Words weeks ago from an elder German wolf, Martha. I hadn’t forgotten. She had told me to know my pack. Yet Jed and I hadn’t had much chance to know each other, much less to work on issues. Which, apparently, was leading to developing new issues.
The crux of the whole thing—again. Like struggles I’d had with many of them all along the way—sometimes knowingly, sometimes not. We needed understanding, which was going to take communication. Which … from Jed…
“Jed? I’m trying to pick up a phone signal. I don’t want to wake the others anyway if we can help it. Walk with me?”
We walked to the farthest point of the parking lot while I held up my phone, squinting in the sunlight and shielding my eyes.
No deal. I turned it onto airplane mode, then back, trying for a fresh start.
Jed remained ten feet from me, standing along the chain and wood post rail around this drop-off from the lot.
“You’ve been keeping an eye on me a lot since we landed,” I said casually while I messed with phone modes. “I’m sorry for flipping out on you last night. I’m a … bit wound up. Not that that’s any excuse.” I held the phone up again. “I was really impressed with how well you managed for the flights here. Speaking of wound up. That was no small thing. Even I hate flying and I’ve done it several times.”
He didn’t say anything.
One bar showed up and I leaned back into a post so I could face Jed, opening the browser and hoping for the best.
What had him talking before?
Jed had talked to me of note on three occasions: once about the Beech Pack; once about his desire to remain in fur and how controlled and limiting his life felt; once when he’d explained to me why I needed to leave the Sable’s territory for my own safety.
Was there a common thread?
No…
Wait.
Three topics he felt very strongly about.
Not the subject, but the wolf was the same. He cared about this place. He cared about meeting total wolves. And, for whatever reason, he cared about me.
“Jed?” I glanced up from my phone as it struggled to load a page.
At exactly the same time he’d been starting to speak, saying my name—which was also odd.
I blushed like a school girl as he looked quickly away—I’m not even entirely sure why—and both of us paused.
Dammit, he’d been going to talk on his own.
“Go on,” I said softly.
He shook his head. “What were you going to say?”
“No, you first. Please. I was only going to talk about this area.”
Still, he hesitated. I kept my mouth shut.
“I thought,” he said at last, slowly, hard to hear with the mumble he used, squinting off to the north. “I wondered … if you… Do you want…?” Pause.
I glanced at my phone and back to him.
He finally looked at me. “Breakfast? A worm—human—breakfast before we’re out all day?”
“Yes, we’re planning on it. That’s what I’m trying to look up.”
He nodded, shifting his weight, looking at me more directly as if this had bolstered his confidence. “So … we could go into town? Find wherever you want to go?”
“It will come to that if I can’t look up breakfast joints.” I glanced at the phone again. “I was hoping for a lead on somewhere with large portions.” I smiled, then finally understood what he was asking me. “We all have to go to breakfast, Jed. We can’t just leave the others.”
His brows drew in as he looked away.
“I’m sorry. I’d be happy to go to breakfast with you if the circumstances were different. But we discussed this last night. We’re all getting a last hot meal, then hitting the trail.”
He didn’t answer, scowling northward again, to the now sunbathed mountains.
“Jed? Would you mind my asking, why do you want to? I thought you might opt to skip breakfast all together. You hate eating in public, being around mundanes, and being in skin. You don’t normally eat breakfast at all. Am I right? I don’t mean to put words in your mouth, but that’s been my impression.”
A small shrug.
“So why are you offering that?
“Everyone else does.” Still not looking at me. “You like them all better. Isaac takes you out and Andrew and Kage cook for you and Zar’s always wanting to.”
“Is that why you’re staring at us? To see what they do? To figure out why I like them? Or how they treat me?” I pocketed the phone to give him my full attention. “I’m not going on a breakfast date with you. Or dinner date, or anything like that. No way.”
He gave a terse nod of his chin, a sort of irritated twitch, as if I was confirming what he’d already known.
“Because you’d be miserable,” I continued. “Maybe you don’t even realize how miserable you’d be.”
His gaze flicked to me and away after a crow.
“You can’t just try to come up with something the other person would want to do so they’ll like you more. That’s a recipe for disaster later on. You can’t make yourself do something you hate in order to show someone else you want to do something enjoyable with them. You have to find common ground for an actual connection. Andrew and Kage wanted to cook for me. Isaac enjoys going out with me. He balances human and wolf worlds. And Zar wants any time alone with me he can figure out. He doesn’t care what it is as long as he’s ditched the rest of you. He wouldn’t even change last night because he wouldn’t leave me alone.
“You shouldn’t watch what other males do for a female to know what you should do unless you are similar to those other males. And you’re not. I know that about you.” He was finally meeting my eyes as I added, “Even if I don’t know much else. And I’d like to know you better. I was just thinking that. But not by restaurant dates. By finding common ground.”
He hesitated, nodded again, then turned slowly, starting away.
I blinked stupidly. “Jed?”
He turned back.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean that to be rhetorical. What are you thinking?”
He shrugged. “I asked. You said no. I know you don’t fancy me the way you do the rest of them.”
