Dubstep Succubus

by Aaron Siverling

  “By the Light, I hate those things!” She scowled in disgust. "Seriously, why these things? What was wrong with the traditional mobs every other game world had?”

  “Like giant rats? Would you rather deal with rodents of unusual sizes?”

  “Ick, no!”

  “Because they could exist here, too.”

  She glared at me. "Do. Not. Jinx. Us.”

  I smiled slightly and said, “As you wish.”

  She was silent for a while before she asked, “Why do you call them ‘Whatsits’ anyway?”

  “Because,” I grinned, powered up my spell and said, “I name thee!” I blasted one of the incoming creatures with an excessive amount of magic. "WHATSIT!”

  It exploded and Aeria covered her head with her hands as she ducked. "Don't do that! The body parts go everywhere when you do that!”

  “Oops. Sorry.”

  “And you can't just make up words,” she added.

  “Uh, yes I can. Where do you think words came from? Someone made them up to describe something.”

  “Yes… but… nevermind.”

  “Hmm, I wonder...” I wondered. “Why so many arguments I get into end with people saying ‘nevermind’.”

  “I'm going to… oh thank the Light. A road. Civilization…”

  “Yeah, its lucky I smelled those horses. Well, not horses but horse poop.”

  She made a sound of disgust and ran past me to the road. She looked both ways, then down at the ground before turning right.

  I followed her and asked, “Hey, uh… why are we going this way?”

  "There are hoof prints going this way," she said it as if it were obvious.

  "Yes… but they could be going away from a town just as easily as towards it."

  She stopped, groaned and turned to glare at me before demanding, “Do you know which way to go?”

  “Well, no…”

  “Then it doesn't matter! It's a road. It has to lead somewhere. Anywhere is better than being here with… out civilization."

  She quickly turned around and stomped down the road.

  I noted the pause but didn't comment on it. Instead, I just followed her, thinking to myself, My first quest on this world it's an escort quest. Great.

  Then I shook my head. Come on Ruin, remember what Five always said: Embrace the suck. And survive.

  As we walked down the road I continued to practice my magic while singing in a deliberately off key manner.

  You know, for vengeance.

  A successful cast of Force Spike looked like a six inch long, highly condensed heat haze. In its current form the spell lasted barely a second and seemed to do about as much damage as you would expect a needle sharp spike to do.

  I tried experimenting to change its length or duration and quickly learned that pushing more magic into the spell shape didn’t do anything but make the energy spill out. I had to change the spells shape, the way it was formed in order to really alter it.

  From what I understood, most mage spells could be classified as Cast On Release, Channelled Cast or Modulated Cast.

  If it was Cast On Release I could push magic into a spell and hold it like that for as long as I was able to concentrate. It didn’t cost any extra magic to hold it, just concentration. It was only when I released the magic that the spell went into effect.

  Channelled Cast spells required you to keep pushing magic into the spell shape to create a continuous effect. Losing concentration, running out of magic or simply cutting off the flow of magic would stop the spell.

  Modulated Cast spells increased the effect based on magic input. Like a fireball spell where the more magic you put into it the more powerful it gets.

  Obviously a single spell could have multiple cast types, making the spell much more versatile. But the more cast types a spell had, the more magic it costs to power.

  I had tried casting Force Spike then keeping it solid by feeding magic into it but while the spike did last an extra second it broke apart an instant later.

  The current form of the spell just wasn’t designed to channel magic. I learned this while fighting Whatsits when we were still wandering around in the woods.

  I decided to try altering the shape of the spell to create different effects.

  Unfortunately, it wasn't as easy as I thought it would be.

  Force Spike was set into my mind and once I learned to trick of actually casting it, I could do it easily. However, a new spell shape required a huge amount of practice and concentration until it was cemented in the mind.

  Concentration so all consuming that everything else in existence was excluded.

  Like say, a ten foot tall, five foot wide sign standing in the middle of a crossroads. A sign I didn’t notice until I walked right into it.

