by Sophia Lynn
Myriah’s heart contracted painfully at his plain words, because it was the honest and raw truth. He wasn’t touching her with passion, but instead with comfort, and it brought home the fact that it had been a very long time since she had been held like this.
Oh God, I cannot cry right now . . .
No matter how little she wanted to, however, the tears were coming, and instead of pushing Halil away, she was burying her face in his chest, clinging to him as if he were the only solid thing in the world.
Halil made a sound of surprise, and after a moment, he pulled her over to the couch. This time, there was nothing passionate at all about the way he sat her next to him, tugging her close with his arm over her shoulders.
“It’s all right, darling, it’s all right. Whatever you need right now . . .”
You, she thought, but when Halil held her a little tighter, she realized that she must have said it out loud.
Halil’s only response was to hold her close, wrapped around her so tightly that the only thing that mattered was how warm she felt, how comforted and safe.
She had no idea how long it took before her tears ran dry. Her breathing stopped feeling like fire in her chest, and she felt her entire body relax into Halil’s powerful frame.
“I am—”
“No.”
“No?”
“No. Do not apologize for that. If anything, I should be the one to apologize; I was the one who pushed you. I was the one who demanded, and I am sorry, Myriah.”
Myriah took a deep breath and let it out slowly.
“I think that one’s on both of us,” she said finally. “Sometimes it’s hard to even look at you and not . . . well. You know.”
Halil’s laugh was ironic.
“I do know, yes.”
“So going forward . . . let’s be careful, all right?”
“Careful?”
“Yes. This is one of the first things I learned as a parent. You’re not going to be perfect. I mean, I had all of these goals, and all of these incredibly high standards before the girls were born. I was going to be completely perfect, and my daughters would be healthy and happy and so loving and . . .”
She shook her head, and Halil stroked her cheek with a single gentle finger.
“And then what?”
“And then I had three nights with about three hours of sleep, Rose was out of town visiting some friends, and somehow both Leah and Mina had colds at the same time, but Katie didn’t, so she was trying her best to get out of her crib all the time.”
“What happened?”
“Oh, I had a little breakdown. I yelled at three little girls who couldn’t even really talk yet, I checked to make sure that they would be all right, and then I went to my room and cried for what felt like an hour. I just completely lost it. I hated my life, I hated everything that was happening, and I might have paid a thousand dollars if I could just get one night of sleep. That’s not something I am proud of at all.”
“So what did you do?”
Myriah let go of a breath that she had been holding. She hadn’t realized until she heard the sweetness and the sympathy in Halil’s voice how much she needed to have him be kind about one of the worst nights of her life.
“Eventually, you reach a point where you can’t cry any longer, I guess. I took a deep breath, and I went back out to take care of my kids. I’m pretty sure they don’t remember that. At least, I hope they don’t. But what I’m trying to say is that we’re not going to be perfect.”
“I don’t accept that.”
Myriah felt a bubble of laughter come up in her chest, bright and joyful and sweet. Halil looked a little offended when she laughed at him, but then she wrapped her arms around him. There was nothing tentative or nervous about it. It felt wonderfully natural.
“Accept it or not, but it’s the truth. Even with all the money in the world, even if there were two of us or five of us or ten of us, mistakes are going to be made.”
“And when they are?”
“Then we apologize, we make sure that we don’t make that mistake again, and we move forward. We’re going to make some mistakes, Halil. All we can do is to move on.”
Myriah started to say something else but then she yawned instead, one of those enormous yawns that seem to stretch out your entire body and leave you aware of how long you have been awake. “I’m sorry, I think I’m just worn out.”
Halil nodded, making a face.
“I’m sorry. I hadn’t been paying attention. You should get some sleep.”
She blinked, looking around.
“We . . . we don’t have a guest room, or well, we do, but that’s where the cribs are, and Rose is in the basement . . .”
Even after everything they had been saying, all the good progress they had been making, there was still a part of her that wanted to bring him to her bed, which suddenly felt very lonely.
“It’s fine. I’m still on Ealim time after all. I’ll stay up for a little while, and then I will sleep on the couch.”
“Oh! Um, I’m sorry. Let me get you a few blankets and a pillow . . .”
As she went to the linen closet to look for ways to make her couch a little more comfortable for Halil, she told herself again that they were doing the right thing. With the girls getting used to Halil and with Halil getting used to the girls, the addition of a romantic entanglement could be disastrous. Putting some distance between herself and Halil was definitely the right thing to do.
She came back with a stack of blankets and pillows and sheets tall enough that she had to crane her neck around the side to see them, and Halil rose to help her. When his hand brushed against her arm, she drew her breath in at the moment of electricity that shot between the two of them. Something in her told her that Halil felt it too, but if he was willing to let it pass, then she was too.
“Do you need any help to make up a bed?”
Halil flashed a wry grin at her.
“No, I think I can handle it. Go to bed, Myriah, I’ll be fine. I’ll see you in the morning.”
Myriah lingered for another moment, and then she knew that if she stayed much longer, she was going to do something that undercut everything they had been talking about.
