by Shannon Page
“There. We’ll see how that does her.” She did seem to be breathing a little easier, though she hadn’t stirred.
“You should get some sleep,” Jeremy said.
“I don’t need to, I slept last night,” I said.
“It feels graceless to say this, but I disagree. It seems to me that you are in desperate need of sleep—and you were even before you donated so much essence. Of course I will wake you at once should anything change.”
His words seemed a bit pompous, but the tone—and the kind intention clear in his face—were anything but. He was trying to take care of both of us, in the best way he knew how. And, to tell the truth, I was completely exhausted. The dinner party—and everything leading up to it. Raymond. Logan. The transfusion. Now that I thought about it, had I actually slept last night?
I smiled at him. Elnor rubbed against my ankles, somehow understanding that bed was under discussion, now that dinner had been taken care of. “All right. I’ll be up on the second floor. Let me know if anything changes.”
“I shall.”
I got up briefly at five a.m. and went to check on Logan. Nothing had changed. Jeremy sent me back to bed.
The next time I woke, I was already weeping.
Jeremy was sitting on my bed, holding me by the shoulders, and trembling; no, he was shaking me. “Callie, please wake up!”
Strong sunlight was pouring through my bedroom windows; my pillow was moist with drool as well as tears. My dream had been of Raymond—his warm strong body, his cool soft hair, interwoven with a strong sense of loss—but the sorrow I felt was more immediate.
“I’m so sorry,” Jeremy said, when he saw I was awake. “I don’t know what happened, she slipped away, between one moment and the next…”
I jerked away from him as understanding dawned. Beside me, Elnor gave a low hiss, the fur rising on her back. Jeremy let go of me and stood up. “What?” I asked as I scrambled for some clothes; I’d been sleeping in a T-shirt and underwear. “She…what? What are you saying to me?” I struggled to keep my voice from rising to a panicked scream.
“I just—just come.” He averted his eyes as I pulled on a pair of jeans. I followed him down to the second parlor.
Logan lay on the daybed, perfectly still. It was obvious that her essence was completely gone. Her eyes were closed, almost sunken. Though she was pale, there was a faint rosy tinge in her cheeks: a cruel mockery of life. Willson was standing on her chest, wailing in bewildered misery. Elnor, by my feet, joined in his cries.
I fell to my knees by the daybed, leaning over my best friend, touching her forehead, her hands, her hair. She was cool, and dry, and empty. This vessel no longer contained her. “Oh, Logan,” I said, my voice cracking. I turned back to face Jeremy. “What in the Blessed Mother’s seven names happened?” I reached up to pet Willson, trying to calm him down, but I probably only made things worse. Elnor jumped up beside him, nudging him with her forehead even as she cried with him.
Jeremy stood in the middle of the room, looking lost. “I was watching her sleep. She appeared peaceful, resting. Then, she did not draw in a breath, and she was gone. It was as quiet as that…between one breath and the next, she left us. I tried to give her essence, but she wasn’t there to take it.”
“No!” I shook my head violently. “That’s not how it works. That’s not what happened.”
“Callie.” Jeremy’s voice was very gentle, very sad. “I am sorry.”
“She can’t be gone. Get Manka here—call to her!”
“She is already on her way.”
“You didn’t see Logan shift or move or…anything?” Did I think I could talk him into a different answer? Somehow change what I could see so clearly before me?
“Nothing,” Jeremy said. His face held heavy grief, and bewilderment.
Manka was there in minutes, rushing to Logan’s side. She quieted both cats, and even got Willson to move off his mistress and down to the floor. “What happened?”
Jeremy told her what he’d told me.
Frowning, Manka touched Logan’s body once again, in all the same places she had examined last night. “Had she eaten or drunk anything further?” she asked Jeremy.
“Nothing at all,” he answered. “We both gave her some essence, but that was all.” He looked pale and drawn. Frightened. “What could it have been?”
