by Magan Vernon
She frowned, but there was still a hint of a smile playing at the corner of her lips. “You owe me a new pair of those, you know.”
“I know. And I’ll make sure to order you one hundred pairs if that’s what you want. As long as you stay with me…”
I didn’t know why I chose those words. Deep down I probably really knew their profound meaning. That I didn’t want to be without her physically or emotionally. But I couldn’t voice those out loud.
“This could get really messy if things go bad…” she whispered.
Leaning forward, I pressed my lips against her forehead. “Then we won’t let it get worse.”
“That means more secrets or holding back. You can’t just go off and expect me to know what’s wrong,” she said softly, but there was a fire behind her words. A truth that dug to my very core.
“Okay.” I sighed.
“Just okay?” she asked, tilting her head up, so our eyes met.
“No more secrets,” I whispered, pushing her hair over her shoulder.
Though even as I said the words, I knew I wasn’t being completely honest.
“Which means I guess I should tell you about my talk with Trish,” I said, my voice trailing as I swallowed hard.
“Oh?” she asked, and I could feel her heated stare right on me.
I nodded. “Yeah. She wants me to come to L.A. to do a guest spot on her show. She said if I do it, she’ll let Cheyenne apply to Tisch and I can see her again.”
Rachel stilled, her breathing shallow against my chest. “Do you really want to go back to L.A.? To be in the spotlight that you’ve been trying to avoid for so long?”
I shrugged as much as I could, but my heart rate sped up, something I knew she could feel. “Honestly, I don’t know. Acting was a big part of my life, and I never thought an opportunity would come back to me, especially after everything happened with Trish, but now…”
I swallowed, my gaze trailing toward the window as I absently ran my fingers through Rachel’s hair. “Now I don’t know.”
“How long would you be gone?” she asked softly.
“Probably a few weeks to a month. Which seems like a long time, but I’d get to see Cheyenne again, and my parents could take Juniper. I’d be back in time for the bake sale, too, and able to help online in any way.”
She nodded against my chest, but with her racing heart matching my own, I knew there was so much more to that sentiment.
“You think it’s a bad idea, don’t you?”
I looked down as she shook her head, her eyes staying on my chest instead of meeting mine. “I didn’t say that exactly, but…”
She sighed. “You’ve always said that you stayed out of the spotlight for a normal life for Juniper. To have some anonymity and to keep everything at bay about Cheyenne. What happens if you do this?”
“I guess it means I’m no longer a celebrity in hiding, which I really haven’t been after everything…”
She winced, knowing full well it was her photo that started all of this. But I couldn’t blame her for that either. It was bound to happen sooner rather than later. And now I could finally have a relationship with the daughter I never knew.
“You do what you want to do, but really think about it first, okay?”
I looked down at her, leaning forward and pressing my lips to her forehead again. “If you’ll miss me that much, you know you can come with or even visit right? You can work from anywhere, and if your parents won’t watch Ari, I’m sure mine would take her for a week. A long weekend in Malibu without kids. You and me, doing nothing but this.”
I arched my back, pressing a very hard part of me against her.
She gasped, her body immediately molding against me. “I don’t know…I’d have to think about it.”
“Anything I can do to convince you?” I asked, running my fingers down her spine, leaving goosebumps everywhere they touched.
“Again? Already?” she asked, her eyes widening as she looked up at me.
We should have probably continued talking. I should have let her convince me not to go to L.A. Or I made her think we should both go.
But instead of doing either of those things, I did what I did best and avoided the conversation.
Reaching for my nightstand, I grabbed another condom, holding it out to her. “Always.”
Chapter 10
Pretty easy to assume Rachel and I didn’t get any work done while the girls were at school.
I had hundreds of unanswered emails in my inbox. One in particular from Trish with contract attachments that I was trying to avoid.
Being in bed with Rachel made me forget about the world around us and just get lost in her touch. Something that became too easy to do. She was like my new drug of choice, and I knew it.
But now, in the school pick-up line, it was painfully obvious that reality was smacking me in the face.
One of the PTA mom’s minivan stared back at me, her glaring “Baby on board” sticker reflecting off the sunlight and shining right into my eyes.
“There has got to be a better way to do this shit,” I grumbled.
As if the PTA gods heard me, a tapping came at my window. A sound that had me shuddering as I turned toward the window and the manicured nails rapping against it.
Amy was the epitome of all things I’d usually try and stay away from with her helium-like voice, false eyelashes, and genuine Southern “fuck you” charm that came with being a Texas mama.
But there was something I liked about the woman. Maybe it was the fact that Juniper and Neveah were friends or that she’d tried so hard to get Rachel and me to make up, even if it didn’t exactly go as planned.
But after the events of the other day at her house with Rachel, I wasn’t exactly ready for a conversation
Rolling down my window, I put on the best smile I could. “Hey, Ames.”
“Hey, Len. Good to see you back in the pick-up line, not that I didn’t love seeing Ally’s smiling face yesterday.” Amy’s words were always sugary sweet, but with her nails-on-a-chalkboard-like voice sometimes it was hard to listen.
