“Doesn’t matter.” I interrupted her, my claws digging into the bartop. “Nothing would matter. The strongest warrior, the greatest caster, the largest army, they would all die. Even if it took a thousand deaths, a thousand resurrections or a thousand lives. They would all die, and her name would be my warcry.”
“Well, that's... excessive and ultra violent. I think Five would be touched.”
“Really?” I perked up. “You think so?”
Cherish ran her hands through her dark hair and covered her eyes with the palms of her hands. “I just... don’t want you to forget about the rest of us, okay?”
“You mean you’d help me avenge her?”
She laughed a little, put her hands down and said, “Well, duh. We love her too. But that's not what I meant. We need you too. Especially if we lose Five.
“You don’t really need me. I'm - ”
“Shut up! Yes, we do and good Gods, I’m sorry I brought this up! Nevermind. And don’t damage the bar, you’ll get sap everywhere.”
I looked down at where I had clawed the bar and saw that there was indeed sap oozing from the cuts. Before I could ask, Cherish explained that the bartop was like the tables. They were grown like leafless trees.
Apparently the large leafy tree absorbs sunlight while the leafless furniture trees stores water and nutrients. All this is shared between them through root grafting.
“The loose furniture,chairs or stools, are shaped and grown from various trees by magic.” Cheish explained. “The idea of killing a tree, mutilating it, cutting it up and stabbing it with nails to put it into a desired shape is a forein concept to Elves.”
“So their furniture, literally, grows on trees," I stated.
She nodded. “Other people do use “Corpse Wood” as they call it but not in the Elf lands.”
I scratched my head. “Well, it does seem like it would be more cost efficient to grow them. Slower though. Oh, wait, magic right?”
“Yep.”
“Hey!” The innkeeper came to stand directly in front of me as she glared down at the scratches I had made. “What did you do to my bar!”
“Oops! Sorry! Can’t talk! I have to go get a bath okay bye!” I turned on the barstool and headed for the door.
Cherish apologise to the innkeeper and told her that I would be leaving and not coming again without learning some manners about respecting other people's property.
Money may have exchanged hands but I was already waiting outside the door for her.
Then Tahaniria, Aeria, Taren and Crystaliza walked up to me with a proposition.
Chapter Twelve: So Good.
Tahaniria, Aeria, Taren apologized with varying degrees of sincerity. Then they said that instead of outright borrowing money from Cherish they wanted to sell her their loot from the Whatsits.
They implied they wanted to pay their own way but from the way Taren crossed his arms and looked straight ahead while both the Aegis Elves refused to look at me, I inferred a different reason.
“Cherish its fine, go ahead.” I could feel her inclination to ditch them. “I’m sure they didn’t really mean to snub me. Besides Crystaliza was busy interrogating the Centaurs about getting a race change.”
I felt her confusion and after agreeing to trade their loot for cash she asked me what I meant about a race change. I explained while we walked and it turned out Cherish had no idea such a thing was possible.
Most MMORPG's allowed a race change via epic quests or through a flat out payment option but we never expected it here.
“I couldn’t imagine changing my body to a different race." I smirked. "But I’m in one of the best races in all the four worlds, well, five worlds now. So I guess there's no accounting for good taste”
“You mean bad taste,” Aeria said.
“No, I don’t. Bad taste is common, it's everywhere! Like when I was nineteen and I dressed up as a wizard to go trick or treating. My robe was green and purple with rhinestones everywhere, absolutely everywhere! You would not believe how many people didn’t like my costume!”
“I believe it.” Aeria got a pained expression on her face and started rubbing her head. “And I now I can see it. In my head. Haunting me forever.”
“Scariest costume ever!” I said with pride. ”I wish I could take credit for the design.”
“Who would design something like that?” Tahaniria asked.
“This twelve year old boy I ran over with my motorcycle.”
Everyone looked at me with appalled expressions.
“Don’t worry! He was fine! I mean… he had two broken legs but other than that... “ I paused. “Okay… it sounds bad when I put it like that, but you have to understand it wasn’t my fault! The insurance company said so!”
Cherish, the only one who wasn’t becoming increasingly horrified as I spoke, spoke up herself to explain. “What Ruin is forgetting to say, is that even though the insurance company, the police, the boy in question and even the boys parents said it wasn’t his fault. He still felt really bad about it.”
“Especially since Halloween was only a few days away and the kid really wanted to go trick or treating.” I admitted. “So I had him design a costume and went trick or treating for him while he ordered me around via a video stream. I was basically his puppet doing whatever he wanted me to do for the duration.
“Whenever someone commented about my age he had me say that I was really a twelve year old boy in the hospital with two broken legs remotely piloted the guy who put him there. I got so much candy.”
Tahaniria started rubbing her head too and said, “How… are you even a real person.”
“Why do so many people say that to me? Or variations of that? It's like I’m the only normal person adrift in a sea of weird people who are also adrift for some reason while sharks of confundity circle me! Waiting, just waiting for me to slip on the slippery slope of a raft made of morality keeping me afloat in a world constantly roiling with wave after wave of potential tragedy! A personal oceanic apocalypse swimming with fishy bad choices versus other fishy bad choices! Which fish do I eat today?! Hmmm?! Raw fish or… the other raw fish!”
