomfortable, but not particularly dangerous or invasive. It would be five days of injections, and then we would circulate the blood and get the needed stem cells. We don't have that luxury now. We'd have to put you under and harvest them directly from your hip bone, immediately. Athena may not have days."
"What are the risks?" I asked, already suspecting.
"Well," Dr. Roman answered, reaching his field of expertise, "that depends. Normally danger is low, but you've got your mother's condition, making you prone to strokes. That creates additional problems and variables that..."
I cut him off. I felt Athena's life slipping away with every tick of the clock.
"So if I don't do it, she will die, and if I do go through with it, she will only probably die. And there would be a low-but-significant chance that I could have a stroke and also die. Is that about it?"
"Yes," Dr. Fredricks said, "and I'll be honest with you. I don't know you that well, but I know your sister, and I don't think she'd want you to go through with this. Having said that, there must have been a reason she asked you to be her primary decision-maker as opposed to her parents. She did not expressly forbid this course of action. I'd rather you not go through with it, but if you do, there's no one better than Dr. Roman. He'll do everything in his power to ensure both of you make it."
I thought about it, really and truly, for about ten seconds. Athena would not want me to die for her. Is that what this was? Did I have a simple death wish? I didn't want to live in a world without her, that was true. If I truly loved her, and I did, I would respect her wishes. That was also true.
An ambulance rushed down the street in front of the hospital, its siren wailing, a typical occasion for the hospital. The woman walking her huskies pulled them closer, although they were up on the sidewalk and in no danger. One of them looked a bit surprised but did nothing but look at her. The other was a bit more spooked. He howled.
"Let's do it," I said, "right now."
* *
I signed as many documents as I would if I were buying a house. I understood the caution, however. My impatience was needless in any case. It took time to prepare everything. It took time to get me ready, and they didn't wait until they had everything signed before they started prepping Athena and me. By the time I had initialed the last page, the anesthesiologist was wheeling his cart into the room. He was a round, smiling man.
"Hi, I'm Bob, and I'll be drugging you today."
I laughed, which was probably the idea. He went on.
"Okay, sir, I see that you're already changed. You look a little nervous, and this is a little unusual, so I'm going to give you a shot. This will relax you and, in all probability, knock you out. It's not the main event, but with your family history of strokes, Dr. Fredricks thought it might be best to make sure you aren't stressing out too much."
I smiled and nodded, closing my eyes. I was sure that I was doing the right thing. I felt the sting and heard him counting backward from one-hundred. I didn't remember anything past ninety-seven.
It happened after I went under, towards the end of the surgery. I didn't know that it would, not really, but I had a dread that there would be no saving Athena without sacrifice. A simple transplant would not be enough. It would be a life for a life. I was glad that I had given the doctors precise instructions.
I shouldn't have felt anything, not really. I was totally out. But I remember a sort of dream state where I occasionally heard snatches of conversation. Perhaps I wasn't entirely under enough? I felt no pain from the surgery.
Then there was a pain. Not from my hip, but my head. The vague voices grew louder, more agitated. I felt an enormous pressure in my chest.
Then I didn't feel anything at all.
* * *
Underworld
* * *
The universe gives nothing without sacrifice.
I woke, but I did not. I was dreaming. I knew that I was, as I did before during my conversation with my dead grandfather. This, however, was a different situation.
The plain was dull, dark, and grey. No plants grew, and the light was dim, not the fires of hell but the twilight of death. I looked up. I couldn't see it in the cloying dark, but I knew there was a rough ceiling, studded with stalactites. I was in a cavern, far beneath the earth.
No, we were. Both of us.
"I know it looks bad, but it isn't. It's just not for living people, that's all. It's time for you to go back."
I saw her then. She was dressed in the loose pajamas that she must have been wearing when she had collapsed. She was so thin now that they looked like adult clothes on a child. I cried. I had no resistance to this. I had no comprehension of the death of my sister.
"No. I can't."
"You can. You have to. I don't want this. I don't want you to die too."
"I don't care. I can't. I can't let you die. I can't let you go."
Ath looked at me sadly, the circles under her eyes impossibly dark and deep.
"If you don't, it will ruin so much. Life is precious. Our time was...was more than you can understand. To me, it was everything."
"But there's so much more for you to do! You...you have to keep dancing. I won't let you go!"
"You don't have a choice, and you can't bring me back. You're not some hero gone to steal me from the jaws of death. You're IN death, right now, with me. You did exactly what I didn't want you to, and now I'm here to tell you to please stop. You can't bargain with me on this."
I was lost. Athena was crying, but I was sobbing. I felt something in my mind start to crack. It didn't matter if this were something that was happening somewhere, or only in my mind. It was real.
