by Maya Linnell
Angus raised his glass of water.
‘Hear, hear. I’ll drink to that. I’ve got an apology to make too, for being such a miserable bugger. I’m happy to have all my girls around this table, and Tim and Pete and the kids. Your mother always said blood was thicker than water and it’s time we remembered that.’
The smile on his face is like blue skies after a week of rain, thought Penny. His whole presence had lightened after she’d shared her decision.
Lara pushed her sleeves up and leaned on the table.
‘Don’t be sucked in, Dad. She can’t spend fifteen years ignoring us, then suddenly show an interest in the farm the second it’s convenient. From what I’ve seen, Penny hasn’t exactly excelled herself in farm management, and she’s downright mad for throwing away her career for a six-month stint playing Farmer Joe. Selling is still the better option.’
Penny chewed on her bottom lip but remained silent, steeling herself for more. Diana waved her hand, inadvertently sending a piece of garlic bread flying into the middle of the table. Everyone was quiet as her voice boomed out.
‘How about you pull your head in, Lara, and stop being so contrary? You should be supporting Penny, not tearing her down at every opportunity.’ Diana turned in her chair as she jabbed a finger at Angie.
‘And you, Angie … why aren’t you thrilled Penny wants to stay? I thought you’d be delighted, but you’ve gone off into some parallel universe with Lara. What’s happened to everyone?’
Angie dropped her slice of sweaty pizza onto her plate, rubbed her nose and burst into tears. Penny felt caught in an emotional storm. Angus’s backflip, Diana rushing to her defence but unwittingly sabotaging the harmony she was trying to achieve, and now Angie breaking down at the dinner table. Lara, for all her faults and attitude, was the only one still true to form. I need to steer this discussion back to safer waters before it gets way out of hand.
‘Diana, I appreciate your support, but can you keep it to one positive, one constructive and one way forward?’
‘This is a load of crap, Penny. Your city psychology won’t work here.’
Before Lara could open her mouth again, Evie burst into loud, unrestrained sobs. Penny braced herself against the urge to rush around and comfort her niece. Lara just couldn’t help herself, could she?
Evie looked up, fear and weariness written across her freckled face as she tried to regain her composure. She took a deep breath, her face reddening as she yelled at the room. ‘I’m sick of all this arguing. Everyone is always fighting.’ She burst into a fresh wave of tears as all eyes turned to her.
Another cry came, this time from Eddie, who rocked back and forth in the chair, a grimace on his face as he held his hands over his ears, traces of greasy pizza stuck to his boyish jaw.
Tim ran a hand over the top of his brother’s blond head as Eddie let out an anguished moan. He knew he had just minutes before Eddie would be in full-blown meltdown mode, and Tim felt a stab of irritation that he’d put him in this situation. Protecting his brother should have trumped his selfish interest in the McIntyre family dispute, especially when he’d known their discussion had the potential to get heated. He looked up at Penny, who was pulling her chair out from the table. When was she going to tell me she quit her city job? Anger bubbled up inside him as he realised what that meant for his role at McIntyre Park. You should’ve stayed away, let them sort it out themselves.
Tim stood, gritting his teeth as Eddie’s moaning picked up a notch and drowned out Evie’s shuddering sobs and Angie’s sniffles. He felt the weight of everyone’s attention turning towards them, ambivalence tugged at his heart. I don’t belong here. It was time to put some distance between himself and the McIntyre family, something he should have done weeks, probably months, ago.
‘It’s all right, mate, let’s get you home.’ Tim tried to ease Eddie out of the chair, his shoulders stiff and unyielding under the soft flannelette shirt.
Penny crouched down by Eddie’s side, her soft words somehow unknotting the compact shape he had curled himself into. Eddie stood slowly, still clutching his ears and keeping his eyes squeezed tightly shut.
‘Will he be okay? It hasn’t quite gone to plan,’ said Penny, rubbing the back of her neck. Her expression was flat and Tim felt a twinge of sympathy for her thwarted family reunion.
‘I should have kept him home.’ I should have stayed home too.