“Ruin,” Cherish broke into my rant. “You're doing that thing you do again.”
I stopped, realized had been gesturing wildly and put my hands down. I also realized I had stopped in the middle of the street and everyone on that street was looking at me.
“Sorry!” I called out. “I’m having a bit of an off day!”
Then I started walking again, with Cherish beside me. After a moment, the others followed us.
When we arrived we found ourselves in front of a large stone building covered with decorative wave carvings. Above the door was the carved and painted words "Stillness And Serenity Bathhouse". When we went inside the owner greeted Cherish enthusiastically.
"He's a fan." She explained while the Half-elf happily shook her hand with both of his.
Then she gave me a couple silvers and told me to take as long as I wanted.
My eyes went wide when I realized that this would be a real shower. Not the travesty of a shower we had in the Grey Hell.
I almost stripped in the lobby, right then and there, forgetting that the censor boxes were none existent here.
The owner took out a round blue stone about the size of a walnut. The stone was etched with symbols and held in a mesh of leather stands that braided into a three inch cord. The cord was attached to a stylized metal disk with a number on one side and the name of the bathhouse on the other.
He told me that it was my key and held one charge each for two doors. One for the shower and one for the bath.
Elf and Half-elf bathing practices involved a shower, a scrub and then a rinse off followed by a long soak.
Normally I wouldn't bother with a bath but since it came with the shower, I decided to take it.
After the smiling owner explained all this to me he said, "Because we have a limited number of rooms and the rest are taken, I have upgraded you to a
Serenity Room."
I resisted the urge to snatch the key dokicky out of his hand, yell "SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!" and toss the coins over my shoulder as I ran for the shower.
Instead, I managed to calmly hand over the money, take the key and ask him what was so serene about a Serenity Room.
"Oh, it's very relaxing. Magicly sound proofed and the door has Impenetrable Dark charms around it. Completely secure and enchanted with alarms that register any damage done to the customer for security."
It sounded like an excellent way to murder someone once the security spells were disabled but whatever.
It's not like people were trying to kill me. Currently.
Probably.
I went in to the shower smelling of sweat, blood, dirt and trash. I left smelling of sharp, clean smelling soap and hot water (yes, hot water has a smell).
I felt more clean than I ever had in my entire life. To the tips of my horns, to the middle of my mentionables and all the way down to between my toesy wosies.
I carried my bag in one hand and wore a fluffy white towel that was unspeakably soft. I had to put some real effort into not stealing the thing.
A few Natives, two female Elves and a male Half-elf, all with their own delightfully fluffy towels, watched me warily as I walked down the stone hallway to the Serenity Room.
Well, I didn't walk, so much as I danced and sang down it. Michael Bublé style.
"And this old world is a new world,
And a bold world,
For meee…"
It had been a really good shower.
Aeria and Taren came out if their own shower room, which they apparently shared. Good for them, conserving water like that.
"Stars when you shine,
You know how I feel.
Scent of the pine,
You know how I feel.
Oh freedom is mine!
And I know how I feel!"
Aeria had a hand over her mouth, stifling giggles and Taren watched me skip, spin and dance past him with reluctant amusement.
"It's a new day,
It's a new life,
It's a new life!
Foooor meeee!"
I found the room with the corresponding number on the key and touched it to the door.
When it opened, I turned around to face the hall with arms spread wide for the big finale.
"And I'm feeeeliiin... goooood...
I'm feeling goooood."
I moonwalked backwards singing, "I feel sooo goooooood…" before shutting the door.
I waited patiently for the applause.
Waited some more.
Then decided I was being silly. The room was sound proofed after all.
Sighing I looked around, finding myself in a room the size of a capsule apartment or a long closet. It was lit with glowing stones held in sconces the same way the rest of the building was.
The door opposite of the entrance had an image shaped like a stop sign with words and arrows pointing at specific parts.
It basically showed what the room inside looked like, which was pretty much your basic hot tub. The room also held a few hooks on the left wall, two empty and four with fresh towels.
I hung my bag and towel on the two empty hooks before pushing open the door to look inside. When I looked at where the otherworldly hot tub (which would of been a great name for a Goth Metal band) was supposed to be I saw… darkness.
Complete and utter, unrelieved, warm and steaming darkness.
"Wow… they weren't kidding about those darkness charms," I said to myself and was seriously thinking about forgetting the bath when I suddenly noticed something.
A big. Red. Button.
On the left wall, partially hidden by a few fresh towels there was a big red metal button.
No words accompanied the button. No sign that said: "press to open door" or "to call for assistance" or "for emergencies only" or "to activate trap door".
I stared at the big red button for longer than I'd like to admit until I forced myself to look away. Like, literally. I physically grabbed myself by the horns and forced head in another direction.
"Don't be stupid, Ruin," I told myself. "Just enjoy your bath. You can ask about the big red button later. Be patient. I mean, it's not like it's a button that summons a hot Elven masseuse who's curious about Forest Elf anatomy."
I froze.
"Or does it!"
