“I’ve missed you too. Zar? You don’t need to be uncomfortable about other females when you’re with me. You can talk to anyone you—”
“I don’t want them around.” He sounded irritated. “I want to be with you.”
He hadn’t been trying to prove something to me, then? Only his own feelings?
“I see. Well, I’m sorry they were bothering you. If you want someone else to know you’re ‘taken’ and leave you alone, you can always hold my hand or something simple. People get it.”
“You said we can’t be affectionate in this country.”
“Uh…”
“Americans being so jealous. Or in this part of the country?”
“Right … of course. Well, they’re shifters. It’s a different culture, isn’t it? A micro-culture. I wouldn’t worry about them.”
He nodded, kissed my nose, my hair.
I felt like we should go back. Yet Zar was finally relaxing, after what had clearly been a stressful evening for him on many levels. So was I, leaning in, grateful, my racing, scared mind brought back to a quiet space with him—a deep breath moment.
I didn’t say anything about going back, but parted my lips at his next kiss, moving the notebook aside, while Zar also reached and switched off the flashlight. Neither of us made any move to return to the gathering.
Chapter 39
River rock may sound uncomfortable. Instead, the stones were smooth and well distributed on a sandy bank. In the wet season the river probably reached this far. Now the narrow water was like music—a chuckle and a sigh, not a roar.
The stones felt cradling, lying full-length on them without a pressure point—all curves as they shifted against one another, making a bed. It helped that Zar was just as gentle, caressing me backward as if by accident. He stroked and kissed while I held his face, tasted his tongue, curved into him for more warming contact through our clothes.
He’d been different all night. Now still unlike himself as he wrapped around me.
It was odd how not only Germany and ancient castles seemed lifetimes ago, but even Yorkshire—a week, a day ago, all felt so far apart.
As Alice famously remarked in Wonderland, “It’s no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then.”
Yes, Zar was the same wolf I’d met my first night introduced to the Sable Pack, and he was different as well. So was I. Perhaps even more than him. I wanted to keep on growing with him. Yet, how had this become so much about us personally—the seven of us—when we were on a mission of service to others?
“Zar?”
“Cass? Are you cold?” He was pulling up my shirt, kissing across my hairline. He’d never seen me undressed—strangely enough.
“No.” I wriggled the rest of the way out of my jacket, letting it rest on stones at my back. “Zar? That was your first time with a female in skin, wasn’t it? Before…?”
“And last.”
“What?” I pulled up the hem of his shirt.
He withdrew a hand from cupping my bra to pull the shirt off over his head. “I don’t want to be with anyone else.”
Right: first and last female. Not first and last time. As I had before, I found his conviction on this point unsettling for many reasons. Not least of which that Zar was being wasted on me. I couldn’t commit to anything with him, not even that I could stay in his home country—much less small details like committing to not sleeping with his cousin or brother. Zar deserved better than me.
“I wish you’d told me.” I spoke into his wavy hair as I sat up slightly against him to help get my shirt off. This he dropped behind my head as I lay back.
“Why?”
“Better communication. The moment—”
“Was perfect. I wouldn’t change anything. Being with you is always perfect, Cass.”
It was exactly this attitude of his that made me squirm.
I stroked his muscular chest while he kissed down from my jaw to my bra.
I longed to do better by them—to be the witch Zar thought I was. In which case, we’d have solved this, won the game, and I’d probably have brought about world peace and harmony among all shifter kind into the bargain.
Short of that, what else could I do to live up to his expectations? I’d never been with anyone who made me so fervently wish to be a better person.
Zar was tense, somehow, more and more so as he caressed and kissed my body. The bra had no hook. I had to sit up to pull that off as well, if he so desired, but he wasn’t tugging at it.
He eased more on top of me, mouth finding mine, one hand at my jeans. Protective.
I felt it too. A prickle at my neck. A tightness through my back.
“Did you come back to talk to us?” I turned my head.