“You don’t have to say nice things about Ally for my benefit.”
She laughed with a groan. “Thank God, because you know she can be just as nice as a peach, but then you bring her boyfriend around, and some may call me ditzy, but that man takes airhead to a whole new level.”
I tried to hold back a laugh, but it was no use. “Yeah, that’s Chad all right.”
“Anyway…” she said, tapping her nails on the window and glancing at the van in front of me, still not moving.
“I was waiting for an email from Rachel, but she gave me a little bit of info about something new with the bake sale and a vendor actually coming in. Do you know about this?”
I nodded, the smile falling from my face. She probably would have sent the email if she wasn’t in my bed all afternoon.
Being my distraction.
“Yeah. We went and met with the bakery earlier, and it seems like a real good gig. Make it a lot easier for her since I might be heading out of town for a bit.”
Shit. I didn’t mean to say it out loud. Especially since nothing was final.
So why the hell did I?
Maybe because part of me wanted to see if I could make it in acting again. Or run away from my problems in Dallas.
Amy’s head snapped back toward me, her big curly mop of hair swooshing against the window. “You’re leaving? Where are you going? Is Juni going with? Does Mrs. Harper know? Forget that, does Rachel know?”
Gripping one hand on the steering wheel, I hoped she couldn’t see my body tensing. “I haven’t told Juniper or the school yet, but yeah, Rachel knows. She thinks I can handle my business here though.”
Understatement of the fucking year.
“Well, then.” She smacked her lips together, her eyes cast downward.
Rarely did I see the woman at a loss for words, but there was definitely more to be said.
Luckily, t
he line was moving, and we could say our goodbyes before I pulled to pick up Juniper.
She bounced in the car as soon as the door was open, her lips moving a mile a minute as if she couldn’t get her words out fast enough.
I tried to catch what she was saying but only got bits between rambling.
“I take it today was a good day?” I asked as we finally pulled through the line of cars and onto the street.
“Dad, are you even listening to me?” she exclaimed in that sassy tone that made me fear her teen years.
“I was, honey, but sometimes it’s hard to get everything when I’m also concentrating on driving.”
She seemed okay with that answer as she let out a deep breath.
“Well, when we get home, we need to discuss the different kinds of Lunchables because if I have to sit away from my friends again because there were peanut butter bars in mine, we’re going to have a problem.”
“A problem, ey? Well, then I guess you won’t get to see the surprise I have planned tonight for you if there’s a problem.”
I glanced in the rearview mirror to see her eyes widen and her hands shake wildly.
“No problem, Daddy. No problem at all! Now, what’s the surprise?”
I smiled. “Would it still be a surprise if I told you?”
“I can still act surprised. I’m a really good actress. Even Mommy says so.”
I winced.
Not the first time Ally said that. She was the one who thought we should start Juniper in modeling as soon as she was out of the womb. I was the holdout.
When she was older, she could choose that for herself. Just like Cheyenne.
The other surprise I’d sometime have to tell Juniper about.
“If you clean your room and all your toys from the kitchen, your surprise should be over by the time you’re done.”
“It’s coming over? Awesome! I hope it’s a pony.”
I laughed.
Hopefully, a dog and Ariana were just as good. And it would make the conversation we’d have later a lot easier if she had a new dog to take care of.
As soon as I opened the front door, Juniper and the dog ran to each other like they were lifelong friends who hadn’t seen the other in years.
“Princess Cupcake, you’re here!” Juniper cooed, taking the little eight-pound spiky brown-haired dog in her arms. She petted her behind her perky little ears, the dog closing her eyes and panting in response.
“Princess Cupcake?” Roo asked.
I shrugged, looking up to see her and her sister both standing in the doorway.
I was afraid after our talk this afternoon that Rachel wouldn’t come. But seeing her there had me smiling even wider.
“I guess Juniper and I may have to discuss a name change,” I said, stepping aside and letting everyone into the foyer.
“Come on, Princess Cupcake, come see my room.” Juniper and Ariana charged up the stairs.
“Hey, be careful. A dog is a live animal, not a toy,” I yelled on deaf ears since the girls had already ascended the stairs and rounded the corner in a flurry of giggles.
“I’d better check to make sure Squeaky, err, Princess Cupcake is okay,” Roo said before bounding up the stairs after the girls.
I waited a full five seconds before I wrapped my arms around Rachel, crushing my lips to hers.
She stilled as her first reaction then slowly her body melted against mine. Her mouth parting as our tongues met.
Her kisses were sweet like her vanilla lip gloss and strawberry bubblegum. I wanted to stay in that moment with her. To get lost in those lips.
But reality slapped me back when she put her hands on my chest, gently pushing against me until she broke our kiss.
“As much as I enjoy that, I have a feeling there’s something else going on in that pretty blond head of yours. Like maybe you’re still thinking about L.A.?” She raised her eyebrows.
I swallowed hard. “Maybe.”
She blinked. “So, is getting the dog a deciding factor and we’re just here for moral support?” Her words trailed as she caught her swollen lip between her teeth.