“Goodnight,” she said hurriedly, and nearly ran to her bedroom. Even with the door shut firmly between them, she couldn’t quite stop herself from imagining what would have happened if she had stayed, if she had allowed Halil to pull her into the embrace that they both so clearly wanted . . .
***
For several long moments, Halil stared at the closed door that separated him from Myriah. It felt wrong. There was a part of him that wanted nothing more than to simply open that door, because he knew like he knew his own name that she hadn’t locked it. He wanted to take her to bed, and to be as close with her as he could get, no matter what the consequences were.
Halil sighed.
She’s right. Even if I don’t particularly want her to be right, she is. There is simply too much going on for us to add romance to the table.
. . . no matter how good it would feel.
Halil growled at himself, because no matter what he was feeling, he was a full-grown man. On a regular basis, he made policies that would affect his entire country, if not the entire Middle East. He could damn well focus on what really needed his attention right now.
A brief cold shower helped, but it also had the effect of waking him up further. He prowled the living room, occasionally pausing by the bedrooms to listen to the girls sleep—and to listen to Myriah’s calm breathing, as well.
All right. It’s time to do what I can, he decided. Things are going pretty well here, but they could be better, couldn’t they?
Halil opened up his laptop and started the secure line back to his staff at the palace. It was time to do what he was best at: find solutions.
Chapter Twelve
Myriah
“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Rose whispered. Myriah noted that despite her doubting words, her sister wa
s more than happy to participate.
“Oh yes. I’m sure. I mean, did you even hesitate before you did it to me?”
“Not for a heartbeat. Well, all right. Let’s release the babies.”
As Myriah had guessed, once the three girls were set on the ground, they immediately started for the brand-new thing in their world; that is, Halil stretched out on the couch, wrapped up in a blanket.
To Myriah’s complete lack of surprise, it was Katie who made it to him first, and with a surprisingly acrobatic grace, she pulled herself up on the couch to land right next to Halil’s head.
Halil jolted awake with a surprised oof! and then he had a baby in his face, pawing at his hair and reaching for his ears. Myriah and Rose both started laughing as the two other little girls caught up, grabbing at Halil as he sat up, clinging to him and babbling at him in a strange mix of gibberish and actual words.
“Well good morning to you, tiny horde,” Halil said with a laugh. “What put you on the attack this morning?”
“That would be Myriah,” said Rose with a grin.
“Only because Rose did that to me the first time I came back from a long trip. I’m sorry, too much?”
Halil laughed. “Absolutely not. I have never been woken up in a more interesting way. Good morning to you too, Leah, yes, those are my ears . . .”
As Halil sat up, the blanket slipped down to reveal that he was only wearing a pair of drawstring trousers, and both Myriah and Rose stared at his chest for a moment, taking in the lean waist, the muscled belly and the broad shoulders.
“Well,” Rose said, sounding more than a little resigned. “I guess that makes some things a little clearer.”
“Rose!”
“Believe me, I’m not faulting you at all, big sister. I’m just going to go get some breakfast started, and I’ll bring back a bucket too.”
“A bucket?”
“To catch all that drool coming from your mouth.”
Sometimes, Myriah wished Rose could still be kept in line with a few stern admonitions from her big sister, but that time was long past, and it wasn’t even as if she were wrong.
Halil, who was occupied by three little girls all falling over each other for his attention, was completely unaware of the way Myriah was looking at him, so she took the opportunity to look all she wanted. Halil was a good-looking man, but there was something about the way he played with the girls, so gentle and kind and joyful, that struck her to her very heart.
Be careful, oh be careful, her heart whispered. You thought he was the one before . . .
She turned away from that memory, because that was then, and they had both changed.
“Hey, bring the girls in, it’s time for breakfast,” she said, and he grinned at her.
“Of course. Let’s see if I learned anything from yesterday . . .”
As it turned out, he had, and Myriah was impressed to see how quickly he had learned. He was patient, and even Mina, who was usually a little fussier than Leah, was pleased.
“You know, I wonder how well they would do akali,” he said, and Myriah tilted her head.
“What’s that?”
“Oh, I’m surprised you didn’t run into it when you were in Ealim,” he said. “It’s spicy roasted cabbage. Mostly we use it as a condiment, though plenty of dishes use it as an ingredient as well.”
“Oh, that’s what that was?” said Myriah, half-horrified. “I tried it and I thought that my tongue was going to go up in flames.”
“Fragile little American,” Halil said with a wink. “Anyway, it’s a tradition of sorts. Most parents give their babies a little taste of it at some point. I think at one point, it was meant to remind children of how unexpected and harsh life could be.”
“Is . . . that something you want to tell the girls?”
“Well, that’s what it was traditionally. These days, I think parents do it to take video of their babies making funny faces and post it online.”
“Is that what you want to do?” asked Myriah, not sure how she felt about any of that. She had drank half a gallon of water after she tried the spicy cabbage.