Even knowing he was there, he made me jump. Jed stood right next to us, his big paws at the edge of river rocks, as far as he’d been able to noiselessly slink up, head so low his chin was almost between his paws. In darkness, he was a great bulk, blotting out the forest. I could nearly reach out and touch his nose.
Zar ignored his brother—other than tension.
“If you want to talk you need to change. If you don’t want to talk you need to move on.”
Jed did move—a bit closer.
Zar had his face against my neck, tensing even more at the sound of the step.
I ran my fingers into his hair. “It’s okay. If he has something to contribute he’ll change. He’s not here to make trouble.”
I didn’t say this for Zar’s benefit—since of course it was nonsense—but to explain this fact to Jed. I wouldn’t lose my temper with him about staring or skulking anymore—among other things we needed to work on. Brushing him and playing fetch were the opposite of motivation to spend time in skin. So we were trying something new. Zar being mixed up in it was too bad. Still, I knew Jed wouldn’t really change to talk to us so there was nothing he could do, short of attacking Zar—which he wouldn’t.
As he felt my ease, I think Zar agreed with me. Anyway, the last scuffle the brothers had had was won by Zar—surely a confidence boost. A far cry from hiding from Jed in the castle. That had been yesterday.
I massaged Zar’s neck and he relaxed against me as he refocused his ignoring strategy.
Zar moved his mouth to mine and I held his face while we kissed. He wanted the bra off, stroking the material again, not sure how to remove it. At the same time he rocked his hips, wanting all of me undressed at once.
When I said I had to sit up again for the bra, Zar pushed back on an arm and—whack. His skull cracked into Jed’s chin.
Zar growled this time, a quick instinct, as Jed jerked his head away with a stifled yelp. I followed Zar, pressing my mouth over his, stopping the growl before it got going. If Jed wanted attention he had to change. I knew that. He knew that. As long as Zar didn’t cave, reacting to him, Jed was already beat at this game.
Zar silently returned the kiss while I showed him how to pull up the tight elastic band of the bra, then over my head. He followed me down, breath quickening, finding a nipple with his mouth. I held his head and arched my back up to him, shivering with his hot touch, wanting to slide my jeans down as well, but waiting for him.
He’d never touched me like this and he lingered over my breasts while Jed paced and panted around us. The sound of the river filled my ears, the footfalls on stones only a rare distraction.
When Zar worked down my pants he didn’t sit up again. We kept close, twisting from our final clothes and against each other. Zar couldn’t make up his mind—his erection between my legs one moment, then sliding down enough for his mouth to reach my breasts. I held his head there while he divided interest between my nipples.
He moved to my face and I drew up a leg against his, wanting him, yet awkward on the rocks.
Jed dithered about on stones by my head. Like a fox just beyond the chicken wire while the chickens flapped in chaos an inch past his whiskers. Turning back and forth, growling, panting, splashing into the water an
d out.
I caught my breath, head back and mouth open as Zar pushed into me, first struggling with his position, then in a rush.
Jed was actually whining as he paced, frantic in his torment. I could hardly hear him in river noise and our own breaths while Zar thrust and I pulled him against me, rolling forward to meet him.
Being with Zar again was somehow relaxing and electric at once: just what the doctor ordered. For me, though, it was only building when he was already coming. Dammit, I wanted to tell him to stop—that I wasn’t ready. Why the rush? But I’d needed to talk to him before he went so far. If he could only stay … just a little more contact…
“Zar…”
His mouth covered mine, hot and wet, gasping into mine as he shuddered, then subsided on top of me.
He held on, still kissing and caressing, focused on my face in the wake of his high.
Then he was gone, shocking me by rolling onto his side while another took his place.
Goddess, Jed had changed. I hadn’t thought he’d do it. Clearly it had never crossed Zar’s mind that he would. Zar was so stunned he didn’t even growl until Jed had already stolen his place.
Jed surged over me, having routed Zar like a weed. I moved to meet him, welcoming him for the renewed rush of pleasure that I’d just been losing.