Letting out a deep breath, I leaned back, dropping my hands from her waist. “I don’t know, Rach. I’ll be honest. I’m still twisted about the whole thing. I guess I figured the dog would help make this decision.”
“Seriously? After everything earlier today and you still don’t know what you want.” She shook her head, muttering under her breath.
I winced as if her words verbally slapped me. “I know. It’s hard to say no to Trish. It’s a great opportunity in L.A. for Juni and me.”
For Cheyenne.
Before I could voice the words in my head, Juniper’s squeal rang through the room.
I looked up to see her bounding down the stairs with Ariana and Roo at her heels. Poor Princess Cupcake was wrapped in a sparkly pink blanket with a pirate hat perched on her little head.
“Wow, that’s quite a look for her,” I said, petting the dog who looked up at me with her eyes at half-mast as if this was the most relaxing thing in the world.
“She likes wearing clothes. Miss Roo even said so,” Juni exclaimed.
Roo laughed. “She actually does like it when she’s covered in a blanket or when I put booties on her when it rains.”
“Good to know. Maybe we’ll have to get some of those for her,” I replied.
Juniper looked up; her eyes wide. “Are we keeping her, Daddy?”
I crouched down, my heart thudding heavily as I thought on my words. “I’d like to get her, Juni, but here’s the thing. You’re going to have to help me decide. If I keep her, that means we stay in Dallas. If we don’t get her, then you’ll get to take a few trips with Daddy out to the beach in L.A. and then stay with Grandma and Grandpa the rest of the time.”
Swallowing hard, I tried to keep my face and tone neutral as if this all made sense to a little girl.
She glanced down at the dog then slowly lifted her head up as she nodded. “Daddy, you know I love the beach and Grandma and Grandpa…”
Scratching the dog behind her ears, she placed a quick peck on her head before continuing. “I think I’d rather have all of us stay here. I think Miss Rachel would miss you too much too and you have to stay together forever and ever.
I glanced at Rachel, a small blush creeping her cheeks. Then I focused back on Juniper, her curly blonde hair framing her little face.
“I think Miss Rachel might keep me around, at least to help with the bake sale.”
She nodded again. “This means no beach, but we get a puppy?”
I forced a smile, my heart still beating rapidly as my mind was at odds with my thoughts. “Yeah, Juni.”
***
After we signed a few papers, Roo took off, and I walked Rachel and Ariana to the door.
Ariana and Juniper played with Princess Cupcake in the foyer, not aware of the thick tension floating between Rachel and me.
“So, you not going. Is it because of the dog, the bake sale, or…?”
Leaning in closer, I pushed a stray strand of hair out of her face, needing the contact with her. Needing to know I was going to do the right thing. “L.A. would mean leaving Juniper and…someone else.”
“Oh really? So, you kind of like me then?”
I smiled. “Or I don’t want you to mess up the bake sale and have Pam steal you away from me.”
She laughed. “It is hard to resist a guy with a name like Pam.”
Then she let out a slow breath, her eyes meeting mine, and the air seemed to change around us. As if the dark clouds were coming in and we were both trying to fight them.
“I was never at my best when I was in L.A., and though I’d get to see Cheyenne…I just need to stay here.”
She raised an eyebrow, nibbling slightly on her bottom lip. “Am I allowed to say I’m happy you’re staying around.”
“Yes, you are,” I said, sealing my words with a kiss.
“Ew, gross!” both girls yelled, caus
ing Rachel and me to split up and cover our laughter.
“All right, Ari, I guess that’s our cue to leave. We’ll see you tomorrow?” Rachel asked, but there was so much more behind that question.
I’d blown up on her and taken advantage too many times. Now to make it right, I had to keep my word and not go to L.A.
I’d just have to figure out another way to see Cheyenne.
As if Big Brother were watching, as soon as Rachel pulled out of the driveway my phone rang.
“Hey, Trish.” I tried to keep my tone neutral even though my jaw was so tight I swore I’d break a tooth.
“I need you here first thing in the morning for this shoot. If we’re lucky, we can get all of your scenes in these next two weeks.”
I sighed, glancing down at Juniper, who was still completely engrossed in her new puppy. Then I walked toward the kitchen, out of earshot.
“Trish, it’s not the right time for me to come to L.A. I got out of acting years ago and with everything going on, it’s better that I lay low.”
“I knew that would be your answer, but luckily I always have a backup plan.”
“Come again?” I asked, the hair on the back of my neck standing on end as my whole body stiffened.
“The writers have been working nonstop to capitalize on this role, tailor-made for you. I could find someone else, or we could make a deal.”
I licked my lips, trying to come up with the best response. “A deal?”
“You do this role and not only will I let Cheyenne apply to Tisch, but I’ll also draw up a custody agreement with my lawyer.”
I froze.
This was the answer to everything.
I could still see Cheyenne and have my life in Texas. All I had to do was a little two-week stint in L.A.
But then what would Rachel say if I went back on my word to her?
“And if I can’t make it out there?” I asked tentatively.
“Then the NDA stays, and I guess you can wait another three years to see your daughter, if she still thinks you want to see her that is,” she said the final words with malice, as if they were something she had to spit out.