“I just don’t know.” She shook her head. “I know no natural illness that moves this way.”
“Natural illness?” I asked.
Manka said, “I’d like to get Nora here.”
I nodded. Nora was not as experienced a healer as Manka, but her area of focus was different. More modern, more proactive.
But how do you heal complete departure?
Nora arrived not long thereafter, requesting admission straight from the ley line rather than bothering with the front door. Enter, I sent, and there she was, peering down at the body.
“Logandina made no decision to journey Beyond?” she asked, pushing her short auburn hair behind her ears. A lock escaped at once; she ignored it.
“No!” I cried, my voice catching. “She didn’t want to move on! This is too crazy!”
Willson growled at my tone. I petted him again as Nora gave me a look. “I am truly sorry for your loss,” she said calmly. “Do you wish to relax in another room while I scry?”
It was gently put, but pointed: my confusion and denial and despair would disrupt the energy in here dramatically. I took a deep breath. “That might be a good idea.”
Manka patted my shoulder, sending me calming energy. Blinking back tears and swallowing against the giant lump in my throat, I walked back to the kitchen, managing to hold it together until I closed the door behind me. Then I collapsed, sobbing and shaking, sitting on the floor. My hair ran wild around me, twining and tangling, roping around my neck.
After a while, I gathered myself, pulled my hair back into a ponytail, and returned to the second parlor. “All right if I come in?” I asked, trying for a brave smile.
Nora nodded. I stepped in and stood by Jeremy, averting my eyes from Logan—the sight of her dear face was liable to send me back into sobbing. I held my energy as still as possible as the warlock and I watched the healer work.
A scrying mirror and a number of small pots of oils and powders sat on the side table. Nora was clearly in the middle of a complicated ritual, occasionally asking Manka to hand her things. I didn’t recognize the magic. Which wasn’t surprising, as it was about as far from laboratory magic as possible. It involved a low, quiet song, and oils that smelled like mushrooms, and long moments of gazing into her mirror.
“Is she finding out what happened?” I whispered to Manka, after a while.
“Not now. She’s searching the Beyond for Logandina herself.”
And clearly finding nothing, if the look on her face was any indication. I sat quietly, trying not to interfere, even with my silent emotions. Jeremy put a gentle hand on my shoulder, then took it away a minute later.
“I am sorry,” Nora said at last, returning her attention to the room. “I had hoped to contact her spirit, but it is not in any of the realms I have access to.”
“What does that mean?” I asked. “Are there other places besides the Beyond?”
“Yes and no,” Manka said with a sad smile. “There are levels of Beyond, and layers and folds within those levels that we do know.”
I nodded impatiently. “And you can’t access them all?”
“No one can,” Nora said. “Just as you cannot travel past wards that are designed to block you, and Manka cannot hold someone here if she’s decided to move on, and your cat cannot speak to you in human language. There are limitations in everything and everyone.”
“But it is not unheard of that a spirit’s transition to the realms that we do have access to should take a little while,” Manka put in. “The journey is not always instantaneous. We should be able to contact her soon, and that will help us untangle what has transpired.”
>
“Okay.” I dropped my head, closing my eyes as they filled with tears, trying not to let myself feel the pang of hope. Once a spirit departed, it often came back to communicate with us here, though without returning to its former body. “I just…it can’t…”
Jeremy touched my shoulder again, softly. “I will help you in any way I can.”
“Thank you.” It was kind of him. He was grieving too. They had barely started their romance, but he must be feeling her loss keenly.
Nora began repacking her bag, then paused a moment, clearly engaged in ætheric communication. “The Elders would like to send a few channelers to look around, if you will permit it, Calendula,” she said.
“Channelers?”
Jeremy looked up. “That’s a good idea.”
Manka nodded as Nora said, “Yes, they may pick up on any invasive energies that Manka and I might miss.”