Zar buried his face in the side of my neck and hair, stifling his growl while I held onto him, murmuring, “Shhh, it’s okay…”
Jed was even faster than him‚ having worked himself into a state. Just enough time for me, though. The rush of a second male was plenty, really—the mental, emotional makeup of the whole thing making the physical contact almost icing on the cake. I’d never experienced anything like it, thinking even in the moment of the irony, as it was Kage and Jason I’d suspected may form a threesome in my future. I had reason to believe they were having one at this moment as well—also more to be expected than my current venture.
Jed rolled to my right side, along the edge of the water, while Zar lay on my left, pressed in close and soothed from his irritation by my attention. He kissed me while I turned to him, holding his face, reassuring, relaxing us both as the exhaustion crept in.
Chapter 40
The three of us lay in silence, our breaths settled, the river rolling endlessly by. I could have slept, still warm between them, but had too much to think about.
After ten minutes, I shifted to see the moon in treetops.
“Jed? Do you want to tell us what happened?”
“I’ll tell you what happened,” Zar said into my neck. “He’s a—”
“I’m not talking about right now.” I kissed Zar’s temple, then twisted in an effort to see Jed, who lay against my back.
He didn’t answer.
I waited. Zar squirmed in tighter, mouthing my throat, stroking my breasts. Jed only breathed through my hair.
Zar kissed my lips, drawing me away from Jed as if we would go back to pretending Jed didn’t exist.
“We should go,” I whispered when the kiss broke. “Say goodnight to our hosts, find the others, get back to—”
“Not all there.” Zar held my throat in his teeth.
“Kage and Jason will be back. We’re not spending the night out here.”
He kissed my jaw, over my lips and nose.
Again, we settled into a warm hush, close to sleep as the river chuckled past. An owl hooted. I saw images from the journey—or whatever all it had been.
Melanie seeing blood and burning through a window… Zar worrying that something was going to happen to me… If something did … Melanie would know…
It had seemed silly early on; the bodyguards. Then the castle, the vampires in Yorkshire, plus all the work we’d been able to do together.
I hadn’t been scared for my own life before. Aside from a few flashes along the way, like falling into a pit of animated bodies, it was only them I worried about. Until now. Until I saw Melanie facing death, looking through the window to a massacre. Then Zar’s feeling of grief; of dread.
What difference did it make? We went on, did the best we could—worry or not, bad omens or not. Yet…
All I’d learned lately, all I was still learning…
My life, not as it had been, but how I wanted it to be, filled my mind like a speeding movie, so fast there were only snatches of sense. Sense about them: the six wolves. Teaching, a home, children, decades of life ahead—those were nothing compared to the power of being with each of them.
If I were gone…?
“You’ll keep fighting, won’t you?” I whispered. “No matter what?”
They stirred against me. Zar lifted his face and I realized he’d been asleep. How much time had passed?
“What?”
“Nothing.” I kissed him. “Let’s go back.”
“They’re not there,” he repeated thickly.
“Maybe by now. We’ll get everyone together and thank our new friends. They were kind to have us here. We’re lucky those first bears weren’t—”
Jed licked the back of my neck, making me jump and shiver.
“Stop it.” I shrugged away from him, almost laughing.
“What?” Zar was suspicious, raising his face above mine to be able to see his brother.
“It’s fine.” I sat up, instantly regretting this as it exposed four sides of skin, rather than only one, to the cool night. I grabbed the bra as my teeth began to chatter.
“Don’t go yet.” Zar followed me.
Jed also held on, hand on my waist, pressing in closer while I sat on my hip on the jacket. Jed licked along my spine between my shoulder blades, turning into a kiss, then tried it again, getting the feel of the thing, more kiss and less lick. I shivered and leaned into his experiment.
The amount of naked skin contact between us, one to each side, suddenly seemed precious: a gift I craved more of, a heat I was depriving myself of just by sitting up.