  "Ow! Blood and Suffering…" I growled and rubbed the spot between my horns.

  I fully expected Aeria to start laughing at me but instead she was staring up at the sign.

  And she was not happy.

  I inferred this when she put her head in her hands and moaned.

  I backed up a few paces and looked at the sign as well.

  It was a good news/bad news sort of thing.

  The sign had two planks shaped like arrows. One plank had “West Road” on the end and “East Road” the other end.

  The other sign pointed in the direction we were headed and said: Deeper Into The Forest. While the sign pointing in the direction we came from said: Nearest Village.

  I wanted to laugh but Aeria's expression said that was a bad idea.

  I laughed anyway.

  “At least… at least we know where... the closest… village is,” I said between giggles.

  “Yes. But we've been WALKING! In! The WRONG! DIRECTION!”

  I tried to stop laughing.

  Failed.

  Aeria turned towards me, grabbed her stick and made as if to hit me with it. I hurriedly backed away and got my giggles down to snickers.

  “It says nearest… ah, village,” I pointed out. "That means it has to be near… right? Maybe?"

  She opened her mouth to say something then froze and looked over my shoulder. Then I smelled it, something like a Whatsit but… more so.

  I looked back to see a monster, about the size and general shape of a very, very large dog. It had the same smoke like skin of a Whatsit and it was coming right at me.

  Its tail was wide, thick and didn't seem to do anything but counterbalance it's long, snake like neck. A neck that was topped by an elongated, eyeless head.

  It had a face that was all mouth and a mouth that was all razor sharp metallic teeth.

  We ran. No discussion. No, “Should we try and kill it?”.

  Nope.

  We just ran back the way we came.

  Unfortunately it was fast, way too fast and closing in on us. I could hear it's paws digging into the road, getting closer and closer. It's mouth opening and closing, the sound of its metal, scissor like teeth, scraping and clanking with every bound it took.

  When I broke the cardinal rule of "Don't look back at the monster! Just run! Run!" and looked back. I saw Aeria several feet behind and the creature only a few feet behind her.

  I groaned, slowed down until I was almost beside the terrified Elf and waited for the creature to leap at her.

  When it did I unceremoniously shoved her off her feet and out of the things path. As it passed, I stopped running, my feet sliding on the dirt and gravel for a second as I turned sideways and slammed a double Force Spike into the creature.

  A spell from each hand stabbed into it while my push unbalanced it. The creature hit the ground, rolling ungainly down the road.

  I lost my balance and my slide turned into a roll as well, although I managed to make it into a controlled one.

  I turned the roll into a slipping, sliding crouch, the claws of my right hand digging into the dirt, slowing me further.

  When I came to a stop I was bruised, battered, dizzy and dirty but I didn’t hesitate. I ran un
steadily toward the creature while it was still trying to stand.

  My Force Spike hit it in the temple and if it had any sort of normal biology the spell piercing it's brain would of killed it instantly. As it was, the things head was knocked back and it seemed disoriented for a second.

  I used that second to hit it again but it whipped its head away before I could do more than scratch it.

  Then it darted forward, as fast as a striking snake. I dodged, mostly, it missed my neck but sliced into my shoulder.

  I snarled with pain and hit it with a double palm spike in the neck before it pulled away.

  Our blood essence flowed toward each other as we fought and it leapt toward me. Its neck whipped around, attacking from unexpected angles.

  I jumped, dodged, spun and rolled away as fast as my agility points allowed. Avoiding its scissoring teeth as I stabbed it whenever and wherever I could.

  I don't know how long the fight lasted but I was already starting to get winded. It probably didn't help that I was talking the whole time.

  “Wow, you are much tougher, faster and possibly creepier than the Whatsits. Something about the teeth. I think it's the sound of metal teeth sliding against each other over and over and over like a serial killer's heartbeat inspired by a hallucinogenic acid trip. Although, the ‘I have no eyes but I see you!’ bit is a close second and - “

  “Stop playing with it and kill it!”