"If you don't dance, then there's no reason to make music. The world will be like this anyway. I know it's unfair, but I can't go back like this."
"What about Mom and Dad? Who's going to help them? What will happen to them if they lose two children and not one? I told you I won't bargain with you. Go back."
Athena was firm and cold. It would have hurt, but I knew why. She was strong for our parents and for me. She was doing what she thought was right. But so was I.
"Wait. You said that I couldn't bargain with you. Who could I bargain with."
Athena's reserve cracked. She shook her head, tears flowing freely now.
"No. No, you won't. You can't. It never ends well. You know that. You remember the stories Grandpa Joel told us. You can't trick the gods, and you can't defeat them."
"I don't want to trick them," I said softly, "I want to sa
ve you."
There was real fear in her eyes now, and she shook her head, screaming without sound or words. As I watched, she faded. I extended my hand to touch her face, and it passed through her cheek, leaving only a damp chill. I wondered what had happened. Then I felt it. It was behind me, and it wanted me to know it. I spun.
"You can bargain with me," it said. It was tall and not at all human. It wore a suit, clean and old-fashioned and modern and filthy all at once. I could not understand it, so I did not try. Its voice was hollow as the cavern but full of infinite grief. "What do you offer?"
"Me for her. She goes back, has her life, recovers from the cancer. I go into the dark with you. That's it."
"That's it? No begging? No challenges? No games? No defiance or deception?"
I shook my head.
"I know how that ends. I just...I just want her to have a chance."
It nodded, although I couldn't tell you now if it even truly had a head.
"What if she dies anyway? She could be hit by a car, you know. Or she could end up like you are now, lost and hopeless. She could put herself in the ground right after burying you. It would make your sacrifice a waste."
"Why do you care? I'm offering you a fair exchange..."
"I care because I do. I am not without understanding or empathy. You must know that I cannot guarantee that Athena will have a long or happy life. I can only return her and let her go her own path. I will be taking you to right the balance. It is the oldest of bargains, and I am willing to honor it. But..."
"But what?"
"But I am not the only thing here. Others do not bargain at all. They are willful and hateful of the living. They want to keep both of you, leech the last bit of life from your bones and cast you down into the pit. I have little way to stop them. Your sister was poised to flow beyond them, out of their reach, into the place that even I do not speak of. If you stay, you will not be so fortunate."
"Fine," I said.
"You will suffer. You will not remember your own name. You will not remember her. You will resent all things, and in the end, perhaps become just another hungry thing in the dark."
"It doesn't matter. I still agree."
It nodded. It was sad, but resigned, and perhaps even respectful.
"You do this freely, and of your own will? I am required to ask."
"Yes."
It nodded again. It turned as if to go, but then looked back at me as if reminded of some small detail. Then it spoke. At first, I thought it spoke to me, but then I realized that, even here, there were things that I could not see.
"The gods were also brothers and sisters, and they loved one another as man and wife. He came humbly and spoke only truth. Surely that must mean something."
There was silence, and then it spoke again.
"Does not justice also require mercy?"
Then he looked back at me. Everything went quiet. The light vanished, and so did he. The dream was over.
The funny thing is, though I cannot remember if he even had a face, I would swear that he had been smiling.
* *
The gods were merciful, but they were not kind.
* *
I woke in pain. It was awful. But I was alive, so I knew that it had just been a dream. A fantasy where I could save my sister by being brave and stupid and loving.
It simply wasn't that kind of world.
I tried to open my eyes, but I could not at first. Then I could open one of them, but the other remained stubborn. I lay in a hospital bed. I sensed rather than saw the machines that I was connected to. I understood that I was not in a standard room, but somewhere for the more direly injured. So it hadn't gone all that well.
I felt the tube in my throat and the needle in my arm. I felt the pain in my hip, and an ache all over my body. I felt a deep weariness in my bones. Even if I hadn't truly gone to the other side, I felt like death.
A nurse came in, saw me looking at her, and smiled. I must have fallen asleep again. I woke to shapes and forms moving through a shadow that must have been my room. I know that I was moved at least twice. I remember, at one point, there had been some shouting.
I woke to the same nurse again, red-headed and beautiful and almost irritatingly optimistic.
"There you are," she said with a smile. "You've been drifting for a bit, but I knew that you'd come back again sooner or later. Try and stay with me, all right? I know you might be exhausted, but Dr. Roman needs to talk to you." Almost as an afterthought, she added: "You're a bit late, though."
"H-how am I late?" My voice came out raspy and rough, and my tongue felt like it was covered in dirty felt.