I shook my head so violently my cheeks and lips flapped from centripetal force.
"No! Bad Ruin! Bad!" I yelled at myself. "You are not some child who can't help himself! You are an intelligent, self possessed individual who…"
I paused and looked back just in time to see my left hand press the button.
I stared, eyes wide at the hand that had betrayed me and said, "Huh..."
Water, apparently set to the temperature of soul chilling, mentionable shrinking levels, sprayed down at me from above.
I did not. I repeat. I did not. Shriek like a little girl with arachnophobia watching a live action horror movie about Little Miss Muffet Who Sat On A Tuffet whose curds and whey were infested with acid spitting spiders.
"AAAAAHHHH! WHY?! COLD! SO COLD! WHY GODS WHY?!"
And no one can say otherwise, because the room is soundproofed. So there.
After about three seconds of, absolutely no little girl screams, my lizard brain kicked into gear and my body dove into the Serenity Room.
The sudden warmth felt so good that the sound I was making (which was not a scream) was replaced almost instantly by a long loud moan of pleasure.
"Oooh yeeeaah, baby. Give me that heat!"
I sighed as the warmth melted my muscles into a state of relaxation so thorough my mind went into standby mode.
"I could stay in here… forever…"
"Ruin?"
"MASS OF SASSAFRAS!" I yelled.
"... sassafras?" Cherish asked.
"I don't know! That's just what came out! Why are you here?!"
"Oooh… sorry… am I interrupting… something?"
"What? No. Wait what? Hey!"
"I'm just saying…"
"Is that why you pulled back on the link? Because you thought… I… shut up!"
"Because I would totally understand if - "
"Two?"
"Yes, One?"
"Either tell me what's what or join me because I'm - "
"Okay!" She interrupted me and I heard a sound that made my mind burn with terror then freeze in panic.
It was the sound of a girl taking off her clothes.
"Uuuummm… Cherish?"
"Hold on. I have shut the door you left open. You know this is the room with the sound proofing, right? Shutting the exterior door doesn't cut off the sound."
Oops...
"Don't worry." I heard a door shut. "Now. No one can hear us."
"That's very- " My voice came out in a squeak and I coughed before trying again. "That's very…um, neat? That's soooo neat. Yep."
I heard her step into the water and she let out her own moan of appreciation that did absolutely nothing to ease my tension.
Just breath Ruin. Breath. In through the nose and… and now I can smell her. Okay. Relax Ruin. Just… relax.
We didn't speak for a long moment, just sat still and silent in the darkness.
"Ruin?"
"Yes!" I said the word a little too loud and a little too quickly.
I tried again. "Yes. Yes, of course. Whatever it is you need the answer is yes, of course, yes. Definitely. Mmm hmm. Yep. Anything. Okay not anything but almost anything really. But only if it's something you want me to do! You know, that… whatever thing you're asking me to do. I will totally do it! I will do… I mean… yes."
Dead. Silence.
I fidgeted for a few seconds until Cherish said, "Well, now you've made it weird."
My response was a sort of an enraged scoff. "I made it weird? Me?! You came in here, where I'm naked, and then you got naked and then sat down in front of me in a pi
tch dark sound proofed room!"
"Hey! We got naked in front of each other all the time. Every day for three years. Why is it a problem now?"
"Because back then we had privacy censorship boxes covering us and couldn't see anything!" I yelled
"And you can't see anything now either!"
"Not the point! I…"
I stopped speaking, then grinned as a sudden thought occurred to me.
When I spoke it was with my most innocent voice I used while lying through my teeth. "Well… actually. Savage Kin can see in pitch black."
The horrified silence stretched and I struggled not to laugh as I said, "It's part of having heightened senses. And… I just have to say… wow…"
More silence.
I was about to add more when a whisper tickled my ear as I heard, "I think you're lying."
I screamed.
Cherish laughed.
"Not cool! Not! Cool!"
She continued laughing as she backed away from me.
"Yeah! Okay! Fine! I can't seen in pitch black. Low light, yes. No light? No. You happy?"
"Yep." Her voice came from the other side of the room. "Especially since I can see in pitch black."
"Oh, ha ha. Very funny. So funny I'll pay your tuition to clown college. Then you can learn all the best ways to terrify small children…"
I trailed off when she stopped pulling back on her emotions and felt a sense of wicked glee from her.
"Life Sight." Her voice, echoed her delight.
Emerald green, as cold and as steady as starlight. But too bright, shone gleaming in darkness deeper than the night. The warm water held that light, bent it back, shimmering in the waves that played against her skin. From her eyes it spilled, across her lips, down her neck, across bare shoulders and over the swell of her chest.
All that the water covered, became a hidden mystery I ached to solve. Hormones had my higher cognitive functions in a headlock as instincts insisted that cavemen were correct.
She was utterly inhuman, utterly beautiful and everything in me that was utterly male, screamed at me to stop, drop and stomp everything that held me back from her.
And... she could feel... every bit of it.
She blinked in surprise, causing the green glow to flicker and I rocked back from the backlash of her shock.
I huffed irritably I said, "Well, how did you think I was going to react when I saw you."
Dubstep Succubus Page 25