“Wait—what? That is not even remotely what I said. Wait, Jed! Don’t walk away in the middle of a conversation. What did I really say?”
He frowned at the ground between us, only half facing me. “Said no.”
“Tell me what I said!”
He recoiled a bit, shoulders hunching down. “That I needed to like to do something to ask you to it, but I hate everything so it won’t work.”
I grabbed my own head, palms pressing into each side of my skull and damp hair. “Bullshit.”
He looked at me.
“That’s not what I said. You’re selectively hearing a bunch of negatives.” I dropped my hands. “My whole point was what do you like to do? For us both to do something together, like a date—the point of which is getting to know one another better and seeing if we have that sort of connection or not—we do something we both enjoy. Most humans like to have a meal out. That’s why stuff like dinner and a movie is classic. You don’t like dinner and a movie. You’d hate those things. Right? At least in a mundane setting, like a sit down, restaurant dinner?”
Jed nodded.
“So before asking me something like that, to breakfast, think about what you like to do and either guess and offer me the chance to join you, or ask me straight out what do I enjoy that might be compatible. I would be happy to spend more time with you, Jed. I would much rather just go for a walk and talk with you than you to follow me around and stare at me like a creepy old wolf when I’m not with you and am occupied with someone else. But not on a meal date. You can do better. What do you like to do that you would ask a female at home to join you in?”
“Nothing that isn’t in fur. That’s why…” He did that one-sided shrug that was usually Zar’s domain.
“Why you decided to end the conversation? It’s certainly a legitimate conc
ern. Pretty big warning sign to a lasting, happy relationship, right? Extreme differences? I can’t do fur. You’re a stranger. So maybe a deal-breaker? But that’s fine. It’s no barrier to friendship. We can still be friends and understand each other better and spend time together.”
He just stood there.
“I’ll throw your ball sometime when we’re out on the trail. I like that; you like that. Sorry my arm is … lacking. But that’s what I mean about we can do things together and it not be some weird stressful thing with one or the other pushing themselves.”
“You’re all right with that?” He shifted uncomfortably on the gravel. “You … with everyone else … it’s all about skin for you.”
“Well, yeah, but my relationships with most of them are different.”
“Sure.” Frowning, detaching more, easing away again.
“I don’t know what to tell you about that. It goes back to not a good match. I’m a worm, you’re a wolf. The others like to spend a good part of their lives in skin. You don’t. So you and I … yeah. You need someone of your own species.”
“Right. I’ll just go find one. Working out brilliant for me so far.” He walked away.
“Jed…” I started after him, stopped, watching him go with the blazing sun to his back and side, so miserable for him I didn’t even know what to say if I called out.
Chapter 8
By the time I returned to the cabin everyone was up—Kage and Jason to the showers, Zar out looking for me, worried. Very soon, we were all into Estes Park with Andrew finding our breakfast spot.
Texas skillets, Denver omelets, corned beef hash with fried eggs—I’d thought I would enjoy this all-American breakfast with them more. Especially my last real cup of hot coffee for an unknown duration. They were aware of eating among mundanes as well, for which I praised them—as they took a couple minutes over each plate rather than seconds. Yet I couldn’t enjoy the moment. I kept thinking of Jed.
Following our main breakfasts—and drawing comments from our waitress—everyone had another full breakfast for afters. All the same, having been spotted on the specials board by Zar: cheesecake stuffed French toast with strawberries, blueberries, and maple syrup.
“Hunt Moon, I love this country,” Kage murmured after these desserts arrived and the whole pack took a moment to stare.
Jason made the vow. Zar appeared almost tearful, overcome by his own personal Candy Land.
I wouldn’t really take them to an all-you-can-eat buffet if we found one during the trip, would I?
Yeah … I probably would.
While they inhaled their second courses, I dug around Google images for yellow and brown songbirds, telling them what I was working on as I did so. Not that they listened. In the company of the others around our two tables, I’m not sure they were capable of listening. Like telling a dog to sit while he’s chasing a cat. He can’t even hear you.
To my own surprise, I did turn up the bird and saved a photo, which I showed around once plates were cleared: a western meadowlark.
Time to go, so I didn’t have a moment for more than playing a recording of the song—same bird from the lucid dream—but I studied a photo with the last swallows of my coffee.
As we left the diner, myself dropping a massive tip on the table for the slight carnage we’d caused, I was reminded again of Jed. He’d been typical in the group all morning: silent other than the odd growl or insult for Kage or anyone crowding him, keeping away from everyone as much as he could. Clearly, he’d loved the corned beef hash and eggs—and everything else about the food here. Yet the environment remained so stressful for him around all the mundanes and crammed together in two booths with his family members, we might as well have been back in the chaos of the airport.
What could I do for him? How could I help this wayward member of my wonderful pack? The best pack any witch could wish for, yet I kept letting them down. Not finding these killers was bad enough, but letting them down personally was troubling me the most now.