Sadly, it was a gift I should return to sender—a situation between two brothers that I should defuse before it became dangerous.
We’d been lying here long enough for Isaac to worry about me, for the party to be over, for anyone to have followed us out here. This made me think again of odors and laundry. I wasn’t going to be able to keep this secret now. Although … Zar was mostly the one I’d been concerned about…
“Come on,” I started once more. “We—”
Zar kissed me. I pushed him back to get the bra over my head. It was a struggle to put the thing on like a T-shirt rather than stepping in like a swimsuit. Not a graceful performance before an audience. The audience, however, was busy.
Zar didn’t want to lose his chance. He sank to get his mouth on my breasts.
Jed pulled my hips to him, growing hard again. He followed me more upright while I got the bra in place. Zar gave up to kiss down my belly.
I grabbed my shirt, shivering, although the warmth of Jed’s legs against mine, his chest to my back, even his breath on my neck all helped. He nosed through my hair to bite skin.
It wasn’t as if we would have another chance anytime soon… And I didn’t really think Isaac would track me out here since I’d left with the pair of them.
What about Zar and Jed, though?
I turned forward a bit more, shirt bunched around one fist which was supporting me on the stones. A gift too good to return? All that skin … new sensations that I’d never known how much I wanted.
Zar sat up for my mouth. Jed twisted onto his knees, lifting me against him—fully hard now.
Was I this selfish? Even fearing a fallout? Even knowing Zar, at least, was stressed from this combination that I was finding unexpectedly mouthwatering?
They were getting along all right so far. If the tension built, however—
And it did. Zar was still feeling me out, wooing me into staying by the riverbank, every kiss and touch gentle, when Jed was already on his knees, holding my hips, pulling me tight against him. I was startled by how quickly he moved—losing myself in Zar’s
gentle kisses when I should have been several steps ahead to keep up with Jed. My gasp and free hand tightening on Zar’s shoulder unfortunately revealed my own surprise at Jed’s working his way into me.
At my involuntary tipoff, Zar scrambled up to get at Jed.
I clung to him, telling him once more, “It’s okay.” Panting, afraid Zar was mistaking my surprise for displeasure, I kissed him. “It’s okay, Zar.” More than okay. Goddess, my real shock—leaning back into Jed—was how good it was. “I love you.” But I realized I was groveling to Zar, unable not to feel guilty, and I shut up.
It was true Zar had been first before. He didn’t see the current situation as fair, though. Nor, apparently, did he accept my hidden apology. While I still held him for support, he growled at Jed, sounding exactly as if he were in fur. I could almost see his fangs.
Jed didn’t even seem to hear. He was getting to rerun his fantasy: his first thrusts a blur, then relaxing, holding himself in as far as he could with only shallow movements. He rocked his hips just enough to stimulate both of us—making me want him to stay like that forever. He could pretend the tie this way, make-believe that he and his mate were all canine.
I knew exactly what he was doing. The continued surprise was simply from how much I loved it. The way he went from powerhouse to only holding on: moving just enough, touching just right, building up my pleasure with minimal effort…
Zar was slow to figure out the game, then opposed to the rules. He had a point. I couldn’t let Jed just hang onto me for, say, twenty minutes while he daydreamed and we both stayed on the edge—and Zar twiddled his thumbs. My failing—again—turned out to be selfishness. Jed wasn’t the only one wanting to take his time.
I held onto Zar while he growled, soothing, kissing him, though now no one spoke. I willed my apology to him: my regret that I didn’t actually want him to rush Jed or trade with Jed—this felt so good exactly as it was.
It was like rolling along a lazy river with Jed, endless slow pleasure as he settled, blocking all foes, keeping himself aroused and hard without reaching orgasm—which would lose the game. Fitting nicely with the sound of the narrow river in our ears. I rested back into him, waiting out the tie with him, only concern about Zar troubling me.
Moonlight Journey: A Reverse Harem Shifter Romance (The Witch and the Wolf Pack Book 6) Page 26