“I don’t know about Halil, but that sounds hilarious,” said Rose, convincing Katie to take another bite of her cereal. “I’ll run the camera, and Halil can talk about the social history of akali.”
“So what will I be doing in all this?” asked Myriah, and Halil grinned.
“Telling us we’re terrible for torturing poor innocent little babies like this, I’m sure.”
Myriah started to say something tart in response, but then there was a buzz at the front door.
“What the heck, Rose, are you expecting something?”
“Not me, I’ve not ordered anything for ages . . .”
“Ah, I took the liberty of ordering a few things last night,” Halil said, making sure that Mina was occupied with her dry cereal before he rose to get the door.
Rose looked at Myriah in confusion.
“Was he having some clothes sent along or something?”
“I have no idea . . .”
Myriah hefted Leah her hip and trailed after Halil into the living room, where he was signing something while directing a young man in a gray suit.
“All right, the girls’ room is that way, and if you could pull out the couch, you should have plenty of room to work in here . . .”
“Halil, what is all this?” asked Myriah, bewildered.
“Oh, last night, I ordered some things that we’re going to need. It’s not much, but perhaps we could get the girls dressed and take them out for a while. It’s going to be a little loud in here and a little busy, and we should probably get them out of the way . . .”
“Ha, oh my god is this a new couch?” asked Rose as two men carried in a gorgeous couch in dark blue upholstery. “I love it! Thank god, the old one has like a lost city in the couch cushions . . .”
“Get them out of the way? Halil, you can’t just march in here and start replacing everything you don’t like!”
“You can’t tell me that you really like the couch? And I saw the rocking chair that you had in the girls’ room, it looks like it’s about to give up the ghost.”
“Oooh, is that a new changing table? Oh nice, I like the storage,” said Rose, circling around the truly impressive number of boxes that was beginning to come in.
“It was fine, it was all fine. It might not have been up to your standards, but there was nothing wrong with it at all!”
“Was a family heirloom?” Halil said with some consternation. “I wouldn’t want you to get rid of it if it had some kind of sentimental meaning, but perhaps we could send it somewhere to be refinished?”
“No, I got it from a jumble sale, but you can’t just come in and start throwing around money like you own the place!”
“Oh, come now, I was only replacing a few things that were a little run-down . . .”
“Oh wow, a stand mixer! I know just where to put that too, that’s going to be amazing. I’m going to bake all the cakes,” crowed Rose, and Myriah raised an eyebrow, pointing back at her sister and the stand mixer that they had clearly never owned.
“I read somewhere that it was good for processing food for fussy eaters,” Halil said. “You mentioned that Katie was sometimes fussy about what she would or wouldn’t eat, and a stand mixer can help.”
Myriah rubbed her head with her fingertips. Leah, always helpful, reached up and rubbed her head on the other side.
“Mama sad?” she asked, and Myriah shook her head.
“No. Mama’s confused and maybe thinking about get mad. I’m not sure yet. I’ll let you know when I do.”
Halil frowned. “Mad? Myriah, what’s the matter?”
“Oh my god, you don’t even know, do you? Halil, this is my house . . .”
“Ooh, is that a smart TV? Yes, definitely, put it right over there, and haul that old CRT screen out somewhere and shoot it . . .”
“Rose!”
“What?”
“C
ould you . . . I mean, I know you’ve been on call for the girls a lot lately, but could you take them out for a couple hours?”
“What’s in it for me?” asked Rose with a grin, and Halil spoke up.
“Dinner wherever you like in town.”
Rose considered.
“Make it two dinners. I might want to take someone with me.”
“Deal. C’mon girls, Aunt Rosie’s going to take you to the park.”
Myriah allowed Rose to take Leah from her, herding all three girls into the room to get them changed, and she took a deep breath.
“You and I, we need to talk. Can we leave your moving crew here?”
“Of course. Marek will oversee everything.”
The young man in the suit nodded, and Myriah supposed that if she were going to leave her home and everything she owned, it should be in the care of someone who looked as efficient and as collected as Marek.
“Good. All right. Come on. We need to get out of here.”
Chapter Thirteen
Halil
It was a surprisingly cool spring day. The botanical gardens that Myriah drove them to were still bare from winter, but here and there, there were green buds beginning to sprout, a promise of the life that was getting ready to start.
Halil wanted to ask Myriah why she had brought them here, but she was restless, walking through the gardens at a fast clip. She looked as if she were walking off some aggravation, but when she started a second loop through the gardens, he grabbed her by the hand, bringing her to a stop.
“You told me we came out here to talk,” he said, and she sighed.
“I kind of wanted to wait until I was a little less steamed, but I guess that this is going to be the best I get.”
“Steamed?”
“Angry! Damn it, Halil, where do you get off telling me that I’m not looking after my girls well enough?”
Halil blinked, for a moment distracted by Myriah’s flashing blue eyes and the rosy patches high on her cheeks. There was something breathtaking about her when she let herself go to passion, no matter what the cause was, and he had to pull his attention back to the matter at hand. Then he heard what it was she was saying and blinked at her.