"I just had to shoo your sister away for the third time today. That girl just won't leave your side. She reads to you, talks to you, and just holds your hand. I mean, I can't blame her after what you did for her."
"Ath...is alive?"
"Of course she is. She's still in recovering and monitoring, but she responded extremely well to your donation. Her surgery went a lot smoother than yours did. You just hang tight. I'll get Dr. Roman for you."
Seeing as how I doubted that I could stand up, I waited. The doctor, unlike most of his profession, apparently believed in promptness. It couldn't have been more than two minutes, before he strode in, all smiles.
"All right, sir. I'm going to ask you a ton of different questions, and then we're going to do some tests for balance and grip strength. After that, we're going to need to do some tests on your eye and the nerves in your legs, which might end up being painful. You're going to hate me, I'm afraid, but I want to get this done so I can give you and your family some answers about your prognosis. Sound good?"
I smiled and nodded. He could torture me all he wanted. Athena was alive, and so was I. Everything else was just details.
* * *
Minerva Invictus
* * *
Things moved quickly after that. Dr. Roman was as good as his word: He barraged me with questions, and some of his nerve tests involved needles, but he was speedy and efficient about them. Mom and Dad came to see me just as he was wrapping up, although, ironically, Ath had fallen asleep just after I had woken, and no-one wanted to wake her. I agreed with them.
The extraordinary thing, however, was that Mom and Dad were both very restrained with me. It was clear that they were overjoyed that both Ath and I were alive, and moderately well, but there was something unsaid. After some hugs and I-love-you's, they left. I felt as though they were waiting for something.
When they left, I felt worried for them, although I couldn't say why.
* *
"She'll dance, but you won't," was all Dr. Roman said. I had dozed off for what must have been a few hours. I woke to my whole family sitting at my side. Ath's eyes met mine, and we couldn't help but smile like idiots at each other. She reached out and held my hand. Our parents shared a look. After a moment, I remembered that the doctor had spoken to me.
"I won't walk?"
I asked the question, and I saw my mother and Ath wince, but Dad didn't. He understood how easy the trade had been. He would have done it himself for his wife or his daughter. Or for me, for that matter.
Dr. Roman smiled.
"I think you will," he said, "but not very fast. You'll probably need a cane for a while. Maybe forever. And no more driving. Your left eye is alive, but the nerves it's attached to are dead. You don't have any depth perception. I...for what it's worth, I'm sorry. Even knowing your condition, I didn't think this would happen. There was a one in a million..."
I interrupted him by laughing. The good doctor looked at me as if I'd gone mad, but I felt like the only sane one in the room. Didn't he understand the miracle that had occurred?
I guess that he didn't, given that he hadn't had the same fevered dream that I had about death and the underworld.
"I'm sorry. I don't mean to make light of the situation. I'm just...very happy with the results."
Dr. Roman smiled at me and then Ath.
"I can see that," he said. "Well, physical therapy starts tomorrow, and I've signed you up with a real jerk. He should get you up and moving much faster than you want to be. In any case, you should get some time in with your family before the nurse sends everyone out."
The doctor left, and to my surprise, so did our parents, but not before Mom touched my arm, and Dad shared some quiet words with Ath. Ath responded with a single word answer, that didn't seem to please him. But he shrugged and smiled and left with Mom, arm in arm.
Then we were alone together.
"So," I said, "are you going to beat me up?"
Ath laughed.
"I was pretty mad at you for a day or two, but I got over it. I was terrified that you'd gone and died on me, you know? You wouldn't really wake up. The doctors wouldn't call it a coma, but you were in and out for a few weeks. A month is a long time to think about what you did for me."
"Its been a month? It feels more like a day or two."
"Well, yeah. I'm sure it would, hero. It turns out that sometimes the suffering can be worse for the saved."
"Oh god, don't call me that."
"I'm afraid it's too late. You're my hero, and that's never going to change. In fact, if I wasn't afraid that I would break you, I'd jump you right now and show you exactly how much I appreciate what you did."
"I mean, some things are worth a little risk," I said, smiling hopefully. Ath laughed and hit my arm playfully. She held my hand again, and we lost ourselves in each other's eyes for a moment. I almost asked her to kiss me, but I knew that was a bad idea.
"What's up with Mom and Dad?" I asked, finally, just by way of starting a conversation. "They seem...weird. Even for them."
"Ah," Ath said, a bit more reserved all of a sudden, which made me suspicious. "You noticed that, did you? Yeah, they're dealing with a lot right now."
"Oh. Yeah. I guess we did both almost die."
"Well, that too. They know, Od."
"They know...what?"