He steered Eddie away from the table. Penny flinched as he swept past her, her movement hurting him more than she could know. Tim paused at the doorway.
‘We’re off, everyone. And just for the record, my positive is helping you guys get your stuff sorted by leaving the farm. My negative is getting close to achieving my dream and then watching it slip away, and my constructive is a recommendation that you find a new farmhand. I can’t do this anymore.’
Angus struggled with his crutches, trying to get to his feet. ‘Steady on, Tim. Don’t leave like this. Let’s sit down and discuss it civilly.’
Tim shook his head as he forced boots onto his brother’s feet. ‘Don’t get up, mate. I shoulda stayed out of this whole debate. It’s been a bloody roller coaster. For me, for Eddie, for everyone. Sorry, Angus.’
He watched Penny close her eyes briefly, felt her following them outside, but he didn’t trust himself to say anything more. His thoughts skittered between his promise to help her and his commitment to himself to one day own the land beneath their feet. He was no better than bloody Vince. His movements were jerky, filled with self-loathing as he bundled Eddie into the ute.
‘I’m sorry, Tim. I didn’t expect it to turn into a circus.’
‘It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have even entertained Lara’s suggestion to buy the farm, or made promises I can’t keep. To Angus. To you. To myself.’ Tim studied his dusty boots, the heels worn down, the leather scarred and scuffed from years of hard work. Hard work that had got him no closer to his dreams.
‘So that’s it? You’re walking away?’
‘I’ve overstayed my welcome here, Mac. I’ll arrange you a fresh set of hands for Monday morning, but apart from that, I’m done.’ He climbed into the ute before he could change his mind.
Penny’s stomach twisted as she watched Tim slide into the ute. The thought of him walking away from the farm both terrified and thrilled her. She lifted her hand as his engine roared to life, and his tailgate disappeared down the driveway. Why the ambivalence? Haven’t you just spent months cursing Tim Patterson and his presence at McIntyre Park? At least there’s no buyer waiting in the wings now. But her victory felt hollow as she walked back inside.
Voices rang out from the kitchen as Penny slipped her boots into the shoe rack. A packet of lamingtons was keeping the younger children occupied, but she saw that the discussion had continued in her absence and her oldest niece and nephew had more pressing matters on their minds.
‘But why do you even want Grandpa to sell the farm, Mum? That’s such a stupid idea,’ Evie yelled, screwing up her mouth.
‘She’s right, Aunty Lara. Everybody else wants the farm to stay like it is. Aunty Penny is trying her best,’ said Cameron.
‘And we get to come and visit while Grandpa still owns it. Please tell him to keep it, Mum. Please, please, please.’
Evie turned to Angus and Penny could see the mix of emotions swirling as the young girl fought back tears.
‘We’ve got a bit to sort out, Missy. Leave your mother be.’
‘But Grandpa—’
Lara’s voice cut across the whining tone.
‘Evie Kingsley, dammit. Listen to me. I. Said. Drop. It.’
Penny looked at the tense faces around the table, the tired and strained conversations far from what she’d set out to achieve. As if providing an exclamation point for Penny’s realisation, Evie shoved the table and its weight wobbled under the force of her anger.
The glasses in the middle of the table jiggled, their empty rims ringing out over Evie’s irritated growl. The colour rose in he
r pale cheeks and in her anger, Penny noticed she was a dead ringer for Lara, whose cheeks and neck were also flushed. Lara spoke again, her tone louder as her patience stretched to its limit.
‘It’s an adult subject, so stay out of it, Evie. You kids need to leave us to sort this out.’
Diana winced as Evie blew out a quick breath and darted across the room on her toes as if she were intercepting a ball on the netball court. She grabbed hold of Lara’s forearm and dug her fingernails into her mother’s skin. Lara wrenched her arm away, clamping a hand over the bright red welt.
‘I hate you, you mean old cow. I wish I could live with Dad.’
The colour dropped from Lara’s face in an instant. Penny held her breath at the tense scene, unable to drag her gaze away from her trembling niece, her enraged sister or the welt that was forming on Lara’s arm.