  “The Elf girl said as she kept a safe distance while being completely unhelpful!” I called back to her.

  “I'm a healer! I can't help you kill it!”

  “I need a heal!”

  “I can't heal at a distance and you're moving too fast!”

  “Well if I die, I am totally blaming you for distracting - ahh! My foot!”

  The creature and I had both been slowing down. I'd spiked it in the legs a few times which made it difficult for the thing to turn quickly.

  Then Aeria had gone and distracted me. And I was having an off day, and the sun was in my eyes.

  Anyway, I'd dodged too slow and the creature got the edge of my right foot. Slicing off a corner of my sandal along with my pinky toe.

  “Timmy! No! You ate Timmy! Die!”

  Throwing caution into the toilet and flushing with extreme prejudice I jumped on its back and stabbed it over and over again.

  When it's head whipped towards me I caught it with one hand, my claws digging into its neck under the jaw as I cast the modified channelled Force Spike I had been working on into its neck.

  I worked. But it burned through my magic much faster than it should have.

  The creature buckled under the onslaught and I rode it to the ground as it thrashed. I stabbed it where its neck met the body and I kept at it until I ran out of magic.

  Then I stomped on the same place with my injured foot. Not the smartest thing, I admit, but my adrenaline was up and I was angry.

  Eventually something important sounding snapped. I stomped harder and more things snapped. Then it finally stopped moving.

  Exhausted, I fell back into a clear patch of grass and watched it disintegrate into what looked like mud and thick burnt branches.

  My adrenaline was fading fast and I was definitely not looking forward to the pain I just knew was about to hit me like a runaway zamboni.

  Luckily, Aeria rushed over to heal me, going over my body and prioritizing the serious injuries.

  She avoided my gaze at first, just healing what she could until her magic ran out.

  "I'm sorry," she said, still not looking at me.

  "Hey, it's fine. I'll just wait. I can be a patient patient whose patiently waiting until you're not OOM."

  Now she did look at me, her confusion obvious. "What?"

  "Oh, sorry. OOM means - "

  "I know what OOM means!" She snapped. "What I meant was… gah! You're so frustrating!"

  "It's a talent," I admitted. "I mean, I'm not even trying to frustrate you and yet, here we are!"

  She closed her eyes and her lips moved silently. Ten seconds later she opened them and went back to not looking at me.

  Then, as she started healing me again she said, "What I meant to say, is that I'm sorry. Sorry for being judgmental when we first met and acting inconsiderate after."

  "Don't worry about it. I'm used to it."

  She frowned and looked up at me. "You shouldn't have to be used to it."

  "And yet…" I replied.

  She reached up and cupped my face. I relaxed at her touch and she healed the pain I didn't even know I had. It had been lost amid all the other pain.

  The bruises faded and cuts closed, letting me smile without pain. The warmth of her magic faded, leaving the smell of it on my skin.

  Her hand was still on my face, her eyes locked on mine as she whispered, "You saved my life. You could of run and been safe while it was busy killing me. Instead you risked yourself, for me."

  I… wasn't comfortable with this level of sincere appreciation for my actions. So I said, "Are we going to kiss now? If this were a movie, we would totally be kissing right now."

  To my surprise, instead of jerking away or slapping me she kissed me on the cheek. Then she laughed when she saw me blush.

  "Hey! Not what I meant!"

  She kept on laughing.

  I let her laugh for a few seconds before I pulled back and held my damaged foot up to her face.

  She grimaced at the foot before reluctantly touching it as she said, “Um, I'm assuming… because nothing else makes sense...”

  We both watched in fascination as my toe slowly grew back. "Of course that doesn't make sense either but… did you just randomly name your pinky toe ‘Timmy’?”

  “Nooo. I did not just randomly name my pinky toe. That would be weird.”

  “Then why - “

  “I named all my toes,” I said reasonably. "What kind of person would ignore their other toes like that?”