“Um…sure,” I agreed. I was so swamped with helpless emotion, I was starting to feel almost numb. “Whatever—anything that might help…”
— CHAPTER NINE —
I sort of lost it for a while. That thing they say, about the stages of grief? They’re actually not tidy. They don’t come in order, one finishing up politely before the next begins. They come all at once, in a horrible jumble—pain, denial, shock, sadness, anger, exhaustion, more pain, then more denial, such hard denial. And clever, clever bargaining—that was awful. My stupid brain would think, Oh wait, I know! and offer up some worthless thought, one I’d had a hundred times already. One that changed nothing.
The channelers—two middle-aged warlocks I knew only slightly—went through the house very thoroughly, poking and prodding at every corner. They, like Elnor, paid particular attention to the under-stair closet.
Leonora came to my house while they were there, bringing Niad and Honor with her. “We will take Logandina’s body to the coven house; there is much to prepare before the ceremony marking her journey to the Beyond,” my coven mother announced. “The healers can continue their searches no matter where her body lies.”
“All right,” I said, relieved, and helpless, and confused, and frustrated. I didn’t have any experience with our transitions. Leonora, alas, did.
Jeremy and I stood back while my coven mother and sisters attended to the body. Niad was quiet, for once, as they gently smoothed out Logan’s crumpled party dress and wrapped her in a long white sheet, leaving only her face free. She still looked like she was sleeping. How long would it take before any of this would seem real?
Marston, one of the channelers, came up to me as soon as Leonora and my sisters had left. “We would like to leave a monitor stone in this closet.”
“What did you find?”
He frowned. “There is a thinness to the back wall that is not entirely of this plane.”
“What does that mean?” I walked over and peered inside. “My cat is always interested in what’s in there, but I don’t sense anything.”
“We are not sure. This is a relatively old house, so it might not be anything of importance—residue from human inhabitants, perhaps even a previous departure from the house. But in the event that anything shifts, the stone will pick up on it.”
A previous departure. Because now, of course, there had been another. I shivered. “All right.”
He opened his satchel and pulled out a grey rock with a lot of sparkle in it. “Muscovite,” he said, to my questioning look. Then he stepped into the closet and placed the stone in the very center of the floor space, adjusting its position a few times until he was satisfied. “I would like to leave a few smaller ones in several of the rooms as well,” he added.
“Of course.”
The channelers placed their stones and left.
After such a bustle of activity, the quietness of the house was weird. I sat on the couch, huddled in a corner, Logan’s blanket wrapped around me, Elnor at my feet. Jeremy sat at the other end, watching me without being too obvious about it.
“Where’s Willson?” I asked.
Jeremy looked around. “I don’t know. Did he go with…the rest of them?”
With Logan’s body. He would want to be with his mistress even now. “He must have.”
Jeremy shifted on the couch. “I know this is unfortunate timing, but I need to leave for a few hours. There are some things I must attend to, and they will not wait. Will you be all right here alone, or shall I escort you to your coven house?”
I shook my head. “No, I’d rather be here. Don’t worry about me.”
He gazed at me, his eyes kind and warm. Did I see pain in them? “I’ll be back as soon as possible.”
“You don’t have to do that,” I said. “You’ve done so much already.”
He leaned over and patted me gently on the knee. It felt soothing. “I have done no more than any friend would do,” he said. “I like you, Callie, and I liked Logan. I sorely wish I could have gotten to know her better. I’ve never met anyone quite like her.”
“She liked you too.” I gave him a rueful smile. “She liked you a lot.”
He smiled back. “I had hoped that was true.”
I looked at him, trying to figure out what he was feeling. Their romance had barely gotten started. Was he bereft, heartbroken? Not like I was, of course, but surely he must be hurting too. And yet he seemed so…calm. Like a diplomat.
After a moment, he got up. “I will return this evening.”
“All right, but seriously—”
“I know I don’t need to. It’s just—well, if you want to know the truth, it will help me too, to not be alone.”
“Oh. Right. Yes.”