‘Get in the car. Now.’ Lara hissed the words through gritted teeth, her glare red-hot as she issued the order.
‘No.’
Penny tried to think of a way to defuse the tension in the room, but before she could come up with a solution, Lara’s hand snaked out and slapped her daughter across the face.
The stinging sound of flesh on flesh shot across the room. A red mark appeared instantly on Evie’s flushed cheek before her face crumpled in disbelief. Penny gasped. Angie’s hand flew to her mouth. Pete scowled, reaching for Cameron’s hand and dragging him to his side. Angus’s walking stick clattered to the floor, breaking the silence. Cameron startled like a gazelle, pulled against his father’s hand. He leapt to Evie’s side and clutched her hand.
‘C’mon, Evie, let’s get out of here.’
The two children fled the room, shock written across Evie’s face as she followed her cousin.
‘What the bloody hell was that? You didn’t have to hit her,’ yelled Angus, his face turning puce as he leaned towards Lara. ‘Your mother and I never once raised a hand to you. She’d be turning in her grave right now, Lara.’
Shame flooded Lara’s already flushed features as she pressed a hand against her pursed lips. Her knuckles turned white in her fist and she squeezed her eyes tight, blocking the horrified stares from around the table.
Fifty-six
A pot of tea, thought Penny absently, as she tried to digest the scene. She rose from her chair slowly, soothing her shaken nerves and went about the ritual of making tea. Annabel’s teapot was right at the back of the cupboard; the box of tea leaves hidden behind hard packets of long-forgotten jelly crystals and rusty tins of spaghetti. She glanced back and forth between the boiling kettle and the dining table. The children had devoured the lacklustre dessert. Angus flicked through the local paper angrily, turning the pages at a pace too rapid for reading, not even noticing the pieces of coconut the twins were flicking across the table. Diana and Pete conferred in the corner, their conflict palpable. Angie’s head was tucked in close to Lara’s. Even though they were all shocked by what they’d just seen, Penny knew Angie would be trying to reassure Lara.
Lara raised her head from her hands and looked up as Penny placed the teapot on the table. Her eyes were as red as the fingernail marks in her arm. Her expression was far from conciliatory.
‘Don’t look at me like that, Penny. None of you know what it’s like to raise a child single-handedly. You wouldn’t have a clue how hard it is when the buck stops with you. Every. Single. Day.’
‘I didn’t say a word. I think we could all do with a cup of tea though.’
Penny set mugs in front of everyone and walked around pouring tea, before resuming her seat next to Angus. The hot beverage stung her lips and she took another sip, the physical sensation easier to deal with than the emotion.
‘Happen often, does it, Lara? Hitting your only child?’ Diana’s words were gravely quiet. Pete’s hand settled on her arm, but she shook it off without a backward glance. He stood up, smoothing his beard with a nervous hand.
‘I’ll take the kids to the lounge room, leave you guys to it. Keep it calm, Diana.’
Lara waited until the twins and Leo were out of the room before responding. ‘Have you ever seen Evie with bruises or a black eye, Diana? Everyone loses their temper occasionally. I bet you’ve resorted to a wooden spoon.’
‘Don’t start throwing stones. This is not about me.’
‘It’s never about you though, is it? Such a bloody martyr, working your guts out for beatification while us heathens blunder around as best we can.’
Diana snorted, although no trace of amusement showed on her face.
Angus looked up from his newspaper. ‘Stop it, you two. You should be ashamed of yourselves, bickering like children. If I had two good arms, I’d bang your heads together.’
Angie unfolded her arm from around Lara’s shoulder and pulled away. Penny had seen that set of her jaw before, the only sharp edge on her rounded face, when she’d insisted on the baking therapy classes. It was the first sliver of division between Angie and Lara since they’d teamed up about the farm sale.
‘It’s time to tell them, Lara.’
Lara pushed her chair back in anger.
Angie flinched at the sudden movement but continued nodding. ‘It’s gone too far now. You’re pushing shit uphill.’
Lara shook her head, the nerve in her jaw working overtime as she stared at Angie. ‘Don’t you dare.’
Penny looked at Angus and Diana, but both were as puzzled as she was.