  “Um…”

  “Exactly! Do you want to know the rest of their names?”

  “I'm… not sure,” she said hesitantly. "But, I feel like, I kinda have to know? Otherwise, the not knowing will be stuck in my head.”

  I nodded solemnly. "Always best not to have questionable toes stuck in your head. I speak from personal experience.”

  “What?… No. No no no. I don't want to know!”

  “Too late!” I pointed at my left foot and counted off from left to right. "Fred, George, Ron, Percy, Big Bubba, Bigger Bubba, Charlie, Charlotte, Tomas and of course. The newly resurrected Timmy!”

  She groaned but continued healing the rest of me. "You're just lucky I'm here to heal you.”

  “Yeah, I mean I could of just outran the thing instead of having to come back and save you. Not to mention that Timmy would never of been eaten by a Snickersnack in the first place.”

  “Oh, shut up. And… what is a Snickersnack?”

  I pointed at the pile of mud and branches that had given me so much trouble. "That. Is a Snickersnack. They're called that because of their teeth.”

  She let out a little huff and stood up. "I still think you're making these names up.”

  “Did you get to the part of the info packet that talks about them?” I asked

  “Well, no.”

  “Well, there you go. Hey!” I yelled when she started dropping the metal teeth into her own bag. “My loot! Mine! Bad Elf!”

  “Half of this is mine,” she said with a sniff. "If it weren't for me you'd be bleeding and limping all the way to the village.”

  I crossed my arms. "If it weren't for you I wouldn't have fought it in the first place!”

  “Then you still wouldn't have gotten the loot anyway,” she pointed out. "Because of me you got half the loot and all the experience. You gained more than me and lost nothing that wasn't or can't be recovered.”

  “Oh, sure. Use logic against me. Fine.“ I scooped up the rest of the teeth and tossed them into my bag before starting back down the road.

  “But don't get
mad at me if the village is hundreds of miles away. You picked the direction.”

  She made an irritated sound as she walked past me and said, so quietly I barely heard. "I had to end up with Ruin. The Ruin.”

  But I did hear it. Apparently she was going back to being inconsiderate.

  “Sorry you didn't end up with someone more to your liking,” I said and saw her back stiffen. “But I promise I'll keep you alive until you find someone you actually like.”

  “I… didn't mean anything by it,” she said without turning around.

  “Oh, of course not. You people never do.”

  Now she looked back at me. "What do you mean you people.”

  I smiled with wide eyed innocence and said, “I didn't mean anything by it. Oh, wait! That's not a real apology! Let's try this…” I made an ‘Ahem’ sound and then said, “I. Am. Soooorrrrryyy. There! Now that's an apology.”

  She gritted her teeth and she said, “Okay. I’m sorry. That was an insulting thing to say.”

  “You didn't sound sorry when you said that. You sounded angry that you were socially obligated to say sorry.”

  “Oh by the Light! I - ”

  “But,” I interrupted her, “I'll take it. Because I am a kind and forgiving person who will accept an apology no matter how insincere, how forced, how resentful, how belligerent, how - “

  “I get it!” she yelled. "Can we just stop… talking… for just, like five minutes so I don't try strangle you.”

  “Alright, jeez. You sound like that one nun I knew this one time.”

  I followed her in silence for a long time. Like, many, many seconds. Then I started humming.

  We walked side by side as I continued to hum and after a while I could tell she was trying to place the song.

  When she recognized it her eyes widened and she suddenly stopped. "No… no no no no. Don't! Do not...”

  But it was too late. I had already started singing,

  “But I would walk five hun-dred miles.

  And I would walk five hund-dred more.”

  “I swear by the Light. Ruin, I will seriously...”

  ​“Da da da (da da da)

  ​Da da da (da da da)

  ​Da da da dun diddle un diddle un diddle uh da.”

  Aeria moved her stick to a “I'm Seriously, Gonna Stab Your Face” position and started toward me.