He stood up and put his hand on my shoulder, then caressed my cheek, nudging my hair out of my face. It felt good—almost too good, though he was clearly not being romantic. He cared, and he was hurting; he was looking for mutual comfort. I leaned into his touch and smiled up at him.
“I’ll bring dinner when I return.”
“There’s…” I started to say “last night’s leftovers”, which brought another round of sudden tears to my eyes. Logan’s last dinner. She would never cook for me again.
Had it ended her? “Oh, Blessed Mother…”
Jeremy stood still, waiting for me to regain my composure.
“Thank you,” I said at last. “Yes, bringing some food would be good.”
“I will see you later. Call if you need anything. Are you sure you don’t want to have one of your sisters come over?”
I shook my head again, and gave him a small smile. “No. Go.”
After he left, I wandered aimlessly around my house in befuddlement. When that didn’t bring my best friend back, I gathered up Elnor and took her to the top floor. Ignoring the dusty lab bench, we sat in the center of my pentagram. I cleared my mind, dropped into a light trance, and waited for the energy to stabilize around me.
So maybe she wasn’t in the Beyond yet, or at least in the areas we knew; she had to be somewhere. I knew Nora had tried this, but Logan was my friend.
“Logan?” I called out, after a few minutes. “Logan, can you hear me?”
No response. I felt the familiar, cool brush of the channel to the Beyond move into reach, but thinly. I also felt the resonant energy of the monitor stones noticing my efforts. Would the channelers know what I was doing?
It is hard to contact the Beyond alone; much easier with the coven’s full strength of thirteen. And with one’s own strength in solid working order. “Logan? It’s me, Callie. Are you there?”
I waited. Her spirit would be confused, especially since she hadn’t decided to take this journey. It might take her some time to answer.
Elnor settled more heavily on my lap, weaving her feline energy through mine in the circle. I called out several more times. Logan did not respond.
A loud ringing jarred me out of my trance. I dropped the energy of the circle; it let go with a snap that made me shiver. What the…?
It was my cell phone, in my jeans pocket. Raymond.
<
br /> Crap. I let it go to voicemail. I just. Could. Not.
After a minute, it beeped. He’d left a message. Brushing away tears, I took a deep breath, then pushed the button to listen to it.
“Hey, babe, I just wanted to…you know, check in on you. I’m kinda hung over, and—babe, I dunno, I don’t even know what happened but I’m sorry, whatever it was, I’m so sorry. Let me know what I can do? I want us to be okay again, I know we’re not okay, and I don’t… Um. Call me? Love ya. Bye.”
I set the phone down and closed my eyes. What could he do? Come and hold me. Don’t ask me to explain anything. Give me some space. Understand me. Know me. Let me stop hiding. Bring Logan back.
No, there was nothing he could do.
Over the course of the afternoon, a number of people sent ætheric inquiries, checking on me: my mother, several of my coven sisters, my young student Gracie, even Dr. Fallon—Sebastian. It’s shocking, he said. It makes me question everything.
I know, I said. Me too.
It’s like some sort of medieval, Old Country story. I could almost hear him shudder across the æther.
What do you mean?
Some sudden, unheard-of fatal disease out of nowhere—sounds more like a plague than a modern illness.
Now I shivered too. I know.
I understand the healers are still scrying.
Yeah. I supposed they wouldn’t be telling him anything. I’ll let you know if I hear anything about what they find.
I’d be interested to hear.
Channelers were here too, I told him. It feels like my house is still full of presences, even though I’m alone here.
Ugh, he commiserated. I am so very sorry about your friend. She seemed like a lovely young witch. Have her parents been informed?
I sighed. He had obviously not heard the conversation at our end of the table. She…had lost touch with her parents. I did not want to go into it. They were obviously not dead; no one had been able to contact them in the Beyond either. Perhaps, from the next plane, she would at last be able to find out what happened to them? I tried to take some small comfort in that thought, without much success.