‘Tell us what?’
Fifty-seven
Tim pulled into Nanna Pearl’s driveway, one arm on the steering wheel, the other rubbing Eddie’s shoulder.
He felt like driving until the ute ran out of petrol, as far away from Bridgefield as his fuel tank would take him, but he needed to think about Eddie. Put his brother’s welfare before his own turbulent emotions, ignore the combination of shame, pride and lust attacking his conscience. Their bachelor pad held no appeal in contrast to the farmhouse, which was undoubtedly a family home even when the relationships within it were in a state of flux. Nanna Pearl’s was the next best thing and he had instinctively pointed the ute in her direction.
He helped Eddie out of the car, walked him across the covered carport and sat him on the church pew beside her back door.
‘Take your boots off, mate. We’re at Nanna’s now.’
Eddie’s moaning had stopped, but his groans brought Nanna Pearl to the door as Tim eased the boots off.
‘Oh, you poor little mite. What’s wrong, precious?’ The knitting in her hand fell to the church pew, forgotten as she wrapped her arms around her grandson.
‘Shush now, it’s okay,’ she soothed. Eventually, Eddie’s distress calmed under the same familiar crooning that had soothed them both through their mother’s abandonment and their father’s incarceration. Her gaze shifted to Tim. He blanched under her scrutiny.
‘Bad day at work, mate?’
‘You could say that. Had a fire in the machinery shed this morning—it’s all right, we sorted it,’ Tim added, assuaging his grandmother’s alarm, ‘and Mac’s hell-bent on getting her family back on track, so she threw together a family lunch. If I were smarter, I would’ve steered well clear, but with Eddie’s bus dropping him off at their driveway right on midday, it seemed a good option.’ He blew out a frustrated breath, raking a hand through his already messed-up hair.
‘From the look on both your faces, I’m guessing it didn’t go to plan?’
‘Nope. It was going to be a shitstorm right from the start. Lara’s been on the warpath for weeks, Mac’s focused on rigid timeframes, Evie’s like a little wildcat, and Angus is more like his usual self, but his mood can still chop and change like the weather. I should have known better, but …’ He looked into his grandmother’s face. The thick lines in her soft skin were as much a part of her as the lavender scent and the purple hair.
‘Sounds like you knew it was going to be tough, but it was worth the pain to support someone you care about.’
He searched her face, wondering just ho
w much she knew. From the look of understanding and the gentle squeeze from her hand, maybe he hadn’t hidden his feelings as well as he thought. Care about? Like, love, hate? It was hard to know exactly what his feelings were towards Penny, which didn’t make it any easier.
‘Penny’s a lovely girl, Tim, and she has a good heart. They all do, they’ve just been sidetracked along the way. They’ll pull through. And when they sort themselves out, you’ll know where you stand with that farm.’
Tim looked up sharply. Of course, she would have heard all about the farm offer, the way his ambition had driven a deeper wedge between the McIntyre sisters. She knew better than anyone that his heart was set on a property of his own, for himself and Eddie.
‘A little birdie mentioned it at yoga. You know how these things work. You’ll have all this when I die, lovie.’
Tim looked around him, the small yard filled with flowers and garden statues, surrounded by paddocks that had been carved off years ago to repay his father’s debts. He loved her little cottage, but without the acreage, it fell well short of his farming dreams.
Tim mustered up a smile and squeezed her hand back gently. ‘I’d rather have you any day, Nanna.’
Penny wrapped her hands around the mug and took a sip of her tea, hoping if she made the first step, then everyone else would follow. But the rest of her family ignored their tea as they waited for Lara to fill them in.
Angie tried reasoning with her again. ‘They’ll understand, Lara. They’re family. Hiding it all has made things worse, not better. Almost pushed us to the brink. And all for nothing.’
Angie looked at Penny as if issuing a silent apology for abandoning her, before returning her focus to Lara. Penny perched on the edge of her seat, straining to understand what they were talking about. Her impatience got the better of her and the words tumbled from her mouth uncensored.
‘What haven’t you told us? What else have you done, Lara?’