I still didn’t know what to believe about Jason. Andrew grew into a bigger and bigger mystery the better I knew him. Zar was feeling neglected by me, and I suspected Isaac was as well. Kage and I had come a long way since Yorkshire but I still had a lot to prove to him. I needed to be emotionally available to him in particular, keep communication flowing between us.
So what about Jed?
He’d made it clear, more or less, what he wanted with our relationship, and maybe even hinted at why—having no prospects among his own species. The fact that he’d done something so drastic as ask me out in a mundane capacity spoke volumes. But what was I supposed to do about it? How to free him from that chain?
He’d come out of his last relationship crushed, still not entirely over the silver Beech female, though ready to find someone new. Instead of finding someone suitable, however, he’d found me.
I couldn’t deny I found Jed physically attractive. Beyond this, he was also intriguing. What wouldn’t I give to walk in his paws even for a night? I’d told him a long time ago I wanted to hear more about what it was like to be in fur and I’d meant it.
We’d been through a fair bit together: eclipse times. I loved him along with the rest of my pack. Even so, Jed was different. My feelings for him were different. He was different. Yes, I could say the same about each individual. Jed, though…
Maybe Jed and Andrew remained the most mixed up in my own mind and feelings because I knew them the least.
I hoped I could get to know Jed with a little more time together. I wasn’t sure what it might take with Andrew.
This, as we drove back up to our parking where we would leave the van in the same campsite, had me thinking of pasts and futures. Where was all this going?
Wolf magic said live in this Moon, live for today. Even so, some days, some moments, it was tougher than others.
After breakfast and sorting out our bags—and one last running water visit at the bathrooms—I felt the time was right for a nap.
Instead, I rubbed on bug balm, settled my sun hat, tightened the straps of my backpack, and looked around to the rest gathered at the van. “Ready?”
“We are the stars to your Moon, the beasts to your Belle,” Andrew said.
Kage handed me the prep list, every item checked off.
I left this inside and locked the van after us. Then we headed west, into the mountains.
Chapter 9
We hiked for six hours before any sort of notable break. In this time I discovered my low-altitude lungs were the size of teabags. This was unfortunate not only because of my diminishing usefulness in the group now turning to a hindrance, but my own pride.
The trip to Yorkshire had been an emotional one for me—mostly of a tearful sort. Was my whole time in Colorado going to be clouded by one embarrassment after another?
Isaac spent the first leg in skin as my companion, carrying the real hiking backpack. Zar and Kage wore the Malamute sacks—carefully fitted to them by myself once we’d cleared human camps and they’d changed. Jason wore his shiny new prong collar, mostly hidden by his thick coat. Andrew and Jed were free.
While Isaac and I took the hiking trail up into the mountains the five others ranged great distances beyond this—miles, I’m sure—out to the left and right and back again to find us. In this way, with the wolves in rough pairings or splitting up, we covered dozens of square miles of the mountain range just in the first half-day. How much more could they have covered without the worm in tow?
Was I wrong to stay with them? Should I have found an inn around Boulder and just waited a couple days for them to come back and report?
Surely that would be too dangerous, sending them out with nothing but a “Moon bless” and crossing my fingers. We must work together. Still…
Isaac tried to carry on a conversation early on, but I could hardly draw breath on that endless uphill climb with razor thin air. Even he was struggling, used to sea-level life. We spent much of the day in silence, only talkin
g here and there about the issue at hand, the Sable Pack, how much ground we could cover out here each day, and so on.
When we finally stopped for a rest in a forested plateau, well away from the mundane trail where the wolves could find us, Isaac was as quick to drag off his backpack as I was. This made me feel a tiny bit better. All the same, I wasn’t exactly a barrel of laughs as I sank to my knees on the forest floor to take a long drink, then find a cough drop to cut the dryness in my throat.
“All right, arä?” He was also sweating and panting.
“I wasn’t thinking about the altitude being so … tough.” I offered him a cough drop. “It’s been a long time since I lived in mountains. You get used to it, but…”
“Not in a day.”
“Not in a day,” I repeated and splashed cool water on my face. “Next time, let’s bring the caravan along.”
Isaac smiled. “I wouldn’t mind an ATV.”
“Or how about some paws? Time for you to switch shifts.”
“I’m all right until anyone wants to change. Always a pleasure to spend the time with you. Glamorous or otherwise.”
“Speaking of glamor, I’m sorry about the smell but I’ve got to put on more of that bug stuff. I thought they weren’t supposed to be this high up.”
“Judging by the look of the trail ahead, we’re not that high up yet.”
“Right… This is the easy part.”
“Only the foothills, I dare say.”
I sighed. “Isaac?”
He looked around from the view beyond treetops and peaks looming over us. “Forgive me. I meant … it will all be over soon. Must be nearly to the top. Of something.”
“Thank you.” I splashed more water on my face.
Before I could find the bug repellant, the great, dark bulk of Jed was padding over. I’d seen him often all day in glimpses through trees and wasn’t surprised he was right there on our heels.
Moonlight Journey: A Reverse Harem Shifter Romance (The Witch and the Wolf Pack Book 6) Page 6